Why Are Most Guys Afraid Of Kids?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

...And I remember a case in the news in 2009. A USC man divorced his Brazilian wife who took their son back to Brazil and got remarried. Years after, she passed away while the son had already been adopted, loved and cared for by her step father and family. All was well until the USC went back to claim the boy ....what an emotional battle for the whole Brazilian family when the court gave the child back to his biological dad.

Gary, thank God no one claimed your adopted kids, does not mean it does not happen to some others, does not mean it's not a valid concern for a relatively younger person.

I have not presented a legal argument. Such things do not concern me. You can work all your life for your wife, have no kids, and "someone can come and take her from you" Right? I am saying, ONLY, be the best father you can be, be the best husband you can be and never lose sleep over someone taking what you worked for. Build it solid and strong and no one can take it. Had someone tried to take my kids, THEY would have said..."Don't do this, DO NOT do this"

I do not worry about someone taking what I worked for. There are too many others out there who are afraid to give 100%, what would I worry about?

Limiting your commitment to "protect" what is yours is just the way to guarantee it is vulnerable to loss.

[rika60607 215]

oh, you have a yacht?

There is no reason for you to worry... she did not marry you for either and probably would marry you even if you were poor.

But, would you marry her if you did not have a house, no retirement plan and your only car was 15 years old and needed a brake job? Knowing she will come with two kids? Knowing the cost of immigration? Knowing that you have no family to help you and all you have $2000 in the bank? Knowing that your health might give out any time?

If your financial/life situation was different from what it is, you probably wouldn't risk a relationship with someone with kids.

Oh NOW I am worried. It could be that Alla only married me for the mansion and yacht? NO! She married me so she could have vacations to Ukraine/Russia! That's it!

[Tero 105]

I have not presented a legal argument. Such things do not concern me. You can work all your life for your wife, have no kids, and "someone can come and take her from you" Right? I am saying, ONLY, be the best father you can be, be the best husband you can be and never lose sleep over someone taking what you worked for. Build it solid and strong and no one can take it. Had someone tried to take my kids, THEY would have said..."Don't do this, DO NOT do this"

I do not worry about someone taking what I worked for. There are too many others out there who are afraid to give 100%, what would I worry about?

Limiting your commitment to "protect" what is yours is just the way to guarantee it is vulnerable to loss.

That is a good philosophy to live by. But for the things I can control and avoid, I'd rather be safe than sorry! And of course, I will definitely earn that "you are the best Husband and Dad in the world" award from my wife and kids

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Real men are not afraid of kids.

I have 2 from my first marriage and raised them as a single father for 10 years after my divorce.

I've experienced women who are afraid of dating single fathers so it works both ways. Some people just aren't ready for them.

My wife brought a little guy with her and he'll never know any father other than me. Being his Daddy has nothing to do with genetics.

[amesa 9]

Real men are not afraid of kids.

I have 2 from my first marriage and raised them as a single father for 10 years after my divorce.

I've experienced women who are afraid of dating single fathers so it works both ways. Some people just aren't ready for them.

My wife brought a little guy with her and he'll never know any father other than me. Being his Daddy has nothing to do with genetics.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

oh, you have a yacht?

There is no reason for you to worry... she did not marry you for either and probably would marry you even if you were poor.

But, would you marry her if you did not have a house, no retirement plan and your only car was 15 years old and needed a brake job? Knowing she will come with two kids? Knowing the cost of immigration? Knowing that you have no family to help you and all you have $2000 in the bank? Knowing that your health might give out any time?

If your financial/life situation was different from what it is, you probably wouldn't risk a relationship with someone with kids.

No, I do not have a yacht or a mansion. When I met her I actually had a rather small house, by US standard. Most people would call it their "lake house". It was my lake house AND my regular house. I KNEW it was not adequate but she wanted to "try" living "in nature" on a small island in the lake with her own pier and beach (provided I showed her pictures of the indoor toilet and kitchen) My house was a bachelor pad for a guy that loves fishing. You know the places that people from Boston and New York pay a lot of money to rent for the weekend? THAT was my house.

I am not good a hypotheticals.

But if I were in those situations I probably would not offer to marry a SINGLE woman either. Foreign or domestic.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

That is a good philosophy to live by. But for the things I can control and avoid, I'd rather be safe than sorry! And of course, I will definitely earn that "you are the best Husband and Dad in the world" award from my wife and kids

the only people from whom "awards" matter.

[Tero 105]

the only people from whom "awards" matter.

Exactly!!!

[Tero 105]

There is a Big difference in Dating and a Fiance'. No detail is neccesary to add. Its a No Brainer.

If you cannot date someone with kids, how can you marry one?

[PhilAmTx 14]

If you cannot date someone with kids, how can you marry one?

[james&olya 1,121]

the only people from whom "awards" matter.

Gary, I couldn't agree more with you on all your posts on this thread! Kids are one of the greatest blessings in life! Like you, my time and money are spent providing them (and my soon-to-be-wife) the best possible life. My oldest is 30, youngest 16 but now I will also have a 13y/o son and 2y/o daughter to raise. Couldn't be happier!!

[amesa 9]

Gary, I couldn't agree more with you on all your posts on this thread! Kids are one of the greatest blessings in life! Like you, my time and money are spent providing them (and my soon-to-be-wife) the best possible life. My oldest is 30, youngest 16 but now I will also have a 13y/o son and 2y/o daughter to raise. Couldn't be happier!!

It all depends on what a person's priorities are. Everyone has a choice. I am blessed to have my daughter and if any man were to see her as an inconvenience, he would be out of my life in a heartbeat. Fortunately, my husband does not see things that way and has accepted her as my daughter has also accepted him into her life.

Priorities.