The insanity which VSC puts people through.....

[Milushka 22]

Hi all !

I ve seen many of my fellows were approved, so happy for you and your beloved ones. As for me the things are nt so bright, we hit '190 days mark'.

Its not only that but the whole frustration ate our relations in a way. I need an advice. I am very confused and need someone's else fresh sight.

Lets start that im beneficiary, I ve met my yet fiance when I was on J1 visa in states. We had very perfect top notch time living together but as my time in the US was about to end, I moved to Canada where I had college to go to. He came after me and we decided that we want to be together forever. I had to fly bck to Russia for visa, dropping my studies. At that time we thought it would take roughly 4-5 months for the whole process. As time passed we were waiting with loads of optimism and love to each other. We spent New Years together and when we got back, the things started to be different.

We started to feel the tiredness of the process which seemed to never end. The mood changed, little arguments etc grew the wall between us. We hit 5 months - nothing, 6 months - nothing. Last week we had very heartbreaking conversation, I started it cause I was feeling like its not working out and he seemed to become very distant. He is not that type of people like here on VJ, he wouldnt call too many times or write letters to congress ppl etc, very rational and calm.

So we broke up, I havent realised that untill today, because thts not the way I wanted to end that conversation. Its all uncontrolled emotions. Even though we had strong relations when we were together (we had 0 argument ever) now its like a bomb with clock set.

I asked him whether he still waits for me, he said that its getting too difficult to have skype relations. Nevertheless he said that the papers are still there and he did nothing to stop the process. I am so confused what should I do, how should I act... I ve been totally devastated these days, that I tried to move my mind on other things and I ve got a job offer in other country. But when it was time to confirm, I ve started to panic...

The problem is that I know that once I am with him, things will be fine (dont ask me why I know), but being apart makes him and me go loco.... we are not skype people and this torture doesnt seem to end.... 190 days and nothing....

What do you think, should I accept job offer and move on with my heart broken or should we still wait it out, even though both of us very tired with this by now?

Thank you

[marklovetina 52]

i hope the best in both of u, good luck... :innocent:

[LookyWhatIFound 38]

Hi all !

I ve seen many of my fellows were approved, so happy for you and your beloved ones. As for me the things are nt so bright, we hit '190 days mark'.

Its not only that but the whole frustration ate our relations in a way. I need an advice. I am very confused and need someone's else fresh sight.

Lets start that im beneficiary, I ve met my yet fiance when I was on J1 visa in states. We had very perfect top notch time living together but as my time in the US was about to end, I moved to Canada where I had college to go to. He came after me and we decided that we want to be together forever. I had to fly bck to Russia for visa, dropping my studies. At that time we thought it would take roughly 4-5 months for the whole process. As time passed we were waiting with loads of optimism and love to each other. We spent New Years together and when we got back, the things started to be different.

We started to feel the tiredness of the process which seemed to never end. The mood changed, little arguments etc grew the wall between us. We hit 5 months - nothing, 6 months - nothing. Last week we had very heartbreaking conversation, I started it cause I was feeling like its not working out and he seemed to become very distant. He is not that type of people like here on VJ, he wouldnt call too many times or write letters to congress ppl etc, very rational and calm.

So we broke up, I havent realised that untill today, because thts not the way I wanted to end that conversation. Its all uncontrolled emotions. Even though we had strong relations when we were together (we had 0 argument ever) now its like a bomb with clock set.

I asked him whether he still waits for me, he said that its getting too difficult to have skype relations. Nevertheless he said that the papers are still there and he did nothing to stop the process. I am so confused what should I do, how should I act... I ve been totally devastated these days, that I tried to move my mind on other things and I ve got a job offer in other country. But when it was time to confirm, I ve started to panic...

The problem is that I know that once I am with him, things will be fine (dont ask me why I know), but being apart makes him and me go loco.... we are not skype people and this torture doesnt seem to end.... 190 days and nothing....

What do you think, should I accept job offer and move on with my heart broken or should we still wait it out, even though both of us very tired with this by now?

Thank you

Hi, I can relate to your situation although mines is sort of the opposite, as my fiance is the beneficary and I am the petitioner. She is Russian, from Latvia. Long distance relationships are very very tough and they test couples to the max. But you should put it in perspective, there are few in this world that are perfect for you, and if you think your relationship is then 6 months or even couple year wait is nothing.

I don't have a lot of time to think or write my thoughts at the moment but if the relationship is worth it fight for it. There will be many more hard times like these and good times, but you both will need to learn how to deal with the hard times and thats the true test of a relationship that is strong enough to last a lifetime. I know cause I've been struggling with my fiance for nearly 9 years now. This is our second try at the K1 visa. We had NOA2 approved in 2007, but then she had a panic attack and past obsessed boyfriend come into her life. Anyway I went over there to Cyprus, where she works, got that guy off her back and have been fighting for her since I met her.

My point is if he's worth it fight for and struggle through the long distance craziness for him. You can always end up finding another job but people can spend a lifetime finding the right partner.

Good luck! Ultimately what you decide is the best choice.

[san diego 407]

It is hard to relate for me as we do see each other a lot in person and skype every day. I think this is a problem that you don't. It doesn't matter how strong the feelings are you WILL drift away if you do not see or hear each other every day. I think you should fight for it. I will give you one example: my fiancee from Russia obviously could not come to visit me during this process. I live in San Diego 30 mins away from the boarder with Tijuana. We felt heart-broken because of the distance so I rented apartment for her in Tijuana, she took a live of absence and moved to Tijuana for 3 months. We lived together. I did have to wake up every morning 3:30 to make it in time for work (to cross the boarder) but at least we were together for 3 months. I do not know where your fiancee lives but maybe you can do something similar (Canada or Mexico). Or at least, please, do talk every day! This is important. This is inevitable that you will arguments as this process is very tough. This is a challenge, a true test of your feelings. You have to look inside yourself, and see if you still love him. If you do, I would fight! This process is a true test. I spoke to my fiancee the other night and we agreed that this is good that this process is so long. We did not need to test our feelings but we learned to appreciate each other. Now we know that we will love each other to the rest of our lives and nothing will happen between us. This process helps you to appreciate your other half.

[Milushka 22]

thank you for taking time to share your experiences. I know im not alone on ths road, thts why I like VJ.

we ll see. I hope NOA2 comes soon so we ll have a bit of hope at least.

He just placed service request, think its a good sign, afterall wht happened to us

[san diego 407]

It is a good sign! Keep fighting and take it as a good thing, when you can appreciate each other more and once you are united will not fight because of little silly things! Good luck! Keep it moving!

[san diego 407]

Just be prepared that it will probably take another 2-3 months till the interview. Don't get discouraged! Just know that time will come when you are together forever. I would recommend meeting somewhere after you receive NOA2. It will help.

[patient2010 93]

I hope you guys can work through this good luck and hope you get NOA2 soon

[BrandonandKhandaa 1]

I'm with you my friend. Khandaa and myself are at 203 day mark, and I know how frustrating it can be on our relationship, especially because in Mongolia, things can usually be greased a little easier than here, and she is wondering why I haven't done more. I wish I could do more. Sometimes I think that I'd prefer to get denied so that I can just know and move back to Mongolia.

The big issue here is that we could have prepared differntly if they would have been honest in the begining and told us that we were likely to wait at least 6-7 months for an answer, intead of 5. Everyone said, when we started, that 5 months would be the extreme wait, and that the record showed we may only wait 3-4 months. BIG difference. I keep hearing that they update the processing time on the website, but they never do.

Shame to a bureaucratic system that doesn't incorportate the human emotional impact or the families that it tears apart due to negligence and inefficency. We paid our filing fees, did we not? Don't we deserve to have our cases processed in some sort of reasonable time frame? By logic, if there are more applications, there should be money in the fees to hire more workers to process them.

Best of luck to you in the future.

[MatthewNCarolina 73]

As many others have already said. KEEP FIGHTING I myself, cannot imagine and would never want to be in a situation where I'm trying to "move on" from something that really had no good reason to end. Distance and time cannot beat 2 individuals, 2 humans with very much love and depth. The only way it wins, is if you don't communicate. I am learning, that when my lady gets upset on Skype... it's not good to get sad too, and get quiet. I was doing that at first. When she's very down now, and not talking much... I stare at her... tell her in a very STERN and aggressive manner, how serious I am about her, how I'll never stop, how I want to share even the pain. "I want to know everything, don't hold anything back. Don't worry about me getting sad, we lose communication. We need to deal with everything."

This happened last night with us... she ended up smiling, and feeling much better! GOOD LUCK!

Matt

[Rob and Jill 82]

All of these people are telling you to keep fighting for it when really the only question is...

What do YOU want to do?

It's up to you to make this decision and NO ONE here can tell you what to do. Follow your head as well as your heart and you'll be right.

[amykathleen2005 441]

This is a long process and sometimes the stress of things can get to you. It sounds like you too are still in love. Please keep working on it. You don't have long left to go

[mrs. carey 4]

You've come this far so don't lose hope now. This waiting seems like a test of our relationships, don't give in to it. You'll get the approval soon!

[Richie Rich 70]

Just hang in there -you are almost at the end of the ''green mile ''. The race is not for the swift or fast but he that endures to the end .I wish you luck .

[vancedan 5]

Just hang in there -you are almost at the end of the ''green mile ''. The race is not for the swift or fast but he that endures to the end .I wish you luck .

Well, I'd actually rather not be at the end of the Green Mile. That said, I'd perhaps describe it more like the last mile or two of the Marine Corp Marathon.