wife went on vacation

[vbtbmrt 2]

hi all my wife went to the phils on vacation in november for christmas to visit her family i had to stay behind due to starting a now job. she took our son with for grandma to see. she was suppose to return on feb 20 she told me feb 17 she wasnt coming back ever.so now i am here just trying to figure out what to do next i have appointment with attorney today after work. will see what happens

she told me she will come back after holy week but thats just stalling as far i am concered.well she also said she has measles right now or something like it ?? she dont know because she wont go to doctor well i love my wife and son very much and dont understand what is going on thank people

[Robert87 2]

you better talk to your wife about it. we cannot advice you anything unless you have something related to this forum. talk to your wife dude.

[crystal01 29]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Did you have a misunderstanding before/ while she is on vacation? It is very unlikely she refuses to come back without a reason. It would be best to talk to her about this and get her to say what's bothering her or what she thinks is wrong.

I hope you guys work it out.

[milimelo 4,477]

You can always contact the US embassy in PI to do a well-check on your son and your wife if you have suspicions something is going on. You want the American citizen services of the consular section.

[Oshun 3]

She has no right to take your child. That is considered kidnapping if she does not return (if the child is your biological child/adopted child/legally yours). That is such horrible news. I would hate to have something like tht happen to me. If you child is a US citizen, she has no legal right to move him/her with your permission. Make sure this is not a misunderstanding before you proceed but do contact the US embassy and begin taking steps to get him back.

Good luck....

[VanessaTony 3,567]

She has no right to take your child. That is considered kidnapping if she does not return (if the child is your biological child/adopted child/legally yours). That is such horrible news. I would hate to have something like tht happen to me. If you child is a US citizen, she has no legal right to move him/her with your permission. Make sure this is not a misunderstanding before you proceed but do contact the US embassy and begin taking steps to get him back.

No it's not. It COULD be called "custodial interference" if there were custody orders in place but there isn't... he said she went on holiday and he knew about it and most likely said it was fine (because he surely didn't expect this). Because he helped the baby get a passport, because the child is the mothers, she's done nothing illegal. The OP stated he let them leave the country so there's no "she had no right to move him"... he GAVE his permission.

If she never wants to come back that's her prerogative. He would have to go to lawyers to issue documents giving him custody but they might not be enforceable in the Philippines. I read that the Philippines is a party to the Hague convention so this might help things.

Good luck.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

File for custody of the child in the US, then ask to have the child returned to the US. Wife is in a bad position in the PHIl, since they do not recognize divorce.

[iwuvcheshert 6]

this happened to my sister, she is not a US immigrant though, UK immigrant...she was saying that she was so sad at england without a family and on the night of their flight, she wasnt all packed then. we knew her husband and were very fond of him..she's under pre partum disorder, and feels happy only wen she got back in the philippines for my wedding. we told her to go back cause that's the best thing for the baby and that the husband had been nothing but great to her.. good thing she followed our family's advise.

as much as we missed her when she was away, we loved her husband too, and this time, she has her own family already.. i think a good conversation would do good. there might be something that your wife has been keeping from you, she might be sad or something else bothers her

[DanTes 21]

She has no right to take your child. That is considered kidnapping if she does not return (if the child is your biological child/adopted child/legally yours). That is such horrible news. I would hate to have something like tht happen to me. If you child is a US citizen, she has no legal right to move him/her with your permission. Make sure this is not a misunderstanding before you proceed but do contact the US embassy and begin taking steps to get him back.

Good luck....

The U.S. Embassy will not, and can not get involved in these type cases.

[patient2010 93]

WOW!

[rlogan 2,036]

hi all my wife went to the phils on vacation in november for christmas to visit her family i had to stay behind due to starting a now job. she took our son with for grandma to see. she was suppose to return on feb 20 she told me feb 17 she wasnt coming back ever.so now i am here just trying to figure out what to do next i have appointment with attorney today after work. will see what happens

she told me she will come back after holy week but thats just stalling as far i am concered.well she also said she has measles right now or something like it ?? she dont know because she wont go to doctor well i love my wife and son very much and dont understand what is going on thank people

Telling you she is never coming back is deadly serious - never to be either given or taken lightly in the circumstance you described.

My wife had both post-partem depression and seasonal affective disorder at the same time. She told me she wanted to get divorced and move back to the Philipippines. I knew what was going on and told her that I understood: of course you do, your feelings are real, just look at you with the acne breaking out all over: your hormones are out of control, this is normal, I am not angry, thank you for telling me, good girl...

She pulled out just fine, wihin the hour. She did some brash, impetuous things as a teenager to try making me mad. I did not respond the way she expected. Instead I told her I knew just what she was up to and wasn't going to fall for it. The rest of the day was completely up to her. If she wanted to have a wonderful day, it was something she merely had to decide to do. If she wanted to me miserable she could choose that too. She always made the right decision.

The younger she is, the greater the possibility there is for immature thinking. I noticed that with my wife surrounded by all these psychophants back home she got a little big for her britches. We've worked through that but it is still something you have to keep in the front of your mind.

More data is needed of course. One thing to do is look back over the past and see if there are things you remember where that little man inside was telling you there was something wrong. Some red flags you rationalized away. Then with respect to the present she's got to be told that this is a declaration of intent to divorce. You can't say "I am never coming back to you" but pretend you are still married.

It would be different if you had previously talked through living there together and had substantially worked out how to accomplish it, and this was merely a six-month accellerated schedule or even a year.

It sure didn't sound like that.

[milimelo 4,477]

The U.S. Embassy will not, and can not get involved in these type cases.

This is exactly what the Embassy will assist with and check - a USC is taken away (could even be considered child abduction).

They are there to help USCs abroad - from issuing emergency passport, to visiting USCs in prison and connecting them to legal assistance, serving as intermediary when one has been robbed so family can send money, expatriation of remains...

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Milimelo is correct, but . . . for this very reason the US Department of State is against dual citizenship. If the child is a US citizen and the citizen of the country's it's in right now, the country will not take action against its own citizen. If the child were a US citizen only, the US had leverage due to child abduction, but here the child is in its home country with his or her mother.

[pixie77 2]

I read that the Philippines is a party to the Hague convention so this might help things.

The Philippines is not a part of The Hague Convention.

http://apostillecentral.com/press/2010/07/21/which-countries-are-not-part-of-the-hague-convention/

But a part of The Hague ADOPTION Convention

http://immigration.about.com/od/immigrationbasics/f/FAQ_Adoption.htm

Agree with Milimelo...

[Haarp425 26]

hi all my wife went to the phils on vacation in november for christmas to visit her family i had to stay behind due to starting a now job. she took our son with for grandma to see. she was suppose to return on feb 20 she told me feb 17 she wasnt coming back ever.so now i am here just trying to figure out what to do next i have appointment with attorney today after work. will see what happens

she told me she will come back after holy week but thats just stalling as far i am concered.well she also said she has measles right now or something like it ?? she dont know because she wont go to doctor well i love my wife and son very much and dont understand what is going on thank people

Here's my example to you. It is up to you how to interpret my statement. I will try to explain to you the typical filipina custom and tradition. Not sure it might be even applicable to other traditional females in other countries.

First off. Majority of Filipina that grows up in the Philippines are soft spoken. They speak English language well but they are still soft spoken. They are very "sensitive" and as a young age they are trained to serve the whole family (cooking, household chores, take care of young siblings) in preparation when she marries someone so she can serve him well. Now, they move to the USA and marry a USC. Feeling secured being married to a nice and loving guy, she will serve you well.

Now, here's what slowly destroy the loving relationship. (This is how I see it) We as mostly male USC, if we find something which is not right or if someone has done something wrong or done something incorrectly, we tell it to them what we think without any reservation. We get upset and yell and let go off our steam as we are told to do. We get mad and upset at that moment but then we let go afterwards and we forget about it.

The typical Filipina is very sensitive to those sudden outburst and sudden anger by the husband. She will cry and keep it (the pain) to herself without you knowing it (for years) and she will never forget it. Still, she will continue to serve the husband well and hoping she won't be treated with sudden anger and sudden outburts again. Typical Filipina does not want her husband talking bad things to her parents specially her mother. Filipino's that grow up in the Philippines who are raised properly does not and are not allowed to talk back at their parents. Filipina are not trained to talk back at their husband even though they are feeling hurt. They are trained not to say hurtful words to anyone because they don't want anybody saying hurtful words to them. Here in the US, sometimes us as husbands tend to say things the way they see it and does not care if it it hurts or not because we think it is better to say it and let go of what we feel inside and let the steam go off. These type of behavior over time builds up in their heart and it will overshadow her love for her husband.

She does not talk about her problem with any other people. She does not even tell her parents her problem with the husband. If she still loves her husband and if she can't take it anymore the verbal abuse, she will not file for divorce, but she will retreat to her parents for comfort and for protection because she does not feel the love and protection anymore from her husband. It is up to the husband to adjust and learn how to deal this kind of relationship with a typical filipina that grows up in a traditional way in the Philippines. If she does not have a parents anymore to go to for comfort and protection, she will try to learn and act the way the husband does and eventually will talk back to the husband. If the husband can't take his own medicine, either someone will get hurt and arrested or divorce is the outcome.

Now to the OP, your situation might be different. However, what I just wrote is typical of why a filipina goes back home and won't come back "just yet".

To the OP, I think she still loves you too because she did not file for divorce and make you pay child support as pay back of some sort. She knows that female in the USA has equal rights with men and she could have used the legal system but not yet because I think she is hoping for some miracle.

I know this for a fact because I know. Here in the USA, a husband can't just beat or slap her wife because he will go to jail. In the Philippines women who are middle class are constantly get beaten by their husband and the husband do not go to jail because NO ONE will report it and because woman does not have equal rights in the Philippines and the laws are not being enforced even there if there is such a thing as protection for women. If the woman in the Philippines is rich and get beat up by her husband then the husband goes to jail. However, reform is slowly being implemented in the Philippines.

Now, the best way to answer your question is to ask a filipina who grew up in the Philippines and speak the same dialect as your wife in traditional way and currently living here in the USA. Approach her in a neutral way and ask question why would a filipina go back home for no reason.