How long is actually long enough?

[ScottThuy 140]

OK guys. I agree with cedwards that Scott meant no harm. We're all here to help and discuss, right? Cheers to all and 'ppreciate all comments.

Scott and Edward

My wife told me that Dam Hoi is a different ceremony, it should always be held before the wedding ceremony. I don't know how to explain it to you guys. It's a lot like an engagement ceremony in which my family and I have to come over to her place to ask for her family's permission to marry her. This is a tradition for a long time. Recently, some villages have grown accustomed to accepting the Dam Hoi and wedding ceremony altogether to save time and money. In our specific case, we did originally plan to have them separate but there was a severe storm and rainy day all day on that day so the only chance left for us was to combine them at one, of course with some additional fees and the organizer's acceptance. Her father was dissatisfied but had no choice to do.

fairly normal Wayne... You are right I meant no harm.. but this is not the place for bad info or advice... Her village sound pretty common... There shouldnt be an issue with them being the same day... as long as they were not the same day that you arrived on the first visit..

She just needs to be able to explain why and know the dates and who was there etc.

the Dam hoi is different from the Dam Cuoi

[tanstaafl 1]

It was actually only my second visit. I met her once before and we did spent some time together in Nah Trang. I think she will be able to explain it.

You know it pretty good Scott. Yes, Dam Hoi is different from Dam Cuoi and is before Dam Cuoi (wedding).

Edited March 9, 2011 by WayneAiLan

[ScottThuy 140]

Thuy says that culture allows for them to be on the same day if there are time or money issues... no problem.. the more photos of that the better...

[ScottThuy 140]

Dude, seriously you really need to take it easy. You are guarding a regional forum so ferociously, what if you were the creator of VJ? The fact that someone gives an info you consider "wrong" does not mean to approach it with so much ferocity. All you need to do is say "that is not true" and then carry on with your answer. You are not the only VN here and yet you're acting like a mother hen. Please, even when we disagree, let's be respectful of one another while we're at it.

You could have gone ahead to elaborate on the things that matter regarding the specific consulate, no need to display a classless attitude. I understand your passion for accurate info but still, none of the answers you attacked is really wrong.

I am really sorry that you don't know enough to know that the info you provided was wrong when it comes to the HCMC consulate. I am not guarding the regional... just tired of people posting misinformation and even worst sticking around to try to reaffirm the misinformation as valid fact...

Wayne is preparing for an interview at one of the most difficult consulates in the world and for some reason you felt the need to share with him your vast lack of experience. He has a tough enough road to travel without someone trying to trip him up along the way. The lack of class belongs to someone trying to impart misinformation in an area they are not familiar and where there exists enough stress already for those approaching the interview. Why disrespect the OP by posting misinformation?

[Sergi9 110]

Dude, seriously you really need to take it easy. You are guarding a regional forum so ferociously, what if you were the creator of VJ? The fact that someone gives an info you consider "wrong" does not mean to approach it with so much ferocity. All you need to do is say "that is not true" and then carry on with your answer. You are not the only VN here and yet you're acting like a mother hen. Please, even when we disagree, let's be respectful of one another while we're at it.

You could have gone ahead to elaborate on the things that matter regarding the specific consulate, no need to display a classless attitude. I understand your passion for accurate info but still, none of the answers you attacked is really wrong.

I disagree and I "get" why the aggravation as well. Every day, day after day folks here on VJ are popping around the various forums out of boredom while they process their own cases posting like there is no tommorow.

The problem is they are going by their own consulate or country conditions or personal experience on their own VISA journey, which doesn't relate to the variety of cases or circumstances on this board. My own pet peeve is they jump in on unfamiliar forums and post often before they read the original post or on topics they have no experience or knowledge of based on the thimble full of immigration law or consulate experience they have had.

It is an advice forum, but the advice should be helpful and relevant to the situation at hand. HCMC is notorious for forcing applicants to adhere to the cultural norm. In a Western European forum the answer might be correct, but in the VN forum the answer is WRONG. And as mentioned could ruin lives or at the very least make them unbearably miserable and involve costly attorneys and extreme delays in processing.

Although I would not take it too personally as my guess is the strongly worded response is a culmination of lots other frustrations and bad information being given here and in other forums and a sincere concern for the positive outcome for the applicants.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Dude, seriously you really need to take it easy. You are guarding a regional forum so ferociously, what if you were the creator of VJ? The fact that someone gives an info you consider "wrong" does not mean to approach it with so much ferocity. All you need to do is say "that is not true" and then carry on with your answer. You are not the only VN here and yet you're acting like a mother hen. Please, even when we disagree, let's be respectful of one another while we're at it.

You could have gone ahead to elaborate on the things that matter regarding the specific consulate, no need to display a classless attitude. I understand your passion for accurate info but still, none of the answers you attacked is really wrong.

the above quoted a post removed by request of the poster, the entire post is returned above. two posts, one quoting the post, removed by request.

let's all calm down before i post pics of my hairy back - that's usually a thread killer.

[ScottThuy 140]

Charles Did you take the hairy back pic after the menage a trois?

Edited March 9, 2011 by ScottThuy

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

I disagree and I "get" why the aggravation as well. Every day, day after day folks here on VJ are popping around the various forums out of boredom while they process their own cases posting like there is no tommorow.

The problem is they are going by their own consulate or country conditions or personal experience on their own VISA journey, which doesn't relate to the variety of cases or circumstances on this board. My own pet peeve is they jump in on unfamiliar forums and post often before they read the original post or on topics they have no experience or knowledge of based on the thimble full of immigration law or consulate experience they have had.

It is an advice forum, but the advice should be helpful and relevant to the situation at hand. HCMC is notorious for forcing applicants to adhere to the cultural norm. In a Western European forum the answer might be correct, but in the VN forum the answer is WRONG. And as mentioned could ruin lives or at the very least make them unbearably miserable and involve costly attorneys and extreme delays in processing.

Although I would not take it too personally as my guess is the strongly worded response is a culmination of lots other frustrations and bad information being given here and in other forums and a sincere concern for the positive outcome for the applicants.

well said. while there may be well meaning advice offered, some of which may be right, some of which may be wrong, it may be best to be cautious unless it pertains to the specific area one may have personal knowledge of. in my case, that would be rio consulate/brazil, and even then there's a good likelihood that any advice i could offer is outdated/obsolete by now.

an example: i was able to sit right beside nessa during the interview in rio, brazil. in morocco, the petitioner isn't even allowed inside. toss into this confusing situation any local/country/cultural customs, the reputation for that embassy/consulate giving interviews and denials, and it can get more confusing than a box of frogs for anyone.

Charles Did you take the hairy back pic after the menage a trois?

oh that bottle of wine! gotta get another one of those

[ScottThuy 140]

well said. while there may be well meaning advice offered, some of which may be right, some of which may be wrong, it may be best to be cautious unless it pertains to the specific area one may have personal knowledge of. in my case, that would be rio consulate/brazil, and even then there's a good likelihood that any advice i could offer is outdated/obsolete by now.

an example: i was able to sit right beside nessa during the interview in rio, brazil. in morocco, the petitioner isn't even allowed inside. toss into this confusing situation any local/country/cultural customs, the reputation for that embassy/consulate giving interviews and denials, and it can get more confusing than a box of frogs for anyone.

oh that bottle of wine! gotta get another one of those

We killed a couple at Christmas with the family... I feel creepy saying we had a menage with my SIL... and it was damn good!

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

We killed a couple at Christmas with the family... I feel creepy saying we had a menage with my SIL... and it was damn good!

[Anh map 2,098]

Is there an emoticon for "ew"?

[ScottThuy 140]

Is there an emoticon for "ew"?

[luckytxn 2,264]

Wow.... it really makes no sense for someone that is not familiar with the way HCMC does things to respond to A VN specific topic.

Wayne,

There have been some folks Like Curtis that got lucky with few trips, engaged first trip etc... Others have been denied for having relationship parameters like this... They like to see a few trips at a minimum and a growth of a relationship rather than flying over and getting proposed first trip with no Dam Hoi... They are aware of VN specific traditions/cultural norms and have made note of those expectations in a number of denials in the past.

There is no perfect relationship that they are looking for... X trips + Y months = visa...

Your relationship is what it is and there isnt anything you can do other than providing documentation to show that bonafide relationship to the CO... Dont dwell on it at this point...

I made only one trip all together. I knew my babe for a few months and went and got engaged. I have no idea why and maybe that is why I am lucky. It is rare though as many times others from here were denied as they said they did not have enough relationship. A few even had more trips than I did and had the party and were denied for lack of relationship. I do know that besides I that a very few also got a pink with little trip or knowing each other long.

Hell my fiancee even had the toughest interviewer they had back then and was grilled hard. (It was the infamous Korean lady) When she came back to give the timeline the same hard nose lady that interviewed her was nice as can be and gave her the pink at that time and the info was brought in real early.

Now the self righteous dude is right. There is no rules that state that someone has to know someone for so long and do a certain amount of things before they will OK a visa but he is a noob here and clueless. Scott and I and a few others have been here for years as we each went for our visas and stayed to help others. We have seen the whole gamut and we know what is up at this consulate. The odds of getting a visa with as little as I had is almost nil. It can happen but the best bet is to get a lot of relationship evidence and that means making more than one trip and stringing the engagement out. Make sure an engagement party is done with lots of pictures. Also make sure they see the pics of you two on different days and in different clothes.

Feel that you are special and you will be the exception? Then great go and do the minimum and let us know we are wrong. We welcome to be wrong and nothing will please us more than to see a pink when we thought a blue at the least.

[Tero 105]

I made only one trip all together. I knew my babe for a few months and went and got engaged. I have no idea why and maybe that is why I am lucky. It is rare though as many times others from here were denied as they said they did not have enough relationship. A few even had more trips than I did and had the party and were denied for lack of relationship. I do know that besides I that a very few also got a pink with little trip or knowing each other long.

Hell my fiancee even had the toughest interviewer they had back then and was grilled hard. (It was the infamous Korean lady) When she came back to give the timeline the same hard nose lady that interviewed her was nice as can be and gave her the pink at that time and the info was brought in real early.

Now the self righteous dude is right. There is no rules that state that someone has to know someone for so long and do a certain amount of things before they will OK a visa but he is a noob here and clueless. Scott and I and a few others have been here for years as we each went for our visas and stayed to help others. We have seen the whole gamut and we know what is up at this consulate. The odds of getting a visa with as little as I had is almost nil. It can happen but the best bet is to get a lot of relationship evidence and that means making more than one trip and stringing the engagement out. Make sure an engagement party is done with lots of pictures. Also make sure they see the pics of you two on different days and in different clothes.

Feel that you are special and you will be the exception? Then great go and do the minimum and let us know we are wrong. We welcome to be wrong and nothing will please us more than to see a pink when we thought a blue at the least.

Thanks for sharing all the same. Here's my exit!

[ScottThuy 140]

I made only one trip all together. I knew my babe for a few months and went and got engaged. I have no idea why and maybe that is why I am lucky. It is rare though as many times others from here were denied as they said they did not have enough relationship. A few even had more trips than I did and had the party and were denied for lack of relationship. I do know that besides I that a very few also got a pink with little trip or knowing each other long.

Hell my fiancee even had the toughest interviewer they had back then and was grilled hard. (It was the infamous Korean lady) When she came back to give the timeline the same hard nose lady that interviewed her was nice as can be and gave her the pink at that time and the info was brought in real early.

Now the self righteous dude is right. There is no rules that state that someone has to know someone for so long and do a certain amount of things before they will OK a visa but he is a noob here and clueless. Scott and I and a few others have been here for years as we each went for our visas and stayed to help others. We have seen the whole gamut and we know what is up at this consulate. The odds of getting a visa with as little as I had is almost nil. It can happen but the best bet is to get a lot of relationship evidence and that means making more than one trip and stringing the engagement out. Make sure an engagement party is done with lots of pictures. Also make sure they see the pics of you two on different days and in different clothes.

Feel that you are special and you will be the exception? Then great go and do the minimum and let us know we are wrong. We welcome to be wrong and nothing will please us more than to see a pink when we thought a blue at the least.

Exactly... USCIS and DoS have not published any rules, but to say there are none would be like saying HCMC does not require a timeline of relationship or a Dam Hoi...

These are standard things that are required at HCMC as is a lengthy well documented relationship. Does that mean that the requirements are applied to 100% of the cases, no and you are proof to that. Its clear that had a different CO looked at the case or the interview been on a different day, the outcome would likely have been different. Other couples with more traditional timelines have been denied many times.