Why Are Most Guys Afraid Of Kids?

[Tero 105]

It's a lot easier when the kids behave well. Ever tried to talk to a misbehaving step child and get the response "YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!"?

[Tero 105]

It's a lot easier when the kids behave well. Ever tried to talk to a misbehaving step child and get the response "YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!"?

The same kid(s) you love, take care of, and try to set good examples for. Your biological kids might misbehave but at least you'll never hear those words from them.

[jrmejia 31]

Mine has a 6 years old boy! hehe!!!.. I am already listing things to with him. Like giving him the opportunity to join sport clubs, chess club...etc. I don't want just to be his step dad. I want to be his best friend if he accepts me

Well, he promised me he will teach me how to box! can hardly wait to see him here.

I love my Ced!

By the way: I have zero kids..never been married before!

Edited March 5, 2011 by jrmejia

[Inky 1,110]

My husband is terrified that he will have to "pretend" or "fake" being a father. Says he doesn't understand how people get so excited about certain things the babys/kids do. Says he doesn't know how to look after kids and is uncomfortable around them because they don't make sense and don't talk. He said theres no control of any situation with a child everything is up in the air as to what is going to or will happen. Says the noise babys make drives him crazy and he doesn't like how people " baby talk " to their kids.

Of course he told me all this AFTER we got married. Before we married we had discussed this a fair amount and agreed we wanted 1 child at the least. Then we got married and that changed to "No babys."

It sucks but now hes saying that he will have to "compromise" to keep me happy and that feels crummy because having/making a baby is supposed to be a good memory not one that makes you feel like you forced ur husband to compromise and have a child when he didn't want to!

[rika60607 215]

Oh, just promise him to never ever baby-talk

BTW, I feel the same way he does about kids. They make no sense. But, hopefully *his* kid will make sense to him.

My husband is terrified that he will have to "pretend" or "fake" being a father. Says he doesn't understand how people get so excited about certain things the babys/kids do. Says he doesn't know how to look after kids and is uncomfortable around them because they don't make sense and don't talk. He said theres no control of any situation with a child everything is up in the air as to what is going to or will happen. Says the noise babys make drives him crazy and he doesn't like how people " baby talk " to their kids.

Of course he told me all this AFTER we got married. Before we married we had discussed this a fair amount and agreed we wanted 1 child at the least. Then we got married and that changed to "No babys."

It sucks but now hes saying that he will have to "compromise" to keep me happy and that feels crummy because having/making a baby is supposed to be a good memory not one that makes you feel like you forced ur husband to compromise and have a child when he didn't want to!

[Brian113 0]

Because 50% of marriages don't last and when the office of support enforcement comes calling the mans life is a living hell!!!!!!!

[jrmejia 31]

"YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!"?

It is the only thing I am afraid of, to hear him say or use that phrase. I hope my Ced is not like that. When I met my Ced in the Philippines, he sounded like a very polite kid.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

My ex is a Filipina. Her father was in the US Marine Corps. He was born in San Miguel Bulacan. My ex was a citizen by birth, even though she lived the first 30 years of her life as a Filipina. The embassy contacted her and her siblings to see if they wanted the opportunity to become US Citizens. Three accepted the offer. Two did not. My ex was separated from her spouse and living with me in the US. She divorced him. She never actually told me she had kids until one year into our relationship. She was scared to death of what my reaction would be; of course. She had four kids I later learned. But she waited until the right time to inform me (after I was totally head over heels in love). When you actually love somebody with all your being you will do anything for her. That is exactly what I did. We petitioned for them and they arrived in 1985. I was in the US Army as a Warrant Officer. My ex became pregnant two months before she traveled to the Philippines to help them process through the embassy. We had a great marriage until the kids started moving out. Depression set in and all hell broke loose. Divorce occurred in 2005. Met my fiance online after making the decision to move on in 2010. Stated that I wanted kids for obvious reasons. More mature, loving and knows how to sacrifice. So, that is what I chose for a new partner. Traveled to San Ildefonso to meet her in Oct 2010. I knew that I would be spending the rest of my life with her the moment I laid my eyes on her. Yes she has kids and I love them all as my own. My ex kids and my son are grown and independent now. I have my own life and I want to live it as I wish. I see most guys on this website want nothing to do with single mothers. Hey guys; you don't know what you are missing. You want stability, a nurturer, wisdom and passion that won't quit; choose a single mother. Kids are survivors and they will accept you if you are just yourself and you love their mom like no other. I would like to know from anybody who would like to express an opinion. I love my Marilou so very, very much. I want her so badly, but I must be patient. This process is a long one and that is the one we chose together. Input requested by all who dare.

Did you not get angry that your ex told you about having 4 kids after being in a relationship for one year?!

I do not know how I would react if I found out this IMPORTANT piece of information about my fiance's life after one year of being together... I am glad you accepted her and her children, but I would have an issue with my fiance for the lack of trust. I like to see all cards on the table (whether pretty or ugly) because I believe in complete honesty. I would also like to add to your post by saying that it is not only men who are afraid of single mothers, but also single childless women who are afraid of single fathers; it will always be difficult to accept someone with children (specially if the other person is childless) because of the lifelong responsibility and commitment parenting entails. I wonder how other independent, professional, and childless female petitioners feel about this issue?

[honey_me 7]

Unpopular opinion here, my husband don't like kids for same reasons mentioned above(which I know before we got married). I used to like the thought of kids but now I share the same as him, as to why I just can't picture myself having one now. My friends, relatives and family kept on asking me when are we going to have one which is sad/frustrating/funny but I understand coz it is not common to them. Yes, they know we don't have plans.

Btw, I'm 28 and my husband is 46, already together for 4 yrs. Neither of us have children nor married before but with all honesty, I am very happy/content right now and he is too. I respect those who choose to have kids/happy for them. Maybe we're different but it works for us.

[Tero 105]

It is the only thing I am afraid of, to hear him say or use that phrase. I hope my Ced is not like that. When I met my Ced in the Philippines, he sounded like a very polite kid.

Yes you know! Imagine how that would crush you.

[Tero 105]

Yes you know! Imagine how that would crush you.

...And may God help you survive their teenage years!

[Tim/Mav 305]

Mark.. Takes a Big Man to do what your doing. Follow your Heart is all we can do..

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I know that both Tony and I had a "no kids" policy when we met. It's not just the kids, it's the baggage.

While I commend the OP for being so accepting, if I found out one day that Tony had kids and we'd been dating over a year it would be a deal-breaker... not the kids, the LIE. There is no "I love him so I'd stay with him". It's that he didn't love me enough to tell me the truth. It's that his whole plan was to trick me. Nope, never would have happened. The excuse "I didn't know how you'd react" isn't an explanation, it just proves you DID mean to trick me and you deliberately lied.

Tony and I wouldn't have gotten serious if I had kids. I'd be a different person. Same with him. I just wouldn't want the drama. I know that it works for some people but for an international relationship it just wouldn't work. If it was a guy I was able to spend time with (i.e. lived in the same town) to test the waters so to speak I'd give it a go. But an international relationship is hard with just 2 people involved, let alone little people.

[extremerecluse 32]

Did you not get angry that your ex told you about having 4 kids after being in a relationship for one year?!

I do not know how I would react if I found out this IMPORTANT piece of information about my fiance's life after one year of being together... I am glad you accepted her and her children, but I would have an issue with my fiance for the lack of trust. I like to see all cards on the table (whether pretty or ugly) because I believe in complete honesty. I would also like to add to your post by saying that it is not only men who are afraid of single mothers, but also single childless women who are afraid of single fathers; it will always be difficult to accept someone with children (specially if the other person is childless) because of the lifelong responsibility and commitment parenting entails. I wonder how other independent, professional, and childless female petitioners feel about this issue?

After I was madly in love with her it did not matter. She could have spit in my face and I would have asked for more (just kidding). Kids make you grow and mature really fast; like 5MPH to light speed in one year. But, we had this arrangement; She takes care of the kids and I would be her assistant when she required it. The girls are all married. The boys are still sowing their oats. I have no complaints at all. I would have to agree, it is a really big shock to the system if you are not prepared. Look at it this way. You won't need to deal with messy diapers with a pre-packaged family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited March 6, 2011 by extremerecluse

[extremerecluse 32]

After I was madly in love with her it did not matter. She could have spit in my face and I would have asked for more (just kidding). Kids make you grow and mature really fast; like 5MPH to light speed in one year. But, we had this arrangement; She takes care of the kids and I would be her assistant when she required it. The girls are all married. The boys are still sowing their oats. I have no complaints at all. I would have to agree, it is a really big shock to the system if you are not prepared. Look at it this way. You won't need to deal with messy diapers with a pre-packaged family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know the really tragic part of all of this? I see so many single mothers who are forced to separate from their kids to go overseas to support them as my fiance has done once. I really love my fiance and I would never allow that to happen to her. A mother; especially a Filipina, having to choose between being with her kids and allowing them to have a good future and never seeing them grow up. That is the TRUE Tragedy here. The Philippine Government has as an officially sanctioned agency just to manage all of these workers. According to most of these workers, they are serving people who treat them as slaves. One worker needed to protect herself from being raped by her employer and the employer died as a result. It was a very famous case. I think it speaks loudly of the insidious conditions of poor countries and their citizens who must do what they can just to survive.