MENA Men Being "Men"

[Jenn! 918]

Jenn,

LOL so nice to see you not letting the negative comments front go unattended! Ever hear the comment " to each, their own" ? My husband is a real man according to my own thoughts and beliefs system, for everyone it is different. Also as I stated I could go on forever stating many reasons as to why I feel Ahmed is a real man in my eyes, but for consideration to others I wasn't long winded. LOL One thing I will not do is get into a defensive mode trying to defend my beliefs. I would never say anyone that isnt living according to the roles Ahmed and I believe in isnt a real man or woman, I just simply believe FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND the roles we have in OUR marriage is what is REAL to US. As beauty is in the eye of the beholder so is each relationship to those that are in that relationship. I truly believe we are all beautiful because of our own individualness (if thats a word LOL) so the same can be said for each individual marriage. Really all I wanted to do was share a little about myself and my husband and how we have found not the perfect person, but the perfect person and marriage and roles and values for US. Good looking out Jenn on the negative comments front, always nice to see both sides to the coin! Have a nice day!!!

Yes, I have heard of "to each their own", as noted, I think that whatever a couple wants to do is great. I still don't quite understand what your definition of "real" is and how that could possibly be a definition unique to you and not have implications for anyone else. If it were of utmost importance to me that, for example, my life partner be a great soccer player, it wouldn't occur to me to say that "real men play soccer". But don't worry about, I tend to get hung up on things like semantics. You have a nice day as well.

[blessedblessed 1]

Since I don't want to disappoint on the negative comments front, I have to say that I don't understand what makes your man any more of a "real man" by the attributes that you've stated. I also think that whatever roles work for you guys, then great, I just object to the implication that anyone who strays from these roles is any less of a man or a woman. This is the same problem I have with similar statements made by American men in other forums regarding the "real women" in other countries. But then again, what do I know, I just burned my bra because it was irritating my armpit hair.

you just became my favorite person on VJ.

[LoveMyMohamed 6]

I am SO GLAD to know my SO isn't the only mirror preener! LOL Now I feel better about it. Cuz in all other regards, I don't have a single complaint. I agree with much of what you ladies have posted - my guy is "THE MAN" - he adores his own mom and does things she would traditionally do, cuz he doesn't want her to over-exert. He forced me to sit while he hung up laundry, while I was there (I was chomping at the bit to help) but he just said, "rest". Yes yes yes he is sensitive as well, and yet, he's a man. I too am an independent sort cuz that's the way we women have been raised, yet I so appreciate and love that Mohamed is the man in our relationship. It feels "right" and I am so blessed we found each other. It is heaven on earth to have the guy take charge in a manly way!! Good topic Here's to our guys!

[Jenn! 918]

you just became my favorite person on VJ.

Whaddya know, I'm *MY* favorite person on VJ, too! Perhaps an acquired taste, however.

[^_^ 5,021]

I should mention that he also does dishes, laundry, cooks, etc. He really doesn't let me do much of anything...

He does everything?

[sussemadel 16]

He does everything?

What alot of women are going through..not mentioning names...is "lollipops and rainbows syndrome"

[msheesha 548]

A little off topic, but speaking of lollipops, I remember my first trip to Morocco, I came home with rainbows for eyeballs, thinking, "I love Morocco; it's perfect; I could live there forever!". By the 7th or 8th trip there, rainbows were nowhere to be found, and the prevailing thought was "where the he$$ were all these prostitutes hiding the first time I was here?".

In the last few trips there I couldn't believe all the prostitutes that I noticed in Tangier and Casa.

Sorry for going off topic, but someone mentioned lollipops.

[KittyPollitt 284]

A little off topic, but speaking of lollipops, I remember my first trip to Morocco, I came home with rainbows for eyeballs, thinking, "I love Morocco; it's perfect; I could live there forever!". By the 7th or 8th trip there, rainbows were nowhere to be found, and the prevailing thought was "where the he$$ were all these prostitutes hiding the first time I was here?".

In the last few trips there I couldn't believe all the prostitutes that I noticed in Tangier and Casa.

Sorry for going off topic, but someone mentioned lollipops.

I noticed them too, but I still have the rainbow eyes for Casablanca. Compared to my hometown, it's freakin Shangri La over there

[The_Dude 1,142]

I will agree with you to some extent. My husband too is good about opening doors, looking out for me and things like that. In some ways though, I tell him he is a diva. He is so concerned about his appearance, has to get his hair cut every three weeks, has certain beauty products he CAN'T live without etc. And, I might mention too, is a total baby when it comes to medical procedures, going to the dentist,things like that. So I do like the fact that they take their role more seriously as far as being the "man". On the other hand, they seem to be more high maintenance then American guys.

One thing I have found about my "manly" MENA man is that he has NOT A HANDYMAN BONE IN HIS BODY. I think it relates to the fact that in Egypt they pay someone to do those type of things and can typically get it done so affordably that it doesn't make much sense to do it yourself. I am way more handy than he is. I don't forsee him ever being good at those types of things.

No offense intended, but from those descriptions, sounds more 'metrosexual' than 'manly man'

That's not the half of it. We're also fat, ugly, prudish, lazy,...

Did Gary hack your VJ account?

[FormerlyKnownAs 17]

Did I not mention that we don't yet live together and that I KNOW things will change when our living arrangements change? I'm not 12 and this isn't my first relationship. Yes, he happens to do everything right now. I don't ask him to nor do I expect it. Not that I should have to explain myself... Thanks for judging, though, and calling my fiance a doormat. It's appreciated.

Maybe some people, not mentioning names, should read all of my posts and consider for a moment that they don't really know me AT ALL before resorting to sniping and back biting. I mean, really... I've not said a thing on this forum to give the impression that I'm going through any sort of "lollipops and rainbows syndrome". And before you repeat that you didn't mention a name, it was *my* post that was quoted, so that would be me that you're talking about. I just asked for a variety of opinions on a specific matter and this turned into senseless mudslinging. I don't get it.

Anyway... No point in wasting my time trying to explain to some of you what is and isn't appropriate behavior toward another human being. The rudeness can continue in my absence, but I'm not going to get in the mud with you. Let me just say before dropping out of my own thread that this group of people seems to be like the cliques in high school and Heaven forbid some new person come to school and try to befriend anyone. I assumed we were all adults with at least one common interest and I guess I assumed also that most of the adults here would treat me as I've treated them, but no such luck. To those of you who have been decent people, thank you. To the rest of you, enjoy your drama.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

(PS - my screen name means "cat" in Darija - as well as I could spell it at the time - and I'm guessing Squeaky has been waiting for just the right moment to make that joke! )

Alas, I know no darija, but now that I know the meaning, I'm adding it to my vocabulary One should know how to say cat in as many languages as possible.

You found a real treasure Ummsqueakster...alot of Arabs find animals in the home repulsive. I've been trying to bring a little mini mini doxie into the home but no go..

AbuS' brother had pets from a young age, so he's used to having animals in the house. He was not, however, used to how americans tend to baby their pets. It took some time, but Squeaky has him wrapped around her paw and if he thinks she's in any way not happy, he'll do whatever he can to cheer her up

He used to get all worked up about cat hair on his clothes, but a few weeks ago, I came home from work and he's like, I've got to show you something:

Moral of the story - don't leave the drawer with your good work pants open.

[KittyPollitt 284]

(PS - my screen name means "cat" in Darija - as well as I could spell it at the time - and I'm guessing Squeaky has been waiting for just the right moment to make that joke! )

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

Did I not mention that we don't yet live together and that I KNOW things will change when our living arrangements change? I'm not 12 and this isn't my first relationship. Yes, he happens to do everything right now. I don't ask him to nor do I expect it. Not that I should have to explain myself... Thanks for judging, though, and calling my fiance a doormat. It's appreciated.

Maybe some people, not mentioning names, should read all of my posts and consider for a moment that they don't really know me AT ALL before resorting to sniping and back biting. I mean, really... I've not said a thing on this forum to give the impression that I'm going through any sort of "lollipops and rainbows syndrome". And before you repeat that you didn't mention a name, it was *my* post that was quoted, so that would be me that you're talking about. I just asked for a variety of opinions on a specific matter and this turned into senseless mudslinging. I don't get it.

Anyway... No point in wasting my time trying to explain to some of you what is and isn't appropriate behavior toward another human being. The rudeness can continue in my absence, but I'm not going to get in the mud with you. Let me just say before dropping out of my own thread that this group of people seems to be like the cliques in high school and Heaven forbid some new person come to school and try to befriend anyone. I assumed we were all adults with at least one common interest and I guess I assumed also that most of the adults here would treat me as I've treated them, but no such luck. To those of you who have been decent people, thank you. To the rest of you, enjoy your drama.

BRAVO well said, BRAVO!!! You took the words right out of my mouth. I find it extremely disappointing how certain people do act on this site. To you, I applaud your words and have much respect for you, I always do enjoy a good meeting of the minds, and I really like that you kept what you had to say very simple and ladylike, BRAVO, well done! Hopefully I am not being too forward in saying, I would be honored to call you friend, you are right, we do have something in common, actually quite a few somethings!

Amber

[Sunny123 44]

So I was reading something in another regional forum today talking about how women from Ukraine want their men to be MEN and I thought... How interesting, I want my men to be MEN too. That is one of the things that drew me so strongly to my MENA fiance. He always treats me like a queen and he takes care of me, unlike my prior US boyfriends (and ex-husband!). It's one of the qualities I always think of when I am asked what made me fall for someone who is so far away from me... He is the man and I am the woman. He opens and holds the door for me, always. He orders my dinner. He always makes sure he's walking on the oncoming traffic side of me when we're crossing the street, etc.

So it made me wonder... How many of you ladies feel the same way? While I certainly have my own mind and am very independent (my fiance wouldn't have me any other way), he is still the most "manly" man I've ever been involved with and I absolutely adore him for it. How many of you feel that this is a cultural/regional thing? And how many of you find it to be one of the more appealing qualities of your MENA man? Just wondering!

So far I would say my mena so is manly he's more on the tradtional side. And I love this side of him. I like very much how he protective and likes to know where and what I am doing. He believes very much that a man should provide for his family. I think that's very sweet. When we went to visit eachother the first few times he would never let me pay for any thing. I do have a job and take care of my self. He's not here living with me yet and I know things will change as time goes by. He's unlike any man I have ever met. I'd have to say also he takes care in how he looks.

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

So far I would say my mena so is manly he's more on the tradtional side. And I love this side of him. I like very much how he protective and likes to know where and what I am doing. He believes very much that a man should provide for his family. I think that's very sweet. When we went to visit eachother the first few times he would never let me pay for any thing. I do have a job and take care of my self. He's not here living with me yet and I know things will change as time goes by. He's unlike any man I have ever met. I'd have to say also he takes care in how he looks.

Well said!