Serious Stress...

[TheSantamarias 0]

I am sorry for being so blunt, by why should you get special treatment just because a relative works in a a USCIS center? YOu should wait your turn just like everyone else.

If your future father-in-law was Deputy Chief for USCIS would YOU ask for help? If you say no, you're lying. Sorry for being so blunt but EVERY SINGLE person on this site would.

I don't understand why everyone seems so shocked and appauled that I would even mention it. Come on...

[CarolinaSt 2]

I am a generally patient person I think but this is driving me mental... How do you guys deal with your stress? The wait is taking its toll on our relationship. It's hard to spend all this time on the phone and online and keep up a normal schedule.

This month the time changes here in Wisconsin and I will be an hour AHEAD of Carlos in El Salvador and that makes it even harder!! I work 6a-2:30p and 10 hours of mandatory overtime per week.

The worst part about this whole thing is his dad is the Deputy Chief of the USCIS Forms Center West and he can't even help us expedite anything.

Give me your ideas on how to get thru this trying time...

One hour is not that bad!!! As you have seen from previous posts, there's worse than that!And people can still keep their relationships going...

[baron555 934]

I am a generally patient person I think but this is driving me mental... How do you guys deal with your stress? The wait is taking its toll on our relationship. It's hard to spend all this time on the phone and online and keep up a normal schedule.

This month the time changes here in Wisconsin and I will be an hour AHEAD of Carlos in El Salvador and that makes it even harder!! I work 6a-2:30p and 10 hours of mandatory overtime per week.

The worst part about this whole thing is his dad is the Deputy Chief of the USCIS Forms Center West and he can't even help us expedite anything.

Give me your ideas on how to get thru this trying time...

Tell him to move to Russia and then he'll be 8-9 hours ahead and then you will reall KNOW stress.....or move to Manila and he'll be 12 hours ahead and you'll really go nuts......

or just wait until he comes here and you teach him to drive a car. THAT will be stress.

If your relationship is suffering, then maybe your relationship is not solid enough.

[Krikit 1,165]

Moving from K-1 Process to K-1 Progress.

[TheSantamarias 0]

Tell him to move to Russia and then he'll be 8-9 hours ahead and then you will reall KNOW stress.....or move to Manila and he'll be 12 hours ahead and you'll really go nuts......

or just wait until he comes here and you teach him to drive a car. THAT will be stress.

If your relationship is suffering, then maybe your relationship is not solid enough.

It's not suffering, but there's stress. I'm surprised at how JUDGEMENTAL people are on here. Every relationship has ups and downs, I'm not going to defend my relationship to you.

Seriously people, I'm not in a competition of how stressful it is, I don't doubt that people have had more/less stressful situations. Does anyone actually read what my question is?! Man alive...

[amesa 9]

If your future father-in-law was Deputy Chief for USCIS would YOU ask for help? If you say no, you're lying. Sorry for being so blunt but EVERY SINGLE person on this site would.

I don't understand why everyone seems so shocked and appauled that I would even mention it. Come on...

Sure we would, but your post's vibe, to me, is that since he works there, you are entitled to special treatment...which is not the case.

Everyone should know, before getting involved with this process that it is very long, unpredictable and expensive. It is very hard being apart from our loved ones and the hard thing is that there is very little that we can control. It is a true test of love and commitment. I know it's hard for you, everyone on this board understands what you are feeling. We are all experiencing it now or have in the recent past. We're here to support each other and encourage each other.

With that said, I don't think that anyone has the right to bypass anyone else just because you are stressed out and frustrated. It's not fair to others who have been waiting. People need to be realistic when they start this process.

That is just my take on things.

I do wish you the best in your journey and hope that the process moves smoothly and quickly.

To answer your question: my husband and I set a time in the evening to talk on Skype.

[carla1 4]

I am a generally patient person I think but this is driving me mental... How do you guys deal with your stress? The wait is taking its toll on our relationship. It's hard to spend all this time on the phone and online and keep up a normal schedule.

This month the time changes here in Wisconsin and I will be an hour AHEAD of Carlos in El Salvador and that makes it even harder!! I work 6a-2:30p and 10 hours of mandatory overtime per week.

The worst part about this whole thing is his dad is the Deputy Chief of the USCIS Forms Center West and he can't even help us expedite anything.

Give me your ideas on how to get thru this trying time...

The fact of having your future in some nameless entity's hands that won't even give you the courtesy of a phone call was amazingly stressful. In addition I had to take a job that doesn't suit me and causes even more stress to be able to bring my beloved to this country. It seemed at the time that everything in my life sucked big time!

How did I deal? I tried everything but in spite of it I just got to the point where I was deeply depressed and couldn't climb out... and thank God for antidepressants and a Doc willing to prescribe!

Finally we got out Noa2 after about 5.5 months and we are now waiting on the embassy interview. Check out the embassy pages on this site for average wait times. I would push back the wedding date because that firm date in an uncertain process only causes more stress.

Good Luck.

[Milushka 22]

We have 14 hours difference. Though we manage to talk over skype each second day (my schedule permits me only this way, I work on weekends too) and emailing every single one.

Of course it wont replace day to day , face to face communication but in our situation thts the best we can do. We are 5 and half months through the wait for NOA2 and to be honest though I am losing my patience on every occasion I would never understand people obusing the system through networking as well as people who wasnt effected anyhow demanding an expedite for their case. The reason is: if you want the system work , start from yourself! So you shouldnt be upset about this at least.

Its not easy, we nearly broke up half way through because of unexplainable tension long distance couples face. But now we are still waiting and hoping. So you ll be fine. Gluck !

Edited March 3, 2011 by Milushka

[Fofochinho73 8]

If your future father-in-law was Deputy Chief for USCIS would YOU ask for help? If you say no, you're lying. Sorry for being so blunt but EVERY SINGLE person on this site would.

I don't understand why everyone seems so shocked and appauled that I would even mention it. Come on...

I can understand your stress. Count your blessings with the one hour difference however. As far as asking your father in-law for help, anyone would be crazy not to. I have been contacting any agency workers, lawyers, senators, congressmen, friends of friends who work at embassies and consulates all over just trying to get this moving! Good luck, learn some patience, you will need it!

[Ab44 3]

We can all agree it's hard being away from our love, no matter the time difference..I understand the temptation to compare one's relationship with only a 1 hour time difference, but the Santamarias is looking for advice on stress, not to have people jump down his/her throat (not that every poster did that). OP, for my fiance and I, the longest we have been apart in our 6+ year relationship was like 8 months I think? To stay sane, I just think well this whole process may be less than that..even if it ends up being more, just being in this process means you are sooo close to being with your fiance forever..Perspective helps! My fiance is so used to all this paperwork stuff since he studied in Spain but was from Venezuela that he isn't really phased by it..The last few days I've been getting stressed looking at other petitions being approved way before mine. A good suggestion would be to stop looking at stats, and not visit VJ obsessively. As far as taking a toll in your relationship; it's possible that during your marriage there will be hard times; life happens..it's important to be able to lean on one another not disintegrate! For stress relief I work out (have motivation of our wedding and seeing my fiance again hehe!), yoga, I am in grad school so that keeps me super busy, and make sure I build in time to just relax, watch movies, whatever.

We too started planning the wedding, ours is in October (I know you aren't supposed to) but I did that knowing I could lose deposits and I would accept that if that happened..not the smartest move but a more traditional wedding things start getting booked super early..I'd say just focus on planning your marriage too..there is a ton to talk about and think of this process as giving you time to grow even closer to one another before the actual wedding!! Good luck!

[Operator 1,927]

It's not suffering, but there's stress. I'm surprised at how JUDGEMENTAL people are on here. Every relationship has ups and downs, I'm not going to defend my relationship to you.

Seriously people, I'm not in a competition of how stressful it is, I don't doubt that people have had more/less stressful situations. Does anyone actually read what my question is?! Man alive...

Asking stressed out people how to deal with stress will bring judgement. The long wait and the long distance are; as you know, difficult for both sides of the phone. From the begining Jane and I agreed that if we could make it work communication was going to be critical. Now almost 3 years later we still struggle. True technology helps but people are still people. To answer your origiinal question, I deal with the stress by doing something that will improve our life together once she has her visa. Im renovating my house so that I can hopefully sell it. I look at a lot of pictures! I visit VJ and try to find stories of people that have it worse than us (and that's not hard). I remind myself that she is my best friend and I can wait.

I hope one of these ideas can maybe help you.

Oh, and if your soon to be father-in-law doesn't want to help family...maybe he would help out a stranger?

[Jota & Craig 0]

I am sorry but I agree with all the posts, I have 4 hours difference with my love and we have very very different work scheduales... for the last 6 months I have been a zombi, because the only way to talk is when is 2 or 3 am in Chile, when he gets out of work, and I work at 9 am here so do the math, and we talk at least for an hour.

and you have to take into consideration that you havent event wait your 5 months jet and you are already desperate, try waiting for 5 months call them and have the answer wait 30 more days... besides I agree why you should have a special treat, just because you have relatives in the USCIS...

but at least you can keep your hope alive, because your are not in the Vermont office, they are really really behind, california is pretty much on the 5 months deadline, our office is taking 6 or 7 months average... just hand in there we all know is hard... but just thinking of been back in his arms gives me a little bit of more hope

[alibekah 4]

my goodness. Me and my beloved: 8.5 hour difference, at LEAST $2000 to go and see him (and vice versa because he would meet me elsewhere), AP while waiting for visa....but you know what, you get through it, somehow. My fiance and I would wake up at all hours of the day just for the 5 minuets of chat time. His ONLY day off is Friday and I went through hi hell to have that day off or at least work half day JUST to be able to spend more than 30 minutes with him. we have spent countless $$$$ on ph cards and packages in the mail.

but you get through it. I have hobbies, i exercise and even tutor on the side just to help make the day go by faster. You have to stay busy.

We couldn't plan anything for the wedding (I would look but could not reserve) until he got his Visa. Now I am like crazy mad woman getting everything together. LOL Luckily i bought certain things ahead of time (like do-it-yourself invitations). and we are having a simple, tiny get together for ours! But do not plan. You never know what will happen. I did not expect him to be in AP for over 2 months (even though that is still rather short).

The waiting game has ONLY begun! Hang in there.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

We had a 5 hour difference and that was bad enough. 16 must be very stressful!

How did we cope? Well, I have to admit, during the period of wait I had no life outside of work and David. On weekdays, I would get home from work, eat....and then retire to my bedroom to talk with him. On weekends, I would use the time difference to my advantage and get everything done I needed to do before he woke up. Then, we would spend all day talking, watching movies together (1,2,3...then press play!) he would read me to sleep, leaving my video open whilst he went about his business. We lived and breathed for one another, spending every second we could.....talking, laughing, FIGHTING!!, all the normal stuff. Sometimes I resented him being so far away and having no independence during the long wait. Mostly, I just could not wait for the day when we could just sit in a room together. Not talking. Just being together.

In fact, when I first arrived, I told him not to talk to me anymore. We'd talked enough!

That seems so far away now. The key seems to be to look to the future during the wait. I know him better than any man I ever spent time with because of the time spent talking. It doesn't matter that people tell you this, because the visa wait is like purgatory.....but once on the other side, you'll tell others during their wait that......it. will. be. okay.

And the record, I would have used every family connection I had to speed up the process. The other side of the coin is that.....the wait strengthened our relationship and to this day makes us realize just how much we love each other even when we are biting each others heads off. Many relationships do not endure the visa process. Ours did. Life is gooooooood......full of the stresses of all relationships.....and goooood!

[* Kristin * 49]

Be lucky your time difference isn't too severe... I live in California and my fiance is in the UK. We're 8 hours apart in time, and we both work - so weekends are really our chance to catch up. During the week, we exchange emails - short, because we're both busy with work. Weekends are full of Skype and phone calls... but just look on the bright side, you can be together soon

I am a generally patient person I think but this is driving me mental... How do you guys deal with your stress? The wait is taking its toll on our relationship. It's hard to spend all this time on the phone and online and keep up a normal schedule.

This month the time changes here in Wisconsin and I will be an hour AHEAD of Carlos in El Salvador and that makes it even harder!! I work 6a-2:30p and 10 hours of mandatory overtime per week.

The worst part about this whole thing is his dad is the Deputy Chief of the USCIS Forms Center West and he can't even help us expedite anything.

Give me your ideas on how to get thru this trying time...