family not present at engagement ceremony

[kiki92 1]

Hi Everyone!

I don't know if this has been discussed yet or not,but here's my dilemma regarding the presence of family members at our engagement ceremony.Here's some background on my case: my fiance and I had our engagement ceremony during my first visit to Vietnam back in Dec/09. We were introduced by a distant relative of his back in Oct/08.

Prior to the engagement ceremony, I tried to figure out where my father was (he had another family in VN, but he did not disclose his phone number/home address of his new family) so that he could be present at the ceremony. In any case, we had a small ceremony at my uncle's house without my dad's presence or siblings (they could not attend because of work/school obligations). Those of you who have a similar experience of not having your direct family present at your engagement ceremony, what is the best way to explain it to the CO during the interview? Thanks for all your input!

[YuAndDan 153]

Engagement ceremony is not a requirement for K-1. In my case we never had one, never came up at interview because it is not required.

What is required is a fiancee letter of intent to be included in the I-129F petition.

[Anh map 2,098]

Engagement ceremony is not a requirement for K-1. In my case we never had one, never came up at interview because it is not required.

What is required is a fiancee letter of intent to be included in the I-129F petition.

Engagement ceremony is a HUGE deal at HCMC. Not having one raises questions.

You could attach a sheet explaining that you did invite / try to invite family and they were unavailable. Be sure that your fiance can explain this adequately (if asked) at the interview.

[Dau Que 6]

Hi Everyone!

I don't know if this has been discussed yet or not,but here's my dilemma regarding the presence of family members at our engagement ceremony.Here's some background on my case: my fiance and I had our engagement ceremony during my first visit to Vietnam back in Dec/09. We were introduced by a distant relative of his back in Oct/08.

Prior to the engagement ceremony, I tried to figure out where my father was (he had another family in VN, but he did not disclose his phone number/home address of his new family) so that he could be present at the ceremony. In any case, we had a small ceremony at my uncle's house without my dad's presence or siblings (they could not attend because of work/school obligations). Those of you who have a similar experience of not having your direct family present at your engagement ceremony, what is the best way to explain it to the CO during the interview? Thanks for all your input!

If I were you, I wouldn't be concerned about the issue that nobody in the family was at the Engagement ceremony. Instead, I'd be concerned to deal with the question "Why would you engage to someone on your FIRST visit?"

Long distant relationship and the costs/time associated with it is NOT an excuse for you to shorten the steps to a successful immigration petition. You gambled, so you should be prepared for an uncontrolled and not so great desirable outcome (blue slip and potential AR)

[Dau Que 6]

Hi Everyone!

I don't know if this has been discussed yet or not,but here's my dilemma regarding the presence of family members at our engagement ceremony.Here's some background on my case: my fiance and I had our engagement ceremony during my first visit to Vietnam back in Dec/09. We were introduced by a distant relative of his back in Oct/08.

Prior to the engagement ceremony, I tried to figure out where my father was (he had another family in VN, but he did not disclose his phone number/home address of his new family) so that he could be present at the ceremony. In any case, we had a small ceremony at my uncle's house without my dad's presence or siblings (they could not attend because of work/school obligations). Those of you who have a similar experience of not having your direct family present at your engagement ceremony, what is the best way to explain it to the CO during the interview? Thanks for all your input!

Edit to highlight the bold part of your post. Are you serious? He (the Dad) was too busy to miss out such an important date for you? To most families, that Engagement ceremony is like a wedding itself because once the daughter immigrates to the US, she has to marry within 90 days and probably her family members in VN wouldn't be able to attend it. And you're telling us your Father missed your "Biggie day" because of work?

Put yourself in the C/O shoes. Would you believe this love story?

[VinhBao MyTam 3]

Counting both sides of the family; bride & groom to be... exactly who (for family) was at the engagement ceremony? And how many total people?

[kiki92 1]

Maybe I wasn't clear on my original post. I have already sent in my K-1 petition on Jan. 2010, my fiance will turn in packet 3 this Friday directly to the consulate. After that, we're waiting for our interview schedule.

My question is address to those who have an engagement ceremony or those who know friends that had an engagement ceremony, where their direct family in the U.S. could not attend. How did you address the issue when it arose during the interview? I understand those of you who said how can your family miss your 'big day', but at the same time, there are different types of families out there, you can't really generalize and say, 'your family should be there on your big day." Some families are close, while others are not as close, so I'll just leave it at that.

I also understand that the consulate looks at how the relationship has developed over time, so we didn't decide on our engagement when we first met face to face, we have discussed the topic on several occasions on the phone and through our chats during June/July/Aug. 2009 before I came to visit him the first time in Dec. 2009.

Looking back at my case, there's a lot of things I wish I had done, but didn't. But I can't turn back time, all I can do is ask for your input as to the best way to deal with the issue at hand, so I can learn from your experience. If there's anything still unclear and you need for me to clarify, please let me know. Thank you for your input!

[Huong and Phung 0]

One of the reason they denied us on the first round was not having any of my family member from the States to be at my wedding. I would try to get someone to be there with you.

[michael7oanh 1]

In our case, we were planning to have an engagement ceremony in Vietnam for my wife's family and then once we had the visa we'd then plan for the official wedding ceremony in the US with my family and friends. This was our excuse for not having my family at the VN engagement ceremony, but the CO didn't seem to care about that particular red flag. Instead, they denied us based on having the engagement ceremony on my first trip, not having enough variety in our photos and also for not having concrete plans for the wedding in the US.

So I'd advise anyone in that similar situation to have a complete and supported story to the full relationship timeline (past, present and future), including a justified reason for having rushed the engagement on the first trip, a large variety of photos from multiple trips, and clear plans for the US wedding (budget, location, guests, etc.)

Edited February 23, 2011 by michael7oanh

[kiki92 1]

In our case, we were planning to have an engagement ceremony in Vietnam for my wife's family and then once we had the visa we'd then plan for the official wedding ceremony in the US with my family and friends. This was our excuse for not having my family at the VN engagement ceremony, but the CO didn't seem to care about that particular red flag. Instead, they denied us based on having the engagement ceremony on my first trip, not having enough variety in our photos and also for not having concrete plans for the wedding in the US.

So I'd advise anyone in that similar situation to have a complete and supported story to the full relationship timeline (past, present and future), including a justified reason for having rushed the engagement on the first trip, a large variety of photos from multiple trips, and clear plans for the US wedding (budget, location, guests, etc.)

Thank you michael7oanh for giving us really good details/suggestions about what happened in your situation. so how long have you known your significant other before you had the ceremony? I knew mine for a little over a year before deciding to visit him so we can confirm our feelings for each other. So can anyone shed a light on why the consulate is denying couples who had the engagement ceremony on their first trip? Or is it the fact that the 'big picture' doesn't fit on some of these cases, and that's why they're denying those who had the ceremony during their first visit?

[VinhBao MyTam 3]

None of my family came from the US. They're Americans though. They don't know anything about engagement ceremonies. :-) I don't know if it would be looked at differently for Viet Kieu.

We did have a live webcam feed from the ceremony that my family (and friends) in the US were able to view.

[michael7oanh 1]

Thank you michael7oanh for giving us really good details/suggestions about what happened in your situation. so how long have you known your significant other before you had the ceremony? I knew mine for a little over a year before deciding to visit him so we can confirm our feelings for each other. So can anyone shed a light on why the consulate is denying couples who had the engagement ceremony on their first trip? Or is it the fact that the 'big picture' doesn't fit on some of these cases, and that's why they're denying those who had the ceremony during their first visit?

Hi, kiki92. My understanding is that the consulate is desperately trying to block scammers, the people who try to get visas to the US through sham relationships. So the consulate makes broad accusations against people with typical red flags in their stories (like rushed engagements, little evidence of sustained relationship, etc.), thus using it as an excuse to deny them visas. I'm not fond of this heavy-handed approach to dealing with the visa fraud problem but then others may say the ends justify the means.

In regards to our story, Oanh and I started out as pen pals introduced through mutual family friends. We were friends for about a year before talks of new years resolutions led to us openly discussing marriage and thus evolving our friendship. Things moved pretty fast from that point. A few months later I made my first trip over there and upon the advice of a lawyer we had the engagement ceremony at her family's house before I returned to the US to file the fiancee visa petition. I guess our case is a classic example of getting burned by our haste but we're still committed to finding a way to build a new life together.

[luckytxn 2,264]

I had no family of mine that came to our engagement party in Vietnam. Also had only proof of us knowing each other for about 4 months before I went to Vn and while there that first time we had gotten engaged and when I came back I started the K1. Also only made one trip to Vn. Somehow I was able to get a pink. They never questioned her about the short engagement and me having no family there. And me coming only one time.

[kiki92 1]

Hi, kiki92. My understanding is that the consulate is desperately trying to block scammers, the people who try to get visas to the US through sham relationships. So the consulate makes broad accusations against people with typical red flags in their stories (like rushed engagements, little evidence of sustained relationship, etc.), thus using it as an excuse to deny them visas. I'm not fond of this heavy-handed approach to dealing with the visa fraud problem but then others may say the ends justify the means.

In regards to our story, Oanh and I started out as pen pals introduced through mutual family friends. We were friends for about a year before talks of new years resolutions led to us openly discussing marriage and thus evolving our friendship. Things moved pretty fast from that point. A few months later I made my first trip over there and upon the advice of a lawyer we had the engagement ceremony at her family's house before I returned to the US to file the fiancee visa petition. I guess our case is a classic example of getting burned by our haste but we're still committed to finding a way to build a new life together.

Thank you michael for your insight, from what you're saying, the consulate is telling people, you cannot have an engagement ceremony during the 1st visit? or else they will flatly deny you, that's kind of farfetched though. But luckytxn just mentioned that he was approved despite having an engagement during the first visit...I guess we will never know what is on the mind of the CO then.

ARe you still going through K-1 or have you decided to switch to a spousal visa?

[kiki92 1]

I had no family of mine that came to our engagement party in Vietnam. Also had only proof of us knowing each other for about 4 months before I went to Vn and while there that first time we had gotten engaged and when I came back I started the K1. Also only made one trip to Vn. Somehow I was able to get a pink. They never questioned her about the short engagement and me having no family there. And me coming only one time.

Hi luckytxn! Wow! that's amazing, how did that happen? Please give us details! Did you have a lot of evidence prior to the visit? what were some of the things that they asked about during the interview, if your significant other can recall the information. Your case brings hope to those who are in a similar situation.

I have a feeling that they might view a viet kieu differently than a native born American. Any thoughts on this?