A380 collision at jfk

[Captain Oates 911]

The UK test now has a digital hazard test which is pretty funny. You watch videos and start clicking the mouse when you see a hazard.

Too tough for me nowadays I reckon

Too many bad habits by the current UK examiner standards

For instance, on the advanced driving course (3 weeks residential) (I took two of those)I was taught not to indicate if there were no other road users about

You could fail if you indicated when nobody else was around as it proved you were not aware of your surroundings at all times.

As in 'who are you signalling at ?'

I would have to try and un-learn that. Wifey beats me up over it even now.

In this small town America there are lots of 'brake-turn-mirror-signal' drivers and they all have 2 ton trucks

Edited April 15, 2011 by Alan the Red

[TBoneTX 45,310]

we need more female pilots

WHO SAYS THAT PILOTS & AIR CONTROLLERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR?

Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airliners and control towers from all around the world.

During taxi, the crew of a USAir flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (female) lashed out at the USAir crew, screaming, "Useless 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway; you turned onto Delta! Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing of the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting, "God, you've screwed everything up -- it'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!!! You got that, Useless 2771?"

The humbled crew responded: "Yes, ma'am." Naturally, the ground-control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of USAir 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LaGuardia was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the USAir crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "LaGuardia ground... wasn't I married to you once?"

---

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing, with his approach speed just a little too high.

San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadaloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

---

It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.

KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well... we've got somethin' down there. Cain't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

---

Tower: "Eastern 702, contact Departure on 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff; did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff Roger; and Roger, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

---

O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that Fokker in sight."

---

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate-parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So resulted this exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt; Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"

The British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground; I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."

---

A Pan Am 727 flight engineer was waiting for start clearance in Munich. As the junior crew member, he was listening to the radio. This was the conversation:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak English."

Luft (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Beautiful British accent (before Ground could answer): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

WHO SAYS THAT PILOTS & AIR CONTROLLERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR?

Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airliners and control towers from all around the world.

During taxi, the crew of a USAir flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (female) lashed out at the USAir crew, screaming, "Useless 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway; you turned onto Delta! Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing of the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting, "God, you've screwed everything up -- it'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!!! You got that, Useless 2771?"

The humbled crew responded: "Yes, ma'am." Naturally, the ground-control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of USAir 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LaGuardia was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the USAir crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "LaGuardia ground... wasn't I married to you once?"

---

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing, with his approach speed just a little too high.

San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadaloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

---

It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.

KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well... we've got somethin' down there. Cain't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

---

Tower: "Eastern 702, contact Departure on 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff; did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff Roger; and Roger, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

---

O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that Fokker in sight."

---

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate-parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So resulted this exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt; Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"

The British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground; I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."

---

A Pan Am 727 flight engineer was waiting for start clearance in Munich. As the junior crew member, he was listening to the radio. This was the conversation:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak English."

Luft (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Beautiful British accent (before Ground could answer): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

I had come across the last two before in a long list. There was another similar one that involved Lufthansa. I don't remember the transmission exactly, but basically one of the pilots was describing how he used to come up the Thames to hit the docks while they were approaching Heathrow and didn't realize the radio was on. Traffic control responded by yelling "Achtung Spitfire!"

Edited April 15, 2011 by Sousuke

[Captain Oates 911]

Don't mention the war.

I did once but I think I got away with it

Don't mention piano wire

Don't mention 1966

http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/july/30/newsid_2644000/2644065.stm

[Chavonia 4]

Hmmm, ok, how many people here are actually involved in aviation or have knowledge or how the industry functions to make credible comments on this? Just wondering.

Not all pilots are the same and gender shouldn't be an issue here. Experience is probably the major issue here, not just on the part of the pilots but ATC as well. An official report has not been released from the NTSB, Air France, Comair, or the FAA as to why this really happened. They are currently still investigating. I have taxi'd into that alleyway several times in JFK and it's a pretty tight fit for any plane. I have also asked a lot of pilots about this and most can understand how it can happen but don't know why. Most have said that Air France kinda had a blind spot. That big plane actually has cameras located in several places around the aircraft to cover blind spots, most planes don't have that type of assistance and rely heavily on ATC to tell them when and where to go. I hope the bigger lesson for all of you is not to unfasten your seat belts until the seat belt sign is off at the gate. The way that plane was tossed could have caused some injuries if seat belts were off.

Edited April 15, 2011 by Chavonia

[Captain Oates 911]

There are old pilots and there are bold pilots

But there are no old bald pilots

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

There are old pilots and there are bold pilots

But there are no old bald pilots

Bald?

[Captain Oates 911]

Bald?

It was an ethnic reference from 'some mother's do 'ave em ' where Frank Spencer was having flying lessons. The instructor told him to repeat - there are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.

The instructor was both old and bald and Frank was staring at his head, and so when Frank repeated it back, it came out as..

'there are old pilots and there are bold pilots

but there are no old bald pilots'

The instructor was not impressed. He had a heart attack during the first lesson and Frank had to fly back - upside down

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It was an ethnic reference from 'some mother's do 'ave em ' where Frank Spencer was having flying lessons. The instructor told him to repeat - there are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.

The instructor was both old and bald and Frank was staring at his head, and so when Frank repeated it back, it came out as..

'there are old pilots and there are bold pilots

but there are no old bald pilots'

The instructor was not impressed. He had a heart attack during the first lesson and Frank had to fly back - upside down

I guess you had to be there.

[SuperDuper! 230]

it was obviously a guy, as he didn't ask for directions.

He couldn't. The air traffic controller was taking a snooze!

[natty bumppo 297]

There are old pilots and there are bold pilots

But there are no old bald pilots

geez .. talking about old people ...

this is a VERY old expression .... google much?