What to do?!

[brian89 2]

Hey everyone,

Sad news, my fiance will not have enough money for the big wedding that she wanted. We prob have around $3500 to spend on the wedding.

She wants it all big white dress, cake, drinks etc. I was like, what if we get a small wedding and get a big one later when we have more money? She didnt want that because you only marry once.

Now she told me that we should wait a year to marry next summer, eventho we are already in the K1 process, Im a september filer. What do you think we should do? I cant go on like this, I was focused on getting married this summer and now it will be a year later. This is such a blow in my face. Its not that she doesnt want to be with me, not at all..she was crying and everything that she cant pay for the wedding.

What to do

Edited January 26, 2011 by brian89

[Mithmeoi 29]

If you already tarted processing the K-1 you have, I think, 6 months from the date it's issued in which to leave your country and then only 3 in the US to marry or it will expire. You would need to go through the whole process all over again and spend unneeded money if she insists on waiting another year. I don't see why you two can't just get married on paper, then do the whole shebang "real wedding" next year when she does have the money.

[brian89 2]

If you already tarted processing the K-1 you have, I think, 6 months from the date it's issued in which to leave your country and then only 3 in the US to marry or it will expire. You would need to go through the whole process all over again and spend unneeded money if she insists on waiting another year. I don't see why you two can't just get married on paper, then do the whole shebang "real wedding" next year when she does have the money.

I know right!! But she doesnt want that...I dont know, country girl I guess.

[iampatricias 17]

Hmm, that is a difficult position... maybe let her think it over for a couple of days and see if parents don't come forward with some money. Many of my friends hold a "Stag and Doe" party, like an engagement party, with drinks and games and prizes to fundraise for their weddings. Or maybe she'll be able to compromise in light of the reality of the situation.

This sounds like it'll be a difficult one to negotiate, but there'll be even more of this when you're married, so however you approach it, remember how much you love each other and treat each other well!

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

You can delay various parts of the process in order to give you a late 2011/ early 2012 interview date, and then you have 6 months to use the visa.

[brian89 2]

Hmm, that is a difficult position... maybe let her think it over for a couple of days and see if parents don't come forward with some money. Many of my friends hold a "Stag and Doe" party, like an engagement party, with drinks and games and prizes to fundraise for their weddings. Or maybe she'll be able to compromise in light of the reality of the situation.

This sounds like it'll be a difficult one to negotiate, but there'll be even more of this when you're married, so however you approach it, remember how much you love each other and treat each other well!

Her family is really poor, parents won't chip in at all! Just dont get it that she want to go truw this another year...another year apart only because she wants to have a bigger wedding. Just CANT see it.

[Tero 105]

I was going to suggest the same thing. Just do a court wedding first and then the real thing later. I expect she is an adult and should be able to do things according to available budgets. You need to have a heart to heart sensible talk with her and let her see how the process require you guys marry 3 months after she joins you.

[curvebell 29]

You can have a fabulous wedding for $3500! See http://www.greenweddingshoes.com for some amazing crafty ideas for weddings or I googled weddings on a budget and this came up... http://bridesknowbest.com/2010/01/15/a-3500-wedding-created-with-a-little-help-from-their-friends/

Another option is just the civil ceremony followed by the big celebration later. This is what myself and my fiance will be doing.

IMHO it is ridiculous spending thousands and thousands of dollars on one single day - I've been to many weddings and I don't remember much of what goes on, but I always remember how in love the couple looked! In our case anyway, we feel that the money would be better spent on our first home or long extended honeymoon

Hope everything works out for you both and good luck!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

No one should speed too much money on a wedding. If you are not comfortable money wise then your wife to be needs to trim back. Beware overspending is a habit and will haunt you later.

[ptgarner1 8]

okay..I will say what many people who read your thread are probably thinking. She wants to wait and get married in

about 17 months because she can only spend $3500 on her wedding???...SERIOUSLY?????...Of course this is an important day in many girls lives...dreams and hopes etc. but in spite of your saying how upset she seems to be, her priorities are completely selfcentered. She thinks she deserves to have everything "Fabulous" and needs more money to feel important. If you arent positive you are going to be VERY rich very soon....you may want to think about this...because

you will have this same problem over and over. Your marriage might be a disaster. I would at least make sure she understands that you will have to cancel the current visa if you need to wait 17 months....if she says yes....Perhaps

it is for the best.

[Mrs O. 29]

Sorry if I sound old-fashioned and all but cant she make the sacrifice for love?

Its not that she doesnt want to be with me, not at all..she was crying and everything that she cant pay for the wedding

Sure she was crying 'cos she wants to be with you or she's crying about her big white dress?

Both of you need to think this through, not just because of the K-1 in progress but for your future...

[sheenaspapi 18]

As my dad would say, "champagne tastes on a beer budget". I understand the big white wedding dreams a woman may have, but considering she is dirt poor(like my Fiancee), she shouldnt DEMAND such extragance.

The princess may need to step down from her pedestal and you need to explain things before she expects the good things in life.

Too many horror stories here that could have been avoided.

[brian89 2]

Thank you guys. Its kinna opening my eyes, not gnna lie. Im still like #######?? She rather want to be apart for another year then being together with me and having a small wedding, Cause she told me: "What is one year on the rest of our lives together?" And she gets upset with me that thats not what I want.

[J and S 38]

If you guys are on a budget, then she needs to put a bit of perspective on this. The K-1 process is costly and timely. It's a bit selfish on her part.

If she wants to spend more on a formal wedding, like multiple already said...do it on paper first and then have an actual ceremony later. There is also the option of taking out a loan if you can get one approved.

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; Hi Brian!!

I just read your post and I can imagine that this is very stressful for you.

You guys have gone such a long way already, and you'll receive your NOA2 within a month or so. It would be stupid to cancel the K1 Visa Process, where you already paid the fee and other oncost, just because of having a big wedding.

As a girl, I also dream(ed) about my princess dream wedding. But like I said, you have to "roeien met de riemen die je hebt" (I don't know the English saying). Use the tools you have, something like that .

I don't really understand that she is thinking about herself only. Especially this far on the journey. A year is nothing compared to a life time together? Well, why not adding this year to your lives together, it's a whole year, 365 days!! DANG, I would walk over dead bodies to be with Aaron and can't wait for an other year, like most members here.

It's not fair that she doesn't put herself open to alternatives. There is nothing wrong to put everything on PAPER first and save money (AND BE TOGETHER) for her 'dream' wedding. Instead, she wants to be seperate from you for an other year. Doesn't make sense to me at all . If you love each other, nothing else matters.

Why a big wedding, if your love counts? Does she wants to make a huge impression to her family/friends? Is that what really matters? IMPOV, not really... It's about you and her.

It's selfish of her, and what if things like this happen in your married future? That only her opinion counts?!

You really should talk to her, deal with this as a couple and tell her that she should considder your suggestion. WEDDING IS WEDDING, it's about the wedding vows, not about all the fancy stuff around it. The fancy stuff around it will dissapear after a day, but your promises/vows will last a life time...

Keep us posted, and remember;

Love is a partnership, not some one way street...

xoxox Channah

Edited January 26, 2011 by Channah&Aaron