What to do?!

[Mithmeoi 29]

She started to bring this up yesterday. After she had a talk with her famly, who wouldnt be able to pay for the wedding.

Well maybe since it was only since yesterday she is having an emotional reaction to not being able to get her dream wedding. I know people say a lot of things they don't mean when they're upset over something. We can hope at least! I'd say bring up the alternatives for $3500 and see if she'd go for that. You CAN have a beautiful wedding and spend less. We only spent $300, went to Lake Tahoe and it was lovely! Very small but I liked it that way, not too fancy but memorable enough.

If she won't go for that, then I would seriously consider if you should stay with her or not, I mean that in no offense, but if she's being selfish enough to postpone and blow thousands of dollars just to get her way, it's not really worth it. You're both young and need to think about saving up for a future, not just a wedding.

[Rob and Jill 82]

; FOR YALLS INFORMATION!!

Brian is a Dutch Citizen and she, Aubrie is an American Citizen!!!! He is the beneficiary, not her.....

For yours... from one Southerner to another Yall's IS NOT A WORD. The word ya'll is already plural for "you all"

Thanks for the clarification though. That does kind of make it worse.

The ultimate question here is who is paying for the immigration and who is paying for the wedding? Is Brian paying for immigration and she is paying for the wedding? Is there room is Brian's budget to help if it is THAT important to her.

I think her priorities need to be adjusted, but we're hearing one side of the story...

[faust-yusov 103]

For yours... from one Southerner to another Yall's IS NOT A WORD. The word ya'll is already plural for "you all"

But not possessive

[B_J 2,752]

that makes the situation completely different and actually much worse...So the American citizen is actually trying to call off the wedding..okay postpone it a year.....it is probably over..((((((( Her parents are not going to help and she basically is asking to withdraw the application....I am sorry Brian...but that is how I see it.

And before some of you scream at this...think of what you would say if it was a man telling a young girl the same thing.

Sadly, I think you're right. I'm trying to bring my fiance over and I also struggle with money, as do many of us. And I often feel bad that I can't do everything for her that I want. And her response is always the same. She doesn't need everything in the world; as long as we're together, that's all that really matters. I think most of us have put aside what we always thought we wanted; just so we can be together as soon as possible.

But Brian, I really hope I'm wrong and things work out for you.

[Leenie 15]

I understand the attachment to having a big "traditional wedding." It can certainly be emotional when you realize you can't have exactly what society says you ought to have. Heck, I cried my eyes out too when I realized we couldn't afford a big wedding.

But I wanted a MARRIAGE, not just a wedding. What does your fiance want? If it's to be married to you because you truly love each other, then why not just have a small wedding and get to your big dream wedding later when you're in a better place? We don't plan to have our dream wedding until our second anniversary of being married.

This forum can't possibly give you any real answers to this question. It can give you and your fiance something to think about, but at the end of the day, you guys have to come up with your own solution on your own terms. Good luck!

[brian89 2]

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!!!!

We talked about it, after she woke up. She was just really down and couldnt see the end of the tunnel yesterday after she talked to her parents. We've been planning a wedding with the thought of her parents willing to help us out, like they said. She found out that her parents don't have the financial ability to support her right now, neither can my family because they are all planning to come to the wedding (family of 5). Her thinking was lets just wait another year so we both can save up some money for the plans we had already made. BUT its just a change of plans now. Basically she said in a email that she just wanted some support from me and that the wedding is still a go! We have aa budget and we're going to make the best of it. She's already planning about powerpoint presentations with our pictures on it haha!

Thanks everyone for your advice and help truw this stressfull day for me. August 6th 2011, is my weddingday!! Yeaaa!

[Krikit 1,164]

I guess I'm in the minority where I don't see it as such a big deal that the fiancée wants to postpone the date so she can have the wedding of her dreams. If they lived down the road from each other would the concensus be the same.... that they should marry immediately and then have a big wedding later? This sounds like something which should be discussed further between you. Once she gets over her initial disappointment she'll probably see things more clearly.

Anyway.... as Penguin says, the visa process can be delayed at various stages. You also have the option of requesting a delay in the issuance of the visa at the interview which will buy you some additional time.

Moving from K-1 Process to K-1 Progress.

[WARREN-IRINA 1]

; Hi Brian!!

I just read your post and I can imagine that this is very stressful for you.

You guys have gone such a long way already, and you'll receive your NOA2 within a month or so. It would be stupid to cancel the K1 Visa Process, where you already paid the fee and other oncost, just because of having a big wedding.

As a girl, I also dream(ed) about my princess dream wedding. But like I said, you have to "roeien met de riemen die je hebt" (I don't know the English saying). Use the tools you have, something like that .

I don't really understand that she is thinking about herself only. Especially this far on the journey. A year is nothing compared to a life time together? Well, why not adding this year to your lives together, it's a whole year, 365 days!! DANG, I would walk over dead bodies to be with Aaron and can't wait for an other year, like most members here.

It's not fair that she doesn't put herself open to alternatives. There is nothing wrong to put everything on PAPER first and save money (AND BE TOGETHER) for her 'dream' wedding. Instead, she wants to be seperate from you for an other year. Doesn't make sense to me at all . If you love each other, nothing else matters.

Why a big wedding, if your love counts? Does she wants to make a huge impression to her family/friends? Is that what really matters? IMPOV, not really... It's about you and her.

It's selfish of her, and what if things like this happen in your married future? That only her opinion counts?!

You really should talk to her, deal with this as a couple and tell her that she should considder your suggestion. WEDDING IS WEDDING, it's about the wedding vows, not about all the fancy stuff around it. The fancy stuff around it will dissapear after a day, but your promises/vows will last a life time...

Keep us posted, and remember;

Love is a partnership, not some one way street...

xoxox Channah

roeien met de riemen die je hebt is make do with what you have

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I like your comment Love is a partnership, not some one way street...[/color as it is one thousand percent true. I am here after buring a wife that thought that and then finding 3 that thought it was as one way steet and I was always going the wrong way.

It becomes a living hell to find the vows they took was "all I want is my own way and we will not talk of compromise, I tricked you for my own greed. Just live with it."

[Krikit 1,164]

Oh. Haha. I see you posted while I was writing and watching HGTV. lol

(Still moving the thread, though.)

[kutakendra 3]

I've been married before, and the wedding is really not that memorable. The marriage is what it is all about. JCrew has some gorgeous dresses that are reasonable and classy. Plus, from the state of things you'll have about 4 more moths or so, anyway.

NOA2 10/27/2010 CSC

[andy desai 3]

Hey Buddy

so this is what i suggest.. you have gone too far in this process and on top of that you are in the uNiTed States... so if she wants something bigger.. i am sure she is not asking you to spend like 40000 bucks.. she just dont want anything simple.. so as someone said earlier.. you can have a great wedding for 3500 bucks.. now if you can borrow money from someone like 5000 bucks and take some from american express credit card.. (my BFF) you can have the budget to pull this off.

she aint selfish or anything.. you guys are getting married just for once man.. so you know what.. have a bit of fun instead of worring so much about money. and that is what i did. i took some 5000 bucks on my credit card and i paid it within sometime.

and by the way as you must have heard from people on this forum.. getting the fiancee visa is a mess these days. it takes longer to process. so dont miss out on the opputunity. make her feel like home and no kidding man.. just do this as she says. i got married in like 10K bucks which also included our trrip to vegas as a honeymoon.

its not too hard to come up with 10K in this country. so be a man and pull this off.

quote name='Channah&Aaron' timestamp='1296046598' post='4432186']

; Hi Brian!!

I just read your post and I can imagine that this is very stressful for you.

You guys have gone such a long way already, and you'll receive your NOA2 within a month or so. It would be stupid to cancel the K1 Visa Process, where you already paid the fee and other oncost, just because of having a big wedding.

As a girl, I also dream(ed) about my princess dream wedding. But like I said, you have to "roeien met de riemen die je hebt" (I don't know the English saying). Use the tools you have, something like that .

I don't really understand that she is thinking about herself only. Especially this far on the journey. A year is nothing compared to a life time together? Well, why not adding this year to your lives together, it's a whole year, 365 days!! DANG, I would walk over dead bodies to be with Aaron and can't wait for an other year, like most members here.

It's not fair that she doesn't put herself open to alternatives. There is nothing wrong to put everything on PAPER first and save money (AND BE TOGETHER) for her 'dream' wedding. Instead, she wants to be seperate from you for an other year. Doesn't make sense to me at all . If you love each other, nothing else matters.

Why a big wedding, if your love counts? Does she wants to make a huge impression to her family/friends? Is that what really matters? IMPOV, not really... It's about you and her.

It's selfish of her, and what if things like this happen in your married future? That only her opinion counts?!

You really should talk to her, deal with this as a couple and tell her that she should considder your suggestion. WEDDING IS WEDDING, it's about the wedding vows, not about all the fancy stuff around it. The fancy stuff around it will dissapear after a day, but your promises/vows will last a life time...

Keep us posted, and remember;

Love is a partnership, not some one way street...

xoxox Channah

[jaz00mine 8]

i can not add much because i totally agree with what every one is say....its compromise...seriously...i want a wedding, but for now, it will be court and then the big blow out affair.....lets get our priorities straight! best of luck!!!!

[joe_robin66 6]

I understand how your fiance is feeling, I wanted the same thing as her. But my husband and I ended up doing a small ceremony with just immediate family and dinner after. It was just as special because it was very close and intimate. We hired a reverend, I found a summer dress, made a bouquet, and family took great pictures for us. I'd still like to do a big wedding in the future, maybe for a vow renewal.

Point out to your fiance that planning a wedding can be very exciting but also very stressful, especially because of the money. And on top of it, there will be more stress with you moving here and getting through your POE, not to mention the money you'll need to spend on your AOS once you do get married. Big weddings are very special and it should be a joyous thing that you can take your time with and really cherish. I am very glad with how we did things, in the long run its about the marriage, not the wedding. I hope you both can come to a solution that you are happy with. Good luck with your process!

Robin

[glockman51 0]

Ok what I don't get is the fact she is paying for the whole wedding by her self is that what you are saying? Second if she wants to postpone coming to to us and be with you for the whole year just because of the wedding something is wrong

[dani ela 0]

if she realy loves you she will marry you in a paper bag with eyes closed...c'mmon