Grandparents rights

[sykadelic 0]

Do you believe that grandparents should be allowed to sue to visitation rights?

I selected No because a parent is a parent and a grandparent is nothing to a child. Only when the parent is PROVED to be a bad parent (DHS takes the child away for drug use or abuse or neglect or something) should the grand-parents be contacted or allowed to sue. I personally grew up with only two grandparents and I'm no worse for it. They other two passed when I was young so my younger siblings barely remember them and again, no worse off. A parent is different and should be treated as such. Parents should be able to sue for visitation but I don't think grand-parents should have any rights... it's like telling me my friends and neighbours can sue for visitation...

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First to set the reason for my opinion - I have some seriously crazy in-laws. It's entered my head that one, possibly more than one of my in-laws might attempt to gain visitation of our kids when we have them. My spouse has voiced concern that s/he's worried that one of his/her parents might try to take the kids.. not just visitation... obviously this concerns me.

There are some in-laws that my spouse and I aren't currently talking to. My spouse is of the option that this is just how his/her family is, s/he's used to it and is able to just ignore them (that means not talking to them.. currently going on 8 months of not speaking to his/her mother).

I wish it was a simple clash of personalities... there wouldn't be this fear that contact with the in-laws would be bad for the kids. If the in-laws were good people (just rude) I could handle that.. but one of them is a narcissist with BPD. There are instances of neglect when their own children were little (withholding medical treatment), theft from their children (in one case over $3K from a 14 y/o because they had joint access to an account). I've seen the way the in-laws "baby sit". They're of the "just let them do what they want" era and offer no teaching of manners, they are just lax in their duties and I don't want spoilt or injured children simply because the in-laws were too lazy to do right.

I would be okay with supervised visitation.. even if it meant my spouse or I or just a family member we trust (not an official). My spouse and I have considered a restraining order against the worst family member in question but as they're not currently bothering us we're just letting it slide.. but we WILL do it if they get bad if/when a pregnancy is an issue. I'm lucky that I have proof of some of the personal attacks that precipitated the current "no contact" issues.. but no proof of being an unfit person.. and one of the in-laws has a government job.

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So now on to the qn. Do you think that being able to sue for Grandparents rights should be allowed?

I read an interesting statement by one person who was anti-grandparents rights who said "I have the right to abort my child but I don't have the right to say who s/he spends time with?". I agree with this statement BUT there are some bad people out there who care more about keeping their children from their grandparents to be spiteful, not actually for the child's best interest. But here's my problem.. what if the grandparents APPEAR to be upstanding members of the community because they put a good front on? How do you prove that they're bad people? Some states don't allow recorded conversations without both parties consent so there goes that...

My spouse and I have already said if this is ever attempted we will move back to my home country... but this worries me too because I know with some court cases they can put a stop to that.. that I'm not allowed to move more that X miles from the other party while the case is pending, and even once the order is enacted!.. what if my in-laws put a "no move" order on us? What if we're stuck in the US because of it? Ugh! I'm a good person... can't it just be proved I'm a good parent and let that be the end of it? Then what if that opens the door to grandparents slandering the names of the parents so they can be the good one? There just doesn't seem to be a way to win...

**Note - due to personal situation described herein this is a "fake" profile. Under TOS rule: " You may only register one account with the following exception: You may register a second account to Post information on the Forums that you perceive as personal and prefer not to be publicly associated with your first account."

Edited February 8, 2011 by IL_issues

[SMR 368]

First, I salute you for being able to maintain the gender neutrality of your spouse. I think that must have required some head-twisting.

Second, no, grandparents don't have rights and can't sue for any of the things you are talking about. The only exception might be if the children/parents were still minors or had been incarcerated or otherwise had parental rights revoked. Even then, the parents would probably be able to regain sole custody when and if those situations changed. As long as the parents are of age and not impeded by court rulings, they have sole custody of the grandchildren. That means they can move where they want and control who is allowed to visit the grandchildren.

I do believe that children should be respectful of their parents and allow grandparents to see their grandchildren but only to the extent that those grandparents are healthy and good influences on the child. The parent has the sole right and responsibility to judge the fitness of the grandparent and the grandparent has no (and shouldn't have) legal recourse if the parent denies access to the grandparent.

All the same, if you have reason to believe that the grandparents may try to prove you unfit or incompetent and sue for the children, I would gather evidence against them as possible and also gain what evidence you can as to the quality of your parenting.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Grandparents have zero rights to grandchildren. The parents have all the rights and just in case both parents have gone to the big bone yard in heaven or have gone completely nuts so that they wear white vests with their arms tied around their backs, the grandparents as next of kin are allowed to step in and offer to be custodians of their grandchildren.

Since you are not dead, and your non-gender spouse is not dead either, this is a non-issue. In this country anybody is allowed to sue everybody, yet that has nothing to do with the law, just with the freedom to make a complete fool out of oneself by p*ssing one's savings away in a frivolous law suit. If your or your non-gender spouse don't want to have the grandparents to interfere all you have to do is say so. For example: if you one more time give me any sh*t about this you heartless %#*@, you don't have to bother showing up here again. Now get the #### out of my house!

If you don't want the grandparents to butt in, yet your gender-less spouse doesn't agree with you, you two will have to determine who in this marriage wears the pants: you ore your genderless spouse. If you both wear pants, it's going to be a fight; if you both wear skirts, one of you will have to man up.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

moved from Off Topic as more appropriate in General Polls forum

[NickD 203]

Two sets of grandparents, I think. Do have an ex, and can assume her parents are an ex as well, but still a blood relationship of my kids to those grandparents. Really had no objection if even when minors if my kids wanted to visit their other grandparents, but four out of six said, no way. Fortunately for my married kids that relationship doesn't against between either me, my kids, and especially my grandkids. Better yet, they all love their new step grandmother, and she loves them.

For a given spouse, that extra set of grandparents for their kids are also that spouses in-laws, and yes that is probably the biggest problem. I love to spoil my grandkids, that is what grandpas are for, plus we are suppose to have a certain amount of wisdom our grandkids can learn from.

Unfortunately with our current economic condition, my kids are spread all over the USA, so I rarely get to see all my grandkids. When we do, its very pleasant. Have one kid living near by, and my daughter-in-law loves it when grandpa and grandma take over with our granddaughter for a weekend. Scheduled for that next weekend. That way she can spend time with her husband and have a break, something about terrible twos. But we love having her here, can't do anything else but to play with her and have a great time at it.

So I guess your feeling deal with how well you get along with your in-laws on this subject. My view is that my grandkids are the only things I am leaving behind when I go, and they are very special. The one person I really loved growing up was my grandfather, but unfortunately, he died early when I was five years old. Really felt all alone in this world when he left.

[VinhBao MyTam 3]

I don't think grandparents should be able to sue for visitation rights.

Of course, wherever possible, children should be allowed to know/visit their grandparents, but that is the parents' call...

The thing is, in divorce or unmarried couples, one partner may be bad-seed, but that doesn't make his/her parents bad seed... so when the relationship with that person is cut off, I don't think that people should automatically cut the grandparents off.

[Dakine10 5,452]

A lot of states are considering what is in the best interest of the child nowadays, rather than going only with the parents wishes. When grandparents have been very involved in the childs upbringing, or spending lots of time with them, it is recognized that it is in the best interest of the child for this involvement to continue. On the other hand if the grandparents have issues that would make it not in the childs best interest, then they should not be allowed visitation, or have limited.

So I do think grandparents should be allowed to seek visitation, and given the opportunity to make their case as to why. And the same time, if parents feel that this visitation should not be allowed, they should be able to give evidence as to how or why the grandparent visitation would be detrimental to the child.

I do not see it just as grandparents rights, but also as the childs right.