Room Full of Hearts

[cassi9879 20]

link

If you came on here and said how Benny shoved and pushed you, your friends would be telling you to call the cops, or get out of the house. Yet, you do it and no one says anything. I don't think that's indicative of proper counseling. Your family needs proper help, and if you google, you can see another list of free services. If you want to tell me where you live, I'd be willing to help you find something.

I'm not trying to sound snarky here, really I'm not. Let alone the strain on you and your marriage, think about how this atmosphere is affecting your child. Violence in the home is NEVER ok...regardless of whether your son is in the room, or the next room or whatever. It's not healthy, Cassi. And if your husband is yelling all the time, think of what that's doing to your son as well. No one here is there to see what goes on, but even from your words...the fact you feel you need to 'protect' your son from your husband is chilling. It's not a question of who's right and who's wrong. The atmosphere that you have described on various occasions is unhealthy for all of you.

I live my life by a few sayings...one of which is 'Resolve, or remove'....meaning, resolve the problem, or remove yourself from it. It's not going to be easy or pretty, and one day you might even decide that divorce is the best option for your family. But none of you can thrive in an atmosphere like you've described. And lack of money is not a valid reason for ignoring the problem.

Like I said, if you want to pm me your location, I can try to help you find some free services.

Good luck.

eta another link: http://www.google.co...79&pf=p&pdl=300

I have asked for referrals for counselors both for marriage and for my son. Nobody I know has gone to counseling (or admits to it) so I don't know where to start. Doctors of the body I have no problem going to without referrals but doctors of the mind....that's another story.

Just like those in AA calling their sponsor when they slip up I wrote here for advice right after it happened.

[Fandango 1,439]

I have asked for referrals for counselors both for marriage and for my son. Nobody I know has gone to counseling (or admits to it) so I don't know where to start. Doctors of the body I have no problem going to without referrals but doctors of the mind....that's another story.

Just like those in AA calling their sponsor when they slip up I wrote here for advice right after it happened.

PM me your zip code and I can help you find something. Even if your husband won't go, you should.

You said nagi was your counselor...and she has just admitted that counseling is useless. Do you think using her as a 'counselor' is having you and your son's best interests at heart?

She clearly cannot help you.

Edited June 6, 2011 by Anita Cocktail

[tmma 467]

I have been through the most unspeakable brutality,and carry the physical and mental scars associated with domestic violence. We are not talking about slaps and hitting, but rather punches, kicks, stomps, the use of objects as weapons,broken bones, missing teeth, starvation, rape, and the most severe, IMO...mind fvcking.All done by someone who you are supposed to trust who took a vow to honour and protect you. Counseling is a joke, believe me. No one can take away what was done to you as a human being, it is something that can never be fully understood.

OMG Nagi-That's awful and I'm so sorry you went throught all that....but...this is not about you , it's about Cassi and to advise her against counselling...is

reckless.

Edited June 6, 2011 by tmma

[Nagishkaw 510]

OMG Nagi-That's awful and I'm so sorry you went throught all that....but...this is not about you , it's about Cassi and to advise her against counselling...is

reckless.

Yes, of course this is about Cassi. I did not insist she should not get counseling. She can do what she feels is necessary. I shared a tiny bit of my story. Was I wrong in doing so ?

[tmma 467]

Yes, of course this is about Cassi. I did not insist she should not get counseling. She can do what she feels is necessary. I shared a tiny bit of my story. Was I wrong in doing so ?

No one is saying you are wrong about your story.....I will say you are wrong in your comment that counselling is a joke. 2 different things.

This is about cassi, and surely we can agree that she should seek the resources to help resolve the unhealthy situation before it escalates to much worse.

Edited June 6, 2011 by tmma

[cassi9879 20]

No one is saying you are wrong about your story.....I will say you are wrong in your comment that counselling is a joke. 2 different things.

This is about cassi, and surely we can agree that she should seek the resources to help resolve the unhealthy situation before it escalates to much worse.

Nagi was just stating her opinion of counseling based on her experience. I know it doesn't work for everyone.

Edited June 6, 2011 by cassi9879

[tmma 467]

Nagi was just stating her opinion of counseling based on her experience. I know it doesn't work for everyone.

That's by the by anyway.

No one wants even a portion of her past story to become your story which is why I'm going on and on about at least trying counselling. Of course it won't make things that are done in the past go away-but it can help lead to a more healthy future and coping mechanisms. I sincerly do wish you the best

[Fandango 1,439]

Nagi was just stating her opinion of counseling based on her experience

You use her as your 'counselor'

She says counseling is utterly useless.

Ergo, no help to you.

What she does or doesn't believe is not the issue here. You have to know yourself that your situation is unhealthy. I am neither friend nor foe, and am looking at what you've said through entirely objective eyes.

I believe you should find a qualified counselor/therapist to listen to you, and help you. I'm not saying I'm qualified to do so. In fact, the only one here to my knowledge who's qualified is Deano, but I haven't seen him in a while.

Shele made an interesting point...when there's DV, it escalates. Before it escalates into something truly horrible, get the help you need...at least for you and your son.

It seems to me that you're ready to accept the situation - 'it is what it is'...Benny won't budge, so you both are in this back and forth power struggle and one-upmanship of exerting control. Even if there were no children involved, I'd tell you the same thing, but it's even more important with your son in the picture. You say you want to do whatever it takes to protect your son? Get counseling.

I'm not saying this to be awful, I'm saying this to help. I am a total stranger and have no dog in this fight, so realize that there's no self serving angle for me here.

[cassi9879 20]

You use her as your 'counselor'

She says counseling is utterly useless.

Ergo, no help to you.

What she does or doesn't believe is not the issue here. You have to know yourself that your situation is unhealthy. I am neither friend nor foe, and am looking at what you've said through entirely objective eyes.

I believe you should find a qualified counselor/therapist to listen to you, and help you. I'm not saying I'm qualified to do so. In fact, the only one here to my knowledge who's qualified is Deano, but I haven't seen him in a while.

Shele made an interesting point...when there's DV, it escalates. Before it escalates into something truly horrible, get the help you need...at least for you and your son.

It seems to me that you're ready to accept the situation - 'it is what it is'...Benny won't budge, so you both are in this back and forth power struggle and one-upmanship of exerting control. Even if there were no children involved, I'd tell you the same thing, but it's even more important with your son in the picture. You say you want to do whatever it takes to protect your son? Get counseling.

I'm not saying this to be awful, I'm saying this to help. I am a total stranger and have no dog in this fight, so realize that there's no self serving angle for me here.

I IM'd Benny with the free counseling info. A typical male response saying he only thinks I need it

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Yes, of course this is about Cassi. I did not insist she should not get counseling. She can do what she feels is necessary. I shared a tiny bit of my story. Was I wrong in doing so ?

No you were not. You lived through HELL and no one has the right to make any comments on what they would or could do in such a situation. No one. We each live our own lives and unless you've lived the same nightmares that you have, no one can fathom the pain or hurt you must still carry around.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

OMG Nagi-That's awful and I'm so sorry you went throught all that....but...this is not about you , it's about Cassi and to advise her against counselling...is

reckless.

To pass judgement on another in this situation is reckless. Whatever each of us experience is different. Nagi stated her opinion and her experience with counselling. You stated yours, Lisa stated hers, I have my own opinion. It is not up to any of us to pass judgement on another in this situation. I know you and Lisa mean well but inculcating further degradation on an abuse victim is not the answer, ever.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

No one is saying you are wrong about your story.....I will say you are wrong in your comment that counselling is a joke. 2 different things.

This is about cassi, and surely we can agree that she should seek the resources to help resolve the unhealthy situation before it escalates to much worse.

Honestly you can't make that statement. Nagi's experience is always her own. From a legal standpoint abuse victims are traumatized by the courts almost as badly as by their so-called "loved ones." In recognizing the nightmarish abuse that she's lived through you surely must understand that abuse victims don't need further abuse by calling into question their judgement less you raise the spectre of minimizing their self-esteem even further. If Cassi chooses to seek counselling then the best we can do is support her, if she doesn't then we must also provide support, that is the best any of us can do.

[tmma 467]

To pass judgement on another in this situation is reckless. Whatever each of us experience is different. Nagi stated her opinion and her experience with counselling. You stated yours, Lisa stated hers, I have my own opinion. It is not up to any of us to pass judgement on another in this situation. I know you and Lisa mean well but inculcating further degradation on an abuse victim is not the answer, ever.

Excuse me, but where did I do that?

[cassi9879 20]

Wednesday called Dr's office and left a message on the lab results line. No return call. Late Friday I left a message for the Dr's nurse. Why won't they let me know if there was something found with the blood work???

[tmma 467]

Honestly you can't make that statement. Nagi's experience is always her own. From a legal standpoint abuse victims are traumatized by the courts almost as badly as by their so-called "loved ones." In recognizing the nightmarish abuse that she's lived through you surely must understand that abuse victims don't need further abuse by calling into question their judgement less you raise the spectre of minimizing their self-esteem even further. If Cassi chooses to seek counselling then the best we can do is support her, if she doesn't then we must also provide support, that is the best any of us can do.

The only thing I was calling into question was her statement that counselling is a joke...seeing as this is about cassi originally and not nagi's horrific experience. I think you are making things worse by putting words in my mouth and twisting what I say.

Edited June 6, 2011 by tmma