Filipina wife issues....advice please...

[rheanick 42]

Divorce

Then get back to PI

Follow my Guidelines for meeting woman in Philippines:

Don't marry a girl from a dirt poor family

Don't marry and uneducated girl, find one with a degree so she can help make you lots of money in the USA

Don't marry a girl with a child

I would keep age range btw 18 and 26, that way she doesn't have any bad habits you need to break

Don't meet someone via the internet, meet them face to face in their Philippines.

You are so smitten with your wife that you could not help but talk about her.

You are so smitten with your wife that you could not help but talk about her.

And by the way, its not on the age or financial status, its goes with the upbringing and principle of the family and person.

[CATHYlovesRICK 2]

And by the way, its not on the age or financial status, its goes with the upbringing and principle of the family and person.

I agree with this

To the OP, I feel so sorry for your situation!I will just hope and pray that you can talk this over and fix whatever problems you have!YES, as a Filipina, I know its part of Filipino traits to help their family but It also depends on how she was brought up by the parents.

My dad,8 months ago borrowed $1500 to my husband(fiance then), but I never knew about that..But he promised to pay it and he did.It was my hubby's decision to lend him a money..So I have nothing to do with that.I will not put it in detail but If it weren't for that money that my hubby lend him he will not be able to come back in Cuba, his old job.Now my family way back in PI is struggling too, but never have I heard them tell me sad stories about money...My dad works hard for our family.

even before we arrived here me and my husband(fiance then)had a agreement that I will never ask money with him to send to my family back home in PI. And I am so fine with that,Living in SF with just 1 income and with a daughter, its so impossible!I am PROUD and LUCKY and BLESSED

that My mother and father are not like any other Filipino parents who obligate their 'ANAK' to send money or whatever stuff they needs.My dad will always tell me, You have your own family now, you worry about your family,saying that the best gift I can give them is to see that I dedicate my LIFE to my family.I always tell my hubby someday If I can work, I will definitely wanna help them with my own sweat and hardwork and he said there is NO PROBLEM with that. Our motto is 'How can weugive what we don't have".coz even our own family is struggling too.

[envy_me 18]

Your guidelines are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine hatch!

My wife's immediate family is dirt poor as her Mom sacrificed everything to provide for her siblings and refused to depend on an unfaithful husband as she scratched & clawed to provide for her children.

My wife wasn't able to finish her college education because the educational funding program her mother paid into for years collapsed during her 3rd year of school.

My wife was 24 when I met her but the only way age was even a factor is that I was worried about probleme arising from too large a difference. I could never marry someone who is the same age as my oldest daughter.

I have no problem with meeting someone the internet, I'd done it before with girls in the US and honestly when I found Anna I wasn't looking for a wife, just a dive buddy for my planned dive trip to the Philippines.

I've said it many times before and I'll say it again and again, Don't marry someone because they fit some stupid list, marry them because their soul touches yours.

couldn't agree more!

i like this post.. shows that you're mature and smart!

not like some people who carelessly says sh*t abt filipinos when they're married to one..

[CATHYlovesRICK 2]

couldn't agree more!

i like this post.. shows that you're mature and smart!

not like some people who carelessly says sh*t abt filipinos when they're married to one..

ikaw ba yan sis?LOL!ADD kita ha

ikaw ba yan sis?LOL!ADD kita ha

friend na pala kita

[envy_me 18]

ikaw ba yan sis?LOL!ADD kita ha

friend na pala kita

hi..

but respect to OP..

[timcass_12 5]

There's nothing wrong with sending money and helping your wife's family but you should know your limits. You also have to remind yourself that your wife's family is not your responsibility and therefore should not be obligated to send money or support on a regular basis. Starting a family in the US is not easy especially with the current economy so they shouldn't expect you to be of assistance all the time. Tell your wife to talk to her family and help them understand that you are married to your wife and she and your unborn child are the ONLY responsibility you have.

[PoloNiks 10]

******Okay everyone update*******

I am sorry for the mistake in my typing of K1 visa I meant K3, my bad. It was filed through the US Embassy in Seoul Korea and processed successfully.

Second, since I have been reading peoples replies and comments on my topic. and thank you for taking the time to reply...it has helped alot.

I sat down with my wife yesterday, and had a discussion.

I explained to her that I work very hard everyday in the military for our families money, and I feel like a BANK to her family. And it is going to stop immediatley. I explained that I offered to send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks but it wasnt good enough for them...so since they werent willing to take the help I could give them there would be NO help. I refused to send another penny to them. They were fine without me before i came into their daughters life and will find a way to survive. I explained its time for her brothers to get a job and become men....they will never be famous dancers and need to grow up..(yes they were in a dance crew that has never danced for anyone except family members). During our discussion she explained to me she was never mad at me, just the situation that she put into by her family...and she found out her dad had not been working at all since i started helping them. also her mother had opened up a small store and it went under because she gave people in the community a TAB. And she did this with my money.

I became furious, I almost lost my cool...but kept it until her BROTHER sent a message to my cellphone calling me cheap and too lazy to take care of my wifes family. I got mad, and yes I called the house and spoke to her brother and explained to him he needs to learn respect, and to grow up...or become homeless bc I refused to send them any money...not even for birthdays or holidays until they respected me as a son in law, a person and as a working man.

He rattled off in tagalog and hung up. Her mom has since begged her to TAKE my debit card and send money for the electricity bill and motorcyle payment....WHEN THE HECK DID THEY GET A MOTORCYCLE...i sure knew nothing about it and my wife was pretty upset they bought one also.

but as of now they know where they stand with me, and even my wife refuses to respond to their pleas....I told her it was time to become a WOMAN and to think about her family that is coming along.

Things at the house have been much better the last couple days, more at ease....no fighting...just us watching movies together and going to dinner...thank you everyone for the advice it helped ALOT!

[TripleG 3]

Dude thats like 30,000 pesos every month. WAY too much in my opinion. I don't see any problem sending the parents a few pesos every month if yall have it, but I would cut off the siblings straight away. On my next trip I would embarass the brother who put that comment on her facebook page in public, and if he didn't relent I would tune him up. Trust me even her dad would understand and if he doesn't let him know his pesos could dry up real quick also. I would be furious too at a comment like that. I wouldn't tip-toe around my wife concerning how I felt about the comment either. Yeah she is going to pout, but so what. In my opinion a Filipina's first response is to internalize things and pout, but if you don't give in and add a little more force for a few days and then back off she will eventually open back up. Definately don't walk on eggshells, this will send the wrong message. Remember you have every right to be pissed off right now, so just go with it. Your wifes family needs to respect you. It doesn't sound like they do right now, play the bad guy for a few months with them and her parents will get excited about 5000 pesos.

Looks like you responded with some closure to the situation at the same time I posted. Good luck.

Just my 2 cents,

Wyatt

Edited January 21, 2011 by TripleG

[VanessaTony 3,567]

******Okay everyone update*******

I am sorry for the mistake in my typing of K1 visa I meant K3, my bad. It was filed through the US Embassy in Seoul Korea and processed successfully.

Second, since I have been reading peoples replies and comments on my topic. and thank you for taking the time to reply...it has helped alot.

I sat down with my wife yesterday, and had a discussion.

I explained to her that I work very hard everyday in the military for our families money, and I feel like a BANK to her family. And it is going to stop immediatley. I explained that I offered to send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks but it wasnt good enough for them...so since they werent willing to take the help I could give them there would be NO help. I refused to send another penny to them. They were fine without me before i came into their daughters life and will find a way to survive. I explained its time for her brothers to get a job and become men....they will never be famous dancers and need to grow up..(yes they were in a dance crew that has never danced for anyone except family members). During our discussion she explained to me she was never mad at me, just the situation that she put into by her family...and she found out her dad had not been working at all since i started helping them. also her mother had opened up a small store and it went under because she gave people in the community a TAB. And she did this with my money.

I became furious, I almost lost my cool...but kept it until her BROTHER sent a message to my cellphone calling me cheap and too lazy to take care of my wifes family. I got mad, and yes I called the house and spoke to her brother and explained to him he needs to learn respect, and to grow up...or become homeless bc I refused to send them any money...not even for birthdays or holidays until they respected me as a son in law, a person and as a working man.

He rattled off in tagalog and hung up. Her mom has since begged her to TAKE my debit card and send money for the electricity bill and motorcyle payment....WHEN THE HECK DID THEY GET A MOTORCYCLE...i sure knew nothing about it and my wife was pretty upset they bought one also.

but as of now they know where they stand with me, and even my wife refuses to respond to their pleas....I told her it was time to become a WOMAN and to think about her family that is coming along.

Things at the house have been much better the last couple days, more at ease....no fighting...just us watching movies together and going to dinner...thank you everyone for the advice it helped ALOT!

Fantastic news! Good on you for standing strong and thank god now you know your wife values you too. Now we know her silence was probably more about embarrassment than anger toward you.

Definitely seems now that they WERE living off you. Disgusting behaviour. Be careful not to send money for emergencies without proof. Some people will even claim hospital bills when there are none. If they claim it call and check up on it first. Do not trust them, can't believe they were also lying to your wife. Poor girl probably feels very betrayed by her family right now.

[PoloNiks 10]

ive already told her i will not send any money for any reason, i dont pay for my parents medical care and i wont for hers. they are cut off for life in my book.

[sheenaspapi 18]

I'm glad that it is working out for you. Your post made me rethink things with my fiancee who should be here in the next few weeks. We talked about money a long time ago but I thought that now would be a good time to discuss this again. I texted her the abbreviated version of your story. She couldn't believe it. My girl has never ever asked me for a dime even when later I found out she was eating only one time a day mostly just rice.

I then asked her her thoughts on this and how it relates to us. She said that me and my children are her family. We are the number one priority for her. She does not expect that I send anything to her family. They are adults, both parents work. Her siblings go to school. She would never let her family manipulate her as your wifes family did.

She did say that she would like to keep her oldest brother and sister in college if possible. She had paid for it when she did work in Cebu. The amount is a redicilous amount twice a year and I spend that much to feed my family at a nice restaurant so it won't be a sweat.

Your situation has helped clear the air with my fiancee and I'm sure it will help others also. I'm glad it was resolved for you too.

Thank you.

[tallcoolone 102]

He rattled off in tagalog and hung up. Her mom has since begged her to TAKE my debit card and send money for the electricity bill and motorcyle payment....WHEN THE HECK DID THEY GET A MOTORCYCLE...i sure knew nothing about it and my wife was pretty upset they bought one also.

but as of now they know where they stand with me, and even my wife refuses to respond to their pleas....I told her it was time to become a WOMAN and to think about her family that is coming along.

Things at the house have been much better the last couple days, more at ease....no fighting...just us watching movies together and going to dinner...thank you everyone for the advice it helped ALOT!

I thought you were a troll at first, I can't believe you were sending that amount of money. Looks like you are getting a handle on it now.

In a relationship the man needs to make the business and financial decision, and the woman should be there to support him. Of course take into consideration your wife's input.

Best thing you can do is to dis own her family for a while, and maybe forever if they don't start acting right. I would let the brother know that if he disrespects you again then you will have a face to fist meeting with him next time you meet. That should shut his pie hole up.

Good Luck and stand strong, Be the Man............

[marklovetina 52]

******Okay everyone update*******

I am sorry for the mistake in my typing of K1 visa I meant K3, my bad. It was filed through the US Embassy in Seoul Korea and processed successfully.

Second, since I have been reading peoples replies and comments on my topic. and thank you for taking the time to reply...it has helped alot.

I sat down with my wife yesterday, and had a discussion.

I explained to her that I work very hard everyday in the military for our families money, and I feel like a BANK to her family. And it is going to stop immediatley. I explained that I offered to send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks but it wasnt good enough for them...so since they werent willing to take the help I could give them there would be NO help. I refused to send another penny to them. They were fine without me before i came into their daughters life and will find a way to survive. I explained its time for her brothers to get a job and become men....they will never be famous dancers and need to grow up..(yes they were in a dance crew that has never danced for anyone except family members). During our discussion she explained to me she was never mad at me, just the situation that she put into by her family...and she found out her dad had not been working at all since i started helping them. also her mother had opened up a small store and it went under because she gave people in the community a TAB. And she did this with my money.

I became furious, I almost lost my cool...but kept it until her BROTHER sent a message to my cellphone calling me cheap and too lazy to take care of my wifes family. I got mad, and yes I called the house and spoke to her brother and explained to him he needs to learn respect, and to grow up...or become homeless bc I refused to send them any money...not even for birthdays or holidays until they respected me as a son in law, a person and as a working man.

He rattled off in tagalog and hung up. Her mom has since begged her to TAKE my debit card and send money for the electricity bill and motorcyle payment....WHEN THE HECK DID THEY GET A MOTORCYCLE...i sure knew nothing about it and my wife was pretty upset they bought one also.

but as of now they know where they stand with me, and even my wife refuses to respond to their pleas....I told her it was time to become a WOMAN and to think about her family that is coming along.

Things at the house have been much better the last couple days, more at ease....no fighting...just us watching movies together and going to dinner...thank you everyone for the advice it helped ALOT!

:thumbs:

[BJZags 17]

In a relationship the man needs to make the business and financial decision, and the woman should be there to support him. Of course take into consideration your wife's input.

Are you serious? Is this the 1950's? Last time I checked women now have the right to vote, and have even run for President. If I told my wife that since I'm the man I make all the business decisions unilaterally, she'd probably kick me in the hoo-has. While this approach might work if you were living in the RP married to a province girl, I don't see it flying here in the States.

[TravellingNomad 12]

Are you serious? Is this the 1950's? Last time I checked women now have the right to vote, and have even run for President. If I told my wife that since I'm the man I make all the business decisions unilaterally, she'd probably kick me in the hoo-has. While this approach might work if you were living in the RP married to a province girl, I don't see it flying here in the States.

i agree. when it comes to anything that concerns our family (me, wife & kids), regardless of what it is...i don't stand up and pound my chest to let the wife know that i make the decisions. the both of us make decisions by discussing the situation. if my decision isn't the same as hers, we talk some more until we come to a middle ground we can agree on. what's the point of asking the wife's opinion if my decision will be the only option to be followed?

some guys just need to start realizing that in a marriage, both husband and wife need to make the decisions concerning any situation.

to OP...im glad you and your wife has talked about the problem. your wife is still at that stage where she is adjusting in terms of where to put herself when it comes to you and her family. that's why when you thought she was mad at you, she was actually frustrated at the situation her family back home put her in. just let her know that she can always talk to you whenever she has any problems. also tell her that she needs to stand up to her family and talk to them about what they did and are doing with the money you and your wife sent to them.

and last but not least....THANK YOU FOR THE SACRIFICE YOU MAKE EACH DAY AND SERVING YOUR COUNTRY!

Edited January 21, 2011 by TravellingNomad