Age Difference

[shelly-bug 15]

Age gaps are a red flag. You can actually look at the field adjudicators manual on the USCIS website to see what they list as red flags. You will almost certainly be scrutinized extra hard with such a large age gap. Your relationship is real, so just tell them the truth. No need to make up lies about wanting to have a child in a certain month, tell them the truth and you won't get tripped up. Some people choose not to have children at all, there is nothing wrong with that! Some of the replies here are harsh, but try to take it with a grain of salt and be prepared because your IO might be a lot harsher. My husband and I have a much smaller age gap (8.5 years) but I had already been married and divorced by 24 and I got questioned a TON, the interviewer implied I was a floozy and might not know who my baby's father was, etc. - and I was the USC! Get your ducks in a rough and keep a thick skin and you should be fine.

Well thank you so much.....i actually want my child to be borned a certain month thats why i am choosing december to start my pregnancy......once again, thank you sooooo much, your input is very much appreciated and accepted.

Well thank you so much.....i actually want my child to be borned a certain month thats why i am choosing december to start my pregnancy......once again, thank you sooooo much, your input is very much appreciated and accepted.

[shelly-bug 15]

Well, its not unheard of to date older men. Many woman have done it, and in fact, there are men who date and marry much older woman (Ashton and Demi come to mind). Expect some questions, and have lots of proof. Thats all thats necessary. And we here on VJ will ask you questions that an interviewer might ask. Its not to hurt your feelings or be mean, it just helps prepare you for what you might encounter in your interview.

Good luck, and I hope your process goes well.

i wanna say thank you for your input, and for being so subtle about it.....that's what i prefer.

[shelly-bug 15]

Hi Shelly,

Ive dated a lot of older guys myself and i know as a jamaican a lot of times we're looking for that stability our parents always stressed to us to look for in a man and unfortunately most times it takes an older man....Im happy you found that and you guys are in love! However

I read all these replies and girl ur really gonna have to have a better attitude in the interview...REALLY...A friend of mine was in a similar position not as big of an age gap but big enough and she was drilled over and over again same questions for hours...U know your marriage is real but they dont and its your job to prove to them that it is, all the odds are against you but you have to stand your ground and show them that its real and it will last. The replies you got i dont think were meant to offend you but think about someone in your face for hours askin you these same questions over and over again ur gonna get frustrated but you cant show it just tell the truth and youll be fine, no need to make up answers because you think thats what they wanna hear cuz trust me they just might get ur husband to say some things you never though he would(i want a baby and she's not ready) so just be careful..

LOL!.....THANK YOU GIRL!.....NOW THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!....LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR RESPONSE!

Anyway, i wish you all the best girl and go ahead and have that baby since ur gonna have one anyway trust me it will definitely help,,a few months early wont besides the guy is runnin out of time!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Wow active topic. Age difference is like the ritcher scale. 1-5 year barely noticed, 5-10 maybe someone sees it, 11-15 they will notice but may not get hung up, 16-20 you are definitely make some commotion and 20 or more years and you can count on some major reaction.

If you have proof of the evolution of the relationship you have one of your bases covered. I can understand not wanting to get pregnant until you have a secure immigration status. ( which is actually a second red flag getting married at the end of your valid stay ) Be prepared for all sorts of questions. They may question your marriage motives. The may question your ability to have a good physical relationship, if you two are not the same race that will add to the red flag list. Be prepared for them to see that you started creating joint accounts and open sharing when you filed your petition, and they may claim it was staged. Nothing in the adjudicators manual says they have to be polite or pleasant. They are going to try to upset you and get you to make mistakes in what they think is your string of lies. You will get an interview, but it will probably be one of the worse experiences in your life.

That being said prepare for the worse hope for the best.

[shelly-bug 15]

Wow active topic. Age difference is like the ritcher scale. 1-5 year barely noticed, 5-10 maybe someone sees it, 11-15 they will notice but may not get hung up, 16-20 you are definitely make some commotion and 20 or more years and you can count on some major reaction.

If you have proof of the evolution of the relationship you have one of your bases covered. I can understand not wanting to get pregnant until you have a secure immigration status. ( which is actually a second red flag getting married at the end of your valid stay ) Be prepared for all sorts of questions. They may question your marriage motives. The may question your ability to have a good physical relationship, if you two are not the same race that will add to the red flag list. Be prepared for them to see that you started creating joint accounts and open sharing when you filed your petition, and they may claim it was staged. Nothing in the adjudicators manual says they have to be polite or pleasant. They are going to try to upset you and get you to make mistakes in what they think is your string of lies. You will get an interview, but it will probably be one of the worse experiences in your life.

That being said prepare for the worse hope for the best.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!.....APPRECIATE IT ALOT!....

[mell8725 0]

hey...check ur inbox

[Krikit 1,164]

Closed for review.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

After review, two posts violating TOS plus one post quoting the violations have been removed. Acceptable parts of the removed posts will be returned to the thread below through copy and paste.

Regardless of provocation, it is not acceptable to make personal attacks or insults against other members, nor to use obscenities or inappropriate language.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Ok i don't what the big deal is about me having a baby or not having a baby..... i wrote on my introductory statement, saying i am on birth control but we wont plan on having a baby until DECEMBER!!!...

The only reason I mention the birth control was because it may be a red flag. Personally if a 24 year old finds their soulmate in a 64 year old then more power to them.

Good for everyone who has went through this process and came out successful, but like said, i need advise from SPECIFICALLY someone who has gone through a similar process OR know someone who has, where age difference is concerned. So i choose to acknowledge the ones that sound positive and encouraging, rather than the ones who wanna speculate or say i'm immature, or i should get pregnant or not get pregnant, or whether the USCIS is reading this or not(like i care).

I know i will be drilled on these questions during the interview, but guess what? THE ONLY QUESTION I HAD ASK, WAS "WILL I BE DENIED AN WITHOUT EVEN HAVING AN INTERVIEW?"

I SHALL FOREVER SAY THIS, THANKS FOR THE POSITIVE ADVICE ......

[VanessaTony 3,567]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!.....APPRECIATE IT ALOT!....

Sent you a PM but also, no. You will not be denied without interview unless you fail to reply to an RFE.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I'm a big proponent for age gap, but 25 years out is about it for me.

You, sir/madam are the all time champ at 40 yr age gap.

I can't say I would recommend it, even for my liberal policy on the matter.

good luck!

[missaero 7]

I reviewed part of the adjudicator's manual and I have to say that the manual makes it clear that the officers must remain calm and professional throughout their interview. I have read about experiences on VJ were the IO has bullied the interviewees but I hardly call that professional and provides basis for a complaint. shelly-bug, keep yourself in check, answer the IO succinctly and truthfully and maintain your own professional demeanor and you should be fine.Yes, the interview will be difficult but most are videotaped (or at least the audio is recorded) so if you do feel harassed or bullied in any way, you can make a complaint later citing the manual below.

See below:

15.3 Officer Conduct and Appearance.

(a) Appearance .

It is imperative that the officer conducting the interview dress in a professional manner. Both males and females should wear appropriate business attire, although some offices may permit "business casual" attire on certain days.

(b) Conduct and Attitude .

All interviews should be conducted in a courteous and businesslike manner. The following guidelines will ensure that the interview is conducted professionally:

· Maintain control of the interview at all times. "Maintaining control" does not mean being overbearing or abusive; on the contrary, it requires that the officer maintain a professional demeanor at all times. The exact nature of that professional demeanor will sometimes vary, according to the interview techniques being employed (see below). The ability of the officer to maintain control of him/herself is instrumental in maintaining control of the interview.

· Speak clearly, distinctly and not too rapidly, using plain and simple language when questioning an applicant, petitioner or witness. Avoid complex and lengthy questions, and always obtain a responsive answer before proceeding to the next questions. Avoid USCIS jargon.

· At all times maintain due regard for the rights of the person being questioned.

· Avoid arguments with the person being interviewed, as well as remarks of personal nature that may be taken as a reflection of a judgment of a personal lifestyle.

· Refrain from making any extraneous comments, as they are irrelevant to the purpose of the interview and detract from the professional demeanor the officer should maintain. Do not make any comments which might be taken as a negative reflection upon any other person, race, religion, or country.

· Maintain professional conduct even if the interviewee becomes abusive or if derogatory information is developed.

· Be fair, courteous, and patient without diminishing in any degree full and complete development of the material facts, whether they be favorable or adverse to the person being interviewed or any other person.

· When questioning persons concerning sexual relations, always avoid questions which can be construed solely as prurient or prying.

· Ensure that your demeanor is unprejudiced, impartial, and creates no foundation for complaints that you have been unfair or have used any mistreatment or duress.

[shelly-bug 15]

Sent you a PM but also, no. You will not be denied without interview unless you fail to reply to an RFE.

Thank you.....that was quite alot of info to process.....but thanks for the heads up anyway...

[shelly-bug 15]

I reviewed part of the adjudicator's manual and I have to say that the manual makes it clear that the officers must remain calm and professional throughout their interview. I have read about experiences on VJ were the IO has bullied the interviewees but I hardly call that professional and provides basis for a complaint. shelly-bug, keep yourself in check, answer the IO succinctly and truthfully and maintain your own professional demeanor and you should be fine.Yes, the interview will be difficult but most are videotaped (or at least the audio is recorded) so if you do feel harassed or bullied in any way, you can make a complaint later citing the manual below.

See below:

15.3 Officer Conduct and Appearance.

(a) Appearance .

It is imperative that the officer conducting the interview dress in a professional manner. Both males and females should wear appropriate business attire, although some offices may permit "business casual" attire on certain days.

(b) Conduct and Attitude .

All interviews should be conducted in a courteous and businesslike manner. The following guidelines will ensure that the interview is conducted professionally:

· Maintain control of the interview at all times. "Maintaining control" does not mean being overbearing or abusive; on the contrary, it requires that the officer maintain a professional demeanor at all times. The exact nature of that professional demeanor will sometimes vary, according to the interview techniques being employed (see below). The ability of the officer to maintain control of him/herself is instrumental in maintaining control of the interview.

· Speak clearly, distinctly and not too rapidly, using plain and simple language when questioning an applicant, petitioner or witness. Avoid complex and lengthy questions, and always obtain a responsive answer before proceeding to the next questions. Avoid USCIS jargon.

· At all times maintain due regard for the rights of the person being questioned.

· Avoid arguments with the person being interviewed, as well as remarks of personal nature that may be taken as a reflection of a judgment of a personal lifestyle.

· Refrain from making any extraneous comments, as they are irrelevant to the purpose of the interview and detract from the professional demeanor the officer should maintain. Do not make any comments which might be taken as a negative reflection upon any other person, race, religion, or country.

· Maintain professional conduct even if the interviewee becomes abusive or if derogatory information is developed.

· Be fair, courteous, and patient without diminishing in any degree full and complete development of the material facts, whether they be favorable or adverse to the person being interviewed or any other person.

· When questioning persons concerning sexual relations, always avoid questions which can be construed solely as prurient or prying.

· Ensure that your demeanor is unprejudiced, impartial, and creates no foundation for complaints that you have been unfair or have used any mistreatment or duress.

I will certainly take a note of this, thank you so much!

[shelly-bug 15]

THIS IS ONE MESSED UP SITE....SMH!

THANKS FOR CUTTING OUT MY IMMATURE LINES...THIS IS BEYOND FUNNY, YOU MIGHT AS WELL DELETE MY ENTIRE POSTING!