Wife left

[TracyTN 237]

I'm afraid in the case of marital immigration, it's buyer beware. The government can't (and shouldn't) dictate who you decide to marry - all they care is that they're eligible to receive a visa. The rest is up to the individual, as it would be in a marriage to a non US citizen.

Edited February 3, 2011 by TracyTN

[rika60607 215]

Looks like your friend was taken advantage of.

But, your view of the problem is rather narrow.

Not every immigrant is 30-40 years old.

Quite a few immigrants pay their immigration expenses themselves.

BOTH parties go through immigration hell.

If relationship did not work out, divorce is due regardless of whether the immigrant wants to stay in the US or not.

US citizen is not punished for going through trouble and expense. Most of the time, affidavit of support will not come into play. When it does, the US citizen is paying for making a wrong choice of a life partner and not seeing the fraudster for what he/she is.

So yes, buyer beware. Get to know your fiance(e) before marriage.

i have to say this:

But where is US citizen protection in his/her own country?

US citizen goes trough immigration hell to bring his wife here, pay all expenses,then SHE leave him for whatever reason and then he continues to have nightmare?

The worst thing i read on this forum is when wife comes to US, leave him after 8 months , than file for Wava and then says she can not go back to her own country because she has ties to US ! What ties???

How one person can have more ties to US after only 6 months of residence versus 30-40 years in her own country?

My 2 cents are that if it comes to divorce husband should responsabile to pay her/him plane ticket to homeland and pay all fees until she/he leave country. Fair enough.

But going trough all this hell of divorce only because she wants to stay in US is just not right.

My best friend wife filed after only 6 months of marriage in US for wava,got immigration advocate (and good/costly one) and moved to different US state.

And before she came to US she supposed to be girl without money, without good english knowlege and friends/ties in US!!! How she knows all those things?

In this case like i others im reding here US citizen should not be punished having all this expenses ant trouble!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Looks like your friend was taken advantage of.

But, your view of the problem is rather narrow.

Not every immigrant is 30-40 years old.

Quite a few immigrants pay their immigration expenses themselves.

BOTH parties go through immigration hell.

If relationship did not work out, divorce is due regardless of whether the immigrant wants to stay in the US or not.

US citizen is not punished for going through trouble and expense. Most of the time, affidavit of support will not come into play. When it does, the US citizen is paying for making a wrong choice of a life partner and not seeing the fraudster for what he/she is.

So yes, buyer beware. Get to know your fiance(e) before marriage.

He was talking specifically about VAWA, and in fraudulent VAWA cases the US citizen is quite frequently punished without cause. A VAWA claim requires proof of abuse, and a scammer needs cooperation from the authorities in order to manufacture that evidence. This usually involves calls to the police, and trumped up charges of spousal abuse against the US citizen. Many US citizens have lost their jobs, their professional licenses, even their life savings.

You might think that fraudulent VAWA cases are relatively rare, but I can point you to websites that teach people in intricate detail how to hook a US citizen spouse and then get a green card with a VAWA claim. I can also point you to websites that describe in detail the horror stories of many US citizens whose lives have been ruined by a VAWA scammer.

[Jim&Natasha 24]

You've been together since 2003 or 2004? And she's from Canada?

There's no huge advantage to being in the USA vs Canada, from an economic standpoint. In fact, the case could be made that Canada would be a more desirable place to be right now, on economic grounds.

Is it about money for her? You tell us. Is she able to support herself without needing your income & resources?

Do you feel she "owes" you something for bringing her to the USA? I almost get that feeling.

This whole thing seems like it's more about your relationship than immigration-related issues. My guess is that the spark has gone out of the relationship, as far as she's concerned. Maybe she ran off somewhere with some bad boy who was more exciting to her at the moment. Maybe that will pass, maybe not. The best thing you can do right now is live your life in a way that pleases you, without her.

In your situation, I would probably file for divorce/separation. You want to be "legally separated" from her, to protect yourself from any debts or obligations she incurs.

If she's out of contact, and you become legally separated, I would consider moving on with your life. That would include resuming dating, proceeding with actual divorce, etc.

Since the immigration-specific issues here seem to be secondary to relationship issues, relationship-specific sites might give you better information.

[Jim&Natasha 24]

Filing for divorce will not save you from responsibility for her debts. Only finalized divorce can do that and this may take a loooong time.

This one part is incorrect. Legal separation protects you from any debts of hers that are incurred AFTER the date of legal separation.

Any credit card bills she runs up in the meantime, yes, you are on the hook for those. So yes, do close any joint accounts and get moving with legal separation. When you file for divorce, the court will normally declare you legally separated at the first court hearing. If it all turns out to be a huge misunderstanding, and you reconcile, just don't follow through with finalizing the actual divorce.

[v70995 5]

You've been together since 2003 or 2004? And she's from Canada?

There's no huge advantage to being in the USA vs Canada, from an economic standpoint. In fact, the case could be made that Canada would be a more desirable place to be right now, on economic grounds.

Is it about money for her? You tell us. Is she able to support herself without needing your income & resources?

Do you feel she "owes" you something for bringing her to the USA? I almost get that feeling.

This whole thing seems like it's more about your relationship than immigration-related issues. My guess is that the spark has gone out of the relationship, as far as she's concerned. Maybe she ran off somewhere with some bad boy who was more exciting to her at the moment. Maybe that will pass, maybe not. The best thing you can do right now is live your life in a way that pleases you, without her.

In your situation, I would probably file for divorce/separation. You want to be "legally separated" from her, to protect yourself from any debts or obligations she incurs.

If she's out of contact, and you become legally separated, I would consider moving on with your life. That would include resuming dating, proceeding with actual divorce, etc.

Since the immigration-specific issues here seem to be secondary to relationship issues, relationship-specific sites might give you better information.

We have not been together for 10 years "I have known her for 10 years and have been through a lot together"

Again not knowing all the rules here am asking advice.

[Fandango 1,439]

As others have said, unless she returns to Canada permanantly, you are obligated financially for her for 10 years after visa approval. So trying to get a divorce on those grounds is just going to cost you more money.

However, if something led up to this, like a bad fight, maybe she just needs time to ger her feelings in check. You know that she is ok, and all you can do is keep trying to reach her and talk this out. Divorce should always be the last option that is chosen. You have been together for a long time, and just went througha gruelling immigration process, give her some time, and perhaps use this time yourself to reflect on what has led up to this moment, and if it can be fixed through counselling.

I wish you and your wife the best, and I hope you can pull through this together!

To be fair, it's '40 quarters of work' which does translate to 10 years if she works straight through, but there's a huge difference: if she doesn't work, works part time, works off the books, etc...he will never be out from under the i864. At that point, the only way out would be for her to naturalize, go home, or God forbid, pass away.

I don't necc believe that living off of means-tested benefits is desirable to anyone, though. So OP, just concentrate on deciding whether you want to file for divorce or not. You don't need to report it to ICE if you feel there was no fraud involved. Sometimes, marriages just fall apart, with no relation to the immigration aspect. I dunno. I don't feel comfortable giving you advice like 'maybe she just needed time' because I see leaving like that as an awfully cruel thing to do, and if it were happening to me, my hubby's stuff would already be boxed up. But that's me.

We can't give you divorce advice, so your best bet would be to listen to your atty on that aspect.

Sorry this is happening, good luck to you.

Edited February 5, 2011 by Lisa C

[v70995 5]

To be fair, it's '40 quarters of work' which does translate to 10 years if she works straight through, but there's a huge difference: if she doesn't work, works part time, works off the books, etc...he will never be out from under the i864. At that point, the only way out would be for her to naturalize, go home, or God forbid, pass away.

I don't necc believe that living off of means-tested benefits is desirable to anyone, though. So OP, just concentrate on deciding whether you want to file for divorce or not. You don't need to report it to ICE if you feel there was no fraud involved. Sometimes, marriages just fall apart, with no relation to the immigration aspect. I dunno. I don't feel comfortable giving you advice like 'maybe she just needed time' because I see leaving like that as an awfully cruel thing to do, and if it were happening to me, my hubby's stuff would already be boxed up. But that's me.

We can't give you divorce advice, so your best bet would be to listen to your atty on that aspect.

Sorry this is happening, good luck to you.

Thank you Lisa.

I am not looking for marital advice here but suspect by her actions and words she may of only married me to get green card and want to know my options here to protect myself.

[luckytxn 2,264]

Thank you Lisa.

I am not looking for marital advice here but suspect by her actions and words she may of only married me to get green card and want to know my options here to protect myself.

Makes no difference if she married you for a green card as she has the green card now and is legal here. Yes it is a conditional green card and has to be renewed to a ten year card but that is something that she can do herself after a divorce or separation. No need to even call ICE really as it is your words against hers. If it happens real quick when they arrive and they do not have the green card yet then yes you can play gotcha. The only thing that calling ICE will be good for at this point is if she tries to have the support form come into play it may help if the government comes after you to pay anything if she asks for and receives any means tested help.

The only thing you can and should do now is to get the lawyer or file yourself for a divorce. Yes they say that it to protect yourself and it does but even if not divorced and you file the protection starts right away. You will not be liable for her debts unless you have agreed to them after the filing. Just let it go and start changing locks and move on and take this learning experience.

If you did not cause her to leave and she left then the process will be pretty straight forward

[v70995 5]

Lawyer sent registered letter to wife asking her intentions for this marriage. She has a few more days to reply. If no response looks like my best course of action will be anullment or divorce.

ICE will be informed as I am told that without my cooperation and with negative information in the USCIS file from me she will have a difficult time with a self-petition for 10 year green card as she must show a good faith marriage. I do not want to be vengefull but in this case it does not apply.

I was not looking for a divorce and still love my wife but obviously she does not love me. Leaving as she did was the most disrespectful hurtful thing you could do to a spouse. She has not spoken to me since she left a month ago.

Thank you all for your comments and advice.

[Myopia 93]

Lawyer sent registered letter to wife asking her intentions for this marriage. She has a few more days to reply. If no response looks like my best course of action will be anullment or divorce.

ICE will be informed as I am told that without my cooperation and with negative information in the USCIS file from me she will have a difficult time with a self-petition for 10 year green card as she must show a good faith marriage. I do not want to be vengefull but in this case it does not apply.

I was not looking for a divorce and still love my wife but obviously she does not love me. Leaving as she did was the most disrespectful hurtful thing you could do to a spouse. She has not spoken to me since she left a month ago.

Thank you all for your comments and advice.

You sound hurt and hurt can create things that just arent there. You have known her for ten years, thats a long time to know anyone in this life and if you have experienced things together that brought you closer then I dont see how you can prove that this was a sham marriage. If your marriage was consummated then you wont be able to have the marriage nullified so that leaves you with divorce.

Are you sure you want to be divorced? People do wierd things at times. If you love her then try to reach out to her. Ten years of knowing her must mean you have some history with her. You must know what makes her tick.

You can have a successful removal of conditions without being married. In that case it may be in her interest to be divorced as it is the divorce decree that will be needed if she chooses to remove conditions by herself.

Sorry you are going through this.

Relationship breakdowns are one of the hardest things in life.

[v70995 5]

You sound hurt and hurt can create things that just arent there. You have known her for ten years, thats a long time to know anyone in this life and if you have experienced things together that brought you closer then I dont see how you can prove that this was a sham marriage. If your marriage was consummated then you wont be able to have the marriage nullified so that leaves you with divorce.

Are you sure you want to be divorced? People do wierd things at times. If you love her then try to reach out to her. Ten years of knowing her must mean you have some history with her. You must know what makes her tick.

You can have a successful removal of conditions without being married. In that case it may be in her interest to be divorced as it is the divorce decree that will be needed if she chooses to remove conditions by herself.

Sorry you are going through this.

Relationship breakdowns are one of the hardest things in life.

Reaching out to her is out of the question she emailed me telling me she wishes not contact at this time. I do not wish to have order of protection put against me, stalking etc. As for anullment is up to the judge if fraud is determined then yes anullment will go through consummation means nothing people do the nasty without benefit of marriage. This is just a forum and I have been speaking with real attorneys in real time.

I do appreciate the input though.

[nigel 7]

I think sticking around for 10 yrs for a green card is over and above what a immigrant scammer would do to be honest..

Don't know why people say the first thing when this happens on the forum is to call ICE...like really what they going to say after you tell them you known each other 10 yrs? lets be fair here.

Nope..best advice lock up your wallet and assets.....and play it by ear....give it time..maybe you guys can work it out...

If not... then it was'nt meant to be...and move on...

sorry your going through this ####### dude and i wish you well..

Edited February 18, 2011 by nigel

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I think sticking around for 10 yrs for a green card is over and above what a immigrant scammer would do to be honest..

Don't know why people say the first thing when this happens on the forum is to call ICE...like really what they going to say after you tell them you known each other 10 yrs? lets be fair here.

No necessarily. I'm sure he knew the girl well. They might have been good friends for many years or simply acquaintances. They might have dated for 10 years and eventually she decided she wanted to move to the US and so she started being more lovey and encouraging the immigration stuff. She might have been cheating on him the entire time, she might have found someone else she wanted to be with but he was the only one to financially do the immigration stuff.

Sometimes people are users. She might not have started the friendship/relationship with a GC in mind, but she could easily have been ready to break-up with him and then thought "heck, why not get a GC out of it before I leave him?" and stuck around for that. You just never know, stranger things have happened.

[v70995 5]

No necessarily. I'm sure he knew the girl well. They might have been good friends for many years or simply acquaintances. They might have dated for 10 years and eventually she decided she wanted to move to the US and so she started being more lovey and encouraging the immigration stuff. She might have been cheating on him the entire time, she might have found someone else she wanted to be with but he was the only one to financially do the immigration stuff.

Sometimes people are users. She might not have started the friendship/relationship with a GC in mind, but she could easily have been ready to break-up with him and then thought "heck, why not get a GC out of it before I leave him?" and stuck around for that. You just never know, stranger things have happened.

Thank you Vanessa&Tony you actually see it.

Good friends for many years it all changed after marriage.