Abuse of power in the American Consulate

[Lisamarie 79]

Well I do believe we are perfect for each other. We have the same type of personality; laid-back, realistic (yes I said realistic), always looking for the intelligent, logic in everything. We are not dreamers...not even me, even if I sound to you as I am. I know we will have obstacles, things to overcome, coming from completely different cultures. But I think we are strong enough to get through it, and whatever issues may come about we will talk about because we have no problems talking to each other about anything that is on our mind or that we have questions about. We have already talked about different things to could potentially come up, because when I read about issues others are having I like to talk to him about how we would deal with it if we were faced with it.

lol...."He's my life and my everything".......did you get that from my signature?

I understand you weren't directing that only to me. And yes I am positive, not pessimistic, I am that way by nature. I like to look at the positive side of everything, not the negative. If the negative finds its way into my life, then so be it. But I'm not going to bring it in.

I have been to Morocco once, will be going again next month. I'm well aware that it wasn't "real life" while I was there, full of work, bills, everyday stuff we deal with. However we were both under stress trying to get married before I left because we wanted that so much....and trying to get anything done in Morocco is a job, to say the least, and we dealt with it well. We didn't get angry with each other, or frustrated.....I think we both know how to deal with issues well. And although I have only been there once we have spent mountains of hours on microphone, we have talked about everything, literally. We know how the other thinks, we know what to expect from each other, everything is out in the open with us. Of course there will be little everyday habits of each other that we don't know, things like that, but we are both easy-going, tolerable people and I don't think we are going to have any major issues with any of it.

I also do see that there are two completely different groups here.....newer and people that have been around awhile, and that leads to disagreements

With all due respect, and I'm not picking on you specifically, I think that some of the things I've bolded in your post, are some of the things that bring out the negativity sometimes.

And, again, I don't mean to direct this directly at your statements because I've seen a bazillion statements like this here in MENA. They have affectionately been labelled "rainbows and unicorns" by women who are been on here forever.

I don't recall how long exactly you've actually spent physically in the same country as your husband, so again, I'm not directed this at you. But, comments like these are frequently tossed around by people whose spouses have not yet gotten here, and for those living with their husbands, the comments really do bring about a lot a roll of the eyes. Simply because many people who make these statements have spent a pathetically little amount of time with their fiance/spouse, etc. And, the time they have spent has not been "real life" time.

So, I know that when the lollipops and rainbows and "perfect for each other" and "we are one" and "we are soulmates" and "the consulate is torturing us because the CO wants someone as hot and wonderful and perfect as my man" and "he's my life and my everything" and blah, blah, blah, blah blah comments are made when the couple has physically spent one or two weeks together ON VACATION, then it brings out people who have lived more of the experience - to warn - to express - to verbalize - that it's not all lollipops, rainbows and unicorns.

And, then on the other hand, it's not all scammers either. It's somewhere in the middle. It just seems like the two "groups" on here, if you will, bring out the extremes in each other. When the lollipop gang is chirping about rainbows and perfection, the others want to bring out the reality, and when the reality is being talked about the others want to talk about "perfection" and "soulmates" and "he's my everything", and "we're perfect together".

There's not a lot of balance on MENA lately and the worst is usually brought out in the two extremes.

Just an observation, for what it's worth. And, again, I used some of your words, but not directly at you, because as I said, it's common phrasing here, and I just was using them as examples.

[LaL 418]

Just to put things in perspective a bit - across the board MANY couples who went through immigration when I did have gone their separate ways. It's not just a MENA thing - but the addition of occurrences of fraud combined with those that just don't plain work out makes the % higher for MENA. People are even starting to meet on VJ and hook up/get married, etc. It's quite an interesting result. The outlook is just not good and it makes me incredibly sad to see one of my friends deal with a difficult situation after being so hopeful and (sometimes unfortunately) starry-eyed. So, I guess if reading some of the old-timer's experiences is upsetting - the upper forums are really much more supportive and cheerleading based. The Regionals are kinda more "real" and have a much higher % of people who have already walked the walk through immigration and are dealing with the (much harder) adjustment to life phase.

Edited March 1, 2011 by LaL

[Mithra 1,185]

Thanks for your concern. Everything is just fine for me. I'm not the police of the forum but I do have the right to speak my mind and if something doesn't strike me or anyone else as cool then I or you or anyone has the right to say so. Just like you did right now. Only I don't express condescending and false concern for others' well being just because their opinions differ from my own. This is similar to accusing women of having their periods or not getting laid when they're not particularly agreeable. That is absurd.

Mithra, are you the police of the forums?? Everywhere you write, you seem to always tell ppl how to do things so correctly,

and express anger in every forum you post. Are things Ok with you my dear? Leave ppl do what they want to do....live free!

Edited March 1, 2011 by Mithra

[Mithra 1,185]

Everyone here is at different points in their visajourney. If you're new and perky and optimistic and happy, good for you. But those of us who are bitter, warn torn veterans have a right to be here and speak about our experiences, the good and the bad.

Should we just not speak about the negatives? Pretend that the scammers don't exist? Or just look the other way and be smiley happy?

Successful marriages do exist. I believe I live one. We've known each other for 9 and a half years, and have been married here in the US together for 5 and a half. On paper, we're a great match - we share the same values, are both bookworms, enjoy the same pastimes, like the same movies, are both cat crazy, are of the same faith, are both political junkies/revolutionaries, are very close in age, come from similar socio-economic backgrounds, have the same level of education, and have the same goals in life. If we were someone from each other's respective countries, we'd still have married each other.

But, every day is hard work. There was no "he got the visa and they lived happily ever after." AbuS came and has struggled mightily. It took him years to find meaningful work in his field. Then, the economy collapsed and he was laid off. And the struggle began again. The struggles in jobs and in adjustment have negatively effected our marriage. I do think that now, 5 years on, we're hitting our stride and actually talking about the whole ark of our future - having kids, buying a house, possibly moving overseas, pursuing advanced degrees. I feel like the last 5 years, we've been frantically treading water, trying not to drown, and only recently been able to actually start swimming in any meaningful direction.

So if I'm bitter and jaded, I think I've earned the right to say so. By all means, those who are at the beginning, continue. Just be forewarned that the process sucks, there are scammers out there, and you may end up bitter and jaded in 5 years time.

[Gugusitolindo 32]

Thanks for your concern. Everything is just fine for me. I'm not the police of the forum but I do have the right to speak my mind and if something doesn't strike me or anyone else as cool then I or you or anyone has the right to say so. Just like you did right now. Only I don't express condescending and false concern for others' well being just because their opinions differ from my own. This is similar to accusing women of having their periods or not getting laid when they're not particularly agreeable. That is absurd. (YUKKIE)

I just find it hard to imagine, that every topic you enter, you find yourself in an angry tone with others if they did something

not "cool". Yes , you do have the right to speak your mind , as I did, but I did it b/c you sound always angry, and as we have the

right to say anything, well not anything, I would not insult you at all, so not anything will be said, but as we have the right

I just wanted to comment on your anger, and just maybe your not realizing your feeling it or even realize you are doing it.

Please continue as you wish, np with me, just thought you did not know that you were acting in such angrily manner.

Carry on...... End of subject with this.!

Edited March 1, 2011 by Gugusitolindo

[Mithra 1,185]

I've never insulted you. Nor have I ever addressed you directly until now. Don't worry about my attitude. I'm not worried about yours.

[Gugusitolindo 32]

I've never insulted you. Nor have I ever addressed you directly until now. Don't worry about my attitude. I'm not worried about yours.

awwww..tooo mad to read correctly! That is what happens to angry ppl! Try to change- it will do you good.

see you always say mean things at the end.....turn that frown upside down!

Edited March 1, 2011 by Gugusitolindo

[Mithra 1,185]

I read correctly. You said you would never insult me. I never insulted you and wouldn't. I'm not angry at all actually. I'm just a tad more down to earth and realistic that a lot of ladies on this forum. Maybe those of us who don't subscribe to husband/fiance worship are just angry down deep. Is that it? Maybe because I live with my husband and don't see everything as candy and roses that makes me angry. Because I don't think my husband is the be all end all most awesome, gorgeous, infallible god of a man that must mean I hate my life. Because I don't post pics of myself and my husband all done up in Egyptian garb with glittery accents that makes me bitter and miserable. Because I don't b!tch about evil mean COs that must mean my life sucks. Oh and I don't like when women come on here spilling other ppls' stories. God I'm such a rotten b!tch for disliking that.

awwww..tooo mad to read correctly! That is what happens to angry ppl! Try to change- it will do you good.

see you always say mean things at the end.....turn that frown upside down!

[msheesha 548]

Well I do believe we are perfect for each other. We have the same type of personality; laid-back, realistic (yes I said realistic), always looking for the intelligent, logic in everything. We are not dreamers...not even me, even if I sound to you as I am. I know we will have obstacles, things to overcome, coming from completely different cultures. But I think we are strong enough to get through it, and whatever issues may come about we will talk about because we have no problems talking to each other about anything that is on our mind or that we have questions about. We have already talked about different things to could potentially come up, because when I read about issues others are having I like to talk to him about how we would deal with it if we were faced with it.

lol...."He's my life and my everything".......did you get that from my signature?

I understand you weren't directing that only to me. And yes I am positive, not pessimistic, I am that way by nature. I like to look at the positive side of everything, not the negative. If the negative finds its way into my life, then so be it. But I'm not going to bring it in.

I have been to Morocco once, will be going again next month. I'm well aware that it wasn't "real life" while I was there, full of work, bills, everyday stuff we deal with. However we were both under stress trying to get married before I left because we wanted that so much....and trying to get anything done in Morocco is a job, to say the least, and we dealt with it well. We didn't get angry with each other, or frustrated.....I think we both know how to deal with issues well. And although I have only been there once we have spent mountains of hours on microphone, we have talked about everything, literally. We know how the other thinks, we know what to expect from each other, everything is out in the open with us. Of course there will be little everyday habits of each other that we don't know, things like that, but we are both easy-going, tolerable people and I don't think we are going to have any major issues with any of it.

I also do see that there are two completely different groups here.....newer and people that have been around awhile, and that leads to disagreements

I knew I saw that somewhere!

No, I don't know if it came directly from your signature; it was just in my mind as an example. Could have been your signature.

Now, if I used the phrase, "Happiness is Being Married to a Moroccan", we know where that came from! Definitely another phrase that creates a lot of eye rolling!

Just be prepared - not to be a debbie downer, but talking about things no matter how much, how many times, etc never fully prepares you.

Don't get me wrong - there's a lot of things that are going far better and more smoothly than I had imagined.

And, there's some things that I could have never anticipated and make me scratch my head trying to figure them out.

[Lisamarie 79]

Wow.............

I read correctly. You said you would never insult me. I never insulted you and wouldn't. I'm not angry at all actually. I'm just a tad more down to earth and realistic that a lot of ladies on this forum. Maybe those of us who don't subscribe to husband/fiance worship are just angry down deep. Is that it? Maybe because I live with my husband and don't see everything as candy and roses that makes me angry. Because I don't think my husband is the be all end all most awesome, gorgeous, infallible god of a man that must mean I hate my life. Because I don't post pics of myself and my husband all done up in Egyptian garb with glittery accents that makes me bitter and miserable. Because I don't b!tch about evil mean COs that must mean my life sucks. Oh and I don't like when women come on here spilling other ppls' stories. God I'm such a rotten b!tch for disliking that.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/297859-file-for-divorce-cr1/

[Lisamarie 79]

But it is happiness..........don't you agree?

Everything I read, I store in my mind for possible future use. But I just don't get into the total negativity, because I'm expecting my marriage to work out, not the opposite

And the positives outweigh the negatives, right? Otherwise you probably wouldn't still be married. As long as people know how to deal with situations and are able to communicate with each other, and truly love each other, they should be fine.

I knew I saw that somewhere!

No, I don't know if it came directly from your signature; it was just in my mind as an example. Could have been your signature.

Now, if I used the phrase, "Happiness is Being Married to a Moroccan", we know where that came from! Definitely another phrase that creates a lot of eye rolling!

Just be prepared - not to be a debbie downer, but talking about things no matter how much, how many times, etc never fully prepares you.

Don't get me wrong - there's a lot of things that are going far better and more smoothly than I had imagined.

And, there's some things that I could have never anticipated and make me scratch my head trying to figure them out.

[KittyPollitt 284]

[UmmSqueakster 54]

But it is happiness..........don't you agree?

Happiness is a purring puddle of cat fuzz on your lap.

Husbands, not so much.

[KittyPollitt 284]

I knew I saw that somewhere!

No, I don't know if it came directly from your signature; it was just in my mind as an example. Could have been your signature.

Now, if I used the phrase, "Happiness is Being Married to a Moroccan", we know where that came from! Definitely another phrase that creates a lot of eye rolling!

Just be prepared - not to be a debbie downer, but talking about things no matter how much, how many times, etc never fully prepares you.

Don't get me wrong - there's a lot of things that are going far better and more smoothly than I had imagined.

And, there's some things that I could have never anticipated and make me scratch my head trying to figure them out.

I say, the true test of the relationship is when lack of sleep comes in to the picture. Either from screaming kids at 2am or from working mad overtime to buy those new Pumas. When you're so tired, you're stumbling like a drunk and dinner hasn't been made- who's gonna do it? When the kid has a blowout in the middle of the night- who's going to clean it up?

I remember being all rainbows and unicorns and staying up half the night on MSN sending hearts and blushing smilies. When I think back to those days, I LOL. Especially when I look at the kitchen sink at all the damn dishes to be done, when I've been out working 14 hours and he's been watching movies on the HBO I pay for. Marriage is fun.