Why Are Most Guys Afraid Of Kids?

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I don't have any kids nor do I want any nor would I date anyone with them.

Dating someone with kids already means you will never be #1 in their life.

Not true. Women with children have a great capacity to care for others, including you. I just strongly disagree as a father of four great sons. My interaction with the boys makes me GOLD in my wife's eyes and heart. Don't ever doubt it. Your figuring is very superficial but sounds like that is what is important to you. So go with it. If you make the children number 1, she will make YOU number 1. If you try to compete with children, you will lose. And you will not even be ranked with the dog.

I also have four great friends in my sons that will be my friends no matter what. I'm telling you, I had a heart attack and quad bypass a little over a year ago and when I came out of it my wife was in bed with me (and told the nurses to piss off when they said she couldn't sleep with her husband... "Vooowhat? He is my husband, I sleep with my husband, don't be silly" and 3 of the 4 sons were there, the other was in Russia and couldn't come for a couple weeks. NO ONE from my job was there. They can kiss my @ss.

I am proud to SHARE the number 1 spot in my wife's heart with 4 great boys.

I also strongly believe not all men should be fathers. Best that they know their limitations.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Kids cost money... a lot of money... surely you know that?

How much? ALL of it!

Money is just money. I would rather have kids and no money than money and no kids. What the F8CK do you do with money? Spend it! Kids spend it faster easier and more effortlessly than any other method.

I have exactly -0- financial concern in the question of children. I do not worry about my wife divorcing me. That would be stupid. She and the kids get ALL the money now, plus she is the beneficiary of a big life insurance policy, if she divorces me she would only get half of what I have now and nothing after I die!

Edited March 6, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[B_J 2,752]

I am not "afraid" of kids, I simply don't want kids. I've thought about it and it is a rational decision I've made.

1. I am 43 and I plan to retire in the Philippines. If I had a child now; it would create a very difficult situation when I reach retirement age. I'd rather not have a child knowing that I would me moving to the other side of the planet when my child is beginning college.

2. Once this whole process is over and I finally get married; I want to be able to spend quality time with just my spouse. I want to be able to do what we want, when we want. I don't want to have to always schedule our time around a child. If others make that choice then that's fine; I've simply made a different choice.

3. My job puts me around young people all day. When I go home I want to be able to relax in a quiet environment. That means no kids.

I am very happy for everybody who has kids and I hope they are wonderful parents and everything about their family is just great. I just want something different with my life.

[Richie Rich 70]

USC here --I have 1 son from my first marriage . My fiancee has no kids . We are planning on having 1 kid (preferably a daughter--God willing ) between us when we do get married . Kids are fun and they add spice to your marriage Man Up Guys .

[amesa 9]

I haven't read all the responses for this post, but I am so glad you created it! I have been a single for awhile. Even when I was first married, my ex was gone most of the time, so it has been just me and my daughter since she was born.

I worry over and over again how things are going to be when my husband finally arrives and how he and my daughter will interact (she's 7).

It is comforting to know that there are men with big hearts and are willing to accept their wives' children as their own.

[creativeblox 2]

not everyone may want (or be fit) to raise someone elses kids. kids are often abused physically and mentally by men who are dating their mom but resent them. thats why you see the stereotypical evil stepfather in so many movies.

and even if the man is willing, there is also the added expense. larger house, nanny, food, diapers, clothing, school, medical... the list is endless. its not something to jump into lightly.

[extremerecluse 32]

I haven't read all the responses for this post, but I am so glad you created it! I have been a single for awhile. Even when I was first married, my ex was gone most of the time, so it has been just me and my daughter since she was born.

I worry over and over again how things are going to be when my husband finally arrives and how he and my daughter will interact (she's 7).

It is comforting to know that there are men with big hearts and are willing to accept their wives' children as their own.

I hope this brings a little light on the subject of family. After all, isn't that what this entire process is all about? Sure, we all get caught up in all the mind blowing technicalities of each level of the immigration process. My intentions were not to make anybody feel bad or to dredge up bad memories. I wanted some of you to share your experiences so that others can learn. Learning is why we are here, RIGHT? I really think the fear of the unknown really scares the SH&T out of us all. Kids are the X Factor. Some don't want to face that fear head-on, while trying to foster a loving relationship with their new spouse. I am not being judgmental. We all have our own desires and dreams. That is why foreign spouses and fiances want to come here; that freedom to say and think freely. To be with their loved one and to possibly raise a family together. I think there is one single common denominator running through us all. We are determined to reach beyond our own comfort levels to see this endeavor through to the end. Growth is inevitable; even in old age. If you think you have nothing to learn, something is amiss. I hope all of us can realize what is truly important. For we are all unique in our own way. But, we as a collective group have come together so that we may all participate in a constantly evolving story. We have come too far and have too far too travel. May we all have the wisdom and humility to teach and learn. Thanks everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

not everyone may want (or be fit) to raise someone elses kids. kids are often abused physically and mentally by men who are dating their mom but resent them. thats why you see the stereotypical evil stepfather in so many movies.

and even if the man is willing, there is also the added expense. larger house, nanny, food, diapers, clothing, school, medical... the list is endless. its not something to jump into lightly.

OUR children are not someone else's. They are OURS. When they need something, they call on ME.

Being responsible for other people is not to be taken lightly, that is true.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[Tero 105]

It's mostly a psychological thing. You can love kids and be fond of them, but, as a personal standard, would prefer your spouse has none previously. Want the first child that comes out of her womb to be what you call your own. What's yours is yours.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Tero

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

not everyone may want (or be fit) to raise someone elses kids. kids are often abused physically and mentally by men who are dating their mom but resent them. thats why you see the stereotypical evil stepfather in so many movies.

and even if the man is willing, there is also the added expense. larger house, nanny, food, diapers, clothing, school, medical... the list is endless. its not something to jump into lightly.

See how well they get rid of money? What would I do with it otherwise? Save it? For what? You gotta spend it to gain anything from it, except more interest and larger numbers on a statement. Who cares?

The list is delightfully endless. Then you know what? They get married themselves and start to have kids and then you have grandchildren and that is even better because you can spend more money on them. I bought our grandson a really cool sled for Christmas for $79 at Costco. It looks just like a mini-snowmobile. We have awesome sledding hills here! Watching that little guy zoom down that hill screaming is absolutely the BEST $79 I ever spent! The BEST. I am SO glad I did not keep that money. And now we have another grandson on the way!

School is pretty awesome also. I love to write checks to universities and have done so for 2 sons and onto the third already. Is there a better way to spend money that to pay for the education of someone you love? They will be able to get a good job and raise THEIR children. The return on investment is incalcuable.

With four sons, we could end up wth 8-12 grandchildren...easy! Jackpot!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It's mostly a psychological thing. You can love kids and be fond of them, but, as a personal standard, would prefer your spouse has none previously. Want the first child that comes out of her womb to be what you call your own. What's yours is yours.

What makes them "yours".

[Aztec&Taino 144]

A good,no, an excellent (!) gauge of his character. How he is with his kids. I guess that can also work the other way around --- among childless men meeting single moms.

Indeed! If a mother or father does not seem to want to spend time and/or money on her or his child, then what would make a person think they will be any more loving or responsible with the children they bring to the world as a couple? For many people the problem is not waiting too long to have children but rather having them too young, or otherwise ill prepared to appropriately care for them in all levels.

[Tero 105]

What makes them "yours".

The fact that no other man can show up tomorrow to claim what I've invested my life on.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

How much? ALL of it!

Money is just money. I would rather have kids and no money than money and no kids. What the F8CK do you do with money? Spend it! Kids spend it faster easier and more effortlessly than any other method.

I have exactly -0- financial concern in the question of children. I do not worry about my wife divorcing me. That would be stupid. She and the kids get ALL the money now, plus she is the beneficiary of a big life insurance policy, if she divorces me she would only get half of what I have now and nothing after I die!

Yes, spend it but spend it on your own selfish desires!

I have been able to study, travel, and dance in different parts of the world thanks to my efforts and the fact that I can spend my hard-earned money on myself! It will be hard to give up this life for the sake of becoming a mother...

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The fact that no other man can show up tomorrow to claim what I've invested my life on.

I am not concerned about such. I taught the boys to drive, fish, shoot, ski, swim, sled, kayak, snowboard, ride bikes, ride horses, built fences, airplanes, real airplanes, and take them really flying in planes they helped build, did ceramic tile in the bathroom, cabinets in the kitchen, built out a room above the garage for them to hang out with their friends. We jumped off cliffs into streams together. We started a car business together and we buy old cars, work on them together and then sell them. Anfd taught them to do the books and the tax returns for having their own business! Our youngest son has saved enough to buy himself a nice car CASH next month when he gets a driver's lisence. I was there when they were sick, they were there when I was sick.

You think I am worried about someone "showing up tomorrow" and claiming something from me? You are too funny.

Lookie here, these kids are OURS. NO ONE is going to convince them otherwise. Be a good DAD and you sleep well (as soon as Alla finishes her homework... )

no one takes anything from a man that enjoys his kids and makes them number 1