Tired woman here!

[Resha 1]

Okay... I dont really know how to post this but I feel like I need some input from fellow women with Moroccan/Arab husbands.. So I will start from the beginning so everyone understands everything.. I have been a member on here for quite some time some of you know me some of you do not.. I would like input from anyone I met my Moroccan husband online in June of 2007, after talking for awhile flew to Morocco to stay for 3 months, got pregnant while I was there, came back couldnt spend the money to start the K-1 papers bc of the new baby coming.. When the baby was 6 months we went to visit for 3 more months and came back to start the papers! After 6 months of waiting it was approved and he came over here january 2010.. Now we had had our fights in Morocco of course, he didnt hide too much of who he was, but of course not everything was shown to me and of course he didnt know everything about me too im sure.. Anyways we are having a really hard time right now.. The timing is really making me feel terrible.. He just received his green card this month.. He is so selfish and he lives by a major double standard.. He goes out with friends and plays pool all the time, many times 6-12 hours a day.. If I ask questions I am told its not my business.. Yet I can go with my mother for 2-3 hours and I am getting treated like ####### by him like I did something to him lol He says I dont clean or cook or do laundry.. Everyday.. Like he wants me to, but he has always known I am not that kind.. I do clean and cook and do laundry but not everyday.. He acts like I have changed from the person he knows but the only way I have changed is that I do not feel like I am myself anymore bc of the way he treats me! I dont feel like Resha! And that really hurts me.. That I have to feel like I have to change myself so much but he doesnt.. He thinks he is better than me and deserves things more than I do.. I find myself not wanting to be with him anymore bc of how he makes me feel.. but I cant help but think maybe thats what he wants, that way its "my fault".. I started seeing a counselor not long ago and when I told him shes for talking he got mad and said he needs to go to his walking doctor.. mocking me.. Any time I am sick I am just lazy! Even though I have certain health problems that he knows about.. I have heart problems due to stress, panic attacks, that I never had before.. When I say I am not feeling good he acts like I am just lying and nothing is wrong.. Its all in my head.. I am just tired of being treated like I am not a person equal to him.. I have a mouth a brain a life.. I eat and sleep just like him.. What makes him think hes better?? I dont understand it... I just dont know what to do.. Its hard since we have a daughter together but I am getting to the end of my rope.. I feel crazy!

Edited March 20, 2011 by Fatimas Momma

[Samoray 165]

Hello, sorry you have to go through this but let me sum up what i concluded, You have not said one thing good about this guy in your post, and you don't want to be with him anymore, so there is no need to continue in your relation as it even affects your health, so it is not worth it, Get rid of the guy and he will be paying child support for the next 18 years

Hello, sorry you have to go through this but let me sum up what i concluded, You have not said one thing good about this guy in your post, and you don't want to be with him anymore, so there is no need to continue in your relation as it even affects your health, so it is not worth it, Get rid of the guy and he will be paying child support for the next 18 years

Sorry that's my opinion even though i am not a woman

[nurse1967 287]

So sorry for what you are going through. I can tell by reading your post that you already know what's what and are just looking for some validation. Your gut instincts are usually correct in most situations. Sounds like this guy doesn't treat you with much respect. Someone who doesn't care when you are ill, leaves you alone for long periods of time while "playing pool" just seems suspicious to me. Do you really think he plays pool for 12 hours? Does he have a cell phone? I would put a locator on him and find out where he is REALLY spending 12 hours. Anyway, doesn't sound like he is open to counseling and surely isn't listening to your concerns and complaints. Guess now you have to decide when enough is enough.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Unfortunately u just described a large percentage of Moroccan men,not all but alot. You can take two roads u can stand your ground and explain to him life here see if he improves or just let it go and feel this is him and hes not going to change. I have been there also, got the divorce and all but i see alot of it was he just didnt really realize, and he is more good than bad, but this is my case. There are many many more that are not so lucky, same problems, they go out with friends, dont want u talking to others of the problems, etc u just have to look at ur situation and do what is necessary, they do not change!!!

[peenkhartz 1]

Hi, Im sorry to hear about your story. I think your health is #1 and no one should be with a person that treats them bad. I know its hard and its not easy but you need to put yourself and your daughter first and do what is best for both of you. I hope everything works out for you.

*Amirah*

[sachinky 465]

Dump his sorry butt and move on. There's no reason one should have to put up with this.

Your daughter will be better off without this kind of man in her life.

Edited March 20, 2011 by sachinky

[Nasturtium 500]

Okay... I dont really know how to post this but I feel like I need some input from fellow women with Moroccan/Arab husbands..

Hi, don't have a Moroccan husband but let me say this: this is not cultural. This sounds like an immature jacka$$ who just wants to play around and live like a single man even though he is married and has a kid. So sorry about this. So, there needs to be a heart-to-heart with him and find out if he is willing to work on maturing or not. The problem with maturation is it has to come from within and not from exterior pressures or sources.

There are many women on this board who have gone through similar things as you. It sucks. It blows goats. I mean not everyone is perfect by any means in any relationship but it would be nice if everyone who entered into a relationship at least had the maturity to recognize that with marriage and kids come responsibility. If one wants to play pool every night, then don't get married. Don't have a kid.

You sound like you are bearing the brunt of the responsibility that is meant for two adults. You've inherited a teen or a frat boy in addition to your actual child. You sound tired. You sound exhausted. You sound like you need a wife

I guess take stock of things and figure out if you're willing to wait for him to mature or not... and if you can handle things on your own. Being on your own is a scary proposition but honestly, it may be easier to a certain extent once you can get some kind of organization back into your life.

At the same time, I am not a fan of divorce. I know sometimes it is necessary-- but make sure you have tried everything and then your concience will be clear. The necessary steps are different for everyone-- whether that be asking him to go to counseling, talking, setting limits and boundaries, etc.

Good luck.

[Resha 1]

Hello, sorry you have to go through this but let me sum up what i concluded, You have not said one thing good about this guy in your post, and you don't want to be with him anymore, so there is no need to continue in your relation as it even affects your health, so it is not worth it, Get rid of the guy and he will be paying child support for the next 18 years

Sorry that's my opinion even though i am not a woman

I do love him if I didn't he wouldn't be here in the first place.. I feel bad for my daughter bc I know how it was to not have a dad in your life.. It was better in some ways and not in others.. She really loves him and I know he loves her so its hard.. I dont want to put up with it just for her but I feel im being selfish for even thinking it lol

[Resha 1]

So sorry for what you are going through. I can tell by reading your post that you already know what's what and are just looking for some validation. Your gut instincts are usually correct in most situations. Sounds like this guy doesn't treat you with much respect. Someone who doesn't care when you are ill, leaves you alone for long periods of time while "playing pool" just seems suspicious to me. Do you really think he plays pool for 12 hours? Does he have a cell phone? I would put a locator on him and find out where he is REALLY spending 12 hours. Anyway, doesn't sound like he is open to counseling and surely isn't listening to your concerns and complaints. Guess now you have to decide when enough is enough.

A few times after probing I have found out that he has went to bars and clubs with his cousin who is also Moroccan.. He lives an hour away.. When I confront him about it im told its not my business and they just went to have fun.. Yet I am at home all the time taking care of OUR child while he has "fun".. I am actually not talking to a cousin bc of an incident between them.. She said he was cheating he said shes a liar and I chose to believe him.. I did confront this girl with him that he was supposedly cheating with and she denied it of course but...... Only God knows other than them the truth.. I am not the best wife or mother but I try my best to be all that I can for them! If I were to kick him out he wouldhave a place to go since his cousin is so close but I would hate to burden their family there.. It is a really hard situation!

[nurse1967 287]

So does he think it's okay for you to hang at the bar with guys? Obviously this guy is a cheater. What you do now determines how your daughter will view the way men should treat her. Think carefully before you do anything but don't be blind the the evidence right in front of your face.

[Samoray 165]

I do love him if I didn't he wouldn't be here in the first place.. I feel bad for my daughter bc I know how it was to not have a dad in your life.. It was better in some ways and not in others.. She really loves him and I know he loves her so its hard.. I dont want to put up with it just for her but I feel im being selfish for even thinking it lol

i understand you might feel selfish because you're putting your self first, but your daughter is better without him anyway than being raised in a house where her parents fight and don't get a long, if you really love him and care about him and show him that and in return he is treating you like that then certainly there is something wrong with him but also there is a chance if you still feel love for him that you can compromise with him at some point about the stuff that you don't like, let me ask you, is all what's bugging him that you're not cleaning and doing dishes everyday ?

[Resha 1]

i understand you might feel selfish because you're putting your self first, but your daughter is better without him anyway than being raised in a house where her parents fight and don't get a long, if you really love him and care about him and show him that and in return he is treating you like that then certainly there is something wrong with him but also there is a chance if you still feel love for him that you can compromise with him at some point about the stuff that you don't like, let me ask you, is all what's bugging him that you're not cleaning and doing dishes everyday ?

Thats what he says but when I do it we are still fighting.. I feel sometimes that he just wants out but doesnt want to be the one to do it.. IDK

[msheesha 548]

I haven't read this whole thread so this may have already be stated. One of the statements I read was that you're worried about your daughter. Kids learn about relationships and how they should be treated by their parents' relationships. So my thought is that this should be something you should consider in deciding what to do.

As for the poster who generalized about Moroccan men - I think it's an easy way to deflect your bad choice of a Moroccan man.

[Resha 1]

I haven't read this whole thread so this may have already be stated. One of the statements I read was that you're worried about your daughter. Kids learn about relationships and how they should be treated by their parents' relationships. So my thought is that this should be something you should consider in deciding what to do.

As for the poster who generalized about Moroccan men - I think it's an easy way to deflect your bad choice of a Moroccan man.

I do not believe all Moroccan men are this way.. I know there are bad people in all places.. Just depends on how lucky we are to find good ones

[sandinista! 1,816]

Is he getting a completely free ride here? Can one work whilst spending 6-12 hours a day in a pool hall? Freeloading frat boys don't leave on their own, why would they? Leeches don't fall off until they're full, and he's always going to need stuff, and never get full. At least not until you're completely sucked dry. Then he might move on. I have a difficult time believing his cousin is completely innocent in this either. Let him pick up some of the slack from this moocher. Yr tapped out. Yr daughter deserves yr 100%, he doesn't deserve anything.