Why Are Most Guys Afraid Of Kids?

[extremerecluse 32]

You know the really tragic part of all of this? I see so many single mothers who are forced to separate from their kids to go overseas to support them as my fiance has done once. I really love my fiance and I would never allow that to happen to her. A mother; especially a Filipina, having to choose between being with her kids and allowing them to have a good future and never seeing them grow up. That is the TRUE Tragedy here. The Philippine Government has as an officially sanctioned agency just to manage all of these workers. According to most of these workers, they are serving people who treat them as slaves. One worker needed to protect herself from being raped by her employer and the employer died as a result. It was a very famous case. I think it speaks loudly of the insidious conditions of poor countries and their citizens who must do what they can just to survive.

The Philippine Government needs to enact laws to protect kids. The US has the ability to force men to support any offspring. The Philippine Government needs to do the same.

[ThomKimQC 14]

The Philippine Government needs to enact laws to protect kids. The US has the ability to force men to support any offspring. The Philippine Government needs to do the same.

Unfortunately that will never happen well at least in our life time. The Philippine Government is too corrupt and cares more about putting up a new building and signing up a new OFW than cleaning up it's own back yard.

[David Allen 3]

Come on guys. I don't want this to be for only the ladies. Come on; where are your BA*&^; in your throat?

Perhaps we're not commenting because it's a crappy premise. Men aren't afraid of kids. Lots of men (like myself) look forward to having kids. The problem is more likely that the type of guy you seem to be attracting or attracted to are the less mature, less willing to take on the added responsibillity of kids because they still want to be kids themselves. My fiancee (now wife) was afraid to tell me she had a daughter. It didn't bother me at all. I'd like one or two of my own as well.

Stop dating guys and start dating men and you'll find someone who wants a family as oppossed to someone who just wants to play house.

-David

[Aztec&Taino 144]

After I was madly in love with her it did not matter. She could have spit in my face and I would have asked for more (just kidding). Kids make you grow and mature really fast; like 5MPH to light speed in one year. But, we had this arrangement; She takes care of the kids and I would be her assistant when she required it. The girls are all married. The boys are still sowing their oats. I have no complaints at all. I would have to agree, it is a really big shock to the system if you are not prepared. Look at it this way. You won't need to deal with messy diapers with a pre-packaged family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess being madly in love with someone does make one be willing to accept things that one never thought one would accept... Best of luck in your relationship and new journey with a pinay!

[extremerecluse 32]

Perhaps we're not commenting because it's a crappy premise. Men aren't afraid of kids. Lots of men (like myself) look forward to having kids. The problem is more likely that the type of guy you seem to be attracting or attracted to are the less mature, less willing to take on the added responsibillity of kids because they still want to be kids themselves. My fiancee (now wife) was afraid to tell me she had a daughter. It didn't bother me at all. I'd like one or two of my own as well.

Stop dating guys and start dating men and you'll find someone who wants a family as oppossed to someone who just wants to play house.

-David

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I am the petitioner and male. I am not into guys. I see most of the guys on this site are not interested in pre-packaged families. I am just saying there is an alternative available and unless you try it, you really do not know what you are missing!! The fear of the unknown would scare most grown men. One of the major practical reasons I chose a lady with kids is because she is going to be so damn busy with the kids that she won't have the energy or time to take care of the guy next door. Think about that for a moment!!

[nickbits 43]

I don't have any kids nor do I want any nor would I date anyone with them.

Dating someone with kids already means you will never be #1 in their life.

[Tero 105]

I am just saying there is an alternative available and unless you try it, you really do not know what you are missing!! The fear of the unknown would scare most grown men. One of the major practical reasons I chose a lady with kids is because she is going to be so damn busy with the kids that she won't have the energy or time to take care of the guy next door. Think about that for a moment!!

What is there to miss in adopting someone else's kids when you can make your own?

And your reason for picking that is flawed, in that an unfaithful spouse would be unfaithful regardless of number of kids. Besides, that is not the reason you married her as you only discovered her kids after a while into your marriage (talking about the other one).

Edited March 6, 2011 by Tero

[Tero 105]

I don't have any kids nor do I want any nor would I date anyone with them.

Dating someone with kids already means you will never be #1 in their life.

Good point, but that sounds a little selfish

[james&olya 1,121]

I am right there with you!! I narrowed my search early on to women with children. I love kids. Mine are teen-agers or adult now. Being a parent has been by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done! But I do understand the posters here who talk of their fear of child support if the marriage fails. The beauty of marrying a woman with kids is that if you end up divorcing she cannot force you to pay support. You still can, of course, but it is voluntary. And therein is the very best part of it for me. Because I have a job with an above average income, I am a target for women that want that form of welfare that comes in the form of child-support. Happened twice to me! Now I can have the joy of being a father and actually get to be there with them every single day! And their mother isn't encouraged by a promise of big court-ordered child-support payments to decide to divorce at the first minor problem we have. Yes, I consider myself very lucky to have not just a beautiful, intelligent and loving fiancee, but two wonderful step-children in the deal as well!

[PhilAmTx 14]

Kids cost money... a lot of money... surely you know that?

that's exactly what my ex said to me.. he don't like my son(was 3 years old that time)my ex was USC 37 years old.. i broke up with him because i can't deal with him being mean to my son.. he was married once no kid.. i love my son so much. and i can't live with out my son.BUT I CAN LIVE WITH OUT HIM.so i decided to break him up. .

recently i heard from a friend that he is now with a bar girl, and unfortunately the girl is pregnant.and he can't get rid of her .. he denied the pregnancy many times coz he is not the only man touched her..(she was just for bed time with payment) but the girl after him and the family threatened him..his life is miserable now,the girl hide his passport for he can't live the country.I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM BUT I TOLD HIM once" ONE DAY,THE LIGHTNING STRIKES STRAIGHT TO YOUR FACE"kARMA" i said that when he grabbed my 3 year old son and yelled him to shut up!... and i think it work.. "BUTI NGA SA KANYA LOL"

well im not saying i am happy what hes been through right now but i can say that, that would be awaken his selfish attitude...and i hope he is really the father and nice and responsible to the baby...

now i have wonderful responsible hubby..he loves my son as his own.and his 2 sons loves us back too... i am very very happy... Thank you God!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I think it's odd to presume that someone who is ready to marry must necessarily also be ready to raise children. A lot of marriages break up because the couple has children before they're ready. Maybe they aren't mature enough to assume the role of a parent. Maybe their bond as husband and wife hasn't developed enough to withstand the strain that raising children can put on their relationship. Maybe they're not financially stable enough to take on the expenses of having children. Maybe they're still developing their professional careers, and don't time to split between career, spouse, and also children.

For some people, children fill a void in their lives. For others, children are extra baggage to carry. Everyone's personal situation is different.

I had three children from two previous marriages. My wife had three children from one previous marriage. Two of her kids and one of mine are currently living with us. I love them all, but I don't want any more children. My personal feeling is that I'm too old to start raising another child. I don't want to attend his or her college graduation stumbling along with a walker and wearing Depends underwear. All of our kids are late teens or older. Two are married with kids of their own. At this point in my life, I'm content to coddle my grandkids, load them up with an overdose of sugar and cola, and then send them home for their own parents to deal with.

[Tim/Mav 305]

I don't have any kids nor do I want any nor would I date anyone with them.

Dating someone with kids already means you will never be #1 in their life.

There is a Big difference in Dating and a Fiance'. No detail is neccesary to add. Its a No Brainer.

[graceroxas 17]

D I would also like to add to your post by saying that it is not only men who are afraid of single mothers, but also single childless women who are afraid of single fathers; it will always be difficult to accept someone with children (specially if the other person is childless) because of the lifelong responsibility and commitment parenting entails. I wonder how other independent, professional, and childless female petitioners feel about this issue?

A good,no, an excellent (!) gauge of his character. How he is with his kids. I guess that can also work the other way around --- among childless men meeting single moms.

Edited March 6, 2011 by graceroxas

[james&olya 1,121]

A good,no, an excellent (!) gauge of his character. How he is with his kids. I guess that can also work the other way around --- among childless men meeting single moms.

Seeing my fiancee with her children tells me a lot about her. She has not been able to travel here to see me interact with my children but I hope our many long conversations about our kids gives her insight into who I am.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My wife had two sons who I will not consider anything less than my own. They are OUR sons, not "her sons"

I had two sons of my own when we married. They are also OUR sons (they are on their own now, only the youngest is home full time, son number 3 is away at college 10 months per year)

Children are the best! They will consume ALL your money so you do not have to think about what to do with it. I was a pallbearer at my father's funeral and there was no money on that casket. Made it easier to carry.

I live and work for my family. That is who and what I live and work for. I would rather spend $50 on some new shoes for one of the boys than just about anything else I could buy with $50. If I found $20 on the street, I would give it to one of the boys, or to Alla.

The great thing is that if you get PLEASURE from doing things or paying for things for your family, you will ALWAYS be having fun! If you are competing with the family for money and things, you will always lose and always be unhappy.