RUB Jokes

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Lenin, Stalin, Krutschev and Brezhnev are riding on a train. The train stops. Lenin says he will look into it and goes up to the engine to talk to the engineer. He enlightnes the engineer on his responsibility as an engineer to the motherland. The train starts to move again.

A little while later, the train stops again. Stalin says he will handle this. He walks to the engine, shoots the engineer in the head and orders the fireman to drive the train! The train starts to mave again.

A little while later it stops again and Krutschev says he will fix this. He orders everyone off the train, demands all the track behind the train be torn up and moved in front of the train and laid down for new track. The train starts to move again, but in a little while, it stops.

Brezhnev stands up, pulls down all the window shades on the train and tells everyone to imagine the train is moving forward.

_______________________________________________________________________

A man works at a factory and every day he leaves with a wheelbarrow full of straw. The security guard at the gate is sure he is hiding something and everyday he searched through the straw, finds nothing and waves the man out. Finally after years of this, the guard gets a new position. He tells the man "Today is my last day. I will be transferred to a factory far away, so there is no need to lie to me. What have you been stealing from here?"

"Wheelbarrows" said the man.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

[1HappyGuy 45]

A Russian man has finally saved enough money to buy a car. He goes to the car factory and files for his new car. After all the paperwork is finished the administrator says, "Your car will be ready in 15 years".

The Russian man asks, "Is that morning or afternoon"?

The administrator with a surprised look asks, "Why does it matter, that is in 15 years"?

The Russian man responses without raising an eyebrow, "The plumber is coming in the morning".

:rofl:

[Neonred 3,562]

Lenin, Stalin, Krutschev and Brezhnev are riding on a train. The train stops. Lenin says he will look into it and goes up to the engine to talk to the engineer. He enlightnes the engineer on his responsibility as an engineer to the motherland. The train starts to move again.

A little while later, the train stops again. Stalin says he will handle this. He walks to the engine, shoots the engineer in the head and orders the fireman to drive the train! The train starts to mave again.

A little while later it stops again and Krutschev says he will fix this. He orders everyone off the train, demands all the track behind the train be torn up and moved in front of the train and laid down for new track. The train starts to move again, but in a little while, it stops.

Brezhnev stands up, pulls down all the window shades on the train and tells everyone to imagine the train is moving forward.

_______________________________________________________________________

A man works at a factory and every day he leaves with a wheelbarrow full of straw. The security guard at the gate is sure he is hiding something and everyday he searched through the straw, finds nothing and waves the man out. Finally after years of this, the guard gets a new position. He tells the man "Today is my last day. I will be transferred to a factory far away, so there is no need to lie to me. What have you been stealing from here?"

"Wheelbarrows" said the man.

The wife liked these

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

A Russian man has finally saved enough money to buy a car. He goes to the car factory and files for his new car. After all the paperwork is finished the administrator says, "Your car will be ready in 15 years".

The Russian man asks, "Is that morning or afternoon"?

The administrator with a surprised look asks, "Why does it matter, that is in 15 years"?

The Russian man responses without raising an eyebrow, "The plumber is coming in the morning".

:rofl:

The teacher asked the class "What is the USA?" A student raised his hand and said "It is a capitalist country where hundreds of thousands of people have no jobs, no healthcare and high crime"

"And what is the USSR?" asked the teacher. "Trying to catch up with the USA" said the student.

________________________________________________________________________

A Russian an an American were talking about their politicians. The American said that President Hoover was a great man because passed prohibition and helped teach Americans to do without alcohol.

"That's nothing" said the Russian. "Stalin taught us to do without food!"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

A party activist was inspecting farms and approached a farmer in the field. "How is the potato crop this year" asked the activist.

"Very good Comrade commisar" said the farmer. "If piled up, the potatoes would reach to the feet of God"

"Comrade, you know we should not speak this way, there is no God"

"It is OK" said the farmer "There are no potatoes either"

[1HappyGuy 45]

Gary,

Those are funny. My joke was one I saw Ronald Reagan tell, but I extended the years.

Here is a number of jokes from the Great Communicator.

[slim 1,525]

We need to bring Reagan back.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I remember I made a Russian joke here once, and was immediately barked at for stereotyping.

So just where is the line? Really? Must we bend to PC Police, or can we just have a few laughs at the Human Condition for what it is?

How about the one about the Drunk Russian Coalminer? Would it get laughs or get reported, Sheesh!

Edited February 6, 2011 by Boing!

[slim 1,525]

I woke up one day to hysterical laughing coming from my wife. What was she laughing at?

The video posted above.

One of our favorites is the Mortal Kombat fight scene where the dude drops the manhole cover on his own arm. (1:15 or so) OUCH! -

I like this one too -

And more Mortal Kombat -

Edited February 6, 2011 by slim

[SuperDuper! 230]

I woke up one day to hysterical laughing coming from my wife. What was she laughing at?

The video posted above.

Slim, all very funny I agree. But what about the wet blankets out here who cry, "Stereotyping!" at the drop of the hat for talking about drunk, lazy Russians, or Visa Fraud GC Hunters, and stuff like that? Where is the line between Humor and Insulting a culture? Personally, people can criticize all they want about Americans and Filipinos as far as I am concerned. I have NO real interest in what others think of me and my family. So what gives? Where is the line?

[slim 1,525]

There is no line. This is the RUB forum. Period.

[SuperDuper! 230]

There is no line. This is the RUB forum. Period.

Sorry, Slim. But there are many Pussies out here who cry foul when they don't like a joke or a smart remark they don't agree with. But I get what you are sayin', too. ваше здоровье!

Edited February 6, 2011 by Boing!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Slim, all very funny I agree. But what about the wet blankets out here who cry, "Stereotyping!" at the drop of the hat for talking about drunk, lazy Russians, or Visa Fraud GC Hunters, and stuff like that? Where is the line between Humor and Insulting a culture? Personally, people can criticize all they want about Americans and Filipinos as far as I am concerned. I have NO real interest in what others think of me and my family. So what gives? Where is the line?

There are no wet blankets here.

It is insulting that you think you can post the question and get an answer to define what you can say and not say. But maybe you think Russians, Ukrainians and Belarussians are just simpletons that come with instructions from the MOB catalog?

Maybe if you live with one (or three), devote your life to one, live in their country for a few years, you would understand. Another good reason we HAVE different regional forums.

Now head on over to the UK forum and ask them exactly WHAT is so funny about Benny Hill.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Sorry, Slim. But there are many Pussies out here who cry foul when they don't like a joke or a smart remark they don't agree with. But I get what you are sayin', too. ваше здоровье!

Calling people pussies crosses the line. Good grief. Did you take a left at the Philippine forum or something?