Communication issues when being apart

[dokter_phil 0]

Steve, to put it bluntly, you sound insecure. when u say u need her to validate ur feelings thats psycho-babble 4 "i'm needy and insecure". being in a long distance relationship is very hard, that's a given, throw some insecurity into the mix and trouble is brewing. as other people have said here, she has a life to live there, and it sounds like it's a pretty busy life, tiring. if she falls asleep before calling you, understand how tired she is. also, if she had a patient wait while she called you, even if only for a minute, that would be very unprofessional of her, patient must come first. stop worrying about if she calls when you expect her too, and enjoy the calls when she does.

so relax man, give her space to live her life and you live yours. when you have the opportunity to talk, cherish it. do you think that if you can't talk at every single available moment she will start to forget about you? you don't mention at all that you suspect someone else, and from what your posting here i don't think there is, just sounds like your far from each other and both have busy lives and you're being insecure. if you really believe she loves you, then find a way to get over your insecurities before they pull you apart.

btw, when you asked her a question and then she didn't answer it and then you said "arent you going to answer my question?", that is not a very good way to handle that. perhaps she didn't hear you the 1st time. you should just repeat the question politely, not throw it in her face and put her on the defensive.

I really do wish you guys the best. sorry for the harshness here, but sometimes medicine is bitter.

[ftr_mrs_f 0]

* When your SO other says they will call you right back and they don't, what do you do?

this hasnt happened, what happens a lot is that he doesnt call me when he says he will, that disappoints me a lot and makes me think i'm not priority if he doesnt communicate in 3 days, then i freak out

* When your talking with your SO on the phone long distance and they start carrying on a conversation with someone who is physically near them, what do you do?

whenever this has happened, the ppl around him are his friends and/or family, so, i talk with them too. I sometimes ask his niece: what is he doing? what is he wearing today? is he smiling? damn, you're so lucky to see him smile....

* When your SO puts you on hold for several minutes what do you do?

Hasnt happened

* When you planned on talking with them before they go to bed and you call them and they have already fallen asleep, what do you do?

He leaves work at around 11:30pm and sometimes he has to be back at work at 7am, so, he usually calls me when he's leaving work and i "keep him company" while he drives home.

and i will add something one more question:

* When you call your SO more than once and you get the machine or whatever, wht do you do?

i dont know if this has happened to anyone here but thts one of the most fricking things that have hurt me the most in this long distance relationship.

I do understand your concern, Steven, cuz we're not with them, we don't know wht's going on there. My fiance says that long distance relationships have to be based on communication, honesty and trust, but of course, we have to contribute helping our fiance/es so that they dont have doubts. A friend told me once: "you're so in love with him and he's over there waking up next to a beautiful blonde every day"... that just kills me, if my guy doesnt call me for a couple of days, i cant help thinking about that.

Edited September 5, 2006 by ftr_mrs_f

[garya505 2]

* When your SO other says they will call you right back and they don't, what do you do?

this hasnt happened, what happens a lot is that he doesnt call me when he says he will, that disappoints me a lot and makes me think i'm not priority if he doesnt communicate in 3 days, then i freak out

* When your talking with your SO on the phone long distance and they start carrying on a conversation with someone who is physically near them, what do you do?

whenever this has happened, the ppl around him are his friends and/or family, so, i talk with them too. I sometimes ask his niece: what is he doing? what is he wearing today? is he smiling? damn, you're so lucky to see him smile....

* When your SO puts you on hold for several minutes what do you do?

Hasnt happened

* When you planned on talking with them before they go to bed and you call them and they have already fallen asleep, what do you do?

He leaves work at around 11:30pm and sometimes he has to be back at work at 7am, so, he usually calls me when he's leaving work and i "keep him company" while he drives home.

and i will add something one more question:

* When you call your SO more than once and you get the machine or whatever, wht do you do?

i dont know if this has happened to anyone here but thts one of the most fricking things that have hurt me the most in this long distance relationship.

I do understand your concern, Steven, cuz we're not with them, we don't know wht's going on there. My fiance says that long distance relationships have to be based on communication, honesty and trust, but of course, we have to contribute helping our fiance/es so that they dont have doubts. A friend told me once: "you're so in love with him and he's over there waking up next to a beautiful blonde every day"... that just kills me, if my guy doesnt call me for a couple of days, i cant help thinking about that.

He keeps you waiting for 3 days?

[ftr_mrs_f 0]

He keeps you waiting for 3 days?

Unfortunately, it has happened a couple of times

[RiggerAF 0]

When you focus on improving the working relationship, you are not trying to become friends with the other person or to be liked. You are trying to make sure that, in spite of any personal feelings, the two of you are able to constructively deal with your disagreements and differences. Your aim is to create a relationship that allows you to talk honestly with each other and work together to find good solutions to hard issues.

The only way to resolve a relationship or communication issue is to discuss it directly. Many people hope to cure problems in their working relationships by coming up with the right substantive solution, thinking that if they get the right answer, they will get along better with the other person. In fact, it is quite difficult to discuss substantive issues when you and the other person do not trust, respect, listen to or understand each other. You are far more likely to reach a frustrating stalemate than a mutually acceptable resolution.

A better approach is to realize that when you have significant relationship problems, you should focus on improving the way you and your partner communicate with or treat each other. Then return to the substantive issue. For example, your SO made a commitment to herself to not talk about her side for solving the problem for three weeks. During that period, she did failures with concerning communication issues four times with you, and in each time she limited the conversation to the issues that were damaging your working relationship. After that period, she felt ready to raise other important issues.

When your SO other says she will call you right back and they don't, When your talking with your SO on the phone long distance and they start carrying on a conversation with someone who is physically near them, When your SO puts you on hold for several minutes, When you planned on talking with them before they go to bed and you call them and they have already fallen asleep,OPEN THE DOOR FOR CONVERSATION! Once you open the door, it is usually fairly easy to get most people to talk about the problems they see in the working relationship. Usually, they are as unhappy with the current situation as you are and are looking for some fair process to resolve the issue. Often, the simple act of talking about the problem, sharing perceptions of what is going on and why matters have degenerated to this point opens up new lines of communication. In my experience, this type of conversation builds mutual understanding, which then provides you with room to find ways to improve the situation (perhaps by promising to communicate better going forward, by exchanging apologies or by providing an explanation for misinterpreted actions).

This problem isn't only happening to you and your SO, I suffer from this problem as well.Remember after you have done the best you can to address the relationship issues, you can return to the reasons you are having these discussions in the first place -- the respect, trust, change in commitment responsibility or affection you have been seeking. Only now you will find a person with whom it is much easier to deal. Where before there may have only been stony silence, tension and stress, there should be more open dialogue and problem solving.

This problem cannot be solve without the other half contributing her part as a team. Relationship won't work if one is trying to pull out to different direction.Effective and good working relationships are essential to productive relationship. If they do not exist, you have to take time to develop them. It will never be easy, but it is always valuable.

Fortunately,I don't have any problems with her in regards to phone conversation, chat session or even text messages. I sometimes take a pause at work and think that she is bothering me. But no, its not even close to bothering me. It's helping me went through day in and day out. Calls, texts, emails from her while I'm at work makes my day gone so fast.

Man we sometimes need to understand about how crazy FILIPINA's are lol. We're trying to solve those issues as well. Don't give up hope. There is always solutions to each and every problem. This distance is stressing us and our partners as well. Might be a good idea if you'll take sometime to visit her while waiting for this process to be over. It might help coup up the stress and confidence. I am doing the same. Good luck! I am hoping for the best solution to our problem.

[Henia 11]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

Amen to that! I just added a screen capture of Jinky from tonight on my signature...sigh. I miss that face.

[eric&gen 0]

One word for ya

Trust.

You should learn to trust each other if you dont your relateship wont last long.

[Henia 11]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

Amen to that! I just added a screen capture of Jinky from tonight on my signature...sigh. I miss that face.

Yea add the voice feature it ...and almost like not even apart... (yea right) but better then nothing...almost like we can share a moment in each other's life... I like i when my SO trys to share all his work from work, the flowers in the garden, the birds in the courtyard and all the housework he has to do while I am not there

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

Amen to that! I just added a screen capture of Jinky from tonight on my signature...sigh. I miss that face.

Yea add the voice feature it ...and almost like not even apart... (yea right) but better then nothing...almost like we can share a moment in each other's life... I like i when my SO trys to share all his work from work, the flowers in the garden, the birds in the courtyard and all the housework he has to do while I am not there

hehehe...we don't use the voice feature because she has to go to internet cafe for us to chat and the connection is so unreliable...hangs or webcam freezes...ughhh. But yes, that ability to share a moment in each other's life - precious moments and a taste of what life will be like when we are reunited.

[Henia 11]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

Amen to that! I just added a screen capture of Jinky from tonight on my signature...sigh. I miss that face.

Yea add the voice feature it ...and almost like not even apart... (yea right) but better then nothing...almost like we can share a moment in each other's life... I like i when my SO trys to share all his work from work, the flowers in the garden, the birds in the courtyard and all the housework he has to do while I am not there

hehehe...we don't use the voice feature because she has to go to internet cafe for us to chat and the connection is so unreliable...hangs or webcam freezes...ughhh. But yes, that ability to share a moment in each other's life - precious moments and a taste of what life will be like when we are reunited.

O yea I remember those days...my SO just got the Net installed in his home like week ago...before was him sitting in front of the cam totally motionless...i would ask him, are you alive? lol ...Ye unfortunately cams freeze alot... but I have found Yahoo is better then MSN on cam freezing... I just love to watch my SO mannerisms and movements (now that he has the net at home lol) WOW in about 20 hours I will get to see them in real life...not just the cam, soooooooo excited

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

Amen to that! I just added a screen capture of Jinky from tonight on my signature...sigh. I miss that face.

Yea add the voice feature it ...and almost like not even apart... (yea right) but better then nothing...almost like we can share a moment in each other's life... I like i when my SO trys to share all his work from work, the flowers in the garden, the birds in the courtyard and all the housework he has to do while I am not there

hehehe...we don't use the voice feature because she has to go to internet cafe for us to chat and the connection is so unreliable...hangs or webcam freezes...ughhh. But yes, that ability to share a moment in each other's life - precious moments and a taste of what life will be like when we are reunited.

O yea I remember those days...my SO just got the Net installed in his home like week ago...before was him sitting in front of the cam totally motionless...i would ask him, are you alive? lol ...Ye unfortunately cams freeze alot... but I have found Yahoo is better then MSN on cam freezing... I just love to watch my SO mannerisms and movements (now that he has the net at home lol) WOW in about 20 hours I will get to see them in real life...not just the cam, soooooooo excited

Wow! Congratulations Henia! I'll bet you won't be sleeping tonight! Goodluck and best wishes with your reunion!!!

[Henia 11]

Wow thank you whoe ever invented the webcam

Amen to that! I just added a screen capture of Jinky from tonight on my signature...sigh. I miss that face.

Yea add the voice feature it ...and almost like not even apart... (yea right) but better then nothing...almost like we can share a moment in each other's life... I like i when my SO trys to share all his work from work, the flowers in the garden, the birds in the courtyard and all the housework he has to do while I am not there

hehehe...we don't use the voice feature because she has to go to internet cafe for us to chat and the connection is so unreliable...hangs or webcam freezes...ughhh. But yes, that ability to share a moment in each other's life - precious moments and a taste of what life will be like when we are reunited.

O yea I remember those days...my SO just got the Net installed in his home like week ago...before was him sitting in front of the cam totally motionless...i would ask him, are you alive? lol ...Ye unfortunately cams freeze alot... but I have found Yahoo is better then MSN on cam freezing... I just love to watch my SO mannerisms and movements (now that he has the net at home lol) WOW in about 20 hours I will get to see them in real life...not just the cam, soooooooo excited

Wow! Congratulations Henia! I'll bet you won't be sleeping tonight! Goodluck and best wishes with your reunion!!!

Yea not sleeping...way too excited.... and rather sleep the 9plus hour flight to Frankfurt... then hang out a bit in Frankfurt...eat some doner (lol) and catch the 2 flight to Alger... then off I am to my SO and friend's house for some tea/coffee and chat at 1am...Thanks Steven for the well wishes...