Communication issues when being apart

[Lizzy 0]

Well my fiancee always called me back exactly when he said he would, so i never had this issue, i'm sure i would be pissed if he has not.

Yes he put me on hold, he had to, he was talking to me during his working day, most of the time and i understood that.

If he feel asleep when it was time for me to chat to him, i would just leave him a message or send him an email. He always called me in the morning.

He really should be thinking of you more if its late for you. That for me would be an issue.

Maybe telling him how you feel BEFORE the argument actually comes up again may help.

[govols 0]

I certainly remember getting frustrated about the time difference and whenever I felt like talking, usually when I would get in from work ( around 4:30 in the afternoon ), it was not a good time for him (around 10:30 in the evening). He had to get up early and was not an evening person. I, on the other hand , was not a morning person. He would usually feel like calling me around 6:00 a.m. my time!

Anyway, just to say that I certainly understand your feelings. I'm sure that she doesn't mean to cut you short and really is very busy.

I hope you get things worked out quickly and smoothly.

Karen

[Henia 11]

When your SO other says they will call you right back and they don't, what do you do?

This rarely happens, but since everyone in the world has things that come up, we should all understand that and be patient with our SOs.

* When your talking with your SO on the phone long distance and they start carrying on a conversation with someone who is physically near them, what do you do?

Again, this rarely happens, but it does I totally understand since it happens to me here, and again the key is patience.

* When your SO puts you on hold for several minutes what do you do?

LOL I am guilty of this, but rarely...and my SO does do this...since it we both know our time on the phone is precious and also expensive, that is why we have our set times when to call...so no interruptions..LOL

* When you planned on talking with them before they go to bed and you call them and they have already fallen asleep, what do you do?

I wake him up to say I love you, we both sleep better LOL

[rebeccajo 14]

Well, I agree that agreeing to NOT COMMUNICATE is bad. It's also not gonna solve anything.

On the other hand, over-analyzing it isn't either.

Steven you impress me as somebody who thinks too much. That's right - you try to think rather than feel. You wade your way through the minutia rolling around in your brain by looking through self-help books, inspirational rhetoric and philosophy. Frankly if I were dating you, you'd drive me nuts.

How about doing something impulsive, crazy and forbidden. Like being irresponsible for 15 minutes. Eat a big cholesteral-fat laden banana split. Go naked around your house - with the windows open. Check out a movie you wouldn't want to admit to anyone you'd like to see then watch it 3 times in one night while drinking sassparillo and eating sardines.

Or better yet, hopping on a plane and sweeping her off her feet. Go on...put it on your credit card. You'll be in the air...how long? She won't be able to reach you. Show up at her office with a big bunch of flowers and a sign in front of your face that says....I'm sorry I'm such a neurotic lunatic but what do you expect you pulled my wisdom teeth....

Edited August 30, 2006 by rebeccajo

[caagirl 0]

My fiance and I talked through internet... Yahoo messenger or rediff... In india he can use his phone to text through to me.. His job was very nice to him and allow us to talk when he was not busy working..However clients always came up and sometimes he forgot to type brb be right back and I would be waiting and waiting at first it hurt my feelings because I never knew where did he go or if he got into some kind of trouble.. But after a while I realized text 2 messages then just wait do other things hopefully he would come back on.. But it really does not matter about now just be happy about the future coming up.. Forget about the little things and focus on the big event that is about to happen.. Today my Fiance is going to the american embassy to received packet 4 so waiting anxiously to hear from him.. He did not take his phone so still waiting to see maybe later on before 10:30p.m. he can come on and talk but, even if we don't get to talk tonight I know my fiance loves me with all his heart and he is just busy. He is a person not a machine and with a person you have to understand difficulties that might arise... With your future spouse you need to understand that sometimes problems arise that just can not be seen.. Just be happy you two have each other and just know very soon all this will be over with you will be saying I do and being together forever,

that is the thing to look forwards to the most... Just relax have a seat and know your guy or girl loves you.... BE happy for the little things God has given you for each little thing adds up to a big thing... when life gives you lemons make lemonade... Good luck to everyone on their VISA JOURNEY!

[Ta Ta 1]

Add to this communication topic per phone the dilemma of a country with lack of power for days, failed generators as backup to charge a phone, practically non existing landlines and bad connections and you have months and months of ......what did you say....can you repeat that.......man.....then you have the rainy season with thunderstorm interuptions and oh yes, he PC goes of also during the power outage.......a real hardship for sure......did I mention the mail won't go through either?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steven you impress me as somebody who thinks too much. That's right - you try to think rather than feel. You wade your way through the minutia rolling around in your brain by looking through self-help books, inspirational rhetoric and philosophy. Frankly if I were dating you, you'd drive me nuts.

How about doing something impulsive, crazy and forbidden. Like being irresponsible for 15 minutes. Eat a big cholesteral-fat laden banana split. Go naked around your house - with the windows open. Check out a movie you wouldn't want to admit to anyone you'd like to see then watch it 3 times in one night while drinking sassparillo and eating sardines.

Or better yet, hopping on a plane and sweeping her off her feet. Go on...put it on your credit card. You'll be in the air...how long? She won't be able to reach you. Show up at her office with a big bunch of flowers and a sign in front of your face that says....I'm sorry I'm such a neurotic lunatic but what do you expect you pulled my wisdom teeth....

Rebeccajo, you just described my father so that makes sense... Honestly, I am not that rigid...God, I hope I'm not. When I don't get enough sleep, my anxiety goes into overdrive and then I over-react. The driving you nuts part would be my anxiety - like bolts of electricity shooting through my body - which is why I never drink coffee...I'd probably explode if I did.

Thanks, you made me laugh and smile... I'll take your advice to heart.

Add to this communication topic per phone the dilemma of a country with lack of power for days, failed generators as backup to charge a phone, practically non existing landlines and bad connections and you have months and months of ......what did you say....can you repeat that.......man.....then you have the rainy season with thunderstorm interuptions and oh yes, he PC goes of also during the power outage.......a real hardship for sure......did I mention the mail won't go through either?

Wow, that's gotta be extremely hard. I hope you both will be reunited soon!

Edited August 30, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[Ta Ta 1]

Yes , one has to have nerves of steel and a heart full of love...........I am a newbie and still trying to find

my way around this site. I have never been part of a forum and trying to figure this all out. I really find tremendous comfort in knowing I am not alone......there are thousands of us......smile......

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Yes , one has to have nerves of steel and a heart full of love...........I am a newbie and still trying to find

my way around this site. I have never been part of a forum and trying to figure this all out. I really find tremendous comfort in knowing I am not alone......there are thousands of us......smile......

Welcome and keep posting.

[babybunny 2]

you know what ... this phone calling stuff is Cultural.

we as americans think we need to call - let the other know we are

safe, all is good, we love them. really we are accustomed to when we get home from work call our honeys. I htink we learn this as kids = when mama sayes - come home after school so I know you are safe and let me know where your going. the SO overseas. not used to it.

I talked to my husband about this same thing. I would have to say its cultural.

Add to this communication topic per phone the dilemma of a country with lack of power for days, failed generators as backup to charge a phone, practically non existing landlines and bad connections and you have months and months of ......what did you say....can you repeat that.......man.....then you have the rainy season with thunderstorm interuptions and oh yes, he PC goes of also during the power outage.......a real hardship for sure......did I mention the mail won't go through either?

oh god this sounds like pakistan. its rainy monsoon season- cell phones, PCs and lights never work.

you get the operater saying " the number you have dialed is not responding, please try again "

or worse " the country you have dialed - blah blah " ohhh dont have a communicaton error it will be

along time before you can fix that error. mean while back at the ranch- your calling card gets a healthy

chunk of mins knocked off.. went from 727 mins to 500 mins and you never got to say word one to

your sweetie.

[Ta Ta 1]

It took me a while to realize what was going on with the power deal........

in the middle of a chat the IM went off on his end and there I was wondering

what happend........then he would call and say the power was down again......

he really is making an effort to stay in communication despite that fact.

About phone cards......I used www.global.com for awhile, good record for calls made

and to print out for relationship proof. No hidden fees.

Now I am using a cheaper site www.call-sierraleone.com (for all countries) and there are absolutley

no hidden charges whatsoever, no connection fees, no maintenance fees, no pin number and if you don't reach your sweetie you don't pay....try it !

[MrMrsKnight 0]

you know what ... this phone calling stuff is Cultural.

we as americans think we need to call - let the other know we are

safe, all is good, we love them. really we are accustomed to when we get home from work call our honeys. I htink we learn this as kids = when mama sayes - come home after school so I know you are safe and let me know where your going. the SO overseas. not used to it.

I talked to my husband about this same thing. I would have to say its cultural.

If it's a cultural thing then it's a brazilian culture too. I call my family memebers all the time, my mom and dad call home from work and my sister and I call them a lot too, my grandma calls me about 4 times a day, my cousins talk to me at least once a day... lol...I'm glad we're that way though, I'd miss it for sure if we decided not to use the phone as much.

Edited August 30, 2006 by MrMrsKnight

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

* When your SO other says they will call you right back and they don't, what do you do?I told him that he was inconsiderate and that he wasn't thinking of the fact that I did have a life over in the US and may have been going out or doing something. That never happened again.

* When your talking with your SO on the phone long distance and they start carrying on a conversation with someone who is physically near them, what do you do?I think that is rude no matter who you are talking to. But when Ian did it to me and he came back to the phone, I just ignored him until he got the hint and finally asked me what was wrong. That was when I told him how I just ignorned him was how he made me feel by talking to someone else. Nothing gets on my ####### more than that.* When your SO puts you on hold for several minutes what do you do?I start singing really really loud..lmfao...that gets his attention...along with everyone else's...pmsl...so glad we don't have these probs anymore.

* When you planned on talking with them before they go to bed and you call them and they have already fallen asleep, what do you do?

Sorry if those sound a bit ambiguous as I know it depends on the situation but without going into too many details, I'm feeling frustrated lately in the time I have to spend with my SO without completely sacrificing my sleep. It seems (I'm sure it's probably a lot of my perception) that before, my SO was more diligent about calling, and it's hard for me not to take it personally when she doesn't follow through with what she says. I end up getting short on the phone and then we end up both being upset. Am I unreasonable to expect that when she says she'll call back that she will? Especially when it's 2am and I need to get to sleep at some point?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

* When your SO other says they will call you right back and they don't, what do you do?</b>I told him that he was inconsiderate and that he wasn't thinking of the fact that I did have a life over in the US and may have been going out or doing something. That never happened again.

* When your talking with your SO on the phone long distance and they start carrying on a conversation with someone who is physically near them, what do you do?I think that is rude no matter who you are talking to. But when Ian did it to me and he came back to the phone, I just ignored him until he got the hint and finally asked me what was wrong. That was when I told him how I just ignorned him was how he made me feel by talking to someone else. Nothing gets on my ####### more than that.* When your SO puts you on hold for several minutes what do you do?I start singing really really loud..lmfao...that gets his attention...along with everyone else's...pmsl...so glad we don't have these probs anymore.

* When you planned on talking with them before they go to bed and you call them and they have already fallen asleep, what do you do?

Thanks Laura, it helps to know I'm not alone in reacting this way. How are you? Long time since I've seen you post? Hope all is well.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Update:

We talked last night and I apologized for over-reacting. The issues seemed to smooth over - we talked for about an hour and then she asked me to call her before I go to sleep. So, I called her clinic at 11:30pm and her assistant told me she was at the next door beauty salon having her nails done. I said, "Can you just tell her that I said, 'goodnight'?" Her assistance fetched Jinky. I told her that I'm going to bed (11:30pm my time) and she then said that she'd call me when she was done with her nails. I cautiously said, "Okay," and went to sleep figuring I have no idea when she'll actually call. My phone rings at 2:30am and she says sorry but she had a patient. I was just quiet as she woke me up. She then asks me if I'm mad and I said, "Yeah, you didn't call me after you were done at the salon." But I remained calm - didn't over-react and just said to her that I need her to validate my feelings and to make it important to her that she calls me when she says she will - that she could've had the patient wait a minute while she calls me to tell me we can't really talk. She apologized and listened to what I had to say. We ended the call with her telling me she would call me before she goes to sleep (which would be about 7am my time). Still no call at 7:45am and I needed to start preparing for work so I called her. I woke her up and asked her if she was still planning on calling me. She said she had set her alarm but didn't wake up when it went off. By then I just felt defeated. I told her goodnight and I went on to work.

Now I'm wondering what to do, because this really hurts me. I feel like I'm too accommodating. Should I just tell her that after a certain time, I need to be sleeping so if we can't talk before my bedtime, we'll just have to save it for another time? Part of me just wants to take time of no contact - to give each of us a chance to rethink about how we prioritize the time we spend together on the phone. This is really going to escalate if I don't make it clear to her that it really bothers me.