Preparing for the benficiary's arrival

[Crossed_fingers 128]

I've been wading through the archives a bit this afternoon, and here are some links to discussions on adding a foreign spouse to a US bank account before arrival. Some people are saying that State Farm Bank refunds ATM fees overseas, too...

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/260233-joint-bank-account-marriedus-citizen-romanian-citizen/page__hl__%22state+farm+bank%22

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/288558-banks-in-us/page__p__4375529__hl__%22state+farm+bank%22__fromsearch__1#entry4375529

On the topic of overseas ATM fees: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/299254-international-atm-fees-through-the-roof/page__p__4528326__hl__%22state+farm+bank%22__fromsearch__1#entry4528326

My guess is that most of the women in the MENA forum probably aren't sending money to male beneficiaries there, but I saw this thread on sending money overseas and thought it might be helpful to someone who either sends money to a beneficiary or to the beneficiary's family still living abroad. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/220796-easiest-way-to-send-money/page__p__3371199__hl__%22state+farm+bank%22__fromsearch__1#entry3371199

Since I asked questions the other day that I should have just Googled, collecting a few readily-available-through-the-search-feature links is my penance. And speaking of Google, here's some info on using an international driving permit in the U.S. http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Foreign_Visitors_Driving.shtml

[Vanessa1 7]

I have not had a chance to read through the entire thread so if I repeat any suggestions already offered, I do apologize. My biggest piece of advice is just to make sure that you and your SO talk about the fact that it is going to be a big adjustment and not just one conversation. You need to also prepare yourself for being patient with him when he gets here. For me, I would just remember how difficult it was for me spending weeks away from my family and to realize he was going through the same thing. I also remember how much he has given up for me to be able to stay here in the place I grew up and there is some grieving that he will go through that will take a lot of time. Now talking about it ahead of time will not make it not happen. There is a term called "culture shock" and it is a very real, psychological process that a new immigrant goes through no matter where they immigrate to. I had learned about it when taking some classes for my teaching job and was really glad I did because I could first give a name for what I was going through, on a much smaller scale, over there on long visits and also let him know that he should expect the same when he got here.

Ok, now you have a foundation built, try to keep him busy, make connections, and stay connected with family at home. Did I mention be patient? Your SO will likely go between wanting to assert independence and then being very dependent on you, which will most likely not sit well with him. This eases up in time and the more he is able to find his own identity here in this new, strange place. Don't be hurt by this because it's not you. Just be patient. Find that balance between being helpful and letting him stand on his own two feet. By the way, the degree to which each is necessary changes. This is where communication is so vital.

In terms of some specifics you discussed...when we went to add my husband to the bank account we had to wait until he had his SSN. I know there are others who have posted before that they were able to add their spouses before but our bank wouldn't let us do that. Then after he did have his SSN I guess there is a database with the numbers and they only get updated once a month and so we had a to wait a couple more weeks after that because his information had not yet synced up. But once it was in the system, it was very easy.

I called the DMV in Arizona and they said that with a driver's license from Morocco (I asked specifically and they checked the specific country for me) they said he could drive for 1 year with the license he already had. So we weren't in any hurry to get him a license right away. We practiced and over a few weeks he gained confidence and actually found driving here in the States a lot easier than in Morocco. He studied the booklet and got his license.

When it came to finding work, that was a challenge. My husband found there were so many wonderful resources on YouTube for interviewing, customer service skills, English development/accent, etc. You name it, it's there. He worked VERY hard when he got here to not only get a job but also to be good at it. He filled notebooks with notes and studied for hours while I was at work. He spent weeks filling out applications online and that's pretty much what everyone does these days. I was helping him with this too so we could get more done. Initially we looked for a job close to where we live so that he could walk or ride a bike to but they just weren't hiring around here and so once we expanded our search a bit, he found a job pretty quickly. It's minimum wage and it bugs him but that's why he's going to school too. We share a car and that has been a challenge so you might think about how that will work for you guys. Ultimately when our lease is up we're going to move to make that easier.

I think it's a balance between maintaining his identity and also merging into this new society. It's a challenge but with love and with patience he's got a great chance to thrive. Just keep talking and definitely listen and help him to feel secure to not only be here but to step out a bit on his own, as he is ready. Oh and keeping calling cards and setting up PC chats with family at home does wonders for my husband too and we've already discussed when to go back and visit and also are hoping to convince his mom to come out here for a visit. Basically I never want him to feel like he's isolated himself from his family and will never see them again. I hope that he decides to become a teacher so we can spend more time in Morocco in the summers but he's still thinking on that. Regardless, having that planned into your life will likely ease the separation anxiety he will likely feel.

Don't stress out about this but be ready for it in one way or another. Also, enjoy the stage you are at as you go through this process. You will be reunited soon and don't go overboard trying to plan for everything (which you just can't do). If anything, I am typing this so that if any of it resonates in the future you can so, oh yeah, it's not just us. Take it one day at a time and love every minute of it. The ups and downs are what makes roller coasters exciting and they are what make us appreciate our blessings each and every day. Just be happy together and take care of each other.

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Awesome post, Vanessa! BTW, are there any particular calling cards you recommend with good rates? I admit, I'm terrible about keeping my phone bill down, when I'm trying to be "good" I mostly call using Skype credits. It's a little cheaper, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it cheap.... I should just get off my butt and bring a Magic Jack, I guess!

I had a "live chat" with a Bank of America representative today and was told that an SSN is required to add my SO to my account. It sounds like from other threads that it may depend on the bank and even depend on the branch, how much money you have in your account and other investments with the bank, whether you know the manager, etc. Maybe me asking on a "live chat" wouldn't get me the "only" answer from BoA, but FWIW they said they needed the SSN.

[msheesha 548]

VIP communications had been really good for us. I think it's 3 or 4 cents a minute if you call a landline. It's more if you're calling cell phone. It's worked great for us. I tried pingo and didn't like it at all.

[iampatricias 17]

I was going to suggest BoA actually, because when I was visiting my SO just before Christmas, we decided to add me to his checking account and get me a debit card so that we wouldn't have to pay to transfer money anymore (my car required 2 rather large and unexpected repairs within a month of each other).

When we met an agent at a branch in Washington state, she had me sign as much paperwork as she could but ultimately, because my SO opened the account in New York state (while he was working in Ontario, before we met) the paperwork had to come from them so she got in touch with another agent there, and a few weeks later, I received a few more forms to fill out and mail back. I had a bank card and pin number within a month of my return, in Canada, and I'm still living in Canada. I'm not even Canadian and I don't have a SSN yet. I wonder where this discrepancy comes from??

[Vanessa1 7]

We have B of A and so it sounds like your live chat person gave you the right info. It certainly couldn't hurt to go into your branch if you know the manager but I don't think you're going to get a different answer because the computer wouldn't even allow my husband to be added when he had his SSN but it wasn't yet synced up in that big SSN database.

A lot of people have had luck with the Magic Jack. It might be worth looking into. Squeaky could give you information on it. I have used www.speedypin.com and that is good if you plan to make one or two long calls. They have a bunch of cards to choose from. I used them a lot to talk to my husband when we were dating and we've used it to talk to his family once. The down sides of those cards is that sometimes you get a horrible connection and there are connection fees each time. The upside is that if you do get a good connection you get so much time. Nowadays we usually use this card from Circle K which is for international calls. It is reloadable from home so it is convenient. We also notice that the price per minute depends upon what type of cell phone his family members have. Some of them are $0.54 per minute and others are $0.75. We're honestly still looking for a better option. The speedy pin cards are better per minute but the Circle K ones give you a more stable connection with better quality sound.

[Vanessa1 7]

VIP communications had been really good for us. I think it's 3 or 4 cents a minute if you call a landline. It's more if you're calling cell phone. It's worked great for us. I tried pingo and didn't like it at all.

Thanks for the suggestion! I'm going to look into it.

[kristen_maroc 126]

If someone in your fiance/husband's family in MENA knows enough about computers to have Skype, you can set up an account for them and pay $3/month for unlimited calls to the US-- landline or cell phone. They have to be confident with Skype and have decent internet, but it's cheap enough that you can cover it from the US and they can call whenever they want...

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Is that something particular to Morocco? I have a Skype account in the US and I can't get unlimited international calls for that much, but maybe you have a different way of setting it up than what I've done? That would be awesome if it works....can you let me know how you did it?

[kristen_maroc 126]

Unfortunately, calling Morocco is expensive on Skype (34 cents/minute, I believe). But this deal for unlimited skype-out calls TO the US is available from anywhere, I think. It is just calling other places that are so expensive.

[kristen_maroc 126]

I think it is because there are only 3 cell phone companies that sort of work together to keep prices high: Maroc Telecom, inwi, and Meditel. No matter what, calling cell phones is expensive. Even just calling from a fixe or cell phone to another cell phone is usually $0.12-$0.25 or even higher per minute from within Morocco... Sort of a losing battle...

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Unfortunately, calling Morocco is expensive on Skype (34 cents/minute, I believe). But this deal for unlimited skype-out calls TO the US is available from anywhere, I think. It is just calling other places that are so expensive.

Thanks for the info. Have you actually signed up for it and used it from Morocco to the US? I took a quick look at Skype's website and I'm worried that the $3/month unlimited calls to the US is only if you're also calling from the US, but I might be wrong.

[kristen_maroc 126]

Well, before I came to Morocco, I read about people having trouble setting up an account and putting money on it from within country, so I set it up in the States.

I've had the unlimited-to-the-States $3/month plan for over two years now and it's worked fine. You might just have to set it up and pay for it from a US account. Not sure.

Hope it works for you guys!

k

[Crossed_fingers 128]

That's awesome that it works for you! Do you set it up in your account and then give the person in Morocco your ID and password? Or do you mean you can set it up in their account directly, but logging in as them from the U.S.? Sorry if I'm asking really basic questions, I just want to make sure I do this right step-by-step so I don't end up randomly signing up for something that just lets me call my cousin in Indiana or something!

[VivianNYC 1]

I haven't read every post so am probably repeating some of what others have said.

Credit cards. I waited over a year on this issue. I'm paranoid about credit card debt and wanted my husband to be working regularly and have a very good idea about the reality of finances here. I eventually added him as an authorized user to my card which didn't give him a credit history (Chase), and he's now a joint member and he will build up credit history. He got his own checking account as soon as he got his SSN, and is also joint on mine. (All this counts, of course, when you get to removing conditions, which we're about to do.)

Insurance. Added to my company's plan the day he arrived (Change in Life event)

ESL classes. Enrolled my husband the week he arrived. Great way to get him up and out of the house and into a routine, and also meeting new people.

Mosques and halal food (especially lamb). Researched these so he could decide which he liked best. Tell him to bring lots of his favorite spices and tea. Of course you can get them here but they're cheaper and better from there!

Phone plans/Skype. We've failed miserably at this and our phone bills are big. Our fault. We need to set up his family with a computer etc. I got him a cell phone right away, with GPS for the first few months.

Moroccan/Arabic websites for news/movies. He will find them!

Prepared a closet and drawer for him with lots of socks, underwear etc. Very important that they feel your home is theirs too from Day 1.

On the subject of Moroccan bank accounts, I had no problem opening one quickly and easily years ago as a *tourist* and my then-fiance was an authorized user. (Credit du Maroc)

Good luck with your interview! Ours was easy and the adjustment has been smooth. We know we are lucky, but behind it has been hard work, patience, and perseverance.