He wants a divorce without AOS

[JAPrincess 27]

Danm!

So sorry Tammy

I would also add that you should not threaten him that you are going to be contacting USCIS. The less he knows the better. I am sure you are in a lot of pain right now... to go through this NIGHTMARE that is immigration and then be treated like that is just heart wrenching...

My prayers are with you!

I agree with what the previous poster said about harboring resentment...

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

~Lewis B. Smedes

[ras wyse 3]

Sorry to hear about your situation, i remember reading you time line while getting ready for my interview.

Let me go against the grain here and say that you might be jumping the gun abit by contacting the USCIS and filing divorce. Did you perceive this to be a genuine relationship from the onset, if so find out what could have changed to bring it to the point where it is now, also if he was a person living in the fast lane in jamaica the adjustment to Oregon life might be much and once he hits florida where every third person is jamaican and the lifestyle isnt much different from back home then he might be under undue pressure from peers to disregard your union. Think about it and if it is at all possible then take the time to sit and talk with him see where his head is and what he might be going through. Dont mention the fact that he needs you to be "legal" or the courses of action you can take to have him removed just have a one to one with the person you loved enough to marry then after that if you dont see where he is serious about you or your union then by all means start the ball rolling with the necessary legal proceedings.

[Darnell 8,478]

I would suggest his 'head' is in Florida. Cousin's already got him 'set up'.

[ShaNette 4]

Whoooo ~Huge Sigh~ So very sorry you are going through this.....

I agree with maybe holding off on calling USCIS just yet (but have their # handy). I think you should be real clear about what exactly is going on because once you put any kind of indication that their is fraud going on there is NO turning back from it and it will just hurt your case in the long run if you decide to stick it out. Also, if it was me and my Hubby was feeling his self then I would def go and see for myself. I think if you can see with your own two eyes instead on the phone then that can provide some type of closure. After yall sort it all out rather thats done during your FL visit or when he gets his happy a** back to Oregon then you will have more of a clear head about how you can handle this situation not being solely based on raw emotions.

In closing, you should clown his dumb a**! I for one HATE liars and deceivers but what I hate more is a BAD deceiver. Like if your going to "con" me or whatever hell let the ink dry on the da*n marriage cert first! I mean come on thats all it took was a lil "freedom" for true colors to show. Da*n, I'd hate to see if he never had a vacation for years; boy he'd be buck-wild! See know Im mad and I dont even know him, but just the thought of someone taking someone's heart, love, generousity, care and concern then take it as a sign that your weak! Well sister, dry your tears, get to FL and see what the he*l is so da*n fascinating that he is stupid enough to jeopardize you, your marriage and immigration. Tell him you ain't worried I can't be deported, B!

Okay take care, Im in Seattle. I travel for a**-kickns!

[Barbara J 115]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I would pick up the pieces and call ICE and tell them he entered the country under fraudulent pretences and that you are no longer getting married. He has no choice but to leave he CAN'T be working legally as a K-1 cannot work legally without an EAD so he just used you. My thoughts are with you and sorry you have wasted the time, money and effort. File for an anullment of the marriage as that may be a simpler than a divorce.

They are married just have not done AOS yet

[Daniel&Theary 30]

Oooh, yes.

You could call the local police department and tell them that you worry about your husbands drunk driving habit and give them his cousin's license plate and car description But, will they search for him and stop him? Probably not until they accidentally see him running a stop sign or speeding.

You might want to do that sooner then later (and file for the divorce) if I am not mistaken which I might be but if he gets into an accident while driving as a sponsor and wife I am not sure if you are held legally responsable for damages. I know as a spouse you can be included in the law suit my ex rear ended someone and I had to pay damages. While we were seperated because we had not yet filed for divorce.

[JAPrincess 27]

Sorry to hear about your situation, i remember reading you time line while getting ready for my interview.

Let me go against the grain here and say that you might be jumping the gun abit by contacting the USCIS and filing divorce. Did you perceive this to be a genuine relationship from the onset, if so find out what could have changed to bring it to the point where it is now, also if he was a person living in the fast lane in jamaica the adjustment to Oregon life might be much and once he hits florida where every third person is jamaican and the lifestyle isnt much different from back home then he might be under undue pressure from peers to disregard your union. Think about it and if it is at all possible then take the time to sit and talk with him see where his head is and what he might be going through. Dont mention the fact that he needs you to be "legal" or the courses of action you can take to have him removed just have a one to one with the person you loved enough to marry then after that if you dont see where he is serious about you or your union then by all means start the ball rolling with the necessary legal proceedings.

I think this is good advice... just don't give him any info about what could happen to him if you do not adjust his status... because if he is just using you he will lay on the charm and back peddle in order to get his green card

Edited March 17, 2011 by JAPrincess

[JAPrincess 27]

Well sister, dry your tears, get to FL and see what the he*l is so da*n fascinating that he is stupid enough to jeopardize you, your marriage and immigration. Tell him you ain't worried I can't be deported, B!

Okay take care, Im in Seattle. I travel for a**-kickns!

ShaNette

[LemonMeringue 6]

Oh Tammy I am really truly sorry to hear about this. You seem so sweet. I am going to pray for your situation, that you receive clarity, strength, and support.

[americandiva 0]

Oh Tammy I am really truly sorry to hear about this. You seem so sweet. I am going to pray for your situation, that you receive clarity, strength, and support.

Tammy , am really sorry to here you are going through what you are going through.Also, I agree with most of the VJ family members about what you should do.Most importantly whatever you do, do not let him know what your next move is.It is obvious that he donesn't know that he can't do anything without you.So, therfore once he knows this he will do whatever has to be done to get the permanent papers. You know it's an old saying that my granmother always say "You may think your getting over, but you can't get through"with that said.. you may want to act fast on what ever decision you choose to make.Lastly, also know that when a person shows you how they are the first time, believe you me , they are showing you how they really are. Pray on , and learn from it.

[Richie Rich 70]

I would report him as many said before . He used you to get here , and besides he wasted yout time , money and complicated your life .He does not deserve your kindness, generosity and Love . Dump him and move on .The law will get to him one day . What goes around comes around . Be stong .

[MRStee 19]

Tammy, I had the brief opportunity to say hello to you in the past. First, I am VERY sorry that you are going through this! No one should have to go through this. No one can TELL you what to do either, we can only ADVISE you on what you should do. What I gather from your post is that you are hurt, tired and want something to be done about what he has done to you. One poster said it on here the best and that was Darnell. You need to protect yourself with a paper trail. Even taking his name off of things was a great bit of advice too.

None of us can judge you or really say what we would do if we were in shoes because most of us are not. Yes, some have been there, but we are not YOU! Pray to God to give you strength and courage and to reveal to you how to go about doing what you need to do. Im not overly religious, but God hears ALL prayers! He will show you what you need to do!

Most of all, I wish you best of luck and happiness for yourself. What goes around comes around! If he is meant to suffer he will.

Oh and by the way, Just like Shanette, Im in Philly but will travel to deliver butt whoopins!

[helpmelord 3]

The car he always drives, it's his cousins but he likes to drive when they go out and he's drunk when he does

Dear Tommy,

I am so sorry you are going through this, I remembered when I was in AOS process you were in your K1 process, I always look on your status and comment how lovely you both look together. As woman to woman I just want to tell you do not give up on your man, Jamaican men can be crazy sometimes but this is not the action of a man who wants a better life, something is wrong and I mean wrong. He is being influenced by someone I know because I have a friend who is going through the same thing. Trust me he knows his stance here and that he cannot change his status without you or he would have to leave. Be cautious when you go down there and a little advice Jcan men like freedom and like to be around their own culture. Girl you know you love him do not give up without a fight go to counselling because it cost you to get him here both heart, soul and finances and we all have our man and woman in our beds at night and you the only one feeling all of this. Just pray and ask God to reveal to you what has gotten into your man and how to deal with it. I pray all work out for you and your honey, let God plan it, and if he use you he will regret it.

Best Regards

[Darnell 8,478]

Can't he be drunk and ride the bus?

in Oregon ?

Edited March 17, 2011 by Darnell

[Mrs. Palmer 5]

Tammy, first off let me start by saying that I am truly sorry that you are dealing with all of this. I remember reading about your story a while back. I know that you would have never pictured this scenario for yourself, but with that being said. I feel like you have received alot of good advice from the VJers up here. I would definitely take precautions to protect yourself physically, financially, emotionally, etc. I don't agree with the poster who said that Jamaican men love their freedom and want to be around their own culture. In my opinion, (and its just that)...its not so much about having freedom as it is about having LOVE and RESPECT for your spouse. Both the wife and husband have a certain amount of freedom in a marriage...heck no one is chained to anyone without the opportunity to experience fellowship and fun outside of the home--however that does not preclude the commitment and respect that he should have for your feelings and your marriage. You should ALWAYS be his FIRST priority! Your feelings should ALWAYS be his FIRST consideration. And vice versa. And if this is not so, then things will never be right. He's already bold enough to let you know what he is doing...I'm sure texting this woman is only the tip of the iceberg. Drinking and driving, and behaving recklessly are NOT the actions of a man that wants to do all that he can to make a better life for himself and his wife. Take care of YOU. Do all your research about what your options are, as well as your responsibilities should he remain in the US and become a public charge. Lean on the folks here at VJ because there is alot of helpful information here. No one deserves to be treated like this...no one does. And if he can't give you what you need and be the husband that he vowed he would be, then chalk this up as a life lesson, no matter how hard it may be, and try to move forward. Rely on your family and friends for support. You will need them through this difficult time.