need advice / dont trust my husband anymore

[Tero 105]

-what u said is utterly ridicilous and uncalled for . If u dont have anything constructive to say --just shut yr mouth

Edited February 3, 2011 by Tero

[americandiva 0]

Yes, Magical said it the best.... You have a year to finalize the paperwork, so the power is in your hand, follow your gut, but I also know that you have to be careful of what other ppl tell you. Again you have the POWER. what are loseing. Sometimes things are put in our face for us to see, but we see only what we want to see.

[VolimTe 0]

I think this is a very very serious situation . think about it really good, when u bring him here u have to support him so that he does not become a public charge!!... soo u cld be in a finacial mess if something goes wrong God forbid..You have all the rights now make a right choice.. Personally if my husband did this to me. NO wayyy that i wld not bring him here even if i died without him i know it hurts .. Nooobody is more important to u than ur own life :/...hopefully u will figure out something good.. ofc every men will say when he is with another girl ooo shes just a friend my as_! that excuse got reaal old.. not only men there r so many bad wives out there too .. ok if that girl was a friend from school w.e ... but think about it she is his ex y wld he go visit her..? again this is my opinion no need too judge ..some of u prolly have different opinions. good luck and i wish u all the best.. make a right choice ...dnno what else to say but beeee careful.. . if u bring him here he cld hurt ur WHOLE LIFE if he leaves u :/ dnno emotionally and financially horrible mix.. if u decide not to bring him here it wld still hurt but that pain wld go away .. sooner or later. ....think think think...so what ask for the girls number if it makes u feel better..jst to see his reaction..if he gets mad than it becomes a problem.. if they have nothing together why wld he get mad..u can be her friend too hey hahah ...?????? come on he shld understand u two are married and if u did this ..how wld he react?? hes an ####

[Lisamarie 79]

Hello..the first thing I want to say is that I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You have been given a lot of good advice here. My suggestion is to forget trying to call the ex in NY because I think it will be a waste of time. If something happened or is going on with her and your husband, chances are really good she is not going to be honest with you. If on the chance he is planning to come here and be with her, she is defiinitely not going to be honest with you. And if you ask your husband for her phone number she will probably already be forewarned and maybe prepped on what to say before you call.......

In my opinion, he talking to her in the U.S. without telling you is suspicious, and even if it's innocent, it's wrong. If he told you he had a friend in the states that he wanted to keep in touch with and you were ok with that, that is one thing. But to be calling her when you have no idea about it, is another thing. I also wonder about the three days in NY, did he say why he stayed there instead of catching his plane?

In my opinion, there are too many questions, too many suspicions, and you said there are even more. You are questioning his honesty and faithfulness to you. Those are HUGE factors in a relationship......without them, there isn't anything left. A person can't love someone and be dishonest and unfaithful to them at the same time.

One of my suggestions to you is the same as a few other people here....tell him you are thinking seriously about moving there with him, come up with some reasons that you would like to do that. See what kind of reaction he has to that. If he comes up with every reason in the book why you shouldn't do that, I wouldn't go any further with him (just my opinion)......Just keep in mind that if he is being dishonest with you about the other woman, then what else is he capable of? Signing the I-864 carries ALOT of financial responsibility, for many years............Supporting someone that you're not even with would be a nightmare, in my opinion. You have time right now, take this time and try to figure things out. You can pull the plug on the petition anytime if that's what you choose to do. My best to you and good luck in whatever you do.quote name='maria67' timestamp='1296653194' post='4448429']

hi all

im so hapy i found this forum because can get maybe your opinion about my case!

Im US citizen and recently got married. My husband is from brasil but temporary live in australia.

We sent our I-130 / cr1 in august last year and waiting for it to be approved.

My hubby is nice person,every day is sending me messages about our love and saying how he can not live without me!

Recently,my australian friend who works with him told me he saw him talking on the phone with someone in US and it was not me.

I dont want to go into details now but found out that my hubby's ex.girlfriend lives in NY and he visited her last year,1 month before our wedding date.

He acctualy came to visit me here in US but i know he stayed in NY 3 more days, instead just changing the plane.

I talked to him recently about it, he admited his ex live in NY but hes saying they are just friends now and i should not worry.

There are also some other indications about him keeping in touch with his ex.

Now i am so worried, i love him,but im very suspicious now he want me to use just to get into US and then leave me.

I know that i have to submit affidavit of support soon and after he gets to US im responsabile for him. But what if he leave me after comming here and accuse me for something and then go to live with his ex?

Will i still be financally responsabile for him?

He is going back to brasil soon and he is asking me to send him statement from my friends saying our marriege is in bona fide. I asked him why he needs it he said he will need it to show at interview in US ambassy.

Im just worry that he wants it so once gets into US he can prove he entered into marriage in bona fide.

Maybe im just paranoid about all of this,i love him very much, but there are some strong indications (i have not listed them all here) that im not only person he loves.

any advice?

Edited February 3, 2011 by Lisamarie

[Dan and Judy 614]

Sounds to me like your biggest problem is You still love him. That makes common sense decisions a lot harder. I would talk to a lawyer and see if you can get an annulment. You dont want him

taking half of everything you own in a divorce. You could hire a private investigator to check into it. They have international companies that could check on him in australia and brazil

And his ex in New York. It would probably cost a couple of thousand for a PI. That would be a lot just for the piece of mind to know the truth but if the additional evidence allows you to get an

annulment instead of a Divorce it could be well worth it.

[Tero 105]

You have no business with his ex. It is your husband you should deal with. If you cannot trust him, your love will not be enough to hold your relationship. He needs to show you you can trust him by taking steps to overcome your doubt. Trust should be earned and not just bestowed.

[Tero 105]

Sounds to me like your biggest problem is You still love him. That makes common sense decisions a lot harder. I would talk to a lawyer and see if you can get an annulment. You dont want him

taking half of everything you own in a divorce. You could hire a private investigator to check into it. They have international companies that could check on him in australia and brazil

And his ex in New York. It would probably cost a couple of thousand for a PI. That would be a lot just for the piece of mind to know the truth but if the additional evidence allows you to get an

annulment instead of a Divorce it could be well worth it.

There goes half of all her property already.

[Mal and Meg 12]

give him the boot and even though it will be hard on you as you love him its better than getting your heart broken later on and having to suffer the financial problems as well!he is just looking for a way in to the US and its probably to be with the other girl!for your own good get rid of him

[Sweet10 5]

hi all

im so hapy i found this forum because can get maybe your opinion about my case!

Im US citizen and recently got married. My husband is from brasil but temporary live in australia.

We sent our I-130 / cr1 in august last year and waiting for it to be approved.

My hubby is nice person,every day is sending me messages about our love and saying how he can not live without me!

Recently,my australian friend who works with him told me he saw him talking on the phone with someone in US and it was not me.

I dont want to go into details now but found out that my hubby's ex.girlfriend lives in NY and he visited her last year,1 month before our wedding date.

He acctualy came to visit me here in US but i know he stayed in NY 3 more days, instead just changing the plane.

I talked to him recently about it, he admited his ex live in NY but hes saying they are just friends now and i should not worry.

There are also some other indications about him keeping in touch with his ex.

Now i am so worried, i love him,but im very suspicious now he want me to use just to get into US and then leave me.

I know that i have to submit affidavit of support soon and after he gets to US im responsabile for him. But what if he leave me after comming here and accuse me for something and then go to live with his ex?

Will i still be financally responsabile for him?

He is going back to brasil soon and he is asking me to send him statement from my friends saying our marriege is in bona fide. I asked him why he needs it he said he will need it to show at interview in US ambassy.

Im just worry that he wants it so once gets into US he can prove he entered into marriage in bona fide.

Maybe im just paranoid about all of this,i love him very much, but there are some strong indications (i have not listed them all here) that im not only person he loves.

any advice?

How long ago they dated? where is she from and what does she do in NY?

There is a huge possibility that they are just friends, but he would have never mentioned that before, because he thought you would be jealous for no reason!

[meb5 1]

I am so sorry men are bastards..anyways

Spoken like a true feminist.

Mariah it sounds like you have some serious concerns. I wish you the best.

[Utha 10]

He's already your husband. You have right to access all of his personal email accounts, phone log, etc. If he refuses to give it to you, then dont think twice to leave. Love should not hurt you.

[elya4848 3]

I think this is a very very serious situation . think about it really good, when u bring him here u have to support him so that he does not become a public charge!!... soo u cld be in a finacial mess if something goes wrong God forbid..You have all the rights now make a right choice.. Personally if my husband did this to me. NO wayyy that i wld not bring him here even if i died without him i know it hurts .. Nooobody is more important to u than ur own life :/...hopefully u will figure out something good.. ofc every men will say when he is with another girl ooo shes just a friend my as_! that excuse got reaal old.. not only men there r so many bad wives out there too .. ok if that girl was a friend from school w.e ... but think about it she is his ex y wld he go visit her..? again this is my opinion no need too judge ..some of u prolly have different opinions. good luck and i wish u all the best.. make a right choice ...dnno what else to say but beeee careful.. . if u bring him here he cld hurt ur WHOLE LIFE if he leaves u :/ dnno emotionally and financially horrible mix.. if u decide not to bring him here it wld still hurt but that pain wld go away .. sooner or later. ....think think think...so what ask for the girls number if it makes u feel better..jst to see his reaction..if he gets mad than it becomes a problem.. if they have nothing together why wld he get mad..u can be her friend too hey hahah ...?????? come on he shld understand u two are married and if u did this ..how wld he react?? hes an ####

Why shouldn't he be mad if he isn't cheating? It might not make me mad, but it would hurt me.