Stupid guy needs smart move

[Pony66 0]

Get your best flaming statements ready. I know I am stupid and naive so I dont trust my judgement for my next step.

So Im an USA born citizen body age 40, mind is quite younger. A year and a half ago I met a girl from Thailand age 25 at a restaurant next to my job. She came on a J1 visa. (Now I know that she left the job she was supposed to work and was working illegal at her father's restaurant). I took her out a couple times to a movie and such. She was sweet and said she loves me. I believed her and I married her after about 2 months, STUPID.

We sent in the I485, I130, I171 etc. The biometrics Appt is in a couple weeks, Jan, 27. BAM things change.

She has been so mean to me. I try to keep her happy. She hates my house, cars and that Im a student until Feb. 11. I only have a couple more weeks for a certification. I will make more money but Im an intern for now. She calls me stupid and tells me that she is leaving as soon as she gets a green card. She talks bad about my family but they are so nice to her. I saw my best friend this week for the first time in a year. She is so mean that it is kind of depressing. She slaps me sometimes but I think any police would laugh at me. I hate my life and really want this to end.

The worse stuff: I have recieved physical threats from her family thats here in town. Now I know that their other business is a "massage parlor" of the worse kind. Her gangster, (tattoos clothes guns and drug stuff) "cousin", threatened to take care of me if I made her unhappy. Holy #######.

I dont want to support her and I know I will be flamed. But I didnt bring her here and I think I am being used. I wish I could take back the affidavid of support and the whole I485 thing. Is there a chance that I could tell Immigration my experiences and they would help me? Im sure I would come home to a pile of ashes or end up dead in the forrest somewhere.

[TracyTN 237]

If you truly fear for your safety, have the local authorities involved. Also get yourself a family lawyer and start divorce proceedings (it sounds like that is what you want to do). You may even need to ask that lawyer about a restraining order if you do fear for your safety (possibly dependent on what the local police suggest you do).

If you feel she is using you to try and gain legal immigration status to remain in the US, contact ICE. Their contact information is at the very bottom of every Visa Journey page.

Good luck to you. Keep yourself safe above all else.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Yes, you can pull the Affidavit of Support now because you have not had an interview yet and neither that nor the I-485 has been approved. When she gets the interview letter, it will say you must attend, and if you don't... well then she won't be approved. Stay safe, contact ICE and police and consider restraining orders for cousin, as mentioned above.

[Darnell 8,478]

Here's the cool bit -

there's been no interview scheduled for the AOS case yet, and/or she's not received the greencard yet.

SO..............

write yer local USCIS office, where an interview MIGHT occur, and in the letter,

withdraw the I-864, Affadavit of Support.

Send a CC of this letter to:

--USCIS address where you sent the original I-864

--local ICE office

Then go file for divorce (you can do this, not need any lawyer) with a protection order added at the same time.

then once you file, and have receipt in hand, and protection order in HER hand -

MOVE whilst she's outside working, change the locks, and have the sherrif supervise her moving out of the house (since there's a protective order in place)

Change yer numbers on everything.

Then lease out yer house.

Figure about 3 months from the time you send off the letters to ICE to the time ICE interviews her.

Be absent those 3 months from her mileau (sp?)

I know one bit will be hard, about yer schooling, as she knows and her family knows WHERE that school is. File police report on the cousin asap, and make sure the campus police KNOW about the police report that you've filed, as well.

I do suggest filing a seperate protective order ON the cousin, at same day that you file for divorce.

Whew !

---- edited to add

Now - if time and timing are amiss, and the interview actually occurs - YOU should SHOW UP at the appointed date and time, bring the divorce decree filing, the two protective orders, any ICE correspondence, and tell the Immigration Officer that

--after you filed, you learned that the marriage was solely for immigration benefits and

--you've since filed for divorce and

--you withdraw your affadavit of support, the I-864, right then and there.

Things will go quick after that.

----

Good Luck !

Edited January 21, 2011 by Darnell

[Jewel-8 21]

She sounds like a crook. File for divorce and have the police remove her from your home. Keep documentation of any contact from her family and move on with your life.

[ADAMandKAREN 15]

didn't need to post, OP got better advice while i was typing this response

Edited January 21, 2011 by ADAMandKAREN

[Jewel-8 21]

Darnell said it best!! Get rid of her. Enjoy any kissing up she tries to do when she figures out she's messed up though. It might be fun.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Get your best flaming statements ready. I know I am stupid and naive so I dont trust my judgement for my next step.

So Im an USA born citizen body age 40, mind is quite younger. A year and a half ago I met a girl from Thailand age 25 at a restaurant next to my job. She came on a J1 visa. (Now I know that she left the job she was supposed to work and was working illegal at her father's restaurant). I took her out a couple times to a movie and such. She was sweet and said she loves me. I believed her and I married her after about 2 months, STUPID.

We sent in the I485, I130, I171 etc. The biometrics Appt is in a couple weeks, Jan, 27. BAM things change.

She has been so mean to me. I try to keep her happy. She hates my house, cars and that Im a student until Feb. 11. I only have a couple more weeks for a certification. I will make more money but Im an intern for now. She calls me stupid and tells me that she is leaving as soon as she gets a green card. She talks bad about my family but they are so nice to her. I saw my best friend this week for the first time in a year. She is so mean that it is kind of depressing. She slaps me sometimes but I think any police would laugh at me. I hate my life and really want this to end.

The worse stuff: I have recieved physical threats from her family thats here in town. Now I know that their other business is a "massage parlor" of the worse kind. Her gangster, (tattoos clothes guns and drug stuff) "cousin", threatened to take care of me if I made her unhappy. Holy #######.

I dont want to support her and I know I will be flamed. But I didnt bring her here and I think I am being used. I wish I could take back the affidavid of support and the whole I485 thing. Is there a chance that I could tell Immigration my experiences and they would help me? Im sure I would come home to a pile of ashes or end up dead in the forrest somewhere.

I don't know where you are, but the police won't laugh at you (unless you live in some tiny backwoods town, then maybe). If she gets physical, you should call the police, at least to document it, even if you aren't in fear for your life. In addition to what others have suggested, I would consider leaving your marital home and stay with friends or family. If nothing else, you should limit your contact with her so she has no way to try to build a VAWA case.

[jrmejia 31]

Can you ask her to wait a bit longer ? Maybe after you find your new job and she sees you are making more money maybe things will change for both?

No body should make fun of you, you felt in love..nothing wrong with that.

[Canadiandggal 49]

Can you ask her to wait a bit longer ? Maybe after you find your new job and she sees you are making more money maybe things will change for both?

No body should make fun of you, you felt in love..nothing wrong with that.

To wait a bit longer? why would he want to ask her that ? It is nice to be stable and sometimes when your significant other is going to school it can be hard on the pocket but treating someone like ####### is just wrong. she obviously is not the person he fell for and he should contact uscis,and ICE

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

You've gotten the right advice. Pull the affidavit of support. File for the divorce and restraining order. Move out of the house. Report to USCIS and ICE. etc. etc.

On TOP of that - get a gun. Your life has been threatened. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where you need to protect yourself and you are not able to. If you don't live in a Wisconsin or Illinois, get a conceal carry permit, as well. I would personally rather have to answer police questions about shooting a tattooed gangster than to have my family have to attend my funeral.

[wilgrace 3]

Can you ask her to wait a bit longer ? Maybe after you find your new job and she sees you are making more money maybe things will change for both?

No body should make fun of you, you felt in love..nothing wrong with that.

You are so nice for giving him an advice like that.....his wife treated him like a #######....wait until your fiance' wife to be will treat you that way, we will see what kind of move are you going to do.

To the OP you still have a chance to get away from your situation it's not too late....

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

Deal with the issue quickly.. man i wish that was me.. she'd be packing to Thailand so quickly... hmmm i hope they know the Caribbean blood still roams... send the daddy .. friend.. cousin.

** how do illegal immigrants seem to have the power to threaten someone.. they've become bold and immune to being deported at least till ordered. **

best success to you.

[thongd4me 69]

Get your best flaming statements ready. I know I am stupid and naive so I dont trust my judgement for my next step.

So Im an USA born citizen body age 40, mind is quite younger. A year and a half ago I met a girl from Thailand age 25 at a restaurant next to my job. She came on a J1 visa. (Now I know that she left the job she was supposed to work and was working illegal at her father's restaurant). I took her out a couple times to a movie and such. She was sweet and said she loves me. I believed her and I married her after about 2 months, STUPID.

We sent in the I485, I130, I171 etc. The biometrics Appt is in a couple weeks, Jan, 27. BAM things change.

She has been so mean to me. I try to keep her happy. She hates my house, cars and that Im a student until Feb. 11. I only have a couple more weeks for a certification. I will make more money but Im an intern for now. She calls me stupid and tells me that she is leaving as soon as she gets a green card. She talks bad about my family but they are so nice to her. I saw my best friend this week for the first time in a year. She is so mean that it is kind of depressing. She slaps me sometimes but I think any police would laugh at me. I hate my life and really want this to end.

The worse stuff: I have recieved physical threats from her family thats here in town. Now I know that their other business is a "massage parlor" of the worse kind. Her gangster, (tattoos clothes guns and drug stuff) "cousin", threatened to take care of me if I made her unhappy. Holy #######.

I dont want to support her and I know I will be flamed. But I didnt bring her here and I think I am being used. I wish I could take back the affidavid of support and the whole I485 thing. Is there a chance that I could tell Immigration my experiences and they would help me? Im sure I would come home to a pile of ashes or end up dead in the forrest somewhere.

As far as the immigration end of it, the best advice was given above by others (Darnell).

You are under threat of domestic violence and to make it worse, the biggest threat seems to be from her cousin,

which you can't prove (so far).

In cases where the woman is under a similar threat, the authorities usually don't act only on her say-so, they want

to see blood, or some tangible manifestation of that violence.

When the victim is the man, he has to show it by walking into the precinct and showing them his toe tag.

Your safety is job #1 and although you need to avert the authorities, you should have a "plan B" and "plan C"

that doesn't depend on them. The bigger problem is that even if you relocate, they know your extended family

and where to find them. I would hope that if her relatives' activities are really illegal that they could be shut down

and deported. Is the cousin somebody who is capable of a major criminal act?

Given that you probably can't afford to hire Bruce Wayne/Batman, you have to think very carefully about what

your options are and for us on VJ to know what they could be would be presumptuous. If you decide to kick

her out you have to think about the security of your living area but the cousin could find you where you work.

It won't be easy if what you say is true.

Edited January 22, 2011 by thongd4me

[jrmejia 31]

You are so nice for giving him an advice like that.....his wife treated him like a #######....wait until your fiance' wife to be will treat you that way, we will see what kind of move are you going to do.

To the OP you still have a chance to get away from your situation it's not too late....

Well, i just like peace instead of fight. I know it can happen to any one but I try to fight till the end as long that she will not be irritated with me

To wait a bit longer? why would he want to ask her that ? It is nice to be stable and sometimes when your significant other is going to school it can be hard on the pocket but treating someone like ####### is just wrong. she obviously is not the person he fell for and he should contact uscis,and ICE

I understand your point. But he is so in love with this girl. I was just trying to give him so hope. I kind of know what he is going through