Should I get pregnant?

[gelato 1]

Wow! Thanks for the responses. I am a 34-year-old and have absolutely no health problems. My husband wants kids too but not now. He has some other financial obligations to meet. He says no kids until you can find a job and we can get ourselves in a better position. I know he's right and I do want us to be able to provide for the kid and want him/her to have a better life, but the fact that my biological clock is ticking, is killing me.I have been so depressed lately and don't know what to do. I love my husband. he's a very nice and caring guy but he is weird

on some ways. I wish we had loads of money to be able to have kids. I am really waiting for him to say "let's have kids!". I don't know if he would though. In no way am I going to rely on government aid. My husband makes decent money but everything gets spent not on necessities Or luxuries. What should I do?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I really wanna get pregnant but can't afford it. My hubby has a temp job so we do not have any health insurance. I am above 33 and can't wait any longer. What are my options? I really miss being a mother. . Please don't judge me based on this. I am only looking for opinions.

The medical bill to have the baby is not even a good down payment. The thing about kids is that they will use ALL your money, it matters little what you make. But if you enjoy them, then they are worth every cent you make plus whatever you can borrow. With any luck I will be $5 million in debt when I die.

[gelato 1]

Has anyone here had their first baby after 35? I know fertility drops after that age so I am worried not being able to conceive after a few years.

[Marilyn. 340]

my mom had 3 children after 35... the last one she had when she was around 41.. oops she had 3 children before 35 too though...

Edited March 21, 2011 by Marilyn.

[chri'stina 190]

I personally wouldn't plan on getting pregnant if there are financial issues to deal with already. If someone happens to get pregnant unplanned then I think it's an added family member and you will find a way to work it out (because I think children are a gift).

Sometimes opinions on finances differ even between spouses. I think we are doing well and can afford a 2nd child while my husband is more hesitant. I stay at home with our 3 yr old.

But then I also think about things we have to do in life, like visiting family in India(we just visited a couple weeks ago, 3rd year in a row). Another child means another airfare, another child to look after, another sleeping spot needed. So after those trips, I can't imagine having more than one. Eventually that feeling fades and I want my son to have a sibling. But still not really sure if it's going to happen. Meanwhile I have friends who aren't doing well financially purposely getting pregnant soon after having one already and I can't relate to why they want to do that, although they love their current child(ren) a lot so they must just want to add more to their family to share more love. They also don't have family on the other side of the world they have to visit.

Edited March 21, 2011 by chri'stina

[Fandango 1,439]

Has anyone here had their first baby after 35? I know fertility drops after that age so I am worried not being able to conceive after a few years.

*raises hand*

mildly complicated pregnancy, but nothing horribly wrong. I was 36 when I conceived, 37 when I delivered.

I'd also like to point out, that we were using BC at the time, so obviously there were no fertility challenges for us whatsoever.

[^_^ 5,021]

If you have the baby today you're gonna have it for at least 18 years and maybe a little more. Your financial status today may be a harbinger of things to come or it may be a blip in an upwards journey that will end with you on the cover of Fortune magazine. Or something in the middle. You should decides based not only on what is today but on what you believe will be tomorrow. JMHO.

[Fandango 1,439]

Wow! Thanks for the responses. I am a 34-year-old and have absolutely no health problems. My husband wants kids too but not now. He has some other financial obligations to meet. He says no kids until you can find a job and we can get ourselves in a better position. I know he's right and I do want us to be able to provide for the kid and want him/her to have a better life, but the fact that my biological clock is ticking, is killing me.I have been so depressed lately and don't know what to do. I love my husband. he's a very nice and caring guy but he is weird

on some ways. I wish we had loads of money to be able to have kids. I am really waiting for him to say "let's have kids!". I don't know if he would though. In no way am I going to rely on government aid. My husband makes decent money but everything gets spent not on necessities Or luxuries. What should I do?

Then make a plan. Take this year, or however long, and get yourself 'baby ready, both in finances and health. I know you said you're healthy, and that's great, but as someone approaching 'Advanced Maternal Age', it wouldn't hurt to get your body baby ready. I knew a woman who did that they whole year before she conceived - made sure she took her folic acid, she worked out and was at her ideal weight and also physically fit/etc. If you're getting by with your hubby's salary, then if you got a job, you could either help him pay off his obligations quicker, or just set that money aside for a baby fund.

The fact that you'd be making proactive steps towards conception might help the depression. Also, I think you just need to relax a bit. Stress and anxiety have a great way of impeding conception, when you both feel the time is right.

Here's a little tmi personal story, but I'm sharing it with you because I know the sheer anxiety and pressure you are feeling. My hubby is 4 years younger than me. We had always talked about children as a concept, but we felt we weren't quite ready to actively ttc. It used to cause me great anxiety, because it seemed that one day, I woke up at 36, and I realized I didn't have much, or any, time left. I've never tried to get pregnant though, so I was just speculating based on all the ####### you hear about the 'bio clock' and whatnot. So there was this place by our house, I passed it every day. It was called 'Fertility Care'. Seeing that sign would cause anxiety, I'd start worrying omG the bio clock, yadda yadda. I would actually avert my eyes purposely from the sign, and sometimes even flip it off, lol. Then one day, I had had enough...I sat my hubby down, and acknowledged the 'elephant' n the room. He was younger than me, I might have missed my window. And if that was confirmed, would he feel cheated, etc. We weren't married yet, and I told him that he needed to really ask himself whether he could be happy with that, or, if bio kids were a MUST for him, perhaps he should pursue someone younger.

He immediately put me at ease and let me know that it was the two of us, kids or no kids. And if we ever found out I was 'challenged', we'd try fertility treatments, or adopt. He laughed and said I was crazy. Basically, he eased every fear I had over 'will we have our own? won't we?' It made me feel that one way or another, when the time was right, we'd raise a child of our own, whether it was a bio child or not.

I felt such tremendous relief, and an calming sense of release. 'God it's now in your hands' I said. 'I'm not gonna worry about it anymore.'

I got pregnant the next week. We were still using a form of birth control.

eta: there were 3 pregnant over 35s (me being one of them) in the UK forum last year. All the babies are perfectly healthy, too.

Edited March 21, 2011 by Lisa C

[rika60607 215]

Yes, there is a good number of women who had their 1st child after 35

Although fertility drops, it is still possible to conceive for most women, it just may take longer than it would have taken them at 25 years. If your mother or sister went into menopause early, you may be at risk. Otherwise, if you are healthy, you will likely be OK.

If you had children (or had pregnancies) before, being pregnant after 35 is not a big deal. The first pregnancy at 35 is tough on you (the baby will be fine though) - something to consider is that you may not be able to work a physically demanding job once you are pregnant.

Good luck, and you still have some time to prepare/ to straighten out medical insurance and financial situation to the baby-friendly level.

Has anyone here had their first baby after 35? I know fertility drops after that age so I am worried not being able to conceive after a few years.

[Jenn! 918]

If you have the baby today you're gonna have it for at least 18 years and maybe a little more. Your financial status today may be a harbinger of things to come or it may be a blip in an upwards journey that will end with you on the cover of Fortune magazine. Or something in the middle. You should decides based not only on what is today but on what you believe will be tomorrow. JMHO.

ITA.

My grandmother told me that they didn't buy their "dream house" because it was going to be an extra $12/month on the mortgage and they didn't know if they would be able to swing it at the time. She regrets it to this day.

[Moosker 7]

If you want a baby, start saving now, as others have said, it would be completely selfish to bring a baby into this world when you're scraping by trying to pay the bills already. Babies, kids, etc. have unexpected expenses, what if they get sick? Need extra help? Etc. Even if you have good health insurance, friends of ours just had a baby and it cost them all said and done a few thousand dollars (that was WITH insurance).

[BishopM 114]

The medical bill to have the baby is not even a good down payment. The thing about kids is that they will use ALL your money, it matters little what you make. But if you enjoy them, then they are worth every cent you make plus whatever you can borrow. With any luck I will be $5 million in debt when I die.

Very true.

[BishopM 114]

ITA.

My grandmother told me that they didn't buy their "dream house" because it was going to be an extra $12/month on the mortgage and they didn't know if they would be able to swing it at the time. She regrets it to this day.

$12 makes us laff today, but that was a substantial amount during our grandparent's day. I remember my Grandpa once telling me that his father told him not to buy their house when he was 22 years old...because the mortgage was going to be $25 for 15 years (brick 4 bedroom house, very nice)! He bought it anyway and they lived there for over 60 years, until he died.

[TheFantastics09 19]

I really wanna get pregnant but can't afford it. My hubby has a temp job so we do not have any health insurance. I am above 33 and can't wait any longer. What are my options? I really miss being a mother. . Please don't judge me based on this. I am only looking for opinions.

Personally I would wait. I understand where you are coming from, but the bliss of being pregnant will quickly be overshadowed by bills, bills and the fact that you might not have enough to manage them. Unfortunately, the U.S isn't like Canada where I have my health card. Boo-urns!

[TracyTN 237]

I had no idea it was that expensive.

*looks down at little 5 and reads him the riot act*

$11.88 at Walmart (Parent's Choice brand

Breatfeeding is the best for baby,and its free

Some women cannot physically breastfeed, or don't produce enough milk to do so. So formula (horror of horrors!) can be their only option.

Has anyone here had their first baby after 35? I know fertility drops after that age so I am worried not being able to conceive after a few years.

Was 39 when I gave birth to my (first and only) child.