divorce processed- update

[ml82 1]

hi everyone. so to sum up very quickly what has been going on.... i'm a viet-american who was pressured into marrying a viet gal. we started the process, she came over under a k1 visa and we got married. i realized how wrong it was and decided to cancel the AOS. i got a job overseas and have been away for over a year and half. my wife works and lives with my parents. i told them i wanted a divorce. they tried to convince me to just get her the greencard and then divorce. i'm not willing to do that. so i went ahead and filed for a divorce.

today, i receive emails from my wife stating legal definitions of emotional abuse, and here they are:

Emotional Abuse

What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional Abuse is any behavior used to control and mistreat another person.

Many people believe if they're not being physically hurt by their partner, they're not being abused. This is not true.

If you are being treated in a way that makes you upset, ashamed or embarrassed, you may be experiencing emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it happens over and over.

If your partner

says mean things to you

doesn’t let you make decisions

threatens you

keeps you away from friends, family and co-workers

ignores your feelings

puts you down

calls you names

insults you

keeps you from sleeping

does things that make you feel crazy

tells you and others that you’re crazy

tells you your decisions are bad

i have stopped talking to her for about a year now because she is the one in fact abusing me, telling me that i'm sinning that i'll go to hell. i communicate with her through my parents. she is trying to guilt me into getting her the greencard.

my question is, since i've never laid a finger on her and i've never said anything bad to her, never wrote anything mean or negative to her....

what legal standing does she have? will they even take her case? what happens if she files for a VAWA?

Edited March 10, 2011 by ml82

[nane1104 146]

My understanding is, she would have to show proof of any abuse she endured during the marriage. If there is in fact nothing, then there should be nothing she can submit with a possible VAWA application.

Of course she could make stuff up but since you haven't even been near her, I think you are in a pretty good position.

It seems like your parents are siding with her but if it came down to false accusations, wouldn't they help you/ tell her to stop?

As much as I have sympathy for her situation, but it seems like she is taking it to far now. I hope it all works out for you.

I'd suggest to not talk to her through your parents anymore, your only communication should be through a lawyer.

[ml82 1]

My understanding is, she would have to show proof of any abuse she endured during the marriage. If there is in fact nothing, then there should be nothing she can submit with a possible VAWA application.

Of course she could make stuff up but since you haven't even been near her, I think you are in a pretty good position.

It seems like your parents are siding with her but if it came down to false accusations, wouldn't they help you/ tell her to stop?

As much as I have sympathy for her situation, but it seems like she is taking it to far now. I hope it all works out for you.

I'd suggest to not talk to her through your parents anymore, your only communication should be through a lawyer.

i really hope my parents aren't willing to lie in order for her to get a greencard, but there is always that possibility. my wife is the daughter of my parents friends from vietnam. this is the thing that makes it difficult. i married her because i was pressured into doing so, and at that time in my life, i was in a serious depression with no clear judgment, so i agreed to do so. they thought it was a good idea for her to come to america to have a better life, and for her to be a proper wife to me, and a proper daughter to them so that she can take care of them when they're older. i've gotten a lot of hate for my situation, but i think jimvaphuong understands the best.

i was working overseas for 2 years and sort of having this weird long distance relationship with my wife. she came to the US in the summer of 2009, as did i. i came back for 2 months to marry her, and returned back to work, overseas. so essentially, i lived with her for 2 months.

i told my parents that i filed for a divorce and they told me they hired a lawyer to see if there's anyway she can stay. and they said "just come back and tell immigration you were upset and that you worked things out with her to get her the greencard." i adamantly refuse to do so.

i'm guessing the lawyer they are talking to has encouraged my wife to file for VAWA as her only means to stay. but as other users have said in regards to this situation, it would be fraudulent. and as many others have said, there's no evidence to support, but at the same time, others have said she has a valid reason because she can claim that i abandoned her and that is enough for mental abuse. is that really so?

if so, what can i do to protect myself? i have a divorce lawyer working for me already, but i don't think he specializes in immigration. what if she is granted VAWA? what happens to me? do i get a criminal record? what if she is denied? what happens to her?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

If i were you, I would contact ICE. i would let them know what's going on. I would show them the email where she is claiming emotional abuse. If you do this BEFORE she files a VAWA claim they have your concerns on record that she would pull a stunt such as that. I would also tell them how it was suggested to continue with the marriage for the GC (but I wouldn't say your parents specifically) and you should also let them know that YOU left the country. That YOU haven't spoken to her and that SHE is still living with your parents.

The problem you face is that to TRULY show that you're being pressured it would be better to show how your parents want you to get her the GC... but that gets them into trouble. I'd also be concerned that your parents still have her in your house. It's like they're supporting her case, they might not fully understand the ramifications of helping her with a VAWA claim so it's important you tell them that it will be on your record (your immigration record) that you emotionally abused this girl...

Have a look through any emails to or from her that might help you prove that she was trying to stay together just for a GC. Show the emails where you told hr it wasn't working and how long you've been gone with NO plans of coming back so she doesn't try and prove that you just up and left one day and strung her along thinking you'd be back. Ultimately there's nothing you can do to stop a VAWA claim, but you can try and protect yourself with this call to ICE.

Luckily you're out of the country so she can't try the physical abuse claim... Honestly, calling ICE and letting them know that you're being threatened with a VAWA claim is your best bet to protect yourself.

Edited March 10, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[VanessaTony 3,567]

if so, what can i do to protect myself? i have a divorce lawyer working for me already, but i don't think he specializes in immigration. what if she is granted VAWA? what happens to me? do i get a criminal record? what if she is denied? what happens to her?

When you applied for her, you essentially gave yourself an immigration file. There is a permanent record that you petitioned the girl.

If she's granted VAWA that record is updated to show that she obtained the GC via VAWA stating emotional abuse. While this isn't a police record, it IS a record against you. Should you fall in love wherever you are now, and try and petition someone else, that record is there linked to you. I can't recall ever reading about the ramifications of a VAWA petition BUT I did read recently about a someone getting their visa denied because the USC has petitioned someone previously and didn't marry them and the immigrant was/is living in the US illegally.. so basically they just assumed that the old case was fraud so this one was "as well".

I would assumed based on that, that when/if you petition someone else and the record comes up, you would have a harder time getting approved.

You aren't tied down with the I-864 as you would with AOSing her.

If she is denied VAWA she goes home. It's that simple really. She should have gone home already rather than doing this false claim and I think your parents are disgusting for encouraging it. While I get that they want to help their friends, their FRIENDS could find their daughter another husband, or get her a work visa, or student visa, or any other visa rather than filing a false VAWA claim against an innocent guy.

Edited March 10, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[belinda63 3,047]

Call ICE as advised and follow-up with written documentation. Honestly I think with the big time lapse between her AOS denial (think I am remembering this correctly) and now she really has little chance. She is most likely already in deportation proceedings.

Good proof might be records showing you never really even lived with her in addition to the records mentioned by V&T.

[ml82 1]

thanks for the advice. i am at the ICE website now, they don't have any email contact information? i can't seem to find it. and what kind of ramifications can my parents get into if ICE knows they want me to follow through with this marriage for green card purposes?

Edited March 10, 2011 by ml82

[VanessaTony 3,567]

thanks for the advice. i am at the ICE website now, they don't have any email contact information? i can't seem to find it. and what kind of ramifications can my parents get into if ICE knows they want me to follow through with this marriage for green card purposes?

You can fine ICE's details at the bottom of this page but I'll put it here: " You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423."

You're basically reporting your wife for POSSIBLE immigration fraud, i.e. trying to get a greencard by deception (in this case a false VAWA claim). If you mention your parents want you to help her out you would need to be careful how you worded it because you don't want them accused of trying to assist immigration fraud. If you word it like she's a family friend and they tried to encourage the relationship that wouldn't be too bad, but if you mentioned that they said "just stay married till she gets the GC" then that's immigration fraud. But if ICE suspects it it's not a big deal.. if they assume it, not a big deal but just don't SAY it or write it down then they should be fine.

[Mike&Cherry 45]

What if he states to ICE that he married her only to get immigration benefit and nothing else, wouldn't that be considered fraud for him too? Couldn't he get in trouble for that? To the OP, did you marry her for other reasons too? Honestly I think her chances are very slim to get VAWA since you haven't been with her and since she probably doesn't have a police report. All she has is a story to tell them and little to no evidence. Just make sure you get your story straight before you call ICE. Was this some type of arrainged marriage that didn't work out? Either way, good luck and hopefully your situation will get better.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

What if he states to ICE that he married her only to get immigration benefit and nothing else, wouldn't that be considered fraud for him too? Couldn't he get in trouble for that? To the OP, did you marry her for other reasons too? Honestly I think her chances are very slim to get VAWA since you haven't been with her and since she probably doesn't have a police report. All she has is a story to tell them and little to no evidence. Just make sure you get your story straight before you call ICE. Was this some type of arrainged marriage that didn't work out? Either way, good luck and hopefully your situation will get better.

It was an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are still fairly common in Vietnam, though not as much as they once were.

ml82, you're in a tough spot. I don't think there's any doubt that her attorney is trying to cook up a VAWA case. If I were you, I would not underestimate what your parents will do. They took her to an attorney, and it would not be unreasonable to presume they would help her compile evidence for her VAWA claim. In their eyes, there is more at stake here than your feelings. They arranged the marriage with their friend in Vietnam, so the family's honor is at stake. Unless she tries to get charges brought against you for abuse, which would be difficult after so much time has passed, her VAWA claim isn't going to have any real negative impact on you. I'm sure her lawyer is explaining this to your parents while he tries to convince them to write a sworn affidavit claiming you abused her. If your parents write and sign those affidavits, and your report to ICE ends up resulting in her VAWA claim being denied, then your parents could be charged with fraud.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

So this is a cases of do he honored thy parents, or do he save himself.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

So this is a cases of do he honored thy parents, or do he save himself.

Yes, well, that's what it was before he filed for the divorce. When he filed for the divorce he effectively chose to save himself. His wife is now pursuing another course of action that probably won't have any direct negative impact on him if it succeeds. He doesn't really need to follow through with ICE in order to save himself, and it's too late to honor his parents. The question is how much worse is he willing to make the situation with his parents in order to stop his wife from committing fraud.

[ml82 1]

okay, some more news. i talked to my parents and they accepted the divorce. but then they asked me to write this letter stating facts about the marriage so that they can send it to their lawyer so that my wife can start doing her own paperwork to stay in the US. i said i don't want anything to do with her anymore after how messy it's gotten. my mom then said then they'll have to do things the hard way which is eventually taking me to court. she didn't specify what, but she was saying that i'll be requested there and it'll make things a lot tougher.

what legal action can be taken against me at this point?

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

okay, some more news. i talked to my parents and they accepted the divorce. but then they asked me to write this letter stating facts about the marriage so that they can send it to their lawyer so that my wife can start doing her own paperwork to stay in the US. i said i don't want anything to do with her anymore after how messy it's gotten. my mom then said then they'll have to do things the hard way which is eventually taking me to court. she didn't specify what, but she was saying that i'll be requested there and it'll make things a lot tougher.

what legal action can be taken against me at this point?

The only basis on which she could adjust status now is a VAWA claim. If your mother is talking about taking you to court then she is probably referring to CRIMINAL COURT. They are probably going to accuse you of spousal abuse so that they can get evidence for the VAWA claim.

Hire a lawyer now!!!

[ml82 1]

that would really suck. jim are you by any chance a lawyer?