I'm an alien I'm a legal alien... :whistle:

[Nick&Elena 1]

Everybody knows that song about Englishman in New York:

If "manners maketh man" as someone said

Then he's the hero of the day

It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile

Be yourself no matter what they say

After I got NOA-2 I got the sign of relief. And I started to think about our future with my fiance in the US. But as well I understand that I don't know the country at all, and for other people there I'll be that Alien. My fiancé loves me, but his friends and family are different. I understand that I'm not a dollar to be loved by everyones. But I want to speak about nationality. Before we met people kept telling him, I'm gonna kidnap him. After we meet, some told him "russsian wife? Good luck" or "they're hot, I had a couple". He just said silly people and smiled. So we're ok. We don't care about others while we're together.

Now if to say shortly, some my fiancé's friends used to make jokes about the fact that I'm Russian. Stupid jokes and I'm honestly ok with that. Sometimes if my fiancé asks me if I know who is James Bond I tell "A pop singer?" No, I don't, we don't have TV in Russia, only bears, haha. I find it funny, I'm proud to be russian and love my country for some reasons.

And his friends just go further. One of them before asked me to pronounce "from the mother russia" and laughed. I pronounced and laughed too. But he didn't stop on that. Now everytime he saw me he kept telling "babUshka, babUshka" with no smile. So one day I got angry and told him to "piss off". And my fiancé and friends said I was too harsh and that friend just a dumbass and I don't have to be so rude. Well I agree I don't have to, it doesn't suit to the girl. But then I said "Why you let people make nationalist's jokes and If I defend myself you call me rude". He said sorry. Be both was upset. It's just one example to explain how people can meet your future wife in the USA. I'm sure most of families and friends are just very nice and loving.

But how to be with people who is not very nice and not open minded? Because I don't want to hear that staff only because I'm russian. Can we just not care about silly people.

ps I don't want to speak about my situation. But I'm sure you all have your ideas how to treat people or how to defend yourself and not to be hurt. Because now I'm sure we'll meet a lot of people like that. And I want to be happy together.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Nick&Elena

[belinda63 3,038]

Best way it to politely inform them you don't appreciate the offensive remarks and then if they persist you have every right to become rude. In every country there are those who feel that because the language is not your native language or because you dress differently, or even because of your name, that makes you a fair target for jokes or that it means your IQ is a bit on the low side.

Some people just make jokes without realizing they are hurting you and some are just truly uneducated. Best to correct the first and ignore the second.

[Nick&Elena 1]

Thanks for comment, belinda63.

You're right. I just don't like to be rude with people, it's hard for me. And I was just transported to my childhood when boys lathed because of my pimple

And now I'm 26, educated and working. And it is weird for me that some could be like that with me. And I'm not in the us yet. I do some mistakes when I talk, but It's my second language already and I want to learn third.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Nick&Elena

[rika60607 215]

You could try to take them on their turf... start asking them quesitons. About their work, about their hobbies. There are two outcomes possible - either they will relax and start talking about themselves and will become friendly to you, or they will go on saying stupidities... about themselves this time. Your turn to laugh

Thanks for comment, belinda63.

You're right. I just don't like to be rude with people, it's hard for me. And I was just transported to my childhood when boys lathed because of my pimple

And now I'm 26, educated and working. And it is weird for me that some could be like that with me. And I'm not in the us yet. I do some mistakes when I talk, but It's my second language already and I want to learn third.

[Nick&Elena 1]

rika6060, good idea to ask. Well, that guy works as a janitor. What could I ask about his job. How does cleaning go?

But not all people are friendly. Some just nationalist's and their aim is to humiliate. For example, one my russian friend went to work to Malta. And he said, one of his coworkers liked to make jokes on him. For example he used to talk very fast and he tells him like "Yep, I knew that guy, he was doing that job, he was also stupid, as you". But he was talking fast and with no pauses intentionally. And my friend told "you better stop doing that". Guy was like "hey, It was a joke". And my friend told "I don't like jokes."

And that guy quitted.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Nick&Elena

[baron555 934]

I feel sorry that these low-lifes are some if your fiance's friends and family. I personally would have no bother with this type of person; if you can't say anything nice don't say it at all. My wife doesnt have to endure anything like this because I'd either knock their block off or just not associate with this typeof person. I sure hope ypurfiance us defending you from all this ridicule? If not then I'll just attribute that to that he is just young and stupid.

You are who you are. You are the one with greater courage than any of these people all put together; nine of them could do what you are doing. Not One.

You define who you are and how you live your life; nit what others think of you. Let your actions define you and never lower yourself to this level.

[ONA 133]

And his friends just go further. One of them before asked me to pronounce "from the mother russia" and laughed. I pronounced and laughed too.

You should have asked him to say something in Russian

Some people should just watch themselves before saying that somebody else is rude.

I had to deal with this kind of people a little bit in the US. Sometimes you just have to be mean to them, but only if nothing else helps. I think it's better just not paying attention to what they are saying until it starts really bothering you.

[Nick&Elena 1]

I feel sorry that these low-lifes are some if your fiance's friends and family. I personally would have no bother with this type of person; if you can't say anything nice don't say it at all. My wife doesnt have to endure anything like this because I'd either knock their block off or just not associate with this typeof person. I sure hope ypurfiance us defending you from all this ridicule? If not then I'll just attribute that to that he is just young and stupid.

No, no. My Nick is very good and kind person. And he can defend me of course. But may be I'm too sensitive. And from the other hand, I don't know how such a dumbass could be his friend. I just wanted to be good with his friends and make them my friends too. But or future family will be different from other. I think all international couples meets that staff. And I'm a nice person, I know that. Some people are just mean because they envy. Or just mean.

The point you said is we don't have to be bothered with this sort of people. But how? I can put iron curtains on some folks Better Iron brick, haha.

Because for example in some situations you can stay calm, but if you're tired or it was a hard day, you just let that people take advantage.

And also I think it's important not to show that people that they touched you. Because it's what they want.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Nick&Elena

[Nick&Elena 1]

You should have asked him to say something in Russian

Some people should just watch themselves before saying that somebody else is rude.

I had to deal with this kind of people a little bit in the US. Sometimes you just have to be mean to them, but only if nothing else helps. I think it's better just not paying attention to what they are saying until it starts really bothering you.

He has german mom. I'd make joke about that but it would sound lame. If I'll ask him in russian, he'll say "babushka, babushka" idiot. I don't care about him at all.

Yep, I just wondered how many people like that I'm ging to meet. And what is remarkable in that story. Everybody knew, that guy is making jokes. But when I talked back, everybody said "Elena you're harsh".

When we were in italy, I noticed the same. Italians can be mean toward you, but if you're mean toward them you're "russian, they all like that"

Same staff I heard from US relatives. "we're not going to Russia, we scared, they supply Iraq with weapon, they hate americans"

Well I don't really know exactly, if we supply or not. I never supplied, I can't write Iraq's address on arabian right to send them weapon.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Nick&Elena

[Lena and Igor 5]

My Lena sometimes uses this expression "Let them just try." I am sure that you can defend yourself and even put someone who is deserving in their proper place. However, this shouldn't happen between friends. One thing I have learned about Russian women, they are resourceful and can dish-out pain if necessary. Happy Journey!

[baron555 934]

Again, don't live your life based on what other people think or say about you. Eventually these lowlifes willdrop by the side as you progress onward with your lives.

Been though my wife sometimes has some difficulty speaking English in public never has she been ridicules or made fun of. In fact just the opposite everyone has been very helpful and can see she is trying.

Personally again if this type of behavior was being made by a family member or friend I personally would immaculately step in and stop it quickly and decisively. I'd look to your husband to do the same. You are his wife and it's just one of this jobs we men must undertake. If he has a problem with this then I can speak to him privately and set him straight if you want.

[Nick&Elena 1]

My Lena sometimes uses this expression "Let them just try." I am sure that you can defend yourself and even put someone who is deserving in their proper place. However, this shouldn't happen between friends. One thing I have learned about Russian women, they are resourceful and can dish-out pain if necessary. Happy Journey!

Yep, haha. I don't let them even try

But I just imagined I'll come to usa and will take defensive position

Who is next?

We can defend ourself of course. And with russian woman better "watch your step with". But well. when I talk back or just eat what they say, I just get tired. It takes too much sources for that kind vampires. Am I in vampire saga?

My fiance wanted to talk to that guy, but I said better not. He'll see I'm upset and it will make him happy.

Also I used to do everything to myself. I didn't like some dumbasses can make us sad, because we're happy.

[mckay76 11]

Again, don't live your life based on what other people think or say about you. Eventually these lowlifes willdrop by the side as you progress onward with your lives.

Been though my wife sometimes has some difficulty speaking English in public never has she been ridicules or made fun of. In fact just the opposite everyone has been very helpful and can see she is trying.

Personally again if this type of behavior was being made by a family member or friend I personally would immaculately step in and stop it quickly and decisively. I'd look to your husband to do the same. You are his wife and it's just one of this jobs we men must undertake. If he has a problem with this then I can speak to him privately and set him straight if you want.

Agreed your fiance really shouldn't be letting anyone make you feel like that...friend or family.

[Nick&Elena 1]

I'd look to your husband to do the same. You are his wife and it's just one of this jobs we men must undertake. If he has a problem with this then I can speak to him privately and set him straight if you want.

Thank you very much for help. We're all right. He's my real knight and he'll kill that guy if I just ask I mean all that problem I described even not a problem, if you have sober attitude and work as a team. And it's what we do. I just wanted to hear some opinions and make friends here.

The point is what: here is a lot of idiots in the world, right? Here in russia I know local idiots, they are from my aria and I learned how to take care of them. In the US it will be not my country. And sometimes it's not easy to distinguish if someone is joking or really insulting you. And since you don't know people you don't know how to react. so from all advices I got:

1) Don't pay attention

2) Try not to be among that people

3) Let your fiance fix the problem

4) You have rights to be rude back

We're better with his family now, well I think. But before they believed in advocacy. In fact one my russian friend, girl got married italean man and his mom thought "russians eat kids"

[Lena and Igor 5]

It is better to use the most common sense when dealing with these idiot personalities. You are the better person. Don't be afraid to mingle with Americans. Also, when you come, find the Russian community and participate and friends will soon come your way. In Detoit, we have over 22,000 Russian people living here. I've joined a Russian Orthodox Church and have made new friend who will welcome Lena when she comes. Even the priest called her in Kharkov yesterday.