Mother in Law OR Monster in Law?

[DeltaAlpha 0]

You know ...right when i thought things are the way they supose to be, last night my husband drops "the bomb" on me. I was planing on going to one of the comunity colleges to do the rn program, so i researched everything there is to know about this school, it's very inexpensive, so everything was awsome, until my husband came home yesterday.

He came home and he said to me his mother called him and told him it's better if i don't go to this school, as i will either fail or have a very hard time in school. That is because she went to the same school same program, and she is friends with the big important people from the rn program, and she told them about me. (you can only imagine what she said to them)so now if i apply they will recognize me and will not look at me with preety eyes.

She said to hubby she is sorry but it's too late to change anything, and that now i will take this in a bad way, no matter what she sais, as it will still look bad on her...

What i want to know is why would she not e-mail me straight and tell me this? Why play the cordless phone?

My mind went blank last night when i heard that, as i am not a AAAA++++ student to be so confident to say: hell with that i'm doing it my way! i believe she is capable of many things so i will not play silly and even atempt this.

there are two more colleges that have the RN, one is a real collage, and obviously is more expensive, and the other one is kind of far.

In a way..i can understand bad mouthing, i do, everyone does it once in a while, but i'm still pissed off, is it normal?

Is she just playing me? Chances are she told the world about me, i'm surprised you guys talk to me.

what are you talking about? do you really believe that someone can influence you grades at school like that? even if whe's the Chancellor of the school each teacher will grade you for what you know. I am not a big thing of the community colleges, but I am sure you will be briliant there. The eexpectations in my oninion are not high at all. what community college are yoy thinking about and what field do you have in mind?

Do you guys live with your in-laws? How old are they? I think, for your own benefit, you should listen to her, but do what you want to do with your life. what is your husband thinking about all this? this is your family, you and your husband decide if/where you go to shool not anybody else. talk to him and maybe he and you may not even tell her about your plans.

[DeltaAlpha 0]

James&Olya, I like what you said above. I really explained to her how things are in Romania from day 1 and she still doesn't get it. Unfortunately the best way for her to find out is to really give it a shot or at least try to show interest, at least be positive and just say "I would love to go". I don't hear that at all, the only thing I hear is silence or negativity when I talk about it. That's why I prefer to stop this and move on. My husband is going to visit Romania with me this summer and I really hope that his experience there would indirectly make her regret what she currently keeps in her head about my country.

my in-laws did not know much about Romania either.they knew a little bit but their opinion was a lil skewed by media and other American biases, but once they've been there, they tell everybody that they know how beautiful it is, how the food is so healthy and good and all teh good stuff. I talk bad about Americans all the time and about American schools (I'm a pre-service teacher) and they agree with me so much.

you probabily know by now that teh average American does not travel outside of US as mush as other people from otehr cultures and I know of understand their stereotypes, but I appreciate how many of them try to know more from me once they get to know my personality and they like what they hear about my country...yeah you hear fake comments also...but you also hear people who are educated and interested in other culutures. I am sure you husband will love our country. what is it not to love for a turits? cheap and great food, great and cheap places to visit, friendly and educated people, etc. My American family thinks that I am a cute lil girl from Romania and that Romanian culture+my parents made me who I am and they respect that very much. Maybe you should show you mom-in-law some videos with places in Romania and if she does'n like them they she' s pretending she dos not like them and I guarantee your husband will bring enthusiasm back from Ro to USA and to his mom. That's what my husband did the first time he visisted and many wonderful pictures.

good luck!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I love my MIL and she loves me. We get along great. She says she can tell I am not a native Russian speaker though. If she thinks I have gained weight she tells Alla she feeds me too much. If I look like I have lost weight, she tells Alla she does not feed me enough.

She is also an engineer (retired). She dotes over me and the boys (Alla feels left out ) and she is happy that her daughter lives by a clean lake and has a lot of grass in her yard so when the bad times come (they will) we will have plenty of fish and grass to eat. No, I am not kidding. She says "I can die now, my child and grandchildren are in a good place"

She is also 5000 miles away and hates to fly and cannot possibly swim that far. I see her twice a year when we visit and carry lots of stuff from the market to her flat before we leave so she has food for days and days without having to carry it. Plus I fix things in her flat that have been "broken since 1958"

What's not to like?

[silvana.toma 15]

You know when i started this post i really thought more people will be experiencing at least some of my problems, but i'm strating to think i'm the exception and not the rule. Good for you girls, it's awsome you get along with your MIl, i am happy for you. This gives me hope to think there are some happy endings in the world.

[xxtinaxx 14]

You know when i started this post i really thought more people will be experiencing at least some of my problems, but i'm strating to think i'm the exception and not the rule. Good for you girls, it's awsome you get along with your MIl, i am happy for you. This gives me hope to think there are some happy endings in the world.

If you think you can do it, just do it and don't mind other talking ###### about it, even if that was your mom in law . I'm sure she will change her opinion about your ability to study that program one day when you succeed. God bless you.

[silvana.toma 15]

If you think you can do it, just do it and don't mind other talking ###### about it, even if that was your mom in law . I'm sure she will change her opinion about your ability to study that program one day when you succeed. God bless you.

hey, thank you for the support!

I did some real soul searching and i will be following a different career path, at a different school, not because of the MIL, but because this program i am trying to pursue only exists in this school.

I was thinking of what she said, and to be honest i think she is only trying to excercise her power on us(again) by telling me not to go to this school because the teachers will not like me because she told them stuff about me.

She came for dinner the other week , and for about 2 hrs she talked about her other daughter in law- obviously the refrences to me were so obvious that it made me sick, but i couldn't say anything because "she wasn't talking about me", and if i would have said anything i would look like i am a lunatic.

Then she talked about kids, how we shouldd not have kids anytime soon(meaning not in the next 5-10 years)anyway a disaster. But she smiled the entire time, and was very excited to be here, and bla bla bla

When she came she told my husband to go downstairs to help her bring something up, i was actually curious what she got for us that she need my husband to help her out with...well...it was a bag ...with a sign in it about families..not heavy at all..maybe half a pound?

then when she left she asked my husband to go with her to the gas station because it was dark outside, and she was afraid to put gas in the car alone...ok i forgot to mention she does not have a husband...so i would asume she never puts gas in the car at night..ever.

all this escort bussines...was she trying to show me she still has control over her son, did she just want to spend more time with her son, did she wanted to tell him something that i should not hear?

i got to read those books soon, right after i get in this program i am going to read both books:in sheep's clothing, and nasty people...

[TracyTN 237]

You know when i started this post i really thought more people will be experiencing at least some of my problems, but i'm strating to think i'm the exception and not the rule. Good for you girls, it's awsome you get along with your MIl, i am happy for you. This gives me hope to think there are some happy endings in the world.

I don't think you're the exception at all. I think a lot of us struggle with our MIL's - I know I do!! I swear if she lived nearby, I'm pretty sure we could not be able to avoid a huge big blow up. In fact, I know it. She has a horrible temper and I have a short fuse - a recipe for disaster. Esp. when all she does is criticize how we parent. I'd be happy never to interact with the woman ever again, in my entire life - but for my daughter's sake, I'll always have to suck it up and deal with her nastiness.

I DO think there are just as many who have good relationships though. Thinking of all my friends and their in law stories, I'd say its about 50/50.

[Marilyn. 340]

my mom's MIL was a not a good MIL and not a great grandparent either.. she had her favourite grand-kids and she let us know it.. my mom is a super nice person but my grandma was always mean to her..

[Nina~ 431]

My MIL is the kindest and sweetest person I have ever met. She treats me so nice that it makes even my own mom jealous. And it is not by luck that I ended up with a good MIL, I had made it a point to date men who had nice parents and had a healthy relationship with them. This is mainly because I almost married a guy with a crazy mother and learned a really big lesson.

My ex's mom is a psycho.. really. She seemed kinda strange when I first met her, and then she started acting all psycho when I started dating my ex. I am using the term "psycho" because she would be all nice to my face and then turn around and stab me in the back. She would do/say small things in a underhanded way that implied that I was a #######. The one time I spent the night at his parent's place, she locked me up in the room with his sister in case I decided to seduce her precious boy in the middle of the night.

I later found out the back-story for her "psychoness". It turns out that my ex's grandmother was the town ####### who went after married men and broke up numerous marriages. They lived in a small town, so my ex's mother was treated like a pariah and would get cussed by random strangers on the road telling her that she was the daughter of a #######. So my ex's mom grew up with a sh!t load of issues and had an unhealthy view of all women. In her mind, all women are sluts who try to lead men astray.

Towards the end of the relationship, I realized that my ex had inherited his own fair share of issues infidelity-morality baggage from his mother. Since then, I consider it as a redflag when a person has crazy parents or do not have a good relationship with them.

And also, I think it is very important to spend enough time and REALLY REALLY get to know your spouses' family before getting married. For example, my ex's mom is a teetotaler who attends mass 3 times a week.. On the other hand, my current MIL drinks, smokes occasionally, and does not attend church. But when I looked past the surface, it was quite obvious that my MIL is worth her own weight in gold and has a wonderful relationship with her sons (which my ex's mom did not have).

ETA: Spelling

Edited April 18, 2011 by Nina~

[Zee Bee 61]

My MIL and I get along great. I actually knew her before I met my husband so when he introduced me to her we just laughed at each other. We have a good relationship and we understand each other so it works. I also have a good relationship with my FIL.

The same goes for my husband and my parents.

[silvana.toma 15]

My MIL is the kindest and sweetest person I have ever met. She treats me so nice that it makes even my own mom jealous. And it is not by luck that I ended up with a good MIL, I had made it a point to date men who had nice parents and had a healthy relationship with them. This is mainly because I almost married a guy with a crazy mother and learned a really big lesson.

My ex's mom is a psycho.. really. She seemed kinda strange when I first met her, and then she started acting all psycho when I started dating my ex. I am using the term "psycho" because she would be all nice to my face and then turn around and stab me in the back. She would do/say small things in a underhanded way that implied that I was a #######. The one time I spent the night at his parent's place, she locked me up in the room with his sister in case I decided to seduce her precious boy in the middle of the night.

I later found out the back-story for her "psychoness". It turns out that my ex's grandmother was the town ####### who went after married men and broke up numerous marriages. They lived in a small town, so my ex's mother was treated like a pariah and would get cussed by random strangers on the road telling her that she was the daughter of a #######. So my ex's mom grew up with a sh!t load of issues and had an unhealthy view of all women. In her mind, all women are sluts who try to lead men astray.

Towards the end of the relationship, I realized that my ex had inherited his own fair share of issues infidelity-morality baggage from his mother. Since then, I consider it as a redflag when a person has crazy parents or do not have a good relationship with them.

And also, I think it is very important to spend enough time and REALLY REALLY get to know your spouses' family before getting married. For example, my ex's mom is a teetotaler who attends mass 3 times a week.. On the other hand, my current MIL drinks, smokes occasionally, and does not attend church. But when I looked past the surface, it was quite obvious that my MIL is worth her own weight in gold and has a wonderful relationship with her sons (which my ex's mom did not have).

ETA: Spelling

hey Nina,

Funny you mentioned that because i actually told my hubby(we have been together for 5 years)if i would have met his mom earlier, i would probably stop dating him, but we were too far into our relationship, and he is just to nice and loving to dump him because of his not so normal mom.

The thing that drives me up the wall, and the thing that i just can not deal with no matter how much i try is how manipulative she is.

1. She is saying things that she wants me to hear by "jocking"- so if i get upset i am the "crazy"or "not cool" one for not getting her jockes.

2. She talks about situations or people but actually she talks about our situation and ME ..indirectly of course-so if i say something then i will be the crazy one, because "she wasn't talking about me"

So..the problem i am facing is that she is a ###### to me, but she is covered, because she is "not talking about me", she is only "jocking"etc...

Of course over dinner she had to explain to me how my hubby NEVER LIED TO HER and ever since he met me he started lying, and changing for the worst...so ...what i am suposed to say to her? Excuse me mam ...did you had a lie detector in your home and every time your son came home you asked him to take a test?

also for an hour she talked about how well she raised her children, and how good of a mom she was; and in my mind i was thinking maybe that's why 2 out of the 3 sons don't even want to hear from her...because she did such a great job!

anyway...i invited her over dinner because deep down i hoped she can change and we can all be a family, but i just don't forsee how that can happen, when all she does is beeing a ######.

Edited April 18, 2011 by silvana.toma

[silvana.toma 15]

My MIL and I get along great. I actually knew her before I met my husband so when he introduced me to her we just laughed at each other. We have a good relationship and we understand each other so it works. I also have a good relationship with my FIL.

The same goes for my husband and my parents.

I'm glad to see people happy, you are so blessed you have no ideea!

[TracyTN 237]

My MIL is the kindest and sweetest person I have ever met. She treats me so nice that it makes even my own mom jealous. And it is not by luck that I ended up with a good MIL, I had made it a point to date men who had nice parents and had a healthy relationship with them. This is mainly because I almost married a guy with a crazy mother and learned a really big lesson.

My ex's mom is a psycho.. really. She seemed kinda strange when I first met her, and then she started acting all psycho when I started dating my ex. I am using the term "psycho" because she would be all nice to my face and then turn around and stab me in the back. She would do/say small things in a underhanded way that implied that I was a #######. The one time I spent the night at his parent's place, she locked me up in the room with his sister in case I decided to seduce her precious boy in the middle of the night.

I later found out the back-story for her "psychoness". It turns out that my ex's grandmother was the town ####### who went after married men and broke up numerous marriages. They lived in a small town, so my ex's mother was treated like a pariah and would get cussed by random strangers on the road telling her that she was the daughter of a #######. So my ex's mom grew up with a sh!t load of issues and had an unhealthy view of all women. In her mind, all women are sluts who try to lead men astray.

Towards the end of the relationship, I realized that my ex had inherited his own fair share of issues infidelity-morality baggage from his mother. Since then, I consider it as a redflag when a person has crazy parents or do not have a good relationship with them.

And also, I think it is very important to spend enough time and REALLY REALLY get to know your spouses' family before getting married. For example, my ex's mom is a teetotaler who attends mass 3 times a week.. On the other hand, my current MIL drinks, smokes occasionally, and does not attend church. But when I looked past the surface, it was quite obvious that my MIL is worth her own weight in gold and has a wonderful relationship with her sons (which my ex's mom did not have).

ETA: Spelling

I completely agree with you.

I had no red flags about his mom in the 3 1/2 years that hubby and I were engaged. Sure - she was not perfect, and could drive him nuts from time to time, but nothing that I ever considered over the top. He'd learned over the years how to engage her when she did drive him crazy and they were always able to work through whatever.

But it seemed like us having her (first and only) grandchild sent her over the top in ways he didn't even see coming. He NEVER expected her to arrive in our house and start slamming us as parents every time we turned around. We are first time parents and obviously, we don't know everything - but seriously. We had a child with no issues with eating, sleeping, etc. and she kept imagining ones and suggesting solutions. No - suggesting is the wrong word. DEMANDING is the accurate word.

On her second night in town, they got into such a screaming fight that I could hear them on our back deck from inside our house (windows shut, AC on) - and he told her to stop it or get on a plane in the morning. He has since said to me that, if he were in my shoes, he would never want to speak to her again. That's pretty much how I feel towards her, but try not to be that way for our daughter's sake. If she didn't live 4000 miles away - seriously - I don't know what I'd do.

[silvana.toma 15]

I completely agree with you.

I had no red flags about his mom in the 3 1/2 years that hubby and I were engaged. Sure - she was not perfect, and could drive him nuts from time to time, but nothing that I ever considered over the top. He'd learned over the years how to engage her when she did drive him crazy and they were always able to work through whatever.

But it seemed like us having her (first and only) grandchild sent her over the top in ways he didn't even see coming. He NEVER expected her to arrive in our house and start slamming us as parents every time we turned around. We are first time parents and obviously, we don't know everything - but seriously. We had a child with no issues with eating, sleeping, etc. and she kept imagining ones and suggesting solutions. No - suggesting is the wrong word. DEMANDING is the accurate word.

On her second night in town, they got into such a screaming fight that I could hear them on our back deck from inside our house (windows shut, AC on) - and he told her to stop it or get on a plane in the morning. He has since said to me that, if he were in my shoes, he would never want to speak to her again. That's pretty much how I feel towards her, but try not to be that way for our daughter's sake. If she didn't live 4000 miles away - seriously - I don't know what I'd do.

Thank god you guys are not too close to eachother.

The sad part is that they don't realise that by behaving like they have nothing to gain, but a lot to loose. You would think with age people learn and become more inteligent, but i notice the older you get you become more crazy and mean. I can understand people who have lost their husbands or they are ill, you don't feel like beeing hunky dory all the time...but still... don't take your frustration on inocent people...

[TracyTN 237]

Thank god you guys are not too close to eachother.

The sad part is that they don't realise that by behaving like they have nothing to gain, but a lot to loose. You would think with age people learn and become more inteligent, but i notice the older you get you become more crazy and mean. I can understand people who have lost their husbands or they are ill, you don't feel like beeing hunky dory all the time...but still... don't take your frustration on inocent people...

Exactly. I was (stupidly) hoping that having a new baby would bring us closer somehow - something new and exciting to share - but the exact opposite happened. To say I was stunned, and hurt, is an understatement.