Filipina wife issues....advice please...

[Maxx121 14]

Min Wage in the US is like $7.25x40= 290 a week less taxes maybe what 240 ? in a 4 week month thats what $960.00 and your sending $700.00 a month to a country where 1 us dollar is roughly 43 pesos...

your life, but if you put 500 bucks away a month for your child you will still come up short once he starts gettin older.

[thekfc 26]

You have to stand on your decision or forever support her family. You owe it to them not to encourage them to be dependent on you. Dont encourage them to be lazy.

I completely agree with the above statement.

I do not have any money problems with my wife....yet. She is the youngest & everyone in her family of working age are either working or their spouse is working.

We have had that conversation about money a few times & she sold me that if her family ask for any "unnecessary" money, she will tell them no & that I am stingy.

My wife even stopped me from sending anything to the PI until she comes to NYC.

[Tahoma 2,291]

while not a Kano married to Pinay...

You have my condolences.

[adiiann 163]

To the OP....

If you own a corporation and you have more than a million bucks in your personal bank account, you can keep tolerating your wife's family for being a bummer. But if not, then, you should probably want to think about the future of your kids esp. their education because by the time, when they go to college, they will need that money you overly spending for your wife's family that didn't even know how to show respect. You probably... don't want your kids get stuck up with huge school loan. The amount you are sending to them is almost equivalent to the unemployment benefits that normal USC receiving nowadays.

[Darnell 8,478]

To the OP....

If you own a corporation and you have more than a million bucks in your personal bank account, you can keep tolerating your wife's family for being a bummer.

With some exception - most Army enlisted personnel stationed in Korea DO NOT MEET this demographic profile.

[jom 4]

Don't be an enabler. If you keep sending they will also just keep sitting around . You are not the first and wont be the last.

[luckytxn 2,264]

You are an ATM machine to them, nothing more nothing less. If your wife thinks you are then you need to consider if you want to be an ATM machine or not. There are very few options open to you so this should be an easy decision. You can continue being an ATM machine or not.

[SomedaySomehow 1]

First, want to thank you for serving our ( US ) country.

This is a very common issue when a person marries into the Filipino culture. However, like any other family in the world each is different. Filipinas feel a very strong obligation ( this is probably imbeaded into them as norm from a young age ) that they need to support their Mother and Father. Usually from what I have seen anyway when extended family, friends, neighbors etc start asking for money its more due to the USC's initial willingness to open up the check book sort to speak. This won't really help you at your current state, but honestly the best thing a USC can do when getting involved with a Filipina is to either not send or help at all or set strict small amounts that would only be enough to help her with her own life there until she is in the states.

I will be honest, the money you are sending is probably going to nightly tuba drinking with the entire Barangay joining in, thats probably where a ton of that money is going. Obviously you are at a point in your life with your wife where you need to budget a little more than you have in the past, you will need to either cut them off entirely or set a strict amount. Honestly 100 dollars a month is more than enough for basics to help them out. The more you send the lazier they will get and more dependent long term on you and your wife they will become, and of course with a lot of tuba drinking going on. Her 2 brothers need to man up and start climbing coconut trees or harvesting some rice for food or income, there is generally some work available at various times for most there, if they are willing to look for it. Most USC's have kind hearts and good intentions but it needs to be at your timing and discretion not someone elses, it is you that is putting in long hours to make that money.

The word no sometimes won't hurt them, it would even be better if it came from her.

[Maxx121 14]

thnk of it like this, you sent 7500 in a year? multiply that by 5 years then 10...

[calibob 73]

You and your immediate family should come first. I hope that your wife would understand this because if you can't help yourselves, you surely can't help her extended family. I'm personally all for helping out, that's what family does. But you, your wife and new child should be your family unit's priority #1.

Thanks for your service and know that it's appreciated!!! My brother and nephew did time in Korea, it's a tough stretch but it gets over.......hang in there and I pray your wife understands.

Edited January 20, 2011 by calibob

[Messybrownhair 251]

UGH. seriously??? situations like this make me sooooo annoyed!!! i am sorry you had to go thru that. You are not an ATM machine. You need to say NO, and she needs to GROW UP and be MATURE and also understand her husband's situation. I wish you luck!!!

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

UGH. seriously??? situations like this make me sooooo annoyed!!! i am sorry you had to go thru that. You are not an ATM machine. You need to say NO, and she needs to GROW UP and be MATURE and also understand her husband's situation. I wish you luck!!!

Wait a minute....

While I agree that it's shameful for her family think it's okay to treat him like that and even more so for his wife to go along with it you can't just absolve him of any responsibility in the situation.

My wife & I talked about continuing financial obligations before we even got married.

Many Pinays who marry Kanos (or other foreigners) are leaving their family for the first time in their lives and therefore are not very mature in life experiences beyond Mom & Dad's walls. Even the ones who have gone overseas as OFWs still have limited financial experiences as the OFW model is to send most of your earnings home.

If he is being used as an ATM then surely he willingly handed over the Card & PIN for access.

This is a problem that he & his wife need to address together in a manner they can both live with. If he dictates a solution to her it will never work.

[Christi85 86]

So Scott, has the situation improved at all these past few days?

Has your wife started talking to you again and has she started to be any more open to discussion?

[tallcoolone 102]

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

Divorce

Then get back to PI

Follow my Guidelines for meeting woman in Philippines:

Don't marry a girl from a dirt poor family

Don't marry and uneducated girl, find one with a degree so she can help make you lots of money in the USA

Don't marry a girl with a child

I would keep age range btw 18 and 26, that way she doesn't have any bad habits you need to break

Don't meet someone via the internet, meet them face to face in their Philippines.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Then get back to PI

Follow my Guidelines for meeting woman in Philippines:

Your guidelines are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine hatch!

My wife's immediate family is dirt poor as her Mom sacrificed everything to provide for her siblings and refused to depend on an unfaithful husband as she scratched & clawed to provide for her children.

My wife wasn't able to finish her college education because the educational funding program her mother paid into for years collapsed during her 3rd year of school.

My wife was 24 when I met her but the only way age was even a factor is that I was worried about probleme arising from too large a difference. I could never marry someone who is the same age as my oldest daughter.

I have no problem with meeting someone the internet, I'd done it before with girls in the US and honestly when I found Anna I wasn't looking for a wife, just a dive buddy for my planned dive trip to the Philippines.

I've said it many times before and I'll say it again and again, Don't marry someone because they fit some stupid list, marry them because their soul touches yours.

Edited January 20, 2011 by Bob 4 Anna