Aren't you girls scared?

[bestofboston 36]

I can tell you are a really good person. I really like how honest you are about being married. A happy marriage is when both are constantly giving to each other. Both are patient with each other, both share the common goals and most importantly, they are honest with each other and don't hide things from each other.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Very Good Post and a concern to everyone in the process. We have had this conversation several times and I'm the one that brings it up. Mav is very close to her family but says she will OK coming to the US. When I went to the Philippines I was lost really. She took care of everything. When she arrives here it will be my turn. Oh yes, I'm very sure Mav will miss her family.

Mav made this U-tube about 1 and half years ago..

[andy desai 3]

are you from bombay?? my wife came here last year.. she felt isolated in the very beginning.. then she started schooling and now she has some friends.. its tough for the first few months.. you definately need to do some ground work before you come

1) get international drivers license and learn how to drive (the US waY) so you are not dependent on your husband. (MAKE SURE TO DOWNLOAD THE DMV drivers guide and study)

2) get yourself educated if need be and built up a strong base

3) you will have a greencard.. start looking around for jobs in your area.. built up a resume and post on it monster

4) start going to the GYM everyday. US Food is kinda healthy.. so you gotta watch out what you eat

5) trust in god is good.. but you gotta help yourself make the right friends and connections.

sorry to put stuff in bullet points.. life is tough but i think things are still possible in the US.. i love this country.. its a nice place to be for people who are not super rich in india.

if you want any information.. feel free to contact us.

regards

Nirav

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; Hi everybody!!

What a good topic you started I'm glad I'm not the only one who is a little bit nervous of really moving to the US!!

I have no idea what to expect !! Although, I visited my fiance several times, been there all summer, last January and I'll be flying back to the US in 2.5 week.

Because I've been there several times, I have had the oppertunity to explore and make new friends. It's so good to know that I already made friends, to go out with, to have dinners with and ofcourse drinks ..

Aaron has to work a lot, he is a directional driller and he only has like a couple of days off per month, so I explored by myself. I do understand that a lot of members here doesn't have the time yet to explore.....

What I do expect is that leaving the Netherlands is going to be hard. I have a twin sister that I truly will miss , my moms cats (I take 2 with me, my own cats) and just my safe enviroment I grew up in. But my mom and sisters and their <3 are going to see me once a year and I'll be flying to the Netherlands twice a year. And thank GOD for the technology such as MSN video conference -like Skype-, messengers and all that!!

Other than that, I haven't really planned what I'll be going to do. My biggest concern is not finding a good job. I have studied Tourism-Travel Management, and ofcourse there are a lot of jobs out there, but my degree or diploma isn't worth sh*t over there I studied my bum off for 4 long years, so I think I'm going to get my degree over there.

Ofcourse it isn't as simple as it may sounds, so if I can't find a job I like (I shouldn't be that picky to start with), I'll volunteer some where..

I'm not worried about adjusting since I'm in very good hands and have a great fiance who is really a big help and he will make sure that I won't feel depressed and he'll take care of me very well.

I always told my fiance, I don't care where you live or if you had to move to the North Pole. You are my home, I'll go everywhere you go. Because you are the one I want to be with, whether it's in the US or in an Iglo on the North Pole .

[Utha 10]

Don't be too scare, if you believe in him then go for it, even if you wrong later by believe in him, dont worry there is God, if you think God is not there for you, you still have yourself. No one can manage our life, but us. Scareness can't border many good things happend to us.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Moved from the K-1 forum to the 'Moving Here and Your New Life in America" forum as this is not a K-1 specific question

[jrmejia 31]

My answer is simple:

Love will prevail over obstacles.

[In a tizzy 7]

Dear Ramisgreat,

I read your email with great consideration. I can provide you a few guidance and it will be up to you to take it with grain of salt.

1. In USA, we have strong diversified communities. When you do come, join the community of your choice. Let it be India, Hindu, etc... You should possess a sense of belonging.

2. I am about to bring a man from another country. Believe me. I am MORE worried about him adjusting to USA lifestyles. I live in the BIBLE belt, and he is a devout Muslim. Oh boy...

3. I have traveled to many countries. I find that meals from home is the one I missed the most. So, if you have certain affinity for specific food (canned/jar/etc), bring it! Save the bar code, make a photocopy of it. Provide the supermarket at USA the copy of the barcode. They will place a special order for you....

4. Hang on to your faith... your goodness... and everything will be fine.

5. Life is not fair, but it's still good. Consider your arrival to USA a small chapter in your life and make a great journey out of it.

I wish you good luck. You shall come to USA and find your own kindred spirits wherever you are.

God bless and good luck! DeafEmily

[Messybrownhair 251]

I worry about this a lot too.. I leave in less than 2 weeks! But I have faith that I have made the right decision.. I know that it won't be easy, nothing ever is, but at least I am with the one I love. My life here is great, but life is what you make of it so moving to America doesn't mean I'll be unhappy because I control it. I think we will be okay, as long as we keep our chins up and remain positive! I wish you all the best, and know that you are not alone in this matter

[Richie Rich 70]

I agree with all .Life is what you make it . You just have to adjust , meet new people , make friends , keep yourself occupied . Life is a learning curve . Welcome to the ''real world '' . The Usa can be a fun place for some or a desolate place for others . I am sure you are willing to compromise and have a great life together . It depends where you intend to stay --you will find many of your countrymen there to get integrated quickly . If you live in cities like N.Y --you will be at home .Good luck .

[happyme'11 3]

I can tell you are a really good person. I really like how honest you are about being married. A happy marriage is when both are constantly giving to each other. Both are patient with each other, both share the common goals and most importantly, they are honest with each other and don't hide things from each other.

I am not sure if u are referring to me? But if u are,,well thank you. Members here know me in my old name "happywifeymom". And most of the members here knew how rough my journey was and ended up victorious.

To God be the Glory. With Him there is really nothing impossible.

[setherwyn 0]

there is something called "cultural shock" and it happens to almost everybody that moves to another country. it is normal, you can google it, it has 4 stages, the more you know about it, the more you will be able to go through. i worked in usa for one year, and our counselors talked about that in every conversation.

my advise.

dont isolate, find something to do, a job, a class, a sport.

dont call home every single day, you are gonna miss them so badly. instead, read the news paper, take a bus, go to the museums, get to love your new home.

make friends, meet your neighbors, a welcome party is the best way to do it. according to my experience, americans are super hospitable and nice (especially in minnesota eehhhmmm)

be a volunteer! is so fun. in the schools, hospitals, churches.

there are plenty of activities to do, you can not depend of your husband for everything, you have to be able to go when and where you want. independence is the key. or you are gonna feel neglected just if he prefers to watch baseball one sunday instead go out.

it is hard i know, but it is worse try to skype when internet is bad

good luck to all of you

[charlize56 4]

I will answer ur questions honestly based on my own experience. I met my husband online in 2003 and we chatted everyday for 3 long years before he finally came to the Philippines to met me in person. We are now happilly married for almost 4 years with a 2 yr. old baby plus my 2 kids.

To answer ur questions:

1. Will it work? Yes but it will all depends to both of u if uare willing to do whatever it takes to make ur relationship works.

2. Yes..just make urself busy so u won't get homesick. Do volunteering, Join organizations etc. etc.

3.Yes the same thing if u were to ask will u love him for the rest of his life? Are u willing to commit urself into him and to ur marriage. Marriage is not all a bed of roses..there are all the time UPS and DOWNS...it's a matter of choice if u are willing to live with him in good and in bad, for better or for worst. We all need to work in our marriage.

I admit we had so many trials during the first year of marriage(adjustment period) but I am thankful to God my husband is just being soooo patient and understanding (despite of me having 2 kids of my own).

4.Not exactly 100 %. U will never know the true color of a person till u live with him. Like I said ask urself the same question. Will ur husband feels the same way u do? Will u not change and show ur real self when ur together by then? When i came here 4 yrs. ago i have no relatives just myself and had to leave my family and my 2 kids to be with my husband.

No matter what,,we always put or best foot forward when we are in the dating or getting to know each other stage.But real color comes out when u live with each other. But i learned a lot. When u commit ur self to ur marriage and willing to compromise and put ur best effort on it..then there is nothing impossible. A happy marriage is not all about money.

Marriage is not all about happiness,,it's also about sacrifice, patience, believing and FAITH in him is the most important.

I tell u my hubby was unemployed for more than 16 months and was in the middle of petitioning my 2 kids when he lost his job.. I was not working then. But LOVE conquers all.. God made a way. I got a good job now(working at the hsptal-) and my 2 kids are finally here with us.

Believe in HIM and He will find a way.

[charlize56 4]

when I read the post of happy me'11, it gives me HOPES!Im a little depress now as to why my papers still not approve,but when i read your story it gives me ideas to let GOD do the job,coz i already asked many people about finding answers to my questions but no one can give me the exact words/answer for that..So let the LOVE ALIVE BETWEEN ME AND MY FIANCE AND YES I THINK LOVE CONQUERS ALL!

[Jim&Natasha 24]

Let's look at it from the other side of the world:

I am the proverbial big, bad New York boy with my huge family, my career, my money, and my house all intact and it will all stay that way.

Yet at the same time I am so humbled that Elena is willing to walk away from the only place she ever knew as home (Ekaterinburg, Russia) and move not just to the United States, but New York, of all places, just to have a life with me.

What she is willing to risk just for me is huge. I know that, and that is why I am so humbled. What I will be risking for her, signing an affidavit of support and exposing my assets to equitable distribution, is minute compared to the risk she will be taking for me.

We both are committed to making this work, and we will make it work. The fact that it would be so hard, especially for her, if it does not work, makes us all the more determined to make it work.

I take all of my responsibilities seriously. I worked my way from punching a time card on the factory floor to Vice President because I take my responsibilities seriously. And there is no responsibility I take more seriously than my commitment to care for Elena and see to it that every last millimeter of her dreams come true once she is here and in my care.

Do you see a similar sense of responsibility in your man? Then relax, as you have nothing to worry about.

Mentioning equitable distribution???!! Now there is a brave man! I hope you have chosen wisely and well!

"...and it will all stay that way."

Have you every had your house, retirement savings (50%) and 60% of your net income taken from you in family court, and been reduced to a "visitor" in the lives of your children? If that has happened to you, you would certainly know how it feels. Personally, after an extremely battering and costly divorce from wife #1, I feel the need for a pre-nup, just to take the threat of a nasty family court battle out of the picture, and have it be cut and dried what happens if the relationship doesn't work. Family court in the USA is a sick, sick system, and my worry is not about my future wife getting her share, but about getting sucked into a family court system that is designed to suck you (the man, or whoever has the assets) dry and enrich the attorneys and other "divorce industry" participants.

Perhaps you should read this: www.amazon.com/Divorce-Strategies-Every-Woman-Needs/dp/1558506004

I actually got the book during my divorce 7 years ago, because I wanted to see what the next page of the playbook was for my ex. Her attorney used about 50% of the sick strategies in there. It contains such gems as "get him drunk, pick a fight, and secretly videotape it to use against him".

My point is that the partner bringing the prospective partner to the USA should be every bit as concerned and cautious in what they are risking. (Women with significant pre-marital assets should heed this too!) A man who keeps love and money separate will know that his woman loves him, and not just for his money. I say that if a man has significant assets to lose, and a woman balks at executing a prenuptial agreement that protects his finances from the family court predators, this action should tell him everything he needs to know about what the woman is after. Anger and bitterness at the breakup of a relationship are one thing; using the corrupt and self-serving family court system as a forum to fight emotional battles is a totally different, and really stupid thing.

My point here is that there are risks that are every bit as significant for the spouse (whether man or woman) who brings a fiancee (or fiance!) here.

To the original poster, I hope you appreciate the risk your fiance is taking in bringing you here, every bit as much as you feel he should appreciate you uprooting your life to be with him. The earlier comment someone made, to watch carefully that feeling of entitlement, that perhaps he owes you in some way, for you coming to be with him, was a very wise comment indeed.

The apprehension you feel, leaving all that is familiar, is an absolutely normal emotional reaction. Each new event that brings your departure closer and emphasizes the reality and magnitude of the changes that are coming SHOULD cause many emotions to percolate to the surface, and this is a healthy thing! Your success is almost assured if you can channel those emotions into determination to give everything your best to make the relationship and marriage work for the happiness of both of you.