I wish I would have known...

[Veronik 19]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

[K and T 0]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

First of all, calm down. The more angry or frustrated you get, the worse it will be.

Second, you dont have money, and the dog costs money which you dont have. Get rid of the dog unless you are really attached to him/her.

Third, get a job. Dont care about what the job is. Yes you worked two jobs while in school so that you dont have to do retail, but the reality is that you dont have money and you need that right now.

Fourth, when you have the money, move. If you dont like the people and the area, it would do more harm then good emotionally. I know you want to save money for a house, But living in an apaartment for a year wont do harm in the long run. Is continue being frustrated worth living in an environment which you dont like?

What I am saying may seem harsh, but it is my honest opinion. Talk about it with your husband.

I leave with four lines from a linkin park song.

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope but failure's all you've got.

Remember all the sadness and frustration,

And let it go."

[Barbara J 115]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

I see you are in VA and you are right it is a different mentality here in the south that's for sure. I am happy but do miss home occasionally. Miss my daughters more though not being able to go shopping with them or have a chat over a coffee. We have just bought a home and can't wait to get in as we are in a tiny apartment even though I love it here in Augusta. Even though you can't find work right now maybe you need to do some volunteer work if you are feeling that down. Do you have a car and drive? I do and love taking myself out to see all around me and finding my way around town. Don't know what to say to you but it will get better and once you get a job it will make you feel more assured. You are right there is still a lot of prejudice in this country, I know as I am in a inter racial marriage and the looks the black women give m here I should have been dead over a hundred times by now. Some are ok but the spanks that strut their stuff around here always give me the evil eye when I am with my husband. And they wonder why they are not married hhhmmmmm Keep the faith darl things will only get better. Chin up

[Damian&Kelly 16]

I'm not the immigrant in this situation, but my husband will agree with a lot of your points about Americans. He complains to me daily about Americans and I am one! lol but I don't really know what to say, as I see it myself. It's not Americans in general but some just aren't very educated when it comes to life outside of the US. I've learned more in the last 5+ years with my husband, traveling than I did in school. I learned that life doesn't revolve around the US and that honestly, the standard of living may be higher here in the US, the happiness is that much lower.

My husband want through this point and we have overcome it. I think it's something not talked about around here because most think things will be great once you don't have to say goodbye or have miles between you. I thought things would be amazing once he moved here and we had nothing to worry about but I was wrong.

Things got rocky for us as well. Almost like he resented me for making him leave everything he knew back home. He got very homesick and missed his life. It took a good 2 years for him to settle down and start calling this his home. We also live with my father, and are saving up to buy a house. I think that was the hardest part, not having our own place. But we've gotten over that.

It took time but now he has his own life. He's not just a part of mine. Once he got a job and his license things changed. Have you thought about moving within the US to somewhere with more jobs in your/your husband's fields? We live in the capital city of PA so the economy has been on the up around here.

[decocker 7,198]

i thought that orfee would have a hard time finding work too, he went for the first job that was offered to him. he's worth WAY more than what he's making per hour but i could tell he was getting ready to go off the deep end with depression from sitting in the house all day and watching my kid after school. my house was freaking spotless from all the cleaning he did daily, but i could tell he needed his own car/job/routine. everybody needs that - i wouldn't want to go for a ####### job either but maybe you could get your foot in the door volunteering at a local school? you need to get your sense of self back, then all these crazy southerners won't get to you so much.

you're further south than me but no difference in my opinion: culturally/socially - america is in the toilet. i can say that, cause i'm a citizen i have ONE girlfriend that i've known since highschool and other than that i keep to myself. even with family, my viewpoints are totally opposite from theirs.

honestly, i think i miss montreal more than orfee. he may be keeping it to himself but i check the montreal webcams every morning when i get to work just to get a peek (i haven't been since august ) and thus far orfee's only been said he's sad about 'losing' his french. we ate at the texas steakhouse the other night and i'll be damned if two quebec couples didn't sit right next to us. orfee was like, oo oo quebecers! and i said, you better go pull up a chair and use your french! haha. they were much older but i could tell he was excited.

i know you are posting this for canadian input, but i just thought i'd put it out there that you'll find people with similar viewpoints eventually - they're just harder to find in amerikkka. i sincerely hope that eventually i'll be able to move with my son and orfee back to montreal, because i totally can't stand it here either!

and p.s. you're NOT a loser. how many people can say that they successfully made a huge move and life change as you have done? not many. most folks are pulled up all comfortable like with their nails did and their american idol on full blast eating a second bag of doritos, only taking a weekly venture out to the walmart.

[Canadiandggal 49]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

awe, You seem like you have a ton on your shoulders right now. I can understand how you are feeling and totally get the catch 22.

I myself have been looking for work for 5 months now since the week I got here, now I am 4 months pregnant and I am pretty sure not only will I not get the Job because I am not "American" but also because I'm going to really start showing soon. I too thought that cause we are Canadian finding a job wouldn't be that hard but out of the last 5 months I have had 4-6 interviews 3 of which went great until I said I was Canadian. I am pregnant and live in a tiny apartment with three dogs,my husband and our son,we really need to get a house sooner rather than later. BUT we cannot If I am not bringing in some sort of income. Hell I have applied at every fast food place possible and still nothing... If they can hire a 14 year old kid, why cant they hire a 24 year old adult? how much more experience can a damn 14 year old have?

I also understand the "friends" situation, All the gals i have met so far have their noses pointed straight up in the air, constant nails,hair and shopping. My husbands friend from work kept inventing us over for a BBQ but also ended up canceling. Finally we ended up their a few months ago and it seemed great, his wife was nice but something seemed a bit off. When we got home I found out that she is the "controller" type, actually in most cases I would say hell yes to that but she was like "monster" in disguise.

I miss Canada so much, I miss the few friends that I have and most of all my family. The worst part for me was I had no clue that I could sponsor Chris to Canada without any Income and that was mainly the reason we went from the Cr-1 because I thought I had to have a large income to get chris to Canada. Chris had told me from the start that he would gladly move to Canada, he use to go to his parents cabin in rice lake when he was younger and loved it. Now Chris has an good job making more money than he ever has (still not that much lol) and I cannot see myself just picking up and moving back to Canada until I am a Us citizen.

I wish at times that this all was easier on us. Err lol

Do not beat yourself up about not having a Job, I have my days where I feel like a complete failure because I have found nothing and worst of all Chris does not realize that its not that easy to do.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Canadiandggal

[Veronik 19]

Thanks Barbara J and Damian&Kelly, it's nice to know that some people have had the same frustrations as I have and have come out of it stronger.

Moving out of state seems like such a big move right now though... Chris just found security in his line of work, and with this economy, I don't blame him for not wanting to move and take a chance somewhere else. The way he sees it is that at least he has a job right now...

[Veronik 19]

Thanks Valerie78 and Canadiandggal, big hugs, you've made me feel more 'normal' in the 5 minutes in took me to read your posts than I've felt in the last 2 months!!!

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not I should post this, but really, nobody in my life really could understand me like all of you. You've all been through this immigration stuff, or are about to, and I guess some people might relate.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I am happy with my husband, and in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad I moved here so we could be together.

But...

Man, some days I hate it here!!! One of the main thing is that I've been looking for work since January, only had 5 possible interviews and 2 that were worth going for. I was very naive thinking that since I'm canadian, people wouldn't be prejudice, but I've come to the conclusion that people here are prejudice. I can understand that it would be a leap of faith for them to hire me since all my work experience has been in Quebec, a place that for some people here seems as far as Botswana (no harm intended). But I was hoping for a little more open-mindedness... I'm 27 years old, my savings are gone, and I don't have a job. I feel like the biggest loser. I would have such a great job back home! All my friends have either houses, families, nice cars, a LIFE basically... And here I am, at home, doing not much, trying the best I can to find work. Seems like the only thing lined up right now is making biscuits at Hardee's... I could have a job tomorrow, doing retail, but I've kept two jobs while going to school so I wouldn't have to EVER do retail again. Here I am though, back to square one!!! So frustrating!!! And it's not like I can talk to my family about it, because I'm sure that in the back of their mind, they're waiting for this to happen so they can tell me "told you so!" And I really don't blame them!

Second thing, Chris and I are living with his parents until we can buy a house. I don't see the point of renting something for 1000$ a month, when we could be saving money to buy our own place. Plus, we have a dog, and a lot of places don't accept dogs. His parents are great, and I can't say that enough. But at the same time, I want my OWN place. I don't want to have my life limited to a room, and feel like I can't really do what I want because it's not my house. It gets hard on us, and it affects several things of our married life (read between the lines...) But that's not gonna happen until I find a job!!! (catch 22, anyone?)

Also, I'm having a hard time dealing with some people here. I don't know if it's specific to the south, but people here are kind of ignorant (again, no harm intended, I'm venting here). The way women are treated here makes me furious! And some women make it worse for themselves!!! I feel like I moved back in time to 1984! And most people are pretty racist! And this f*cking mentality that because "I'm American" I'm entitled to cheap gasoline, and who cares about the environment anyways, let me throw my trash out of my car window... Oh and let me go to the TT bar for lunch because women are meant to be looked at and used and do my laundry and clean my house. I feel like I can't have a meaningful conversation with anyone without it going back to Jersey Shore after 5 minutes...

I miss home like crazy, miss my people... I don't really have any friends here that I met on my own... And some of Chris' friend's girlfriend worry to much about their nails and hair for me to give a cr*p... I wish someone would have told me how hard this was gonna be. I thought it'd be easy to adapt and find work... Turns out I should have saved enough money to pay my bills for like a year and a half! What an idiot I was!!!

Sorry again if I offended anyone, but I really don't know what to do or think at this point, was this a big mistake?

Sorry you are home sick. That must be really hard.

You are the same age as me and I can see a lot of your feelings are one's I've also had briefly.

My best best advice (feel free to say, no thanks!) Is suck it up. Have fun. If you really hate it, you and your husband can move, but until the time comes when you can do that, have fun! This can all be some crazy story you tell your kids about. We all want to live independently and have great jobs, especially at our age when you've spent all that time in school and perhaps even had a taste of a good job with good money! It will come...now is the time to live in one room and save as much as you can, I know you yearn for a different lifestyle but you will get there...at 27 we are in the 'building stage' of life. Please try to have fun and enjoy the adventure. I have no experience of the cultural issues you may be dealing with (I live in Vermont). If I were you I'd be getting any old job (retail or otherwise) and showing people that you are the type of woman who takes care of business. You can work your butt off to make ends meet and you'll have fun doing it...because YOU KNOW it's only temporary! You may be feeling oppressed and downtrodden by the role of women where you live...I hope you find a way to get out there and be a role model. You are obviously intelligent, educated and adventurous. I am also sure there are other intelligent women for you to talk to there...can you check out groups at the local library, online meet up sites, put up posters for a 'womens only' book group or something? I met a lot of nice people here in Vermont by turning up at local yoga classes and volunteering. I haven't made any real friends yet but I am having fun and my first invitation to a social event, that wasn't because I was a +1 with my husband, was from my 65 year old yoga teacher...I was very proud of that.

Hang in there...it is hard, you are right. Especially to go from being self sufficient to finding yourself in the role of 'housewife' with no friends. (I was there too) Don't lose yourself in your surroundings and your situation. This too shall pass.

[K and T 0]

Thanks Valerie78 and Canadiandggal, big hugs, you've made me feel more 'normal' in the 5 minutes in took me to read your posts than I've felt in the last 2 months!!!

Truly shocks me sometimes the power of a reply on an online forum. I have also felt the feeling you felt after reading those responses.

[Krikit 1,164]

First of all, calm down. The more angry or frustrated you get, the worse it will be.

Second, you dont have money, and the dog costs money which you dont have. Get rid of the dog unless you are really attached to him/her.

Third, get a job. Dont care about what the job is. Yes you worked two jobs while in school so that you dont have to do retail, but the reality is that you dont have money and you need that right now.

Fourth, when you have the money, move. If you dont like the people and the area, it would do more harm then good emotionally. I know you want to save money for a house, But living in an apaartment for a year wont do harm in the long run. Is continue being frustrated worth living in an environment which you dont like?

What I am saying may seem harsh, but it is my honest opinion. Talk about it with your husband.

I leave with four lines from a linkin park song.

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope but failure's all you've got.

Remember all the sadness and frustration,

And let it go."

Hahaha. Way to be supportive, K and T!

Vero, I feel your pain. The first year here, for me, was so difficult. It's funny how the US seems to be much like Canada... and yet couldn't be any different. I've been here almost 5 years, now, and it does get easier. Now I love it. Except I still miss my family and friends. Luckily, I get to see them quite regularly so that eases the burden quite a bit. Hang in there, Vero. It does get better.

[Marilyn. 340]

hey, I have been here for about 6 years now and I still have days when I wonder why I moved here .. especially now that my little sis has her first boyfriend and calls him babe .. I still picture her as a 9/10 year old girl

[Veronik 19]

Hahaha. Way to be supportive, K and T!

Vero, I feel your pain. The first year here, for me, was so difficult. It's funny how the US seems to be much like Canada... and yet couldn't be any different. I've been here almost 5 years, now, and it does get easier. Now I love it. Except I still miss my family and friends. Luckily, I get to see them quite regularly so that eases the burden quite a bit. Hang in there, Vero. It does get better.

Thanks, you're the best!

hey, I have been here for about 6 years now and I still have days when I wonder why I moved here .. especially now that my little sis has her first boyfriend and calls him babe .. I still picture her as a 9/10 year old girl

Gosh, I hear ya, my sister just had a baby last year, and my brother too (well, his girlfriend)... I feel like I'm missing all the important parts, like the first word, the first everything really...

[Moosker 7]

I've been there! I was miserable my first year, just desperately wanted to move back to Canada. I would make my husband promise that "one day we'll move back..." I still get homesick, but not nearly as much. I'm finally plugged in, finally got a decent job (without a 1.5 hr commute), and feel a lot more settled. I can't say what made my mind changed, but I feel much better. During my homesick times, I made lots of trips home, my parents tried to visit a good amount, and I always made sure to have things to look forward to.

Hope today is a MUCH better day for you!!

[SapphireDreams 71]

I can definitely relate to you on a lot of this, but now that I've been here for almost 2 years, things do get much better and have a way of working themselves out that's for sure.

I don't think people realize how expensive it is to make this move, not just the actual moving part, but the living part while not being able to work! I saved a ton of money to move here and it went FAST. We even lived with our in-laws for 6 months and didn't use any of my own savings to get an apartment, furniture etc.

I think as Canadians, many of us live in or near larger cities where jobs are a lot more prevalent. I find that in the US, unless you live near a major metropolitan hub like NYC, DC, Boston, SF etc., which are all expensive cities, the job market is a whole different ball game from what we're used to in Canada. It's a lot more common to relocate and move out of state for a job. Pretty much everyone I work with is from a different state or small town no where near NYC. I started networking way before I even moved to NY, simply because I knew the competition and job market was going to be tough. I'm not sure what field you work in, but start networking, going to industry events or get on LinkedIn and create a really great profile. I was naive in thinking that my career would continue without a hitch, but even after only being unemployed for 3 months, I've probably fallen behind about 6-8 months.

In terms of your living situation, if you're not happy, just get an apartment! I know some people are so averse to renting, but seriously, we would LOVE a house, stayed with my in laws for 6 months, but ultimately, we were felt like we just needed our own space as a newly wed couple and even if we had to pay rent for a few years, it was and still is SO worth it! I love our apartment and am so happy we are on our own. We still save a lot of money (30% of our income) and will have a hefty downpayment for a house in another year or so. There are a lot of benefits that come with an apartment like, not having to deal with repairs or maintenence, we have an all inclusive apartment, so we don't pay for utilities, we are learning how to manage our finances together before we have an even bigger financial burden. We are still able to save money, go on a ton of vacations (which we definitely couldn't do if we had a house to maintain and pay extra bills on). Sure, there are downsides too, but for now I'm happy just looking at the positives and enjoying our time together as newlyweds. I'm also 27, so while I feel old some days, I know that we have plenty of time to enjoy a house and have kids and settle down.

And in terms of people, I am lucky in that regard as I live in a ver large, relatively open-minded city. Sure, customer service isn't always cheery and happy go-lucky, but that doesn't really matter to me. I'm pleasant to everyone here and find that generally people are pleasant back. My husband has some amazing friends, girls and guys, and so I've also been lucky in that regard. I've also made some awesome friends at work. I will say that these friendships have taken a lot time to build. It's been 2 years and I'm finally starting to hang out with female friends on my own without my husband and feel like they are "my" friends and not his.

I know things seem bad right now, but things will get better if you keep a positive attitude and hang in there. It's defintiely not going to be an easy and settling in to a new life takes time. A LOT of time! More time for some people. I don't think its uncommon for it to take 2+ years to feel settled.

As for advice, the one thing that really helped me was focusing on one thing at time. First, I focused on getting a job. I didn't worry about my living situation or making friends. Once, I landed the job, we saved some money and started looking for an apartment. Once we got an apartment, I started to focus on building friendships and getting to know my city. Right now, I'm focused on building my career and enjoying life with my new husband and friends while we save for a house! Next year, we'll focu more on the house search and then after that starting a family. It's all about baby steps. All of those people who seem to have it all, either really don't, or are taking things one step at a time and just happen to be on a faster timeline. Either way, this is your life, don't feel like you need to compare!