Filipina wife issues....advice please...

[rheanick 42]

Yeah, it would be interesting to know the experiences of Western expats married to locals with their spouses' extended kin, especially when there are kids in the marriage. It might shine a whole different light on the situation.

Also, this is a country where being an OFW (overseas Filipino worker) is the chief means of economic advancement. Many young women with limited education and job prospects, going abroad to marry some foreigner, might otherwise be applying for a job in the Middle East or neighboring Asian countries to earn dollars.

For sure, there can be true affection involved, but this situation can make for some distorted expectations on the part of the woman's family or the woman herself.

Grace

The humorous side of "supporting extended family" idea is that when the immediate family members (i.e parents, siblings) does not expect supports from USC but the relatives (i.e. uncles, aunts and cousins) expect that the USC supports them since their niece is married to him. This scenario really shows the leeches and parasites in filipino families.

[rlogan 2,036]

Yeah, it would be interesting to know the experiences of Western expats married to locals with their spouses' extended kin, especially when there are kids in the marriage. It might shine a whole different light on the situation.

I've met a number of them. They don't all have the same reasons for living there. Cost of living is one of them. More than one has told me he did not want his wife "westernized". One had a wife that just didn't want to move abroad. But in all cases if you are living there and watching with your own eyes then it is a lot more difficult for them to pull the wool over your eyes about what is going on. It's a temptation you don't want to encourage.

[rlogan 2,036]

The humorous side of "supporting extended family" idea is that when the immediate family members (i.e parents, siblings) does not expect supports from USC but the relatives (i.e. uncles, aunts and cousins) expect that the USC supports them since their niece is married to him. This scenario really shows the leeches and parasites in filipino families.

Hey, that's a good point.

There's jealousy and envy involved sometimes with neighbors telling "historia" about how your family has an Americano so all their troubles in life are over. If they're people of low character they will try to shame your family into giving handouts. Or even mock them with "I thought you were rich now, so why don't you live in a castle with plantations and slaves."

Everyone in your circle has to learn how to just say no, and ignore people of low character.

[Kevin- 13]

Hey, that's a good point.

There's jealousy and envy involved sometimes with neighbors telling "historia" about how your family has an Americano so all their troubles in life are over. If they're people of low character they will try to shame your family into giving handouts. Or even mock them with "I thought you were rich now, so why don't you live in a castle with plantations and slaves."

Everyone in your circle has to learn how to just say no, and ignore people of low character.

Gossip seems to be a gargantuan issue in the Philippines. While for the most part gossip is muted and commonly looked down upon here, over there it seems to be a major factor in familial and social relationships. I've heard stories where a young courting couple gets stuck in a situation where they both have to stay the night in the same house, and their life is made miserable: Specifically, uncontrollable circumstances like a natural disaster while one is visiting the other's house, they are not left alone, do not sleep in the same room, etc. But, later on they are not even allowed to marry in their church and must either use a rented or public facility or "the outdoors". It's a great deal of shame for something NOT done, due to the overwhelming nature of Filipino gossip.

My observation thus far is that nearly all of their gossip originates in jealousy, just like the behavior you mentioned - one could say it's the cousin of gossip. Those who are clearly jealous of my lady having an American Man will say the most sinisterly passive aggressive things I've ever heard (well, heard translated). Often these are people who already have "status" themselves in their little area. Land owners, families made wealthy by OFWs, etc. The most jealous folks seem to often be the ones who already have the most themselves, at least in material measurements. In fact, I can't recall anyone acting so terrible over there who isn't wealthy and/or "important".

More directly on topic:

I hope to be able to enable the family members who are in the most need to be able to support themselves much better, sometime soon. I don't like the idea of just sending money to them to live on, even if I were filthy rich - it's just not right. I do want them to have real opportunities though, where the employers, land owners, etc, are not holding the working class under their thumb. We're thinking of buying farm land and hiring her brothers to work for us (instead of doing the same thing for the more stingy owners who give them scarcely enough to survive on).

My purpose of owning the land would be almost entirely to help them. But I would not tell them this, so that they would treat it like a true business venture and not get spoiled. I would compensate them enough that they could have savings, eventually buy a home, perhaps even become land owners themselves someday, but it would be from their own sweat and they would truly appreciate it. I know some of the family would never take it for granted, but some seem like they definitely would. ((I understand that I can't own the land, but I believe my sweetie can, as she won't lose her Filipino citizenship. Any first-hand knowledge of this would be appreciated))

[graceroxas 17]

The humorous side of "supporting extended family" idea is that when the immediate family members (i.e parents, siblings) does not expect supports from USC but the relatives (i.e. uncles, aunts and cousins) expect that the USC supports them since their niece is married to him. This scenario really shows the leeches and parasites in filipino families.

I think the Filipino concept of "balato" might apply there too. I can't think of an English equivalent but the general idea is that a windfall (marrying a foreigner sometimes qualify as one) is somehow expected to be shared with the community.

A prime example of this is whenever Manny Pacquaio goes home to his native city after a successful bout. People --- total strangers --- just line up outside his palace there to ask for a share of the spoils.

What I'm saying here is that it's not necessarily just about leeching and parasitism. It could be cultural. Of course, I'll draw the line when those asking for "balato" starts expecting college scholarships or regular grocery money and not just one-time handouts.

Grace

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

My purpose of owning the land would be almost entirely to help them. But I would not tell them this, so that they would treat it like a true business venture and not get spoiled. I would compensate them enough that they could have savings, eventually buy a home, perhaps even become land owners themselves someday, but it would be from their own sweat and they would truly appreciate it. I know some of the family would never take it for granted, but some seem like they definitely would. ((I understand that I can't own the land, but I believe my sweetie can, as she won't lose her Filipino citizenship. Any first-hand knowledge of this would be appreciated))

Good question. I asked my University of Manila Law School graduate, and she doesn't know exactly. If your wife becomes a US citizen, she will lose her Filipino citizenship until she reaffirms her Filipino citizenship again (Dual Citizenship). The question is, what happens to the title of that property in the period, however short it may be, that she is no longer a Filipino citizen. The fact that she acquired the property while she was a citizen may be sufficient to retain title.

[Haarp425 26]

Good question. I asked my University of Manila Law School graduate, and she doesn't know exactly. If your wife becomes a US citizen, she will lose her Filipino citizenship until she reaffirms her Filipino citizenship again (Dual Citizenship). The question is, what happens to the title of that property in the period, however short it may be, that she is no longer a Filipino citizen. The fact that she acquired the property while she was a citizen may be sufficient to retain title.

You still have the property and title. You just have to pay for your yearly taxes (house/land).

[Ban Hammer 12,925]

Good question. I asked my University of Manila Law School graduate, and she doesn't know exactly. If your wife becomes a US citizen, she will lose her Filipino citizenship until she reaffirms her Filipino citizenship again (Dual Citizenship). The question is, what happens to the title of that property in the period, however short it may be, that she is no longer a Filipino citizen. The fact that she acquired the property while she was a citizen may be sufficient to retain title.

wouldn't this gray area be resolved by putting off any land purchases until after reaffirming citizenship?

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

You still have the property and title. You just have to pay for your yearly taxes (house/land).

My opinion, not the wife's, as long as the BIR gets their payola, minor nuances in the law are probably overlooked. So, you are most likely right.

[Juan Luna 6]

My opinion, not the wife's, as long as the BIR gets their payola, minor nuances in the law are probably overlooked. So, you are most likely right.

Realty taxes in the Philippines are not imposed by the BIR. These are levied by local jurisdictions.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Realty taxes in the Philippines are not imposed by the BIR. These are levied by local jurisdictions.

I will chastise the wife shortly for the incorrect information. Are all land issues handled by local jurisdiction, or is there a national registry?

ETA: A mild half-hearted rebuke only. No worries.

Edited April 5, 2011 by Some Old Guy

[Kevin- 13]

Hmm, didn't realize citizenship is lost in the interim period.

So, we could just wait until the citizenship and dual-citizenship processes are over, if needed. Hopefully we wouldn't need to wait that long, though.

I guess even for a law school graduate, this is the type of thing that would have to be "looked up" if it's not the person's specialty. But such an individual would be much more capable of finding the right information and correctly interpreting it, than me for example. But not being on the home turf probably makes locating intricacies of Filipino law nearly impossible.

I suppose I'll eventually need to ask this in a proper thread of it's own, perhaps on more than one message board.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

After reading somethings in this thread:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/303179-bought-a-house-in-philippines/

I would make sure whoever you trust to help you, can be trusted to help you. It really is the wild, wild west there at times.

[graceroxas 17]

Realty taxes in the Philippines are not imposed by the BIR. These are levied by local jurisdictions.

OT: Like your avatar and user name

[Juan Luna 6]

OT: Like your avatar and user name

Thanks, I like yours too and I feel hungry for breakfast again!

BTW, mine is a mere tribute to my namesake (also my great great grand daddy), arguably the best Filipino painter of all time.

Edited April 5, 2011 by Juan Luna