Should I get pregnant?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Having a child you can't afford is a selfish act. This is going to sound bad , tough love, but a child is not a tool for personal gratification. The require money, lots of money. There is food and diapers, and medical bills. They outgrow their clothes and require a good education, which in the US means paying for a private school or paying money to live in a good school district. If you are scraping by it adds strain to your relationship, beyond what the normal bottles and diapers and sleepless nights bring. You still have a number of fertile years ahead of you. It isn't the 50's anymore where late in life babies were extremely high risk. Spend a bit of time getting your life set up to welcome the baby and then go ahead.

I disagree. Almost no one in this country could actually afford to have a child if they were made to pay up front for all the costs incurred. Our society, as well as most thrive on the idea that our children will one day be supporting us when we are too old to work. Should old people end their lives when they are no longer able to work? It's pretty presumptuous to call having a child a selfish act, even if the longing or desire to have a child is emotional. We are complex human beings with strong paternal/maternal instincts. I agree that you have to do what you can to prepare for the responsibility, both emotionally and financially, but holding off having a child because you think you are too poor is, IMO, the wrong reason not to have a child. Our children are our future.

baby formula is 15.00 per can, last about three days

Breast milk is free.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I really wanna get pregnant but can't afford it. My hubby has a temp job so we do not have any health insurance. I am above 33 and can't wait any longer. What are my options? I really miss being a mother. . Please don't judge me based on this. I am only looking for opinions.

Well if you REALLY want a kid there's a few things you need to do.

1. Find health insurance. While it can sometimes be expensive the costs are spread out over the months (usually). Some funds have waiting periods before they'll fully cover you (mine was 3 months).

2. Get a job. Either your husband (which is preferable) or yourself need to get a job, preferably with benefits 'cause then it's cheaper or at least subsidised healthcare (my husbands job has Blue Cross Blue Shield which includes maternity costs and it's around $15 a month, though I think it's less because we don't smoke, which is very reasonable)

3. The government does have things like WIC that the child (and thus you) is eligible for. This will help with milk costs (they help with milk and baby food etc) and doesn't affect the I-864 in any way.

You need to think about what children/babies require and save for it. For instance, I did a "set up the nursery" list and I'm looking at needing to save around $2000 to get what I want. I could do it cheaper but there are certain things I want and am willing to wait and save for (i.e. a good crib and stroller for starters). Then of course there are medical bills (such as immunisations for starters) and then medical bills if you or the child get sick unexpectedly.

It's possible if you research it (ask health clinic and stuff for information) but it won't be easy.

Breast milk is free.

Unfortunately not every mother is able to breastfeed so she should plan for formula "just in case".

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

I disagree. Almost no one in this country could actually afford to have a child if they were made to pay up front for all the costs incurred. Our society, as well as most thrive on the idea that our children will one day be supporting us when we are too old to work. Should old people end their lives when they are no longer able to work? It's pretty presumptuous to call having a child a selfish act, even if the longing or desire to have a child is emotional. We are complex human beings with strong paternal/maternal instincts. I agree that you have to do what you can to prepare for the responsibility, both emotionally and financially, but holding off having a child because you think you are too poor is, IMO, the wrong reason not to have a child. Our children are our future.

Breast milk is free.

Using your logic every 15-year-old girl should go out and get pregnant. Children are our future, so if we're broke we should go on public assistance and let others foot the bill. I respectfully disagree with your characterization of Nigeria's comment about having a child without any reasonable prospect of providing support as presumptuous. It is being level-headed, while penury is not necessarily a valid excuse, however, starvation and becoming a burden onto others to the detriment of the child's welfare is. Our children deserve a happy, healthy future not a Dickensian nightmare of an existence.

[rika60607 215]

Fertility drops sharply after 35 years old for a woman and you may be in no position to pay for fertility treatments when you are over 40. Having a child when you are over 40 is taxing on your body and you'll later be just too old to keep up with that teenager.

There are plenty of ways to bring the cost of having a baby down, but:

-do you already have children?

-does your husband support your desire and is he willing to help? Any other family support?

-are you a US citizen and can you find a job for yourself? May be a job with insurance and then get pregnant?

If this would be your first child and you have family support, I would say you should do it (so not to have regrets when it becomes too late), but you should actively prepare for it.

I really wanna get pregnant but can't afford it. My hubby has a temp job so we do not have any health insurance. I am above 33 and can't wait any longer. What are my options? I really miss being a mother. . Please don't judge me based on this. I am only looking for opinions.

Edited March 19, 2011 by rika60607

[rika60607 215]

There is quite a difference between 15 year old having a child and 33+ having a child. The difference is 15 year old presumably will have another 20 years to have a child later, and 33+ year old may have to pay 30K+ for unsuccessful infertility treatment, just a few years later.

Using your logic every 15-year-old girl should go out and get pregnant. Children are our future, so if we're broke we should go on public assistance and let others foot the bill. I respectfully disagree with your characterization of Nigeria's comment about having a child without any reasonable prospect of providing support as presumptuous. It is being level-headed, while penury is not necessarily a valid excuse, however, starvation and becoming a burden onto others to the detriment of the child's welfare is. Our children deserve a happy, healthy future not a Dickensian nightmare of an existence.

Hopefully OP is not living in a trailer park and picking food from city trash cans

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Using your logic every 15-year-old girl should go out and get pregnant.

Not at all, as Rika above points out.

Children are our future, so if we're broke we should go on public assistance and let others foot the bill. I respectfully disagree with your characterization of Nigeria's comment about having a child without any reasonable prospect of providing support as presumptuous. It is being level-headed, while penury is not necessarily a valid excuse, however, starvation and becoming a burden onto others to the detriment of the child's welfare is. Our children deserve a happy, healthy future not a Dickensian nightmare of an existence.

First, I don't think the OP is planning on becoming a burden to society by turning into a baby mill - she simply wants to have a child while there is still time for her biologically. Second, nearly every parent must rely on some form of outside assistance in order to provide everything the child needs. The child then grows up into an adult who hopefully contributes to society. That's how it works. If you were to tally up all the money you would need to cover raising a child, most of us would never have a child. While no one condones a parent of a child to blatantly disregard their economic responsibilities for that child anymore than we would excuse their emotional and physical responsibilities, there should be no shame in getting help when needed until that parent is on better footing financially.

I say to the OP - if you and your husband are both on the same page, go for it. And if you need to apply for WIC, or some other help, do it. You can pay back for that help when you are on better financial ground. Best wishes.

Edited March 20, 2011 by 8TBVBN

[SuperDuper! 230]

Some here give such glowing advice to have a baby no matter what, no matter how poor a couple is or how much stress that will put on a relationship that might already be strained.....

Might as well recommend hours, dates and positions for most effective coitus, too.

[Staashi 371]

As someone who had a later in life pregnancy 34 thru 35, I advise against this. I got pregnant by surprise. I had been on the pill for years and by some simple twist of fate got pregnant.

At the time, I was in a non-benefited position with the state, my husband did have benefits at his job. We had Aetna insurance ppo. This meant that we were paying out of pocket for everything. There were certain things that my OB had me do due to my age that were costly, some not covered by my insurance. Because I was a diabetic, I had to take insulin for the first time. It was like everything that could require expensive procedures I had to have it. For my last four months, I had to go twice a week to a peri natalogist for fetal bio physical profiles at $275 each.

Thank God, I was given a fully-benefited job in my 6th month. I had one of the best hmos in the country, which covered my peri visits. My son's birth cost me $250 for the copay, but due to an induction that went terribly wrong, an emergency c-section, and a five-day stay in the NICU, our combined bill was more than $42,000.

My husband and I still have financial difficulties with having a child. Child care is very expensive. Sadly, because my husband has been unemployed since july, we cannot even afford to keep my son here in the US. The daycare fees are exorbitant and we don't have the money. My MIL has taken care of my son, but her visa expires soon. He will live in Argentina with my in-laws until we can get back on our feet.

We have tried to apply for public assistance, but we make just above the cutoff for food stamps, wic, or even child care reimbursement. It is a tremendously pride baring experience since we are both educated and have good career backgrounds. I love my son very much, but I can honestly say with my hand on my chest, that please do not have a baby if you cannot afford to do so.

[Nizzy 1]

I wouldn't based on your situation. You're only option at this point is to wait. Unless you're looking for government assistance, there really isn't annoying else to offer in the advice department.

Oh dear, I really need to change some settings on my ipad...hehe...

[keneast 0]

I really wanna get pregnant but can't afford it. My hubby has a temp job so we do not have any health insurance. I am above 33 and can't wait any longer. What are my options? I really miss being a mother. . Please don't judge me based on this. I am only looking for opinions.

Do whats in your heart we can all say yes or no for whatever reason but at the long run you need to do what make you happy

[joyjohn 18]

I really wanna get pregnant but can't afford it. My hubby has a temp job so we do not have any health insurance. I am above 33 and can't wait any longer. What are my options? I really miss being a mother. . Please don't judge me based on this. I am only looking for opinions.

[Richie Rich 70]

We can all advise the pros and the cons about you getting pregnant , but it is YOUR choice , your body and your life . Your bioligical clock is ticking . You know your circumstances better than us --my advise is --just carefully consider all the factors and make your decision . You will have to live with it either way .Good luck .

[Richie Rich 70]

There is quite a difference between 15 year old having a child and 33+ having a child. The difference is 15 year old presumably will have another 20 years to have a child later, and 33+ year old may have to pay 30K+ for unsuccessful infertility treatment, just a few years later.

Hopefully OP is not living in a trailer park and picking food from city trash cans

Your comment is unnecessary and uncalled for . She was asking for advise not criticism and sarcasam .

[AmyWrites 593]

If I were you I'd wait until you were financially (more) stable.

You want your kids to have a good life, right?

Also, you're not old... these days it's easier and more common for women to have children in their mid-late 30's.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Some here give such glowing advice to have a baby no matter what, no matter how poor a couple is or how much stress that will put on a relationship that might already be strained.....

Might as well recommend hours, dates and positions for most effective coitus, too.

Don't you think that's a bit too much to spring upon her?