What to do?!

[iampatricias 17]

She started to bring this up yesterday. After she had a talk with her famly, who wouldnt be able to pay for the wedding.

She might just be reacting to this disappointing news. This is your chance to practice some good husbandly comforting skills! My first tip to you is not to suggest that "all you REALLY need is a judge" because that is the opposite extreme of what she wants! Make a plan, do some research, and bring suggestions to the table for all the things you can afford.

And don't let her forget how desperately you love her and how much you are looking forward to having her there with you!

I hope she sees the light!

[Mr. Florida 11]

Hey everyone,

Sad news, my fiance will not have enough money for the big wedding that she wanted. We prob have around $3500 to spend on the wedding.

She wants it all big white dress, cake, drinks etc. I was like, what if we get a small wedding and get a big one later when we have more money? She didnt want that because you only marry once.

Now she told me that we should wait a year to marry next summer, eventho we are already in the K1 process, Im a september filer. What do you think we should do? I cant go on like this, I was focused on getting married this summer and now it will be a year later. This is such a blow in my face. Its not that she doesnt want to be with me, not at all..she was crying and everything that she cant pay for the wedding.

What to do

My fiancee and I are planning for something similar. She and I will register for marriage here in the states and return about a year later to conduct our social or ceremonial wedding back in her home country, mostly because it is hard and expensive to go on an international trip more than once a year. In total, if everything goes accordingly, God willing, we'll be married at least 3 times. Due to the fact you and her live far away, you always have to remember every one of us who is petitioning to bring our fiancees to the states from overseas is not facing a "normal" situation like "normal" couples do. You just have to work with what you have and spend within your means and limitations. The fiancee visa is an expensive process as it is already. On top of that, visiting her home country and planning for a wedding are more and more expensive goals. It is not as though you can avoid them. The best way I have found to minimize expenses is to spread them over more time, cut down on them, and / or make more money.

You have to ask yourself these questions. What is more important? Marrying her and starting a life with her this year or waiting to have a ceremony wedding and spend money again and go through this wait again? You can always have a ceremony wedding later, but the opportunity to marry does not always come, especially for those of us who have handed over our power to the U.S. government during this wait. If I were in your shoes, I would marry first and return to marry again because USCIS may find it suspicious why you canceled your K-1 petition and refiled again, if you are pondering this option. Why raise unnecessary questions and reduce her chances of moving here?

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Hey everyone,

Sad news, my fiance will not have enough money for the big wedding that she wanted. We prob have around $3500 to spend on the wedding.

She wants it all big white dress, cake, drinks etc. I was like, what if we get a small wedding and get a big one later when we have more money? She didnt want that because you only marry once.

Now she told me that we should wait a year to marry next summer, eventho we are already in the K1 process, Im a september filer. What do you think we should do? I cant go on like this, I was focused on getting married this summer and now it will be a year later. This is such a blow in my face. Its not that she doesnt want to be with me, not at all..she was crying and everything that she cant pay for the wedding.

What to do

Hello Brian!

Well, I guess what you are now confronting is one of those "opportunities" to get to know your fiancee under a completely different light. I am completely with you in that I would find it disturbing, almost offensive, if my fiance would rather be apart longer just for the sake of having a fancier wedding. Of course, I am a very practical person and I am looking forward to a super cheap wedding (I think your budget is fabulous!). I guess it is the difference in values and what a person thinks are the really important things in life what makes a person want to marry on the cheap or not.

However, you have options:

1. To satisfy your fiancee's fancy wedding desires you could get a second, third, or fourth job in order to still hope to get married this August.

2. You could get a loan and go into debt in order to pay for a fancy wedding and make your fiancee happy.

3. You could delay the process by continuing with the K1 visa, but once the visa would be issued, your fiancee could wait up to 6 months to enter the USA using her K1 visa (thereby giving you more time and opportunity to save money).

4. Ignore her and put your foot down: Explain to her that it is more important for you to be together and be married than to fulfill an unrealistic fantasy of an expensive wedding.

5. Call the whole thing off. Maybe you are not meant to be together if she cannot see your financial situation for what it really is?

Really, talk to your fiancee and explain your points. Relationships take work, communication, and compromise. See if there is a happy medium.

Best wishes!

[Aztec&Taino 144]

So, I am married again. The TOTAL cost for my second wedding was less than $250.00. No vomit, no stained dress, no crappy over paid photographers. I had a brand new dress, fresh flowers I purchased and arranged, a cake from Sam's Club, and was surrounded by friends and family while married by a JP in my brother's backyard.

Can you guess which wedding I would rather have again?

People are so much wiser the second time around!

[new1 2]

She might just be reacting to this disappointing news. This is your chance to practice some good husbandly comforting skills! My first tip to you is not to suggest that "all you REALLY need is a judge" because that is the opposite extreme of what she wants! Make a plan, do some research, and bring suggestions to the table for all the things you can afford.

And don't let her forget how desperately you love her and how much you are looking forward to having her there with you!

I hope she sees the light!

I agree! but if she's not open for suggestions in making your budget work, then i guess theres more to it than not enough budget..might have to think hard about that before committing yourself.. coz as a girl, i also dream of having THE dream wedding, but rather wait for right time for that..and while waiting, ill be with my man, love of my life what more can a girl want?

[garfield529 47]

I think that there have been enough responses on this and I think that you can see that everyone is supportive but also strongly leaning towards a consensus that there is an issue with her reasoning for delay. There are probably many factors at play that are causing her to react this way and only the two of you can resolve this. However, unless every other facet of this women is perfect, then I would seriously question a person who places so much value on the cost and glamor of an event over the possibility of being together at an earlier time. I also feel that a couple in which one partner focuses on the financial benefit of the relationship rather than the other person will ultimately face many hardships and often failure over time. Consider these issues and move forward rationally and with conviction to prevent future heartache, my friend.

[Barbara J 115]

I'm 22.

I had a feeling you were going to say a young age. MMm well this is just my motherly instinct here but my daughters have friends like this girl and honestly their relationships have not worked out as the men just can't take the superficial attitude of wanting things rather than feelings and love for each other. As a mother of 2 girls I would be disappointed if they behaved this way towards their partner over a wedding . But with all that said can I just say you are still so young and have so much life to live and in this day and age so many opportunities with travel and work and so on. Truly think long and hard about marrying as you have plenty of time and honestly as others have said if she is like this now it will only continue into your future life and then you could end up in divorce courts. AM just trying to be realistic here and she has listened to her parents and they obviously have a great influence over her. Take your time think and if you really want this then yes put your foot down as you are about to get NOA2 and tell her she needs to come over on the visa and marry no matter where that is and she can have a full ceremony and dress later when you are more financial. Just remember too after you marry you are up for $1070 for AOS.

I wish you luck and keep us informed ok take care Brian. (oh she is younger yes)

She started to bring this up yesterday. After she had a talk with her famly, who wouldnt be able to pay for the wedding.

[Emmamama 2]

My husband and I were wed in court in his country and this summer we'll be getting married after 2 years of actually being married, here in the US. We, at the time, didn't have money for a big wedding, my family wasn't going to fly to Argentina, due to financial reasons, and the most important thing for us was being together wherever we wanted, than to have a big party. I'm also glad we waited because I didn't want to rush things and do things sloppy.

I was reading something the other day and there was a quote from someone: "don't live a life you can't afford." It sounds kind of harsh, but is totally true.

[Fandango 1,439]

okay..I will say what many people who read your thread are probably thinking. She wants to wait and get married in

about 17 months because she can only spend $3500 on her wedding???...SERIOUSLY?????...Of course this is an important day in many girls lives...dreams and hopes etc. but in spite of your saying how upset she seems to be, her priorities are completely selfcentered. She thinks she deserves to have everything "Fabulous" and needs more money to feel important. If you arent positive you are going to be VERY rich very soon....you may want to think about this...because

you will have this same problem over and over. Your marriage might be a disaster. I would at least make sure she understands that you will have to cancel the current visa if you need to wait 17 months....if she says yes....Perhaps

it is for the best.

I had the same thoughts as well.

Sounds to me like she is putting the wedding before the marriage. OP, think long and hard about what you want to do, about what this says about her as a person, and whether you can live with that or not.

Please don't go in guns blazing while wearing rose colored glasses.

[Fandango 1,439]

I have to add something, even though many here might see this post as being harsh. It's great that everyone's sharing their wedding stories/plans, but at the end of the day, the fundamental issue here is that at this point, she would rather be without him for a year, than to have her 'small' wedding. This is a huge red flag, and not something some DIY ideas, or past wedding stories can alleviate.

[DarlingNikki 7]

Thank you guys. Its kinna opening my eyes, not gnna lie. Im still like #######?? She rather want to be apart for another year then being together with me and having a small wedding, Cause she told me: "What is one year on the rest of our lives together?" And she gets upset with me that thats not what I want.

Hello Brian:

It seems to me, you are coming to reality with your own situation (as evidenced by the above post). Unfortunately, the situation isn't verry pleasant. As many others have said, I also want my big wedding with dancing, fancy dress, fresh flowers, pretty decor, etc etc. The reality of the situation is I don't have money for that and neither does my honey. Really, we don't have $3500 for that! That amount alone would be a blessing!

Your fiancee needs to use her imagination! There is so much that can be done with that budget! Soooo much! Additionally, as many have said... you should really try and save more than spend mega bucks on a fancy wedding. I mean everyone wants one, but when you're dealing with the reality of marrying someone from overseas, you're financial strains are greater. Once she gets here you have expenses in the thousands of dollars to deal with, just so she can gain her legal status here.

There is alot to think about here. Good luck.

** Good point Lisa C. Harsh not really, Truth absolutely!

Edited January 26, 2011 by DarlingNikki

[JohnC811 4]

Many brides to be think that when they marry a USC that the streets here are lined with Gold, and that all USC's are rich, My Fiancee knows the situation she knows that I love her and that we will have the court wedding first to make it legal and then after the big shebang. That it will be difficult enough for me to do all the funding to get her here and all the costs that that entails. after all I am not JD Rockefeller. I have a modest Income. Bringing her here from Brazil I am going to provide all the money needed to do that, Plane tickets, medical exam costs, Visa Fees, Document fees, her hotel bills while she is in Rio and I am doing this from savings and trying to avoid using borrowed money. She is a realist and realizes that some things just have to wait (the big formal wedding). That is OK with her as we have discussed the realities. She understands I will concentrate on the upfront costs first to make our marriage happen. Which is all this Fiancee Visa is about. I would rather spend the money on a nice honeymoon or getting ourselves set up to live comfortably. The big wedding will happen but that will be in its time. For now I will concentrate on the financial things that need done first.

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; FOR YALLS INFORMATION!!

Brian is a Dutch Citizen and she, Aubrie is an American Citizen!!!! He is the beneficiary, not her.....

[ptgarner1 8]

; FOR YALLS INFORMATION!!

Brian is a Dutch Citizen and she, Aubrie is an American Citizen!!!! He is the beneficiary, not her.....

that makes the situation completely different and actually much worse...So the American citizen is actually trying to call off the wedding..okay postpone it a year.....it is probably over..((((((( Her parents are not going to help and she basically is asking to withdraw the application....I am sorry Brian...but that is how I see it.

And before some of you scream at this...think of what you would say if it was a man telling a young girl the same thing.

[faust-yusov 103]

Present her with your two options.

1. Postponement to next year, a $10,000 wedding and $1000 in extra visa costs.

2. Proceed as planned. You save $7500 and spend an extra year of your lives together (a good year at that - you're young).