Aren't you girls scared?

[Ramisgreat 20]

Hi all

I really would like to ask the girls out here,who are about to leave their home country and move to their lovely fiancee's country, that isn't it scary to u all to leave everything back here and move? I know we all love our respective fiancee,and we all knew from the start that this would eventually happen,but honestly when i'm finally doing this i am extremely nervous.So many questions are on my mind:

1) Will this relationship work in the long run (since we never had normal dating period, for years, before settling down)?

2)Will i be able to adjust to a new country?

3) Will my fiancee love me forever and value the fact that i have left behind everything just to be with him for the rest of my life?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

4) Will i see exactly what i have thought of him all these months and he doesn't change colors (no offense to him, but this is what i hear from people around that men change after marriage).

I really hope my relationship works out and we have a good married life,God willing.

Nonetheless my fiancee is a great guy but when people around tell u that 'i hope u r doing the right thing,its not a matter of few hours journey that we can come to your rescue if anything goes wrong,u have no friends no family there and no one to share your problems..blah blah blah' it makes me numb and scare me all the more.

I practically have NO ONE in the US,its only him whom i know and no one else in that huge country.Its dam scary.But i do trust him and God.Hope everything will be fine,finger crossed. I really love this man,and i hope he would love me the same or more for doing this all for him.

[Inky 1,110]

1, no one really KNOWs if it will last the long run, things change people grow differently.

2, Its been 1.5 years for me and i'm still adjusting to the USA and i'm only from Canada...

3, no one can say they will love you forever like #1 things change, my husband doesn't value anything about me leaving to move to the USA its part of being together and if not then we wouldn't of been married or anything.

4, no one can tell you if he will be the same, my husband kept saying he would be the same, for the most part he is but he has changed big time for some certain things.

Life and people are perpetually changing, be happy with things now but be prepared for changes and compromises. Marriage is not a chocolate & roses street, its work and compromise.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Hi all

I really would like to ask the girls out here,who are about to leave their home country and move to their lovely fiancee's country, that isn't it scary to u all to leave everything back here and move? I know we all love our respective fiancee,and we all knew from the start that this would eventually happen,but honestly when i'm finally doing this i am extremely nervous.So many questions are on my mind:

1) Will this relationship work in the long run (since we never had normal dating period, for years, before settling down)?

2)Will i be able to adjust to a new country?

3) Will my fiancee love me forever and value the fact that i have left behind everything just to be with him for the rest of my life?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

4) Will i see exactly what i have thought of him all these months and he doesn't change colors (no offense to him, but this is what i hear from people around that men change after marriage).

I really hope my relationship works out and we have a good married life,God willing.

Nonetheless my fiancee is a great guy but when people around tell u that 'i hope u r doing the right thing,its not a matter of few hours journey that we can come to your rescue if anything goes wrong,u have no friends no family there and no one to share your problems..blah blah blah' it makes me numb and scare me all the more.

I practically have NO ONE in the US,its only him whom i know and no one else in that huge country.Its dam scary.But i do trust him and God.Hope everything will be fine,finger crossed. I really love this man,and i hope he would love me the same or more for doing this all for him.

Hello,

I do see how your questions pose very real fears, but I do not see how they are more particular to female beneficiaries than they would be to male beneficiaries?

[LoveinPeru 2]

I'ts not only scary for the girls leaving their countries, but for the girls who are bringing their male fiances to the United States as well.

My fiance is coming here from Peru. I'm not nervous about our relationship, but I'm nervous about him adjusting to the US. Not only will he not have friends other than me and my friends (although he is really close to my parents), he also doesn't speak English! So he's going to be so isolated in so many ways.

We did have a normal dating period (we met while I was living abroad) and we lived together before I came back to the states to get a job and pursue higher education. Even so, I remember how isolated I felt in Peru when all my friends had left and I wasn't totally comfortable in Spanish. I was so lonely and sad almost all the time, even though I had the love of my life with me. I'm worried the same will happen to him.

My advice would be, as soon as you get to the US, try to make friends outside of your fiance. Join a book club, or a sports team or something! Do something where you can make friends that are not your fiance's friends, so that you can feel like you are establishing a real life here. If you do that, it will help ease the stress of your relationship, and you'll have friends to turn to where you can ###### about your fiance/husband (because we all need to vent sometimes!).

[James And Oksana 19]

Hi all

I really would like to ask the girls out here,who are about to leave their home country and move to their lovely fiancee's country, that isn't it scary to u all to leave everything back here and move? I know we all love our respective fiancee,and we all knew from the start that this would eventually happen,but honestly when i'm finally doing this i am extremely nervous.So many questions are on my mind:

1) Will this relationship work in the long run (since we never had normal dating period, for years, before settling down)?

2)Will i be able to adjust to a new country?

3) Will my fiancee love me forever and value the fact that i have left behind everything just to be with him for the rest of my life?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

4) Will i see exactly what i have thought of him all these months and he doesn't change colors (no offense to him, but this is what i hear from people around that men change after marriage).

I really hope my relationship works out and we have a good married life,God willing.

Nonetheless my fiancee is a great guy but when people around tell u that 'i hope u r doing the right thing,its not a matter of few hours journey that we can come to your rescue if anything goes wrong,u have no friends no family there and no one to share your problems..blah blah blah' it makes me numb and scare me all the more.

I practically have NO ONE in the US,its only him whom i know and no one else in that huge country.Its dam scary.But i do trust him and God.Hope everything will be fine,finger crossed. I really love this man,and i hope he would love me the same or more for doing this all for him.

You have a lot of good questions, here is the way I would approach this move.

1) A relationship is only as good as the too people willing to put effort behind it.

2) Do not build up your partner too high, as they will make mistakes. Forgiveness and #1 are central to the continuous cycle of closeness for any marriage.

3) Plan on making friends, be purposeful about this. No one can live life without having friends, and they should be close. Use this forum to find other couples with similar backgrounds as a starting point. Ask your partner for help in this area too, and not just his friends, but help on resources for reaching out to others of your culture locally.

4) Do not put so much pressure on your partner to "perform" a certain way because you have left and come here. This undermines a relationship and undervalues to other person saying they should "owe" you for something. The choice to come here is yours, and yours alone. Your choice is to work on a relationship, hopefully your partners will be going forward and everything will go great. But no one is perfect, so be careful not to put lots of pressure...as that can crush any relationship.

5) It is perfectly normal to have these thoughts, just keep in mind not to allow them to affect the results of your actions. Be purposeful in making the relationship first and not your worries. The biggest problem with relationships now days is one party giving up to easy, and letting fear dominate the relationship. Be purposeful that you will do everything to prevent that from your side, and leave it up to your partner to do the same. Be the reason your partner can't stand to loose you...and you have no worries.

My two cents worth. I am currently not moving, but should something happen with the visa, I have already given thought to going to be with Oksana. It would be scary, and part of the reason we are doing it this way is because her kids can come and mine would not be able to. Without the kids, I would no doubt move in a heartbeat and do those things I have lined out above.

[patient2010 93]

Just continue to pray and GOD will reveal all the answers for you.....Also no need to be around negative people you should surround yourself around people who support your move not the ones that make you second guess yourself...You will be fine by GODs grace!!!!

[lvcouple2010 11]

One of the really nice things about the USA is that we are a "melting pot" made up of peope from every corner of the globe who all come here seeking something: freedom, love, success, whatever. You will not have to try very hard to find others who share your experiences and perhaps even your culture and background. Although there are no gaurantees that things will work out, I am certain that you will enjoy the benefits of what in my opinion is the still the beacon of freedom: The United States of America! Can't wait to welcome you to the USA and good luck on your journy!

[happyme'11 3]

Hi all

I really would like to ask the girls out here,who are about to leave their home country and move to their lovely fiancee's country, that isn't it scary to u all to leave everything back here and move? I know we all love our respective fiancee,and we all knew from the start that this would eventually happen,but honestly when i'm finally doing this i am extremely nervous.So many questions are on my mind:

1) Will this relationship work in the long run (since we never had normal dating period, for years, before settling down)?

2)Will i be able to adjust to a new country?

3) Will my fiancee love me forever and value the fact that i have left behind everything just to be with him for the rest of my life?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

4) Will i see exactly what i have thought of him all these months and he doesn't change colors (no offense to him, but this is what i hear from people around that men change after marriage).

I really hope my relationship works out and we have a good married life,God willing.

Nonetheless my fiancee is a great guy but when people around tell u that 'i hope u r doing the right thing,its not a matter of few hours journey that we can come to your rescue if anything goes wrong,u have no friends no family there and no one to share your problems..blah blah blah' it makes me numb and scare me all the more.

I practically have NO ONE in the US,its only him whom i know and no one else in that huge country.Its dam scary.But i do trust him and God.Hope everything will be fine,finger crossed. I really love this man,and i hope he would love me the same or more for doing this all for him.

I will answer ur questions honestly based on my own experience. I met my husband online in 2003 and we chatted everyday for 3 long years before he finally came to the Philippines to met me in person. We are now happilly married for almost 4 years with a 2 yr. old baby plus my 2 kids.

To answer ur questions:

1. Will it work? Yes but it will all depends to both of u if uare willing to do whatever it takes to make ur relationship works.

2. Yes..just make urself busy so u won't get homesick. Do volunteering, Join organizations etc. etc.

3.Yes the same thing if u were to ask will u love him for the rest of his life? Are u willing to commit urself into him and to ur marriage. Marriage is not all a bed of roses..there are all the time UPS and DOWNS...it's a matter of choice if u are willing to live with him in good and in bad, for better or for worst. We all need to work in our marriage.

I admit we had so many trials during the first year of marriage(adjustment period) but I am thankful to God my husband is just being soooo patient and understanding (despite of me having 2 kids of my own).

4.Not exactly 100 %. U will never know the true color of a person till u live with him. Like I said ask urself the same question. Will ur husband feels the same way u do? Will u not change and show ur real self when ur together by then? When i came here 4 yrs. ago i have no relatives just myself and had to leave my family and my 2 kids to be with my husband.

No matter what,,we always put or best foot forward when we are in the dating or getting to know each other stage.But real color comes out when u live with each other. But i learned a lot. When u commit ur self to ur marriage and willing to compromise and put ur best effort on it..then there is nothing impossible. A happy marriage is not all about money.

Marriage is not all about happiness,,it's also about sacrifice, patience, believing and FAITH in him is the most important.

I tell u my hubby was unemployed for more than 16 months and was in the middle of petitioning my 2 kids when he lost his job.. I was not working then. But LOVE conquers all.. God made a way. I got a good job now(working at the hsptal-) and my 2 kids are finally here with us.

Believe in HIM and He will find a way.

[Al422 221]

Let's look at it from the other side of the world:

I am the proverbial big, bad New York boy with my huge family, my career, my money, and my house all intact and it will all stay that way.

Yet at the same time I am so humbled that Elena is willing to walk away from the only place she ever knew as home (Ekaterinburg, Russia) and move not just to the United States, but New York, of all places, just to have a life with me.

What she is willing to risk just for me is huge. I know that, and that is why I am so humbled. What I will be risking for her, signing an affidavit of support and exposing my assets to equitable distribution, is minute compared to the risk she will be taking for me.

We both are committed to making this work, and we will make it work. The fact that it would be so hard, especially for her, if it does not work, makes us all the more determined to make it work.

I take all of my responsibilities seriously. I worked my way from punching a time card on the factory floor to Vice President because I take my responsibilities seriously. And there is no responsibility I take more seriously than my commitment to care for Elena and see to it that every last millimeter of her dreams come true once she is here and in my care.

Do you see a similar sense of responsibility in your man? Then relax, as you have nothing to worry about.

[BK21 1]

A1422 I love your answer man. Ditto to every word you said.BTW i have long been married and still have the same sentiment towards my wife.

Edited February 9, 2011 by BK21

[EveJon 0]

Sometimes I feel the same, and start to have second thoughs about my decision of marrying my SO and left everything behind... but when I analize how lonely I have felt without him and how much I love him and how much I miss him and my style of life there, I just blow out those thoughs. I'm sure I wont regret this decision. If is it scary?? Yes it is, but I see it like a new adventure in my life. It will take time to adjust to a new country, new culture, new life. But I think the scariest is marriage!! lol Who knows what will happen in the near future, but one thing I'm sure is we are going to do our best in order to have a happy life together.

My best wishes for all

Ah and remember love + patient + understanding SO feelings and culture = Happiness!!

[Ramisgreat 20]

Thank u all, especially Al422 lvcouple2010 happyme'11, U guys really made me feel better.Trust me i know most of the things u wrote in here.I know it all,but when u are about to do something this serious in life,weird and stupid things disturb your mind,and this distance sucks.I love him like crazy and if anything goes wrong ill be devastated.I know we fight we make up, we hurt each other by saying wrong things which we don't even mean,but at the end of the day we both know we can't do without each other.I pray for us and all those who are about to start their new life to be happy and successful in this journey.God is there.Thank u all once again.

[Shorah 2]

I'm the one whos waiting to move so I can relate with you.

Sometimes the thought of me having to leave everyone and everything I know and love here is overwhelming. Its not going to be a walk in the park I know.

But I just think about what I feel like when I have to leave him there and come back to Canada after a visit to remind me that hes worth it.

You have to think of the alternative, staying in your home country would mean giving him up. Is that an option you feel you could live with?

For me its not and thats how I know its right.

Good Luck

[baron555 934]

If your fiancé isn't getting prepared then tell him to get off the stick. You guys should be talking about your new life and talking Bout every aspect of it. Stop the lovey dovey talk and talk about the details of your new life here.

[bestofboston 36]

I will answer ur questions honestly based on my own experience. I met my husband online in 2003 and we chatted everyday for 3 long years before he finally came to the Philippines to met me in person. We are now happilly married for almost 4 years with a 2 yr. old baby plus my 2 kids.

To answer ur questions:

1. Will it work? Yes but it will all depends to both of u if uare willing to do whatever it takes to make ur relationship works.

2. Yes..just make urself busy so u won't get homesick. Do volunteering, Join organizations etc. etc.

3.Yes the same thing if u were to ask will u love him for the rest of his life? Are u willing to commit urself into him and to ur marriage. Marriage is not all a bed of roses..there are all the time UPS and DOWNS...it's a matter of choice if u are willing to live with him in good and in bad, for better or for worst. We all need to work in our marriage.

I admit we had so many trials during the first year of marriage(adjustment period) but I am thankful to God my husband is just being soooo patient and understanding (despite of me having 2 kids of my own).

4.Not exactly 100 %. U will never know the true color of a person till u live with him. Like I said ask urself the same question. Will ur husband feels the same way u do? Will u not change and show ur real self when ur together by then? When i came here 4 yrs. ago i have no relatives just myself and had to leave my family and my 2 kids to be with my husband.

No matter what,,we always put or best foot forward when we are in the dating or getting to know each other stage.But real color comes out when u live with each other. But i learned a lot. When u commit ur self to ur marriage and willing to compromise and put ur best effort on it..then there is nothing impossible. A happy marriage is not all about money.

Marriage is not all about happiness,,it's also about sacrifice, patience, believing and FAITH in him is the most important.

I tell u my hubby was unemployed for more than 16 months and was in the middle of petitioning my 2 kids when he lost his job.. I was not working then. But LOVE conquers all.. God made a way. I got a good job now(working at the hsptal-) and my 2 kids are finally here with us.

Believe in HIM and He will find a way.