MENA Men Being "Men"

[FormerlyKnownAs 17]

Point taken, msheesha. Just wanted to point out that I'm not "that girl", you will never see me claim that my fiance is perfect or the best etc. I am a realist, and no we haven't lived together. I've had enough relationship experience to know how things can and will change when we do live together. I was only referring to cultural "norms" as far as gender roles in relationships go. Again, I apologize if I offended anyone, or if I came across as one of the lollipops and rainbows people. I'm certainly not one of those. I am just very curious by nature and like to gather views and opinions, that's all!

[KittyPollitt 284]

LOL my motivation? I just like brown boys. Not too dark, not too light. I dated various of South Asian, Hispanic, and Middle Eastern guys before I met my husband. My ex husband was from Nepal, but (not to be stereotypical, it's the God's honest truth) I couldn't stand the smell of curried spinach in my house and husband's pores, so it didn't work out.

I didn't go hunting out of the US for a Moroccan man. I dated a couple Moroccan men here, but they weren't "the one". Just so happened I saw him in a Facebook group, and he was the hotness. I just got lucky that he has great family values and is chivalrous and polite.

[Lisamarie 79]

Nope, not mine, and you already know that. But when I was with him I could see that was a part of his personality. It's the way he believes a man should be. And everytime he walked into the house he kissed his mother's forehead and hand. He is the most respectful man I have ever met. And I don't care if he isn't living with me yet or not. I've seen enough to know his personality and I don't see it changing once he's here.

And, at the risk of being screamed at or accused of being angry & bitter, how many of the above posters have your manly men actually living with you? (Betsy - I'm aware yours is. Not sure of the others.)

[msheesha 548]

I don't want to belabor the point, but did you date American men that didn't greet their mothers when they walked into the house?

That's a pretty standard greeting in Morocco. Kiss the forehead, kiss the hand, and then kiss your own hand, or shake hands and then kiss your own hand.

Just saying.

I'm going to leave the topic alone, but it seems like there can be idealizing going on, and things that are done by your foreign fiance/spouses are praised & glorified, when in reality, it's pretty standard stuff.

There are a lot of really great things about my husband that I appreciate & make me love him. But things like those mentioned on the thread seem standard.

Edited March 2, 2011 by msheesha

[Lisamarie 79]

No, but they didn't kiss their hand and their forehead. I admired that. I'm sorry that you find my enthusiasm and happiness in my relationship irritating, but it is what it is.

I don't want to belabor the point, but did you date American men that didn't greet their mothers when they walked into the house?

That's a pretty standard greeting in Morocco. Kiss the forehead, kiss the hand, and then kiss your own hand, or shake hands and then kiss your own hand.

Just saying.

[msheesha 548]

It's not irritating, I just look at it from another perspective, is all.

Also, I didn't mean to imply that American men kiss their mothers' hands and foreheads as a greeting. That is a more traditionally MENA greeting. Just making the point that American men greet their mothers as well. In MENA, it's a different form of standard greeting.

Edited March 2, 2011 by msheesha

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Well ladies met my MENA man in 2004, married in 2006 and he's been in the states for 3yrs and a couple months.

We are currently awaiting his citizenship oath date.

He's still the same guy I first met. Handyman, he tries! Cook, can fix eggs!! Knows how to clean, but not up with

how to do laundry! Give him a list and he's finished shopping! I don't ask him to do things unless it's just something

that I need desperate help with....simply because he has been so busy with classes. He will graduate in May with his

second degree BS in Economics. Has a BA in Accounting from Alexandria University. This last year has been nothing

but research, presentations, papers and more papers. He loves Economics with all his heart and his hard work has granted

him acceptance for the accelerated MBA program Eller College of Management University of Arizona and he will begin in June.

Along with his classes he is also in the Honors program at the UofA.

He was also accepted at Indiana University and Penn State! June 2012 he will get his MBA in Finance. We rarely go out

as it takes time away from what he needs to be reading or studying. I know he wants to go out, go places, etc, but in all

good faith I just cannot take him away as it then becomes 2-3 hrs more of added time for him. We have a good give and

take relationship. I'm happy to do my own thing and knowing it doesn't put pressure on him. Yes, I would say I have a great

MENA man. A diva he is not. Poor guy runs on 3 hrs sleep and has no time for hair! Puts on his cap and away he goes and

is perfectly happy!! I appreciate and have always appreciated him being a kind and gentle soul, but he also is my strength.

[Lisamarie 79]

So it's a cultural thing. I still admired it. And admired the way he treated everyone we came across everywhere in Morocco, with respect.

I don't want to belabor the point, but did you date American men that didn't greet their mothers when they walked into the house?

That's a pretty standard greeting in Morocco. Kiss the forehead, kiss the hand, and then kiss your own hand, or shake hands and then kiss your own hand.

Just saying.

I'm going to leave the topic alone, but it seems like there can be idealizing going on, and things that are done by your foreign fiance/spouses are praised & glorified, when in reality, it's pretty standard stuff.

There are a lot of really great things about my husband that I appreciate & make me love him. But things like those mentioned on the thread seem standard.

[KittyPollitt 284]

It's not irritating, I just look at it from another perspective, is all.

Msheesha is getting kinda catty in this thread

[msheesha 548]

At first I was like, Huh?!! Forgot my screen name for a second!

[nurse1967 287]

I mean there are things about American guys that I miss too. I won't get into all those things here. I guess for some American women who have had bad experiences with men who have little interest in family, responsibilities and things like that some MENA guys behaviors can be refreshing. That's all. I certainly don't "idealize" my MENA man. There are things about him I don't like and I'm not shy to tell him about it. As I said, I think many of us just appreciate the family values thing that seems prevalent with MENA guys.

[Lisamarie 79]

A little! LOL Sheesh.....I'm happy, I'm just starting out.......let me live in my moment. You were at this stage once too. At some point I'll be at your stage in the relationship and I'm hoping to still be as enthusiastic as I am now. But either way, this is now and that's in the future;)

Msheesha is getting kinda catty in this thread

Exactly............

I mean there are things about American guys that I miss too. I won't get into all those things here. I guess for some American women who have had bad experiences with men who have little interest in family, responsibilities and things like that some MENA guys behaviors can be refreshing. That's all. I certainly don't "idealize" my MENA man. There are things about him I don't like and I'm not shy to tell him about it. As I said, I think many of us just appreciate the family values thing that seems prevalent with MENA guys.

[MrsAmera 41]

I forgot the question.....oh being a man...

So I think what Betsy said is quite like my husband - he's not at all handy (I can do more things around the house and with the car than he can), he loves his beautifying products and nice clothes (though he's incredibly "frugal" so he'll only get them if it's a steal) Doesn't cook. He's adapting though. I would say there are lots of hills and valleys. When he was in Morocco and I came to visit well he was just the sweetest thing...then he came here and he "had me" so there was no need to work to impress me anymore. So a lot of that romantic stuff sort of went out the window. It pops up again here and there but nothing like it used to be. I guess you throw in 2 kids, work, school, bills, life etc and it's not so romantic anymore. I am and was very independent and he was the very protected and catered to baby of the family. I don't want to say lazy, but we married young and when we did marry he had never had to do much for himself in his own country so he didn't even know where to begin here. There are certainly qualities I admire about him but in all honesty I'm sure there are more "manly" men that I could have met in the US. So no I didn't like him for his manliness lol

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

I should mention that he also does dishes, laundry, cooks, etc. He really doesn't let me do much of anything, which can be both amusing and irritating on certain days! But I wouldn't change a thing about him. I remember the first time I visited, he came up to me and took all of my bags except for my purse and I was like "I'm fine, I can carry that!" And he just gave me this look like "Hey, this is my job!" It was really quite refreshing, to tell the truth.

To Betsy El Sum: Mine is the *same* way about his hair and appearance! It is so funny to me. I don't really mind, I'm kind of a diva bout my looks as well, so we're kind of comical when checking ourselves in the mirror before going out!

I seen this post from you and started LMAO!!! Ahmed and I do the same thing! Before leaving the flat we are in the mirror checking ourselves and checking each other. I will not call him a diva but he is definatley metrosexual! AND I LOVE IT!!! We both are very into looking good at all times, and making sure each other is looking good. We even check ourselves in the mirror in the elavator and in the lobby on our way out! LOL

As to my man being all man... YES YES YES HE IS... AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! There is no questioning our roles in our marriage we both know our roles. I LOVE IT!!! I can't say it enough I LOVE IT!!! I llove my husband and he is the perfect reflection to my perception and I am for him the same!!! WOOHOOO GOTTA LOVE IT!!! I do the cooking and household work and he is all business man and a shining star in his career, I support him and he supports me. Yes he is very jealous over me and I LOVE THAT!!! He comforts and cares for me like no one ever has, and I do the same for him. When he gets home he finds a beautiful wife smelling good and smiling and greeting him showing him how much he is loved and appreciated. Ohhh I know there will be negative comments to what I said, and there is so much more I could go on about forever, but you know what ITS MY LIFE and I finally have what I dreamed of all my life... A REAL MAN!!! Sure not everyone wants what I do, and that's ok by me... the most important thing is... I AM HAPPY AND MY LOVE IS HAPPY!!!!

Here is wishing you and your guy a wonderful life filled with love and joy!!!

[Lisamarie 79]

I love this post

I seen this post from you and started LMAO!!! Ahmed and I do the same thing! Before leaving the flat we are in the mirror checking ourselves and checking each other. I will not call him a diva but he is definatley metrosexual! AND I LOVE IT!!! We both are very into looking good at all times, and making sure each other is looking good. We even check ourselves in the mirror in the elavator and in the lobby on our way out! LOL

As to my man being all man... YES YES YES HE IS... AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! There is no questioning our roles in our marriage we both know our roles. I LOVE IT!!! I can't say it enough I LOVE IT!!! I llove my husband and he is the perfect reflection to my perception and I am for him the same!!! WOOHOOO GOTTA LOVE IT!!! I do the cooking and household work and he is all business man and a shining star in his career, I support him and he supports me. Yes he is very jealous over me and I LOVE THAT!!! He comforts and cares for me like no one ever has, and I do the same for him. When he gets home he finds a beautiful wife smelling good and smiling and greeting him showing him how much he is loved and appreciated. Ohhh I know there will be negative comments to what I said, and there is so much more I could go on about forever, but you know what ITS MY LIFE and I finally have what I dreamed of all my life... A REAL MAN!!! Sure not everyone wants what I do, and that's ok by me... the most important thing is... I AM HAPPY AND MY LOVE IS HAPPY!!!!

Here is wishing you and your guy a wonderful life filled with love and joy!!!

My husband is very good with mechanics, he studied for it in school, but I don't think he is a handyman at all, from what he says, since he isn't here yet.

I forgot the question.....oh being a man...

So I think what Betsy said is quite like my husband - he's not at all handy (I can do more things around the house and with the car than he can), he loves his beautifying products and nice clothes (though he's incredibly "frugal" so he'll only get them if it's a steal) Doesn't cook. He's adapting though. I would say there are lots of hills and valleys. When he was in Morocco and I came to visit well he was just the sweetest thing...then he came here and he "had me" so there was no need to work to impress me anymore. So a lot of that romantic stuff sort of went out the window. It pops up again here and there but nothing like it used to be. I guess you throw in 2 kids, work, school, bills, life etc and it's not so romantic anymore. I am and was very independent and he was the very protected and catered to baby of the family. I don't want to say lazy, but we married young and when we did marry he had never had to do much for himself in his own country so he didn't even know where to begin here. There are certainly qualities I admire about him but in all honesty I'm sure there are more "manly" men that I could have met in the US. So no I didn't like him for his manliness lol