What to do?!

[Messybrownhair 251]

It is really bad reasoning on her part.

I, too, just want one perfect wedding and we have a small budget, but I worked with it and I was able to raise more money for it too and now it is everything that I want but it is because I worked for it. And 3,500 is a perfectly doable budget as long as she gets her dress from a place like david's bridal, and hires a friend to do the photos/video. also a garden wedding is cheap and can be decorated on a small budget. BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT. She should want to be with you more than have a wedding, because the wedding is just a day, the MARRIAGE IS FOREVER. And also bear in mind that AOS is also not cheap.

This is a major red flag, be careful. And I hope you work things out.

Also when is she planning the wedding? Mine is this April and I did everything myself. I offer my services to help her out in creating a perfect wedding for that budget if you decide to push through with an earlier date

[brian89 2]

Also when is she planning the wedding? Mine is this April and I did everything myself. I offer my services to help her out in creating a perfect wedding for that budget if you decide to push through with an earlier date

The wedding is (was) planned august 6th in Oklahoma, so feaking hot. Dont know about a outside wedding.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Well churches only charge about $150.. and there are a ton of cheap reception halls. really, 3500 is completely doable! if i were in her shoes and i was that desperate for a big wedding, i wouldnt delay the wedding, i would just ask oprah or ellen to help, i would write to them! the solution here isnt to postpone it, there are so many ways to get creative. "If there's a will, there's a way"

sigh, i wish you luck and hope this works out!

Oh and the oprah and ellen thing is just an example lol

[ptgarner1 8]

Oprah today and Jerry Springer next year?

[Channah&Aaron 51]

Oprah today and Jerry Springer next year?

hehe...

[Barbara J 115]

okay..I will say what many people who read your thread are probably thinking. She wants to wait and get married in

about 17 months because she can only spend $3500 on her wedding???...SERIOUSLY?????...Of course this is an important day in many girls lives...dreams and hopes etc. but in spite of your saying how upset she seems to be, her priorities are completely selfcentered. She thinks she deserves to have everything "Fabulous" and needs more money to feel important. If you arent positive you are going to be VERY rich very soon....you may want to think about this...because

you will have this same problem over and over. Your marriage might be a disaster. I would at least make sure she understands that you will have to cancel the current visa if you need to wait 17 months....if she says yes....Perhaps

it is for the best.

Oh God I so wanted to say all that you said. She is being so selfish and seems that the big wedding is more important than being with her man . Sorry if offends Brian but you need to seriously think about this relationship before paying any more money for visa.

Edited January 26, 2011 by Barbara J

[SimplyMacy 4]

; Hi Brian!!

I just read your post and I can imagine that this is very stressful for you.

You guys have gone such a long way already, and you'll receive your NOA2 within a month or so. It would be stupid to cancel the K1 Visa Process, where you already paid the fee and other oncost, just because of having a big wedding.

As a girl, I also dream(ed) about my princess dream wedding. But like I said, you have to "roeien met de riemen die je hebt" (I don't know the English saying). Use the tools you have, something like that .

I don't really understand that she is thinking about herself only. Especially this far on the journey. A year is nothing compared to a life time together? Well, why not adding this year to your lives together, it's a whole year, 365 days!! DANG, I would walk over dead bodies to be with Aaron and can't wait for an other year, like most members here.

It's not fair that she doesn't put herself open to alternatives. There is nothing wrong to put everything on PAPER first and save money (AND BE TOGETHER) for her 'dream' wedding. Instead, she wants to be seperate from you for an other year. Doesn't make sense to me at all . If you love each other, nothing else matters.

Why a big wedding, if your love counts? Does she wants to make a huge impression to her family/friends? Is that what really matters? IMPOV, not really... It's about you and her.

It's selfish of her, and what if things like this happen in your married future? That only her opinion counts?!

You really should talk to her, deal with this as a couple and tell her that she should considder your suggestion. WEDDING IS WEDDING, it's about the wedding vows, not about all the fancy stuff around it. The fancy stuff around it will dissapear after a day, but your promises/vows will last a life time...

Keep us posted, and remember;

Love is a partnership, not some one way street...

xoxox Channah

Agreed!!

[brian89 2]

Oh God I so wanted to say all that you said. She is being so selfish and seems that the big wedding is more important than being with her man . Sorry if offends Brian but you need to seriously think about this relationship before paying any more money for visa.

Thats what's going on in my head too

[Barbara J 115]

Thats what's going on in my head too

Oh darling I do sympathize with you. How old are you? if you don't mind me asking. All I can say is be so careful as this is a big commitment financially as well as personally.

[iampatricias 17]

How long has she been talking about postponing the wedding to be able to have a bigger/better one next year? If this has just come up in the last day or two, I really would just give her a couple of days to consider the options and what she really can and can't live without.

From personal experience, I find in the heat of a discussion that I want to win, I say things are perfectly reasonable or else entirely impossible one day and after venting with a few friends (who try to gently set me straight), and deliberating about the reality of a situation, sometimes my perspective changes.

If she is a reasonable person she will face the reality of your situation soon enough - she might not be able to have her "dream wedding" in August, but she can still have a beautiful wedding for $3500. Like others have said, it's just "stuff" after all, but these are memories especially SHE will cherish for a long time, so she has to figure out what she can ultimately be happy with.

I wouldn't go throwing out ultimatums about your relationship yet, though (unless this has been going on for months). Almost everyone fights about money during wedding planning.

[T&R 3]

Hi Brian,

We are november filler, and we are waiting to get our NOA2. We are not having a big wedding either (I'm still at scollege), but we are still having food, cake, tux and gown! Maybe you could try to do something small only for closest friends and family.

Then if she doesnt like the idea of having a small wedding now, maybe you could do something later in the future, like a celebration for your anniversary for example.

It's possible to find cheap things for small weddings.

regards,

T&R

[brian89 2]

Oh darling I do sympathize with you. How old are you? if you don't mind me asking. All I can say is be so careful as this is a big commitment financially as well as personally.

I'm 22.

How long has she been talking about postponing the wedding to be able to have a bigger/better one next year? If this has just come up in the last day or two, I really would just give her a couple of days to consider the options and what she really can and can't live without.

From personal experience, I find in the heat of a discussion that I want to win, I say things are perfectly reasonable or else entirely impossible one day and after venting with a few friends (who try to gently set me straight), and deliberating about the reality of a situation, sometimes my perspective changes.

If she is a reasonable person she will face the reality of your situation soon enough - she might not be able to have her "dream wedding" in August, but she can still have a beautiful wedding for $3500. Like others have said, it's just "stuff" after all, but these are memories especially SHE will cherish for a long time, so she has to figure out what she can ultimately be happy with.

I wouldn't go throwing out ultimatums about your relationship yet, though (unless this has been going on for months). Almost everyone fights about money during wedding planning.

She started to bring this up yesterday. After she had a talk with her famly, who wouldnt be able to pay for the wedding.

[Rob and Jill 82]

Hello Brian,

I too was curious about your ages when I read the post. I was married (the first time) 2 months before I turned 22. I had the big wedding with the dress, flowers, the place, the photographer, the cake, you name it. I seriously want your fiance to see this post...

1. The train of the dress was permanently stained because the venue didn't MOP before the wedding.

2. The photographer drove me absolutely nuts during the entire wedding and I spent most of the time on the back patio trying to hide from her. When I wasn't hiding from her I was arguing with her about how I WAS NOT going to change out of my dress 20 minutes after the wedding and "fake" leaving so she could go home early.

3. My $450.00 cake fell over- Never purchase a "quake cake" apparently it's literal.

4. The AC went out

5. My mom forgot my wedding dress at the cleaners and had to call and beg them to get it before the wedding.

6. I puked every day for 2 months straight from the stress of getting married.

7. It was supposed to take an hour to do my hair...it took 3.

Do you want me to keep going? Not that I wasn't happy to have it at the time, when I look back on it, A LOT of it was wasted money. My mom offered me $5,000 to go to Vegas and get married instead of the wedding planning...When I look back, I wish I HAD gone that route.

So, I am married again. The TOTAL cost for my second wedding was less than $250.00. No vomit, no stained dress, no crappy over paid photographers. I had a brand new dress, fresh flowers I purchased and arranged, a cake from Sam's Club, and was surrounded by friends and family while married by a JP in my brother's backyard.

Can you guess which wedding I would rather have again?

[Lisa & Vinko 9]

I think the common thread here is priorities and working together. Being ready to marry means willing to take these things in perspective...it is not about "bridezilla" - sounds like a case of this. And if that is the case, you can expect the same in other similar aspects of your life with her, too...

[E&R4ever 6]

I'm 22.

She started to bring this up yesterday. After she had a talk with her famly, who wouldnt be able to pay for the wedding.

Well Brian89,

First of all I am sorry you are having to go through this problem, and yet you're not even married. It's stressful enough being seperated from the one you love. Figuratively both of you avoided a pothole and went off the K1 rode to happiness; yes it's about marriage and a marriage is hard work in which both parties must support one another through the good and the rough times. It takes sacrifices and also compromises, always considering what is the best for BOTH. Dialog and sound communications are keys to a healthy marriage, so I could only wish you the very best in getting that 'tow truck' to place you two back on that K1 road to happiness! That 'tow truck' are the above tools just mentioned to you. Remember the vows one takes in wedlock : In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, tell death due us part ( or a cost of a wedding ). My best to you in hopes that everything works out !

Most respectfully,

E&R4Ever

p.s. forgive me if i stumbled on the vows