Why Are Most Guys Afraid Of Kids?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes, spend it but spend it on your own selfish desires!

I have been able to study, travel, and dance in different parts of the world thanks to my efforts and the fact that I can spend my hard-earned money on myself! It will be hard to give up this life for the sake of becoming a mother...

Me too! I take my family with me! More fun that way. This year, our son's bachelors degree graduation in Moscow! Awesome! A side trip to Turkey before coming back, plus a couple weeks at our apartment in Donetsk, Ukraine. We keep an apartment there because it saves us more than we could make to sell it. So why not. We travel there a lot.

Have you seen anything in my posts that is NOT selfish? I already told you that seeing my grandson ride the sled I bought was the best $79 I ever spent. Very selfish. I do all these things because it gives ME pleasure.

If you think you have to "give up" anything to have children...don't.

[Tero 105]

I am not concerned about such. I taught the boys to drive, fish, shoot, ski, swim, sled, kayak, snowboard, ride bikes, ride horses, built fences, airplanes, real airplanes, and take them really flying in planes they helped build, did ceramic tile in the bathroom, cabinets in the kitchen, built out a room above the garage for them to hang out with their friends. We jumped off cliffs into streams together. We started a car business together and we buy old cars, work on them together and then sell them. Anfd taught them to do the books and the tax returns for having their own business! Our youngest son has saved enough to buy himself a nice car CASH next month when he gets a driver's lisence. I was there when they were sick, they were there when I was sick.

You think I am worried about someone "showing up tomorrow" and claiming something from me? You are too funny.

Lookie here, these kids are OURS. NO ONE is going to convince them otherwise. Be a good DAD and you sleep well (as soon as Alla finishes her homework... )

no one takes anything from a man that enjoys his kids and makes them number 1

I know your list goes on. You might not worry about anyone else claiming them since they're all men and women already, and you are quite advanced in age. But a relatively younger guy like me have more of that as a concern. Like I said before, it is a psychological thing and personal preference.

And you know the statement in bold above is not absolutely true right?

[ThomKimQC 14]

My Kim has a daughter 4 yrs old from her very first relationship. He wanted her to abort but she refused so he split. This guy caused her so much pain and suffering that I literally had to prove to her that not all men are cut from the same cloth. Plus for the fact that I am foreign guy made it a bit more nerve racking for her. Kim told me because she is a single mom most pinoy would not want her because it meant having to take care of her and her daughter. I told her it did not matter to me that she had a child as long as she was a good mother. I met Kim's daughter and we hit it off so much. I heard her tell her mom and granny while I was there the second time that she loves me more than she loves her blood father. Everyone that sees me and Aaliah together in Phils assumes she is my blood daughter because of her color and of course me being a black American they all believe I am her father. This girl is my world and I do not consider Liah has my fiancee's daughter because in my heart Liah is part of my hip, my rib, she is as much part of me as I am to her. That is how I see it. Most men I meet in Phils express to me that they prefer virgins for their own selfish reasons I assume. I know Kim wants a boy and if God bless us with that gift then I am happy two times over.

[mjaye65 5]

Hello All,

I have seen most of the posts but not all due to a time I can spend here.

In my first marriage – German lady nine years older than me she could not have kids and had her tubes tied before we met as she had sworn off serious relationships due a bad one.

We discussed it and decided if we wanted them later after the military there were way to have and raise them one being adoption. I found out later in the marriage that kids were never really a consideration in her life. At the time of this revelation all necessary factors I needed to stay married were still present. I became a Big Brother for the organization of Big Brothers Big Sisters. I became a scout master for an area Boy Scout Troop that needed help. She was supportive of these activities in the beginning of them but after a year became I believe jealous of the time away these required. We divorced after 12 years we just grew apart since I was gone 2 weeks home 2 weeks.

I married a Yankee from Indiana I met on the internet. I knew she had one 12 year old daughter. I am from Louisiana by the way. Shortly after the marriage I saw where the daughter was being spoon feed and given her every wish. She was not required to pick up behind herself, she could leave her clothes in the bathroom floor and her room my god was like a tornado daily. Mom would take care of this and whine about it to me. So one day I started picking up the clothes and putting them in a trash bag and in my truck. I cleaned the room daily before the wife returned home. When the daughter came home with the next honor roll and wanted her money for the good grades. I gave her the bag of clothes I had collected, and a bill for cleaning her room. She ended up with half of what she would have normally gotten for the grades. Her mother hit the roof and said that was her daughter not mine, she was of her blood not mine. I did not even raise my voice I began packing her a suitcase and recommended she go pack one for Adriane. Wow the hollering at me stopped and the tune she was spouting changed. What do you mean I said if she is yours and not ours then I guess you both are leaving so I will help you go back where you were before and the two of you can live alone together and make all the messes you want? It is not your job to do everything for her. If she messes up telling her it is ok and alright each time teaches her nothing. I said I have been up here with you for a year and I have seen how she rules you and this house.

So over the next several years there were several hard lessons she had to learn and I received the same grief each time, but the daughter just graduated from Purdue with a 4.0 from beginning to end and told me she would not have done that if I had not raised her the way I did. Now once I and her mother divorced then of course I was not worth talking to I left the family. I was given a choice between my 13 year career and her and working some where else for far less. She was not willing to move where I could get a better job and be home every night. She wanted to have her cake, her icing and her place to eat it. So this let me know where I ranked. The daughter had graduated so in her eyes I think she was a point where she could play poker and deal with a win or a loss.

My Rina has three boys, 19,16,8 now but we have accepted each other as a family from day one. When they get to the states I will adopt the 8 year old as his father is useless and it would be beneficial the other two can have my name if wish. The 16 will be 18 before the process could be completed.

I love them all very much and consider them just as much mine as hers so together they are ours in all aspects. They are ready to come to Dallas and experience life here. I do worry about providing for such a big family but I am ready to face the challenge together.

I had my plumbing repaired so we can try to make one between us as I have none of my own blood.

I look forward to all that is ahead by merely relying on the love and devotion we all share.

I have never received the first bit of bad attitude or back talk from our ki8ds and this was amazing but a big plus for me. They are always respectful of everyone. They do as you ask without why? When? How come?

I love my family and would not trade what I have for all the gold in the world.

We will make it.

Sorry to ramble.

[ThomKimQC 14]

hello every one i'm kim and i just read thom(my fiance)post here i am so touch by those things he stated here despite that we have been to rocky past and i cant help my self to post my thoughts here.

and i hope this would help to all of you guys here..

i would say that some people try to judge single mom in phillipines w/bad names maybe bcoz this is a religious country with a very conservative way of thinking specially those old fashion people.

i was 20yrs old when i had pregnant by pinoy bf during that time and he asked me to abort the baby...it really broke my heart when i heard this from the guy who took my innocents and virginity.he even asked me to choose him over the baby,but no matter how much i love him those times i can still can commit the crime of killing my baby.so i bare alone all the consequence of early pregnancy,peoples judgement being single mom &,parents disappointments,

but one thing i become so proud to myself and i think most single mom should too.

i become a fully grown woman,it made me feel like a real woman whom has a soft heart and that is one thing most men should see a woman who have been molded by her experience.i believe that a good mother to her kids is one proof that she is a good person w/a big heart to love someone unselfishly.

To all the women who have kids from there past theres no reason to get shame and scared telling your man about your past,we all should be proud to say that we are a single mom w/a strong personality,we are not just ordinary one among the apple basket.that any man could be proud to us..

it just who and what kind of man who will going to go with..

but its better to be honest at first this is one way to test a man..

and for me having thom in my life is truly a blessings,knowing he accepts me and my daughter w/an open arms is one thing i am thankful everyday in our relationship.and i would love to give him a son of his own next yr. this is my way of giving back to all my credits from all the good things he did for me and for my daughter.

i respect those guys who don't want a woman w/a kids i understand life is hard and money played w/a big role in this world.

so as single mom i felt lucky that god give me a chance to meet a good man who accept me together w/my imperfections

coz theres only a few of them in this world and lucky to have blessed w/one.

to all the men who accept there woman kids as there own is one precious gift from god and you all deserve to be have all the love your woman can give.

[ThomKimQC 14]

hello every one i'm kim and i just read thom(my fiance)post here i am so touch by those things he stated here despite that we have been to rocky past and i cant help my self to post my thoughts here.

and i hope this would help to all of you guys here..

i would say that some people try to judge single mom in phillipines w/bad names maybe bcoz this is a religious country with a very conservative way of thinking specially those old fashion people.

i was 20yrs old when i had pregnant by pinoy bf during that time and he asked me to abort the baby...it really broke my heart when i heard this from the guy who took my innocents and virginity.he even asked me to choose him over the baby,but no matter how much i love him those times i can still can't commit the crime of killing my baby.so i bare alone all the consequence of early pregnancy,peoples judgement being single mom &,parents disappointments,

but one thing i become so proud to myself and i think most single mom should too.

i become a fully grown woman,it made me feel like a real woman whom has a soft heart and that is one thing most men should see a woman who have been molded by her experience.i believe that a good mother to her kids is one proof that she is a good person w/a big heart to love someone unselfishly.

To all the women who have kids from there past theres no reason to get shame and scared telling your man about your past,we all should be proud to say that we are a single mom w/a strong personality,we are not just ordinary one among the apple basket.that any man could be proud to us..

it just who and what kind of man who will going to go with..

but its better to be honest at first this is one way to test a man..

and for me having thom in my life is truly a blessings,knowing he accepts me and my daughter w/an open arms is one thing i am thankful everyday in our relationship.and i would love to give him a son of his own next yr. this is my way of giving back to all my credits from all the good things he did for me and for my daughter.

i respect those guys who don't want a woman w/a kids i understand life is hard and money played w/a big role in this world.

so as single mom i felt lucky that god give me a chance to meet a good man who accept me together w/my imperfections

coz theres only a few of them in this world and lucky to have blessed w/one.

to all the men who accept there woman kids as there own is one precious gift from god and you all deserve to be have all the love your woman can give.

[rika60607 215]

Gary,

money is just money when you have it. You have it and you have a fantastic attitude towards it

you spend it where it makes the most impact and makes you happy at the same time.

Now, when you do not have it, money is more than just money... when it becomes a choice between saving a tooth by going to a dentist and paying for a crown OR paying your next months rent OR fixing brakes in your 15 year old car... then you know it. You can't afford to raise somebody else's kids and it is a matter of being realistic, not a matter of being selfish.

I like what Jim said: for some people kids fill the void in their lives and for some they are a baggage to carry. So true...

How much? ALL of it!

Money is just money. I would rather have kids and no money than money and no kids. What the F8CK do you do with money? Spend it! Kids spend it faster easier and more effortlessly than any other method.

I have exactly -0- financial concern in the question of children. I do not worry about my wife divorcing me. That would be stupid. She and the kids get ALL the money now, plus she is the beneficiary of a big life insurance policy, if she divorces me she would only get half of what I have now and nothing after I die!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I know your list goes on. You might not worry about anyone else claiming them since they're all men and women already, and you are quite advanced in age. But a relatively younger guy like me have more of that as a concern. Like I said before, it is a psychological thing and personal preference.

And you know the statement in bold above is not absolutely true right?

Yes, because I am quite advanced in age and no one took away my children. You care for your family, you make them number 1 and you sleep well each night. Absolutely true.

I have no "women", they are all sons. One is age 15 which I guess is a "man" ???. But he will be 16 in a week. I am still not worried.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Gary,

money is just money when you have it. You have it and you have a fantastic attitude towards it

you spend it where it makes the most impact and makes you happy at the same time.

Now, when you do not have it, money is more than just money... when it becomes a choice between saving a tooth by going to a dentist and paying for a crown OR paying your next months rent OR fixing brakes in your 15 year old car... then you know it. You can't afford to raise somebody else's kids and it is a matter of being realistic, not a matter of being selfish.

I like what Jim said: for some people kids fill the void in their lives and for some they are a baggage to carry. So true...

If you feel you cannot afford it, if you feel that YOU will not be the most admired and loved person to them in the world and you feel that because of that, someone will come along and take them away. Then don't do it. I AM pro-choice. Just say so.

My point is that children and family are there, they are available as a choice and there need be no fear that they will "spoil your fun". It seems the objection to this idea are wholly selfish. No one has said that they have to fix their brakes. They HAVE said they like to travel the world and spend their money on themselves. At least one honest person did. Good for them. I would be very lonely without my family to travel the world with me.

[rika60607 215]

The original question was why some people object to having serious relationships/marriage with people with kids...

there you are:

1. Don't like/not interested in having kids at all.

2. Have a lifestyle with no room for childcare and not willing to give it up (may be just yet).

3. Insecurities over relationships (being loved less than kids, someone will take them kids away).

4. Financial concerns - can I afford to take care of them?

I am only saying, #4 is a valid stand alone reason. I am it, I would know!

Now, if I met a man who makes lots of money, owns a little mansion and a yacht, and has a couple of kids already, I would have no objection to the kids at all I would be vacationing on that yacht with the kids all the time!

If you feel you cannot afford it, if you feel that YOU will not be the most admired and loved person to them in the world and you feel that because of that, someone will come along and take them away. Then don't do it. I AM pro-choice. Just say so.

My point is that children and family are there, they are available as a choice and there need be no fear that they will "spoil your fun". It seems the objection to this idea are wholly selfish. No one has said that they have to fix their brakes. They HAVE said they like to travel the world and spend their money on themselves. At least one honest person did. Good for them. I would be very lonely without my family to travel the world with me.

[Tero 105]

Hello All,

I have seen most of the posts but not all due to a time I can spend here.

In my first marriage – German lady nine years older than me she could not have kids and had her tubes tied before we met as she had sworn off serious relationships due a bad one.

We discussed it and decided if we wanted them later after the military there were way to have and raise them one being adoption. I found out later in the marriage that kids were never really a consideration in her life. At the time of this revelation all necessary factors I needed to stay married were still present. I became a Big Brother for the organization of Big Brothers Big Sisters. I became a scout master for an area Boy Scout Troop that needed help. She was supportive of these activities in the beginning of them but after a year became I believe jealous of the time away these required. We divorced after 12 years we just grew apart since I was gone 2 weeks home 2 weeks.

I married a Yankee from Indiana I met on the internet. I knew she had one 12 year old daughter. I am from Louisiana by the way. Shortly after the marriage I saw where the daughter was being spoon feed and given her every wish. She was not required to pick up behind herself, she could leave her clothes in the bathroom floor and her room my god was like a tornado daily. Mom would take care of this and whine about it to me. So one day I started picking up the clothes and putting them in a trash bag and in my truck. I cleaned the room daily before the wife returned home. When the daughter came home with the next honor roll and wanted her money for the good grades. I gave her the bag of clothes I had collected, and a bill for cleaning her room. She ended up with half of what she would have normally gotten for the grades. Her mother hit the roof and said that was her daughter not mine, she was of her blood not mine. I did not even raise my voice I began packing her a suitcase and recommended she go pack one for Adriane. Wow the hollering at me stopped and the tune she was spouting changed. What do you mean I said if she is yours and not ours then I guess you both are leaving so I will help you go back where you were before and the two of you can live alone together and make all the messes you want? It is not your job to do everything for her. If she messes up telling her it is ok and alright each time teaches her nothing. I said I have been up here with you for a year and I have seen how she rules you and this house.

So over the next several years there were several hard lessons she had to learn and I received the same grief each time, but the daughter just graduated from Purdue with a 4.0 from beginning to end and told me she would not have done that if I had not raised her the way I did. Now once I and her mother divorced then of course I was not worth talking to I left the family. I was given a choice between my 13 year career and her and working some where else for far less. She was not willing to move where I could get a better job and be home every night. She wanted to have her cake, her icing and her place to eat it. So this let me know where I ranked. The daughter had graduated so in her eyes I think she was a point where she could play poker and deal with a win or a loss.

My Rina has three boys, 19,16,8 now but we have accepted each other as a family from day one. When they get to the states I will adopt the 8 year old as his father is useless and it would be beneficial the other two can have my name if wish. The 16 will be 18 before the process could be completed.

I love them all very much and consider them just as much mine as hers so together they are ours in all aspects. They are ready to come to Dallas and experience life here. I do worry about providing for such a big family but I am ready to face the challenge together.

I had my plumbing repaired so we can try to make one between us as I have none of my own blood.

I look forward to all that is ahead by merely relying on the love and devotion we all share.

I have never received the first bit of bad attitude or back talk from our ki8ds and this was amazing but a big plus for me. They are always respectful of everyone. They do as you ask without why? When? How come?

I love my family and would not trade what I have for all the gold in the world.

We will make it.

Sorry to ramble.

Now, your case is one of the points I've been trying to make. It is a whole lot easier when the step kid(s) behave ...and even your wife. See how easier/happier you are now with your respectful kids than the previous. How crushing was it when your ex told you her daughter was hers and not yours? That's what I never want to hear.

[Tero 105]

Yes, because I am quite advanced in age and no one took away my children. You care for your family, you make them number 1 and you sleep well each night. Absolutely true.

I have no "women", they are all sons. One is age 15 which I guess is a "man" ???. But he will be 16 in a week. I am still not worried.

All the same, you get my point. Your sons are all grown and no claiming is needed as they now take care of themselves, besides your youngest. All I am saying is that, for most people, the older you get, the less concerned/worried you are about certain things. There is no imposing of will in this matter. I want a boy first you want a girl first, I want 2 kids you want 4, none of us is wrong...just a preference.

[Tero 105]

...And I remember a case in the news in 2009. A USC man divorced his Brazilian wife who took their son back to Brazil and got remarried. Years after, she passed away while the son had already been adopted, loved and cared for by her step father and family. All was well until the USC went back to claim the boy ....what an emotional battle for the whole Brazilian family when the court gave the child back to his biological dad.

Gary, thank God no one claimed your adopted kids, does not mean it does not happen to some others, does not mean it's not a valid concern for a relatively younger person.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The original question was why some people object to having serious relationships/marriage with people with kids...

there you are:

1. Don't like/not interested in having kids at all.

2. Have a lifestyle with no room for childcare and not willing to give it up (may be just yet).

3. Insecurities over relationships (being loved less than kids, someone will take them kids away).

4. Financial concerns - can I afford to take care of them?

I am only saying, #4 is a valid stand alone reason. I am it, I would know!

Now, if I met a man who makes lots of money, owns a little mansion and a yacht, and has a couple of kids already, I would have no objection to the kids at all I would be vacationing on that yacht with the kids all the time!

Oh NOW I am worried. It could be that Alla only married me for the mansion and yacht? NO! She married me so she could have vacations to Ukraine/Russia! That's it!

[PhilAmTx 14]

hello every one i'm kim and i just read thom(my fiance)post here i am so touch by those things he stated here despite that we have been to rocky past and i cant help my self to post my thoughts here.

and i hope this would help to all of you guys here..

i would say that some people try to judge single mom in phillipines w/bad names maybe bcoz this is a religious country with a very conservative way of thinking specially those old fashion people.

i was 20yrs old when i had pregnant by pinoy bf during that time and he asked me to abort the baby...it really broke my heart when i heard this from the guy who took my innocents and virginity.he even asked me to choose him over the baby,but no matter how much i love him those times i can still can commit the crime of killing my baby.so i bare alone all the consequence of early pregnancy,peoples judgement being single mom &,parents disappointments,

but one thing i become so proud to myself and i think most single mom should too.

i become a fully grown woman,it made me feel like a real woman whom has a soft heart and that is one thing most men should see a woman who have been molded by her experience.i believe that a good mother to her kids is one proof that she is a good person w/a big heart to love someone unselfishly.

To all the women who have kids from there past theres no reason to get shame and scared telling your man about your past,we all should be proud to say that we are a single mom w/a strong personality,we are not just ordinary one among the apple basket.that any man could be proud to us..

it just who and what kind of man who will going to go with..

but its better to be honest at first this is one way to test a man..

and for me having thom in my life is truly a blessings,knowing he accepts me and my daughter w/an open arms is one thing i am thankful everyday in our relationship.and i would love to give him a son of his own next yr. this is my way of giving back to all my credits from all the good things he did for me and for my daughter.

i respect those guys who don't want a woman w/a kids i understand life is hard and money played w/a big role in this world.

so as single mom i felt lucky that god give me a chance to meet a good man who accept me together w/my imperfections

coz theres only a few of them in this world and lucky to have blessed w/one.

to all the men who accept there woman kids as there own is one precious gift from god and you all deserve to be have all the love your woman can give.

i feel you kim. i had the same experienced with Fil.ex bf too.. he wants abortion after giving him all..trust,love and "V" i was 24 when i got pregnant and he took me to abortionist and what i did was cried and he told me we were both young and not ready for it.. the rest is history.. now i am very happy and contented with my 6 year old smart and talented son... he is first honor from nursery ,k1 and this coming k2 graduation he is the valedictorian.. see? he dont know what he(my ex) missed.and i raised my son with my parents guidance and support to.thanks to my mama and papa ..

now im glad and thankful to God i found a man who love me and my son unconditionaly. and we both love him too.. so much!...

mabuhay single mother!!!! (L)