Looks like I'm getting a divorce

[Marie1123 0]

So Monday night I'm laying in bed sound asleep, after all it was 1 am! I get a collect call from the Essex County Jail and it's my husband. Apparently he's been arrested for multiple weapon charges and drug possesion. I'm thinking why is he in our local jail when he's supposed to be visiting his supposedly sick mom for the past week and not returning until September 5th. Well, it turns out, he never even left the county, he was staying with his 2 daughters...yes 2 daughters who were both conceived during the time of our marriage; FYI we've only been married a little over a year . No one can imagine how furious I was, then to top it off he wants me to believe the cops set him up and he's innocent and all this will go away. I contacted several attorneys today and they all said that a gun charge in NJ carries a minimum fine of 4 years, not to mention the drug charges, plus he had other charges pending. I feel like such a fool, all this stuff is coming out and I'm beginning to feel like his entire family knew and were all covering up for him. For example, his mom called me a few days ago telling me how nice it was to see him and how good he looks...blah blah blah. Words can't explain how frustrated and disgusted I am, for the last 4 months I've gotten 27 insufficient funds notices from our bank, today they closed the account, he sold our other car, I'm now thinking several times he had my daughter with him while he was doing his street business. I'm ready to call a divorce lawyer and get some paper work going, my parents seem to think I'm giving up too easy. The way I look at it...he has absolutely no respect, love or decency towards me. I mean, it's bad enough to go have a kid outside your marriage, but to have 2 and then parading around with them, obviously he was using my money to take care of them. The damn bank account was never in the positive...never. This isn't his first time arrested, before we got married, that was one of the things we discussed. I let him know from day one that I wasn't tolerating him going back and forth to prison, we were supposed to have a family and put the past behind us. Obviously all that meant nothing to him, we're both 26 years old, still young with our lives ahead of us. I just don't get it. Do you guys think I'm copping out, I was raised to believe that marriages were to last forever; I'm really beginning to feel like a failure at the mere thought of ending my marriage. I mean how the hell am I supposed to deal with 2 kids outside my marriage, yet he bitches the moment I speak to my daughter's father. Please Advise

[rebeccajo 14]

Um no I don't think you are giving up. What kind of a 'forever' would a marriage like that be?

Wait a minute - 2 daughters in less than a year....that means two different mothers, right?

What an a$$hole.

Edited August 31, 2006 by rebeccajo

[sarah and hicham 3]

Wow you poor poor thing. Move on and I'm sorry this happened. GOod luck to you.

[YuAndDan 153]

No you are doing the correct thing, dump him! You have legal grounds to remain in the USA.

Hang in there! But dump him!

[Marie1123 0]

Um no I don't think you are giving up. What kind of a 'forever' would a marriage like that be?

Wait a minute - 2 daughters in less than a year....that means two different mothers, right?

What an a$$hole.

Nope first kid was born August 26th, second kid was born May 12th. From what the mother told me, somethings wrong with the kid and she was born a couple months premature. Not that I care!

[garya505 2]

Dump him and move on. He won't change (even if he gets out of prison some day).

[Eveline 9]

You go girl. Keep your chin up (I know, easier said than done) and file for divorce. I would not tolerate this behavior at all. What I don't know now is, are you the USC or is he? Sorry, I don't know your pre-disaster-story.

Evi

Edited August 31, 2006 by Eveline

[Kathryn41 3,205]

You are not copping out. His behaviour has been inexcusable and totally irresponsible. You deserve better. I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but cut your losses and get on with a better life for you and your daughter. Marriage is a partnership and he sounds like he bailed out of this one before it even began. Good luck.

[Anastassia 0]

Run girl, run far from him. People who were in jail before usually go back. This guy sounds like bad news.

I am sorry this has happened to you but you have a chance to leave him and have a normal life. He will ask you for forgiveness and promise he will change. You will believe him and only waste more time.

Good luck with all.

Ana

[Lizzy 0]

Wow, you deserve better than this.

[JenT 0]

...This isn't his first time arrested, before we got married, that was one of the things we discussed. I let him know from day one that I wasn't tolerating him going back and forth to prison, we were supposed to have a family and put the past behind us...

That should have been your first clue about his character. Do you really need further proof?

[Karen_L 1]

Yikes. You deserve so much better than this b.s. You aren't giving up on the relationship at all -- HE is the one who gave up on having a good marriage when he insisted on doing these things. You have a mountain of evidence to show that you entered into the marriage in good-faith and the divorce is due to HIS actions, so I really think that you will be able to stay in the US.

Good luck!

[sjoefl01 1]

Maybe it is just me but I really don't see in the post if you are the immigrant or the benificiary.

Of course either way you are dealing with a drug addict that can not be trusted as long as they are on the drug. The advice might be a little different depending on who you are. Either way he is not going to be any help to you as long as he is addicted to this drug.

[RKhalid 0]

Im so sorry for you, that really sucks alot that you went through all that visa torture and then finally have it all done and only to find out that your husband is doing horrible things, that really sucks, im so soo sad about it....

but really, the only people who say that you are copping out are people who are weak, i mean...come on, it's easier to stay with him, sure, and be miserable, but it's easier isn't it? that is the weak thing to do , im sorry but it is...so the stronger thing is to take the more challenging road, and go out on your own, have faith that maybe it will be hard for a while, but atleast you will get over him and wont have to be miserable....i know it's hard, but you can do it if you really truly believe he won't change, and it seems like you've already made up your mind that he wont...

All i know is that if someone cheats, that's just horrible

it means they don't respect you or your feelings, and it's just so sad to be cheated on , and it really takes a bad kind of person to be able to cheat on someone, and that doesn't change, or atleast you can't change him, he will have to change himself...which doesn't seem likely...

He is not even admitting to his mistakes, that shows right there that he is not gona change, because if you can't even say sorry! i mean blaming the police that it's all some big conspiracy or something..that is his way of not admitting his fault and not even apologizing for that...sorry but how can he fix himself if he won't even admit his is doing bad things...

Further more, he is putting you into debt by spending money you don't have...so do you really think you would be better with him? he is not caring if you have money at all, that's just sad...

im so sorry about this, i hope you can find the right choice for you to make, just make sure you are not going to be miserable, and you are young like you said, take advantage of that, ok?

Alright, im done blabbing, i hope it all works out for you.

[M. 0]

Hun, get out of that relationship now! That is no way for anyone to treat their spouse!

BTW, where in New Jersey are you? As one divorced New Jersey girl to another, not to mention someone who's familiar with family law, PM me and I might be of some help.