Would you get your fiance pregnant before getting K1 VISA?

[Alex+R 0]

Whatever. If this woman is selfish and immature enough to want a baby now, then I can only assume she'll be happy with Gary.

[garya505 2]

Whatever. If this woman is selfish and immature enough to want a baby now, then I can only assume she'll be happy with Gary.

Edited September 7, 2006 by garya505

[Satellite 1]

Sorry, I phrased the Poll question wrong. What I intended, and what I should have said, was:

"If you were the man In this scenario would you get your fiance pregnant before getting K1 VISA?

If someone has already said this, I apologize for being redundant. But I think what is really going on here is that Garya505 isn't getting any before marriage because of the whole anti contraceptive issue that is common amongst Filipino women. Thus now he is worried about the consequences of having his fiancee get pregnant before the K1 is issued due to his desire to proceed before marriage, but is slanting it in such a way to make his fiancee look like the immature selfish person described by others. Edited September 7, 2006 by Satellite

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

... I think what is really going on here is that Garya505 isn't getting any before marriage because of the whole anti contraceptive issue that is common amongst Filipino women. Thus now he is worried about the consequences of having his fiancee get pregnant before the K1 is issued due to his desire to proceed before marriage, but is slanting it in such a way to make his fiancee look like the immature selfish person described by others.

[garya505 2]

Sorry, I phrased the Poll question wrong. What I intended, and what I should have said, was:

"If you were the man In this scenario would you get your fiance pregnant before getting K1 VISA?

If someone has already said this, I apologize for being redundant. But I think what is really going on here is that Garya505 isn't getting any before marriage because of the whole anti contraceptive issue that is common amongst Filipino women. Thus now he is worried about the consequences of having his fiancee get pregnant before the K1 is issued due to his desire to proceed before marriage, but is slanting it in such a way to make his fiancee look like the immature selfish person described by others.

This is the best response so far!

You can't come with an intelligent contribution to the discussion so you take a cheap shot. Cool!

Edited September 7, 2006 by garya505

[Slithytoves 0]

... I think what is really going on here is that Garya505 isn't getting any before marriage because of the whole anti contraceptive issue that is common amongst Filipino women. Thus now he is worried about the consequences of having his fiancee get pregnant before the K1 is issued due to his desire to proceed before marriage, but is slanting it in such a way to make his fiancee look like the immature selfish person described by others.

I second that , and raise you another

Holy Cow!

[~Jess~ 0]

well hypothetically since im already married to my sweetie, i would have to answer that yea we had talked about getting pregnant before we thought about the visa process, but then again we have a complicated situation and are now married anyway still workin on that baby

[garya505 2]

This is a more interesting discussion than I thought it would be!

So far there are more "Yes" votes than I xpected to see (12%). Maybe most of the "Yes" voters don't post messages because they think they'll just get trashed here.

I especially enjoy seeing all the conclusions people make from knowing one particular thing about a person. In this case we are talking about a woman who wants children with her husband-to-be, and isn't concerned if she gets pregnant before or after she gets her VISA to go the US, and what we think the prospective husband should do in this case. Yet, many people (including myself) make assumptions and have suspicions about the woman based on that one fact, perhaps because we wouldn't want to do that and don't understand why she would.

How often do we make assumptions and have suspicions about someone from a different culture because we don't understand something they did and it doesn't make sense in our own culture or in or own lives?

[mrs.jenjen 0]

Flying whilst pregnant is mostly safe-but it's an incredible strain on your body under normal circumstances, so there is, at least, some risk to flying whilst pregnant, to both to mother and child. If I was a man and the woman said to me " I don't care about flying whilst I am pregnant..." It would cause me to think about the reasons behind the impatience to get pregnant; as such a cavalier attitude about such a huge responsibility as children would certainly cause me to at least stop and think.........

Really?!?! I find this weird, just because you see flying while pregnant as being a bad thing. My husband is away monday to friday until December because he's at the police academy training to be an officer. I am 38 weeks pregnant now, and was planning on going back to the UK for a few months in July just so I didn't have to be alone while I was pregnant. I didn't in the end because it was too expensive, but at the time I felt that my happiness and not being miserable while I was on my own would be far better for the baby's wellbeing even with the added stress of travelling. I don't see how you can think that a woman is somehow putting the baby in danger by flying when they're pregnant.

In terms of your question though - I'd say a resounding NO. Its not so much about spending time together for me - we were both positive we wanted a family asap (We got pregnant 3 months after we were married, although admittedly that was faster than we'd planned) but more about healthcare. I would never in a million years consider getting pregnant in the US without medical insurance. Sure you can have the baby in your native country (which for me would be free) but it isn't the same.

Even though my husband is away now, we're at least still in the same time zone and he's back every weekend! He has still been incredibly involved in my pregnancy the whole way through, and the thought of him not being at the birth is almost unbearable to think about. I cannot understand why anyone would anyone put themselves under that kind of stress for the sake of a few months?!

Edited September 15, 2006 by mrs.jenjen

[garya505 2]

Flying whilst pregnant is mostly safe-but it's an incredible strain on your body under normal circumstances, so there is, at least, some risk to flying whilst pregnant, to both to mother and child. If I was a man and the woman said to me " I don't care about flying whilst I am pregnant..." It would cause me to think about the reasons behind the impatience to get pregnant; as such a cavalier attitude about such a huge responsibility as children would certainly cause me to at least stop and think.........

Really?!?! I find this weird, just because you see flying while pregnant as being a bad thing. My husband is away monday to friday until December because he's at the police academy training to be an officer. I am 38 weeks pregnant now, and was planning on going back to the UK for a few months in July just so I didn't have to be alone while I was pregnant. I didn't in the end because it was too expensive, but at the time I felt that my happiness and not being miserable while I was on my own would be far better for the baby's wellbeing even with the added stress of travelling. I don't see how you can think that a woman is somehow putting the baby in danger by flying when they're pregnant.

In terms of your question though - I'd say a resounding NO. Its not so much about spending time together for me - we were both positive we wanted a family asap (We got pregnant 3 months after we were married, although admittedly that was faster than we'd planned) but more about healthcare. I would never in a million years consider getting pregnant in the US without medical insurance. Sure you can have the baby in your native country (which for me would be free) but it isn't the same.

Even though my husband is away now, we're at least still in the same time zone and he's back every weekend! He has still been incredibly involved in my pregnancy the whole way through, and the thought of him not being at the birth is almost unbearable to think about. I cannot understand why anyone would anyone put themselves under that kind of stress for the sake of a few months?!

Well, it's nice to see this topic isn't dead yet.

In this case it's most likely the that the baby would be born in the US, unless something goes horribly bad with the processing K1 VISA.

And you are right, despite what a lot of people think, flying while pregnant is generally safe at least through the 8th month. At 6 to 8 months I'm sure a long flight would not be much fun though.

[Caladan 19]

To me, a desire to get pregnant that badly would have nothing to do with immigration, but maybe a worry that the man isn't serious and needs to be kept around with something tangible. Or, it sounds like someone is saying 'please, baby, I know you're Catholic but I want sex when I come visit you next month! If you get pregnant you'll probably be here before the baby arrives. please please please!'

I would say 'no' to a planned pregnancy. (If it happens, obviously, you adapt.) I look at it this way: there's so much that can delay a K-1. Just look at the number of petitions recalled from the last step due to IMBRA. And even if there is no delay due to IMBRA, there's a few things to think about:

1) Being alone while pregnant

2) Having a medical emergency in the first couple months and going it alone.

3) Travelling while pregnant -- can be done, isn't fun.

4) Not being able to have a very fun wedding.

5) Too much stress: stress of the K-1 process, stress of the move to the new country, stress of adjusting status, stress of living with someone (especially if you don't know each other that well), why add the stress of a pregnancy?

[garya505 2]

To me, a desire to get pregnant that badly would have nothing to do with immigration, but maybe a worry that the man isn't serious and needs to be kept around with something tangible. Or, it sounds like someone is saying 'please, baby, I know you're Catholic but I want sex when I come visit you next month! If you get pregnant you'll probably be here before the baby arrives. please please please!'

I would say 'no' to a planned pregnancy. (If it happens, obviously, you adapt.) I look at it this way: there's so much that can delay a K-1. Just look at the number of petitions recalled from the last step due to IMBRA. And even if there is no delay due to IMBRA, there's a few things to think about:

1) Being alone while pregnant

2) Having a medical emergency in the first couple months and going it alone.

3) Travelling while pregnant -- can be done, isn't fun.

4) Not being able to have a very fun wedding.

5) Too much stress: stress of the K-1 process, stress of the move to the new country, stress of adjusting status, stress of living with someone (especially if you don't know each other that well), why add the stress of a pregnancy?

All good points, and of course from our western (affluent) perspective this is common sense. However, a woman who has lived for much of her life with day-to-day struggles that are much worse than any of that might have a different point of view. Often we can't understand the thoughts and actions of people in another culture because our thought process is shaped by our own culture. How can we put ourselves in their position if we haven't lived it?

[Yodrak 7]

garya,

Does this surprise you? You must have really enjoyed the two threads started by guys with 17 year old fiancees.

Yodrak

This is a more interesting discussion than I thought it would be!

...

I especially enjoy seeing all the conclusions people make from knowing one particular thing about a person. ....

How often do we make assumptions and have suspicions about someone from a different culture because we don't understand something they did and it doesn't make sense in our own culture or in or own lives?

Edited September 15, 2006 by Yodrak

[garya505 2]

garya,

Does this surprise you? You must have really enjoyed the two threads started by guys with 17 year old fiancees.

Yodrak

This is a more interesting discussion than I thought it would be!

...

I especially enjoy seeing all the conclusions people make from knowing one particular thing about a person. ....

How often do we make assumptions and have suspicions about someone from a different culture because we don't understand something they did and it doesn't make sense in our own culture or in or own lives?

Ya, maybe I was expecting too much. Quick assumptions and cheap shots are much easier than a well-thought, intelligent contribution. B)

[Creel 0]

I am the American waiting for my fiance to get his VISA. I go to visit in 3 weeks and a baby is definitely on the plan (No previous kids or marriages by the way). Why rush? I'm 34, I've dated a lot and I know this is the man for me. If his VISA is denied and so is the appeal then I guess I'll move to Albania. If you guys don't know if your relationship will work out it seems silly to go through this whole process. It is not like you are trying to get the other person here to date for gosh sakes, you are marrying them!