Would you get your fiance pregnant before getting K1 VISA?

[chri'stina 190]

There's no way I would try to get pregnant before getting the K1 visa or before getting married.

1-Beliefs of waiting til married to do that kind of thing

2-Why would I want to be pregnant so far away from my fiance and have to go it alone until reunited. Doesn't sound fun.

Christina,

The question was would you get your fiance pregnant?

I don't think you could ever get Sujeet pregnant, no matter how hard you tried

I know but couldn't I answer from the POV of the fiance??

Ok to clarify, Sujeet's answer would be the above.

[garya505 2]

I suggest getting married First! Then IF as a couple you are financially ready and as a couple WANT to have children now then go for it, although it may will help you in the interview to show l bona fida marriage, IMO I dont think that should be the purpose for having your Child!

Keep in mind if you aren't married yet things could change quick, having a baby can make thing worse if something happens and the marriage does not work out. The baby suffers the most!

Spend time with your SO/ Fiance even after your married you should spend at least a year together, having a baby in a new marriage can be stressful and put a lot of burden on a new couple.

Getting married in the midst of K1 processing can ####### things up a bit, and a pregnancy or child does not help with a K1 at all.

Unless you are suggesting the it would be better to cancel the K1, get married an start a K3. Is this what you are suggesting? That would cause a delay and almost guarantee that the child is not born in the US.

Perhaps your final suggestion is what you would prefer in this case - waiting a year to avoid the stress of a baby in a new marriage. That is certainly the conventional wisdom we hear the most about this scenario.

There's no way I would try to get pregnant before getting the K1 visa or before getting married.

1-Beliefs of waiting til married to do that kind of thing

2-Why would I want to be pregnant so far away from my fiance and have to go it alone until reunited. Doesn't sound fun.

Christina,

The question was would you get your fiance pregnant?

I don't think you could ever get Sujeet pregnant, no matter how hard you tried

I know but couldn't I answer from the POV of the fiance??

Ok to clarify, Sujeet's answer would be the above.

Sorry, I phrased the Poll question wrong. What I intended, and what I should have said, was:

"If you were the man In this scenario would you get your fiance pregnant before getting K1 VISA?

The scenario is important as everyone's situation is different. The question was intended to apply to this case only.

[Scott & Lai 12]

I really don't understand the rush. Is the hypothetical US fiance really the man of her dreams? Or is he, perhaps, merely the sperm-donor of her dreams? Being in love and wanting a child are not the same thing. There are many reasons I would not do this:

1: The afore-mentioned possibility of being scammed.

2: With Christina, the belief that such activity should wait till marriage, and,

3: Not wanting to be away from my fiancee as she went through pregnancy.

4: The greatly increased complications for the immigration process.

5: The uncertainty of the length or success of the visa process.

6: Wanting to be a couple before becoming a group.

7: Wanting to be sure that we were financially and otherwise stable enough to have and raise children; believing it is wrong to intentionally produce a child whom you cannot feed, house, and educate without government assistance.

8-n: Other reasons I'll think of after I submit this post

[garya505 2]

I really don't understand the rush. Is the hypothetical US fiance really the man of her dreams? Or is he, perhaps, merely the sperm-donor of her dreams? Being in love and wanting a child are not the same thing. There are many reasons I would not do this:

1: The afore-mentioned possibility of being scammed.

2: With Christina, the belief that such activity should wait till marriage, and,

3: Not wanting to be away from my fiancee as she went through pregnancy.

4: The greatly increased complications for the immigration process.

5: The uncertainty of the length or success of the visa process.

6: Wanting to be a couple before becoming a group.

7: Wanting to be sure that we were financially and otherwise stable enough to have and raise children; believing it is wrong to intentionally produce a child whom you cannot feed, house, and educate without government assistance.

8-n: Other reasons I'll think of after I submit this post

Hmmm, some valid arguments here. It complicates the immigration process some, but really only if the delay is long and the child is born outside of the US. Certainly being together during the entire pregancy is a BIG plus. In this scenario (as I present it) finances are not an issue, but certainly being a stable couple IS an issue (again assuming of course that the delay is long and the child is born outside the US).

Can you elaborate on the scam possibility? Why would a pregnancy happening shortly before the VISA is obtained make a scam more likely than a pregnancy occuring just after getting the VISA? How about in the case of a long delay where the baby is born outside the US?

[Scott & Lai 12]

I really don't understand the rush. Is the hypothetical US fiance really the man of her dreams? Or is he, perhaps, merely the sperm-donor of her dreams? Being in love and wanting a child are not the same thing. There are many reasons I would not do this:

1: The afore-mentioned possibility of being scammed.

2: With Christina, the belief that such activity should wait till marriage, and,

3: Not wanting to be away from my fiancee as she went through pregnancy.

4: The greatly increased complications for the immigration process.

5: The uncertainty of the length or success of the visa process.

6: Wanting to be a couple before becoming a group.

7: Wanting to be sure that we were financially and otherwise stable enough to have and raise children; believing it is wrong to intentionally produce a child whom you cannot feed, house, and educate without government assistance.

8-n: Other reasons I'll think of after I submit this post

Hmmm, some valid arguments here. It complicates the immigration process some, but really only if the delay is long and the child is born outside of the US. Certainly being together during the entire pregancy is a BIG plus. In this scenario (as I present it) finances are not an issue, but certainly being a stable couple IS an issue (again assuming of course that the delay is long and the child is born outside the US).

Can you elaborate on the scam possibility? Why would a pregnancy happening shortly before the VISA is obtained make a scam more likely than a pregnancy occuring just after getting the VISA? How about in the case of a long delay where the baby is born outside the US?

I was thinking of the possibility that the girl is using the USC just to get a baby and perhaps financial support, but is not really serious about marrying him. As others have noted, this rush to have a baby RIGHT NOW, regardless of the cost, sends up major red flags.

[Scott & Lai 12]

Another thing that comes to mind.....what if the man discovers he can't get her pregnant for medical reasons. Will she call off the relationship? Is it really him she loves, or his potential for giving her a baby?

[Sister Fracas 5]

There's no way I would try to get pregnant before getting the K1 visa or before getting married.

1-Beliefs of waiting til married to do that kind of thing

2-Why would I want to be pregnant so far away from my fiance and have to go it alone until reunited. Doesn't sound fun.

Christina,

The question was would you get your fiance pregnant?

I don't think you could ever get Sujeet pregnant, no matter how hard you tried

I know but couldn't I answer from the POV of the fiance??

Ok to clarify, Sujeet's answer would be the above.

don't you just wanna smack Ari upside the head sometimes..

[garya505 2]

I really don't understand the rush. Is the hypothetical US fiance really the man of her dreams? Or is he, perhaps, merely the sperm-donor of her dreams? Being in love and wanting a child are not the same thing. There are many reasons I would not do this:

1: The afore-mentioned possibility of being scammed.

2: With Christina, the belief that such activity should wait till marriage, and,

3: Not wanting to be away from my fiancee as she went through pregnancy.

4: The greatly increased complications for the immigration process.

5: The uncertainty of the length or success of the visa process.

6: Wanting to be a couple before becoming a group.

7: Wanting to be sure that we were financially and otherwise stable enough to have and raise children; believing it is wrong to intentionally produce a child whom you cannot feed, house, and educate without government assistance.

8-n: Other reasons I'll think of after I submit this post

Hmmm, some valid arguments here. It complicates the immigration process some, but really only if the delay is long and the child is born outside of the US. Certainly being together during the entire pregancy is a BIG plus. In this scenario (as I present it) finances are not an issue, but certainly being a stable couple IS an issue (again assuming of course that the delay is long and the child is born outside the US).

Can you elaborate on the scam possibility? Why would a pregnancy happening shortly before the VISA is obtained make a scam more likely than a pregnancy occuring just after getting the VISA? How about in the case of a long delay where the baby is born outside the US?

I was thinking of the possibility that the girl is using the USC just to get a baby and perhaps financial support, but is not really serious about marrying him. As others have noted, this rush to have a baby RIGHT NOW, regardless of the cost, sends up major red flags.

Yes that's possible, but on a K1 VISA you are required to marry within 90 days upon arriving in the US so I don't know how that would work. I wonder if she would be deported if she had a child born in the US (so the child is a USC) but didn't marry him within 90 days? Unless you are suggesting that she would in fact not go to the US but try to get support from her country, which I suspect is somewhat difficult.

Keep in mind that in this scenario the woman has expressed her desire to get pregnant ASAP, but she did not say she requires it to continue the relationship. She is aware of the difficulties it could present but thinks it's worth it.

I think one of the problems here is that when we don't understand someone's motives and their behavior doesn't make sense to us, we often suspect that are up to something bad. It's natural to think that way I guess. Also, we tend to apply our ideals and norms to people who may not share those thoughts because their way of life is so much different and their lifespans shorter.

Interesting ... B)

[garya505 2]

Another thing that comes to mind.....what if the man discovers he can't get her pregnant for medical reasons. Will she call off the relationship? Is it really him she loves, or his potential for giving her a baby?

I think on average it takes a couple a few months to get pregnant, so they probably wouldn't discover that he or she is unable to produce children until after she arrives in the US. I suppose it's a strain on any marriage if they couple wants children and one of them is sterile. Your second question is interesting. What is it that we love about our fiances/spouses? Assuming that both people in the couple want children, isn't the potential that each of them offers part of why they love each other? Or is it purely metaphysical?

[Addie_Goodvibes 0]

Getting married in the midst of K1 processing can ####### things up a bit, and a pregnancy or child does not help with a K1 at all.Perhaps your final suggestion is what you would prefer in this case - waiting a year to avoid the stress of a baby in a new marriage. That is certainly the conventional wisdom we hear the most about this scenario.

I suggest Waiting until after your married to have a baby, I do NOT suggest getting married in the midst of K1 processing, Marriage before baby was my point!

I do not think a baby will guarntee any USCIS beenfit or special treatment, it does show in the case of AOS processing it does show more established legit relationship.

Edited September 6, 2006 by Addie_Goodvibes

[chri'stina 190]

There's no way I would try to get pregnant before getting the K1 visa or before getting married.

1-Beliefs of waiting til married to do that kind of thing

2-Why would I want to be pregnant so far away from my fiance and have to go it alone until reunited. Doesn't sound fun.

Christina,

The question was would you get your fiance pregnant?

I don't think you could ever get Sujeet pregnant, no matter how hard you tried

I know but couldn't I answer from the POV of the fiance??

Ok to clarify, Sujeet's answer would be the above.

don't you just wanna smack Ari upside the head sometimes..

[*Robert* 2]

uhhhhh....

NO!

[Slithytoves 0]

She is very confident and determined and knows how to take care of herself. This is what she really wants and she is very serious.

Garya, after reading that scenario I have a hard time believing this hypothetical woman knows how to take care of herself at all ... unless Cian's ready-made-plan possibility is correct. Even if you trust her sincerity, you really need to be distrustful of her judgement. If she can be so irrational/impractical about something this huge, I'd have to wonder what her day-to-day reasoning is like. If you plan on sticking with this woman, I think this should be a warning to you that you absolutely must live with her for quite some time before marrying, never mind before having a child.

Alice

[garya505 2]

She is very confident and determined and knows how to take care of herself. This is what she really wants and she is very serious.

Garya, after reading that scenario I have a hard time believing this hypothetical woman knows how to take care of herself at all ... unless Cian's ready-made-plan possibility is correct. Even if you trust her sincerity, you really need to be distrustful of her judgement. If she can be so irrational/impractical about something this huge, I'd have to wonder what her day-to-day reasoning is like. If you plan on sticking with this woman, I think this should be a warning to you that you absolutely must live with her for quite some time before marrying, never mind before having a child.

Alice

Well, that's an interesting thought. Does this particular attitude on her part could indicate some flaw in her character that causes her to make bad decisions? It does not appear to be so with this woman. In this case I can tell you that the woman is fully capable of taking care of herself and does a very nice job at it.

Keep in mind that what we are talking about here is someone who wants to get pregnant with her fiance and doesn't care if it's before or after she goes to the US. This woman is much more used to struggling with difficult situations daily than we are normally faced with in the US, so to her the possible difficulties of being pregnant before getting her VISA is no big deal. Like they say, it's all relative.

Apparently she's not the only one with this attitude. I have been told that it's not unusual to see pregnant women at embassy interviews for K1 and K3. Go figure!

[Slithytoves 0]

Well, that's an interesting thought. Does this particular attitude on her part could indicate some flaw in her character that causes her to make bad decisions? It does not appear to be so with this woman. In this case I can tell you that the woman is fully capable of taking care of herself and does a very nice job at it.

You said it best, "It does not appear to be so." One of the problems with any long-distance relationship, no matter where the partners are from, is that so much of what you know of about each other is based on what each of you decides to reveal. And remember this applies to me, too, since I married a man from a distant country who I have only spent a very limited amount of time with ... though I'd have to say that the only thing my husband has done so far that is at all out of the ordinary is ask me to marry him to begin with!

So anyway, she might very well be all that you assume with your (honestly) limited knowledge that she is, but she may not be, either. And if she gets pregnant, that becomes your problem regardless.

A lot of people here might disagree with me, but I feel it's one thing to take a chance on a far-away love, and totally another thing to take a chance on behalf of an innocent little person who won't have asked to be brought into the very complex situation you've described. And it is complex, because even on the bottom line it involves human beings, long distance, a lot of money, and some very unforgiving man-made processes.

Keep in mind that what we are talking about here is someone who wants to get pregnant with her fiance and doesn't care if it's before or after she goes to the US. This woman is much more used to struggling with difficult situations daily than we are normally faced with in the US, so to her the possible difficulties of being pregnant before getting her VISA is no big deal. Like they say, it's all relative.

If she's used to struggling with difficult situations (and I admire women from countries where life is not as easy as it is for us here in the US), then why in heck would she want to deliberately cause another one? I work with a number of men and women from less developed countries, and the one thing the productive and happy ones all share is common sense about life matters. It's something you learn when you struggle. So I don't buy the "it's all relative" argument because if she's had a tough life then this intense emotional fancy doesn't fit the pattern at all.

If you're going to bring the realities of where she comes from into this discussion, then let me suggest you use this opportunity to teach her that part of becoming successful here in America is learning not to put the cart before the horse.

And forget what she's used to dealing with, what about you? How gut-wrenching would it be if something happens to your relationship before she arrives in the US and then you have a part of you halfway around the world? If she has a miscarriage, or a very rough pregnancy, or ended up on bed-rest or deemed unfit to fly until the birth, or the baby is born prematurely and is in need of extended hospital care, how helpless will you feel? How much money do you have to invest in travel and time off work? When people talk about having a baby they naturally aren't thinking about this sort of thing, but the truth is that any pregnancy is a risk. I think you two have enough on your plate without adding another biggie right now. It seems selfish of her to put her intense feelings ahead of you and her (potential) baby, especially since we're only talking about a year's wait.

I'm writing so much because this idea really bothers me. It's just so clear that the negatives outweigh the positives that it shouldn't even be a question.

Apparently she's not the only one with this attitude. I have been told that it's not unusual to see pregnant women at embassy interviews for K1 and K3. Go figure!

Common = Smart? If allllllllll of the K-1/K-3 girls jumped off a bridge ... .

I maintain that this is an indicator of her judgement, and since it contradicts what you state is your impression of her and her life skills, it may be the first sign of a crack in a facade (even a well-intentioned one). And I say again, you'd be smart to live with her a while before you go any further.

You seem like a cool guy, and you've not lost your temper despite cynics like me. I really do wish you luck.

Alice

Edited September 7, 2006 by Slithytoves