Abuse of power in the American Consulate

[KittyPollitt 284]

I never said this to you before- but u are super funny! Thank you foa always

making me laugh! Love all ur post!

Thanks man (if you're a woman, don't be offended- I call everyone "man"). I try not to take myself too seriously. Life's too short.

Edited March 2, 2011 by squeaky580

[Gugusitolindo 32]

Thanks man (if you're a woman, don't be offended- I call everyone "man"). I try not to take myself too seriously. Life's too short.

Fo sho I would understAnd when u use the word "man"....! Ur the cooliest chica!

[sachinky 465]

I don't recall how long exactly you've actually spent physically in the same country as your husband, so again, I'm not directed this at you. But, comments like these are frequently tossed around by people whose spouses have not yet gotten here, and for those living with their husbands, the comments really do bring about a lot a roll of the eyes. Simply because many people who make these statements have spent a pathetically little amount of time with their fiance/spouse, etc. And, the time they have spent has not been "real life" time.

+1000

[Sofiyya 1,687]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/297859-file-for-divorce-cr1/

Wow, I remember her. That is so sad, but she's pretty gutsy coming back and talking about it coz she was also starry eyed and cocksure that they were deep in love and on the way to a bright future. Everyone is at first, then reality hits . . .

[Crossed_fingers 128]

And as for the subject of this thread, I have no opinion about that, since neither me or my husband has been there or through it. Maybe since they have no way of knowing 100% that they are making the right decision (as we've seen by some that have been approved and were only using for a greencard) they should just do extremely extensive background checks, and if everything is good, let the couple be together. I don't think that spending 15 or 30 minutes with someone is a "tell all" whether that person is a scammer or not. Some men are easily intimidated, adding to the nervousness they already have when they get there, and that makes them look guilty. Others "are" guilty. Others are 100% true. There is no way for them to know for sure that they are making the right decision. They can only go with their gut feeling, and that's not always right. I'm sure they do the best they can, but they can't be absolutely sure they are right. Hey maybe they should just give them all a lie detector test. Pass = approved, fail = denied.......lol That would eliminate the fraud for sure.

I've wondered a lot what I think the consulate could or should do differently, but I keep going back to the fact that if I were a CO, I'd give out FEWER visas than they do. I'm worried that just saying, "Well, your paperwork appears to be in order and you passed a background check, so you're in!" would open up the flood gates. The harder it is for a scammer to get through, the more scammers will give up or decide it's not even worth trying. It's like that statistic about how 75% of denied couples don't bother refiling. I'm sure some of that 75% is made up of legitimate couples who couldn't handle the separation ... although I'd argue that those relationships weren't that serious, even if they were honest, if they broke up over one denial. Anyway, that means that who knows how many hundreds (thousands??) of women were saved heartache after their SO was denied and disappeared. I don't know, I don't have a good solution, but when I look at the statistics....75% not even sticking it through a denial, and who knows HOW many ending up being fraud even after they got through the visa process (50%? 75%? 90%??), it seems crazy to me to let in everyone who can pass a background check when only 1 out of 20, or whatever, will end up sticking around. And if word got around in all the cyber cafes that everyone with a clean police record gets in, I imagine even more scammers would try their luck at the online dating scene...

Heehee I do like the lie detector test part, though!

[Crossed_fingers 128]

What bothers me, is that you ladies all (if I'm not mistaken) have your husbands here now, and you sit on this forum throwing out negative after negative, after negative, putting doubt in people's minds. Are you trying to help? In what way? To have all the women reading this thread doubting their husband/fiance? . I already see one woman doubting her fiance this morning just from reading your posts. I can see giving out advice about the process, and how to prepare, what to look for, etc........but constantly talking about the downfalls of marriages and how most of them don't work, and be prepared, and on and on and on.......I'm not sure how this is helping anyone. No one reading this is likely going to leave their relationships, all it's doing is putting doubt or worry in some people's minds.

Oops, I mean to respond to this part, too. Just speaking as someone whose relationship is still in the relatively early stages, I have found threads like these helpful in the past, and I continue posting in them because I think they may be helpful for some other members the way they were helpful to me.

Partly they're helpful for immigration reasons: I want to hear every possible attack on a relationship like mine before I file and before he interviews so I'll have the strongest defense and so I won't get surprised later on.

As for the emotional side of things, I've long since made up my mind on my SO and our relationship, but back when I first started hearing about this whole Moroccan scam thing I tried to learn everything I could about it. Threads like this one are just what I'd want to know. I wanted to go in with my eyes wide open. I guess I'm of the "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" school of thought. I'm not sure how to word it, but I'd rather know every bad story and bad statistic out there and have reasons that make sense to me why I feel like they don't apply to me. If I were hiding in a corner with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears singing, "La la la la la I can't hear you," to me that would mean I'm still insecure about some aspect of my relationship and I should slow things down before proceeding. If I can stand there and hear it all and have sympathy for the victims but not defensiveness, then I sleep better in my own relationship and I feel better prepared to one day face the consulate. I'm totally not trying to say at all that everyone thinks like me or anything, but I WILL say that I have DEFINITELY seen PLENTY of posts on various forums where new users read a thread like this and say they never knew Moroccans had such a reputation. THAT seems so dangerous to me! I'm not saying that means her man is a scammer and she's a sucker by any stretch, but it makes my heart sink when I see women going forward with an expensive long-distance relationship and even starting a visa process when they've never even heard that a hidden agenda could be a problem, or they think it's just a few bad apples but statistically a slim possibility. I have to believe that threads like these help some women. Maybe they're in denial when they first read them, but maybe a thread like this stays in the back of their mind and later they might be less likely to miss a warning sign.

Just my long-winded way of saying that for me, personally, these threads used to bother me early on in my relationship in a way that I felt like I had to if not conquer then at least face; they no longer bother me; and I think it would benefit a lot of people to at least have the negative info out there for them to consider. I guess I also just really don't see how or why it can hurt to hear. Maybe the negativity just affects us all differently. From my perspective, divorce stories don't really make me doubt my relationship any more than success stories make me more secure. (They are fuzzy, though. )

[Lisamarie 79]

Yeah, you're right. I say give them the lie detector test. That'll save a lot of headaches and heartaches.....lol

I've wondered a lot what I think the consulate could or should do differently, but I keep going back to the fact that if I were a CO, I'd give out FEWER visas than they do. I'm worried that just saying, "Well, your paperwork appears to be in order and you passed a background check, so you're in!" would open up the flood gates. The harder it is for a scammer to get through, the more scammers will give up or decide it's not even worth trying. It's like that statistic about how 75% of denied couples don't bother refiling. I'm sure some of that 75% is made up of legitimate couples who couldn't handle the separation ... although I'd argue that those relationships weren't that serious, even if they were honest, if they broke up over one denial. Anyway, that means that who knows how many hundreds (thousands??) of women were saved heartache after their SO was denied and disappeared. I don't know, I don't have a good solution, but when I look at the statistics....75% not even sticking it through a denial, and who knows HOW many ending up being fraud even after they got through the visa process (50%? 75%? 90%??), it seems crazy to me to let in everyone who can pass a background check when only 1 out of 20, or whatever, will end up sticking around. And if word got around in all the cyber cafes that everyone with a clean police record gets in, I imagine even more scammers would try their luck at the online dating scene...

Heehee I do like the lie detector test part, though!

[Lisamarie 79]

They don't make me doubt my relationship either. I'm content and secure in my marriage, and I don't question it. I'm not in a corner saying I don't want to hear it, I'm just not going to spend the next few years preparing myself that my marriage might fail. Basically if it's going to fail, then it's going to fail, and there's not a lot any of us can do about it. But why start off a marriage like that? Who wants to think "in two or three or five years, the chances are 80% that he's going to leave".....because if a person is going to keep that in their mind, then why even bother with this process? It seems like way too much work and stress and money if a person feels that their marriage only has a 20% chance of surviving. (I don't remember the stats that everyone has been giving, so that's a guess)

Ahh well, anyway....I guess we can agree to disagree. I do want to be prepared for the consulate, I just don't want to be told that I need to be prepared for the worst in my marriage because that's not how my mind works. I will think positively until I have a reason to think otherwise, and that's how I am in every aspect of my life.

Oops, I mean to respond to this part, too. Just speaking as someone whose relationship is still in the relatively early stages, I have found threads like these helpful in the past, and I continue posting in them because I think they may be helpful for some other members the way they were helpful to me.

Partly they're helpful for immigration reasons: I want to hear every possible attack on a relationship like mine before I file and before he interviews so I'll have the strongest defense and so I won't get surprised later on.

As for the emotional side of things, I've long since made up my mind on my SO and our relationship, but back when I first started hearing about this whole Moroccan scam thing I tried to learn everything I could about it. Threads like this one are just what I'd want to know. I wanted to go in with my eyes wide open. I guess I'm of the "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" school of thought. I'm not sure how to word it, but I'd rather know every bad story and bad statistic out there and have reasons that make sense to me why I feel like they don't apply to me. If I were hiding in a corner with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears singing, "La la la la la I can't hear you," to me that would mean I'm still insecure about some aspect of my relationship and I should slow things down before proceeding. If I can stand there and hear it all and have sympathy for the victims but not defensiveness, then I sleep better in my own relationship and I feel better prepared to one day face the consulate. I'm totally not trying to say at all that everyone thinks like me or anything, but I WILL say that I have DEFINITELY seen PLENTY of posts on various forums where new users read a thread like this and say they never knew Moroccans had such a reputation. THAT seems so dangerous to me! I'm not saying that means her man is a scammer and she's a sucker by any stretch, but it makes my heart sink when I see women going forward with an expensive long-distance relationship and even starting a visa process when they've never even heard that a hidden agenda could be a problem, or they think it's just a few bad apples but statistically a slim possibility. I have to believe that threads like these help some women. Maybe they're in denial when they first read them, but maybe a thread like this stays in the back of their mind and later they might be less likely to miss a warning sign.

Just my long-winded way of saying that for me, personally, these threads used to bother me early on in my relationship in a way that I felt like I had to if not conquer then at least face; they no longer bother me; and I think it would benefit a lot of people to at least have the negative info out there for them to consider. I guess I also just really don't see how or why it can hurt to hear. Maybe the negativity just affects us all differently. From my perspective, divorce stories don't really make me doubt my relationship any more than success stories make me more secure. (They are fuzzy, though. )

[sachinky 465]

Wow, I remember her. That is so sad, but she's pretty gutsy coming back and talking about it coz she was also starry eyed and cocksure that they were deep in love and on the way to a bright future. Everyone is at first, then reality hits . . .

I know, I find that admirable. I remember her very well because we went through the process together (pretty much the same timeline) and I remember her agony during the wait for AP. I actually had to double check her profile to make sure it was her. It's unbelievable how people can use and abuse others for a piece of paper. It's almost inhuman but desperate people do despicable things. But I do respect her strength -- if it were me, I'd be crawling under a rock right about now and never showing my face on VJ ever again, given the past declarations of 'undying love' and whatnot.

Edited March 3, 2011 by sachinky

[Lisamarie 79]

She's only 20 years old, poor thing....

Wow, I remember her. That is so sad, but she's pretty gutsy coming back and talking about it coz she was also starry eyed and cocksure that they were deep in love and on the way to a bright future. Everyone is at first, then reality hits . . .

[tany1157 161]

She's only 20 years old, poor thing....

Edited March 3, 2011 by tany1157

[princess apple 4]

thanks i really needed that. God did reveal this man to me and confirmed to me that he is the one and that there will be blessings through him. So i agree with your response. i will never give up. this brings me back to t song by yolanda adams called "don't ever give up". i heard that just before i read what you wrote here. thanks

[KittyPollitt 284]

Thought I'd add a colorful story to the mix. About 6 years ago, a young Moroccan guy added me on Yahoo. We talked and talked for about a year, and it turned out he had a brother in the States who lived near me in Baltimore. I'd developed an online relationship with the guy, and his brother wanted to meet me for "family approval" or whatever. So I did. Not long after, things fell apart between me and the online guy, and I ended up dating his brother here in the States. We were really close, did everything together. Another brother of his had married a woman in Baltimore, and he got his visa and came here. We all hung out and had a great time together. Then he cheated on me with some girl he met in a club, I got pissed and married someone else (but that's a whole nother story ). Anyway, I still kept in touch with my ex and his brother and sister in law, after all these years. We're friends on Facebook.

So, the day before yesterday, a Moroccan guy added me on Facebook, and I noticed he was also friends with my ex's brother and sister in law. He started chatting me- the normal fishing routine. And I asked him if he knew my ex and his relatives. And he said, "Yeah, they're my family". I was being fished by the twin brother of the guy I originally chatted with 6 years ago. They're STILL trying to find a way to get over here to Baltimore to reunite the family. Of course, he was totally mortified when he realized who I was and tried to play it off like he knew the whole time. I looked at his friends list, and it's all women from Baltimore that are 10 years+ older than him. You gotta watch out for these guys.

Edited March 7, 2011 by squeaky580

[Staashi 371]

Thought I'd add a colorful story to the mix. About 6 years ago, a young Moroccan guy added me on Yahoo. We talked and talked for about a year, and it turned out he had a brother in the States who lived near me in Baltimore. I'd developed an online relationship with the guy, and his brother wanted to meet me for "family approval" or whatever. So I did. Not long after, things fell apart between me and the online guy, and I ended up dating his brother here in the States. We were really close, did everything together. Another brother of his had married a woman in Baltimore, and he got his visa and came here. We all hung out and had a great time together. Then he cheated on me with some girl he met in a club, I got pissed and married someone else (but that's a whole nother story ). Anyway, I still kept in touch with my ex and his brother and sister in law, after all these years. We're friends on Facebook.

So, the day before yesterday, a Moroccan guy added me on Facebook, and I noticed he was also friends with my ex's brother and sister in law. He started chatting me- the normal fishing routine. And I asked him if he knew my ex and his relatives. And he said, "Yeah, they're my family". I was being fished by the twin brother of the guy I originally chatted with 6 years ago. They're STILL trying to find a way to get over here to Baltimore to reunite the family. Of course, he was totally mortified when he realized who I was and tried to play it off like he knew the whole time. I looked at his friends list, and it's all women from Baltimore that are 10 years+ older than him. You gotta watch out for these guys.

That is hilarious and totally insane at the same time.

[sara535 15]

That is hilarious and totally insane at the same time.

indeed!