Should I get pregnant?

[SuperDuper! 230]

Don't you think that's a bit too much to spring upon her?

Spooks, no one is "springing" anything on anyone here. Just what are you smoking?

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Spooks, no one is "springing" anything on anyone here. Just what are you smoking?

It must have bounced over your head.

[SuperDuper! 230]

The only thing that bounced is your reality check.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

The only thing that bounced is your reality check.

What happened, did you fall off of your pogo stick and land on your head?

[MinnielovesMickey 4]

baby formula is 15.00 per can, last about three days

Breatfeeding is the best for baby,and its free

[Fandango 1,439]

baby formula is 15.00 per can, last about three days

Try Nutramigen (specialized formula for babies with digestion/gastro/allergy issues) @ $23 for a small can I have a friend whose child has severe gastro problems, and at 14 mos, is still on Nutramigen. He goes through a can a day. Yes, that's right, $23 a day for the formula.

For those who say breast milk is best and free - that's kinds true, but kinda not. The mother has to eat a very balanced and high calorie diet in order to produce the milk to nourish the child. Who's paying for that? Also, while breast is a preferred situation - the milk I produced for my son wasn't nourishing him properly - and at one month old, he was barely back to his birth weight. We tried everything, but it either wasn't enough for him, or wasn't doing the best for him. So we had to go the formula route. Then he had issues with the formula, and after weeks of trying every solution under the sun, he was also put on Nutramigen - though he doesn't blow thru a can a day, more like every 2.5 days.

______________

Staashi *hugs* I'm so sorry to read your post, and I will keep you in my prayers.

_____________

I also got pregnant as a surprise when I was 36, but we were in a different situation as we had a nice cushion. Although, it is incredible the amt of money that parents go thru in caring for their child. While sure, it's great to want the nicest, highest priced stroller, or the $400 crib sheet set, but at the end of the day, those are wants not needs, and if that was your issue, I'd tell you that OF COURSE you can get around things like that. But let's be straight here: babies cost money. You say your hubby has a temp job. Is he the primary breadwinner? What happens after this temp job is over? What about you and your job situation? Are you going to have to go straight back to work, do you make more at your job than you would have to wind up paying for child care, etc.

Here's my mini story: I am self employed. Last year, hubby was in school. My pregnancy was very hard, and my work suffered greatly because of it. I was sick pretty much from conception to delivery. Like room-spinning, I'm going to hurl at least 5 times a day sick. We decided that it was in my best interest to take pretty much the whole year off. And a lot of that time, I spent in bed, sick as a dog.

Then there were complications with the pregnancy: Gestational Diabetes. Also, like Staashi, I already had to have extra tests done because of my age. And while ins is all great, there's still copays. It cost a fortune.

yadda yadda yadda, my medical bills were insane. Thank God for ins!

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, and I'm sure there are alternatives to these issues. I don't know if you are eligible for Medicaid, or even setting up a payment plan with the hospital. At the end of the day, the pregnancy and delivery costs are not really life or death deal breakers if you want a child. I empathize with you, because I know the desire for a baby, coupled with the fear of possibly not being able to conceive due to age. The real question you need to ask yourself is how you two would plan on caring for the baby once (s)he's born. I can tell you right now, I'm JUST getting back into work now(baby is 6.5 mos old), and while I realize that's not the norm, I find it incredibly challenging to try to balance my day between work-baby. Hubby is the breadwinner, and thank God his salary covers our needs, because I can't imagine giving birth, then going back to work 6 weeks later. Yes, ppl do it all the time, but our plan is for our son to be raised by us, not daycare nor grandparents.

Coincidentally, even though I'm self emp as a sub contractor, my broker wanted me back at work. Said the head office had issues with my production #s and threatened to fire me if I didn't land a few big deals. Funny, cos they don't pay me a wage, but whatever. So even though I'm self employed, I wound up having to turn my whole biz upside down and start over elsewhere. (when I quit, she was shocked - I think it was a backfired scare tactic, but whatever).

You need to have a clear plan in place. Are you able to, say postpone you making a decision for 6 mos? In that time, if you're not working, get a job, and create a baby fund. Or get a second job if you are already working. Hubby too. Believe me, having a baby is like working 3 jobs in one, so perhaps the 2nd job would prime you for your future sleep deprivation, lol.

Btw, I'm up this late tonight because my son is sick with a cold, and is wheezing/coughing/etc. He's sleeping in his crib, and I'm in the chair next to him. Perhaps that might be overkill to some, because even being all monitored up and whatnot, I wanted to be close in case he has any issues, I dread to think about how I would function if I had to go to a job in the morning. Yes, being a sahm is just as challenging, and no, I won't be able to sleep in, but I can still forego the rushrushrush of being in prof attire and having a whole day of work after being up all night. Truthfully, if tomorrow were a workday, I wouldn't go in. And if my son were in daycare, most child care facilities won't take sick kids either, so how would something like this affect your $$ bottom line?

I'm sorry this post is long. It's prolly disjointed because I'm so tired, lol.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Lisa C

[Fandango 1,439]

I agree that you have to do what you can to prepare for the responsibility, both emotionally and financially, but holding off having a child because you think you are too poor is, IMO, the wrong reason not to have a child. Our children are our future.

Calm down, Whiney. They may be our future, but at the end of the day, if you are living paycheck to paycheck before getting preggo, what kind of future is that setting forth for a child. Welfare?

[Fandango 1,439]

'Whitney' lolz

[rika60607 215]

Who would those "some" be ???

I was one of a few who was for having a wanted child vs not. But I never suggested it as a "no matter what" advise.

Some here give such glowing advice to have a baby no matter what, no matter how poor a couple is or how much stress that will put on a relationship that might already be strained.....

Might as well recommend hours, dates and positions for most effective coitus, too.

[rika60607 215]

Okay, so OP does not say that they live paycheck to paycheck. She does say they can't afford pregnancy due to husbands temp job and therefore lack of health insurance.

Her husband currently supports her, so IF she's healthy, he could support her and then her and the baby. If she and/or child get health issues, the medical bills could be enormous - that is something to consider. I would look into emergency medicare.

As for the future - OP is a new immigrant. She could have a very bright future or none at all, she's the only one who has any clue. Perhaps desire to take care of a child could motivate her to try harder at making a living and landing good jobs.

If OP came on VJ saying "I am pregnant, but I have no medical insurance and we are broke, should I have an abortion?" ...there would be a chorus singing "NO" and giving useful practical advise.

Calm down, Whiney. They may be our future, but at the end of the day, if you are living paycheck to paycheck before getting preggo, what kind of future is that setting forth for a child. Welfare?

I will add that I argued in another thread that lack of money is a valid reason to have an abortion (in case of unwanted pregnancy)

Edited March 20, 2011 by rika60607

[PurpleSky 19]

If OP came on VJ saying "I am pregnant, but I have no medical insurance and we are broke, should I have an abortion?" ...there would be a chorus singing "NO" and giving useful practical advise.

I will add that I argued in another thread that lack of money is a valid reason to have an abortion (in case of unwanted pregnancy)

That's just it...usually if one is even considering an abortion it's because the pregnancy is unwanted and/or unplanned.

The OP is essentially planning for pregnancy. Planning is being prepared. Is it wise to get pregnant with only a temp job and no health insurance? Probably not. However, in this economy you can pretty much look at every job as a temp job because you have no idea when your job will end.

That being said, OP I would really sit down and see if this is feasible for you. What ways can you make this work? I'm sure you know, but children cost money whether you have insurance and a high paying job or not. There's really no way to be totally and completely prepared for the cost because many variables can effect the outcome, but you CAN lay a pretty strong foundation so if something happens that shakes it a bit, it won't completely fall.

I for one, was a teen mom (delivered my son a month after my 18th birthday) and had to do just about everything that was stated above: going on welfare, getting foodstamps, getting medicaid, getting WIC, having no savings, living check to check. Add that to having to start over a couple times with College then deciding that I just wanted to be a massage therapist and finally graduating from massage school (Dec 2010) and getting my license to actually practice (last month). My son went through all of the above with me and while I did pretty well with him, I know there are some things I would have done differently to give him a better life. By no means was his life horrible but I still would have liked to be able to give him more and provide a little better for him. I'm 33, while FH is 32. Yes I'm worried about having more children in my "old age" but I've told FH that when he gets here we're going to do our best to wait at least a year before actively trying to have a child so we can prepare a little more adequately. With that said though, we've already started planning "just in case".

[Jenn! 918]

.

For those who say breast milk is best and free - that's kinds true, but kinda not. The mother has to eat a very balanced and high calorie diet in order to produce the milk to nourish the child. Who's paying for that?

Actually, there isn't much difference in the milk of a healthy vs. a malnourished mother. While there are some physical problems that might prevent a mother from making adequate milk, in the majority of cases, a woman who breastfeeds on demand will be able to provide all the necessary nourishment for the baby, regardless of her diet.

[rika60607 215]

Yeah, I was wondering how babies survived before Formulas were invented...

Actually, there isn't much difference in the milk of a healthy vs. a malnourished mother. While there are some physical problems that might prevent a mother from making adequate milk, in the majority of cases, a woman who breastfeeds on demand will be able to provide all the necessary nourishment for the baby, regardless of her diet.

[Staashi 371]

Yeah, I was wondering how babies survived before Formulas were invented...

On cow's milk, goat's milk or a wet nurse. Just sayin'.

[Fandango 1,439]

Actually, there isn't much difference in the milk of a healthy vs. a malnourished mother. While there are some physical problems that might prevent a mother from making adequate milk, in the majority of cases, a woman who breastfeeds on demand will be able to provide all the necessary nourishment for the baby, regardless of her diet.

well in my case, they were concerned because I have a rare form of anemia that they speculated was partially the reason why Nick wasn't gaining weight. I didn't want to go the route of iron pills (i'm not going to get into why) so they put me on a pretty strict menu that was wayyyy more than I was used to eating. *shrug*