Advice on infidelity/lying

[rlogan 2,036]

If there is someone reading this who has been cheated on or cheated in the past and knows a little more about the nature of this kind of act I would appreciate your help

This little piece suggested up to 80% of marriages have one spouse or the other cheating. Another one said 37% for the men and 22% for the women, and you can probably find others with less, but let's just say it is pretty common.

Affairs

Yea, being away from each other adds some risk. It sounded like he got caught up talking to an ex-flame, but unconsummated, and had a fantasy tour brewing. You caught him and he broke clean.

It happened to me. She would not admit to it. Even being caught red-handed she continued to deny it. She refused to stop and was delusional about what she thought she could get away with doing. So what else could I do. You stopped something before it happened, apparently.

My wife and I have full disclosure. We have each other's passwords. We can read each other's messages in chat or email. No secret accounts. We surf right next to each other and I work from home so I'd have to be a magician to get something by her. I know other people will disagree with that but the fact is she gives me way more liberties than the vast majority of the girls here, that's for sure.

The distance between the two of you may have led to a temptation he let get out of hand. But I'd be looking for any other red flags too. You can't be naiive. I'd want a monitoring regime if I were to commit to him. No secret emails, cell phone, accounts of any kind. It's a hard call because we only have this outline.

My sympathies.

[Fandango 1,439]

I was cheated on, by my foreign fiance. We were a bit different than the norm here, because we spent the majority of our relationship irl until I moved home to USA. It was a great relationship at the time, and I could honestly say I trusted him 100%. We were together many years as well, and I could honestly say I knew him like the back of my hand.

Long story short, a month before the interview, he got caught in a whole mess of stuff. One of which being an affair.

I had spent our entire separation working hard for us - getting a second job (my first one was self-employed, and I did not meet the prior 3 year tax transcript req's) so that I could qualify to sponsor him, I set up 'home' for us, I collected things from the UK which I knew would make him feel 'at home', etc. I was incredibly lonely and exhausted, lol. So yeah, I can understand loneliness. But while I was doing that, he was out taking care of his.

I actually had an inkling something was not quite right, but I also didn't quite put my finger on what, exactly.

Needless to say, I dumped the lying SB pronto. And I've never looked back since. Yes, it was devastating, and we were together almost a decade. And yeah, I can hear all the rationalizations of how hard it is to be alone, it was a mistake, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, IMO - if the trust is broken that severely, there's no fixing it.

Others may disagree...I'm not saying it's impossible. You may come to a different conclusion - esp because you have a child together. But imo, how a husband and father can show such little regard to his wife, his child, his family's future, all because he might have some secret desires or whatever the case may be, shows a profound disrespect and such an indicator of his character and lack of morals, that for me, I would never be able to get over something like that.

Btw, I am now married to the love of my life and we have a healthy and gorgeous baby boy, and I thank God everyday that I had the strength to do what I knew was right.

Good luck

Edited April 8, 2011 by Lisa C

[HappyRs 8]

And yeah, I can hear all the rationalizations of how hard it is to be alone, it was a mistake, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, IMO - if the trust is broken that severely, there's no fixing it.

Others may disagree...I'm not saying it's impossible. You may come to a different conclusion - esp because you have a child together. But imo, how a husband and father can show such little regard to his wife, his child, his family's future, all because he might have some secret desires or whatever the case may be, shows a profound disrespect and such an indicator of his character and lack of morals, that for me, I would never be able to get over something like that.

Btw, I am now married to the love of my life and we have a healthy and gorgeous baby boy, and I thank God everyday that I had the strength to do what I knew was right.

Good luck