Filipina wife issues....advice please...

[Maxx121 14]

Stop sending money. its not your responsiblity, especially if they dont appreciate it.

Now that you have a family you have to save for your son, you know how things are here in the US and they dont. We struggle here just like they do, just in different ways.

Let them live how they lived before you came.

emergencies only, and that doesnt mean you fit the entire bill.

[B_J 2,752]

I'm not going to tell you to stop sending money. That should be your decision. But the family should understand that it is your decision. They need to understand that, even though you're making American money, you're also paying American expenses.

You said that the plan was for you to send a smaller amount because of the expenses you have at home now. The family should understand that. Your kindness and generosity should be accepted for what it is, a gift of love, not a requirement to prove your love.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

One of the problems here is that you set a pretty big expectation from the beginning that they would have their hands in your pockets.

Does your wife know how the household money flows? I mean how much comes in (and how often) and how much flows out?

To most Filipinos my monthly salary looks like I'm rich because they don't understand what the roof our family lives under costs and how much simple utilities are here and the list goes on...

You need to educate your wife and then come to an agreement on how much you as a family can afford to send to her family (and under what terms you will do it).

[John&Juvy 36]

Hey all, first my name is Scott...my wife is from the phillipines...we have been together over a year and married. We have her K1 visa and we are about to go back to the United States. I am a US Soldier and stationed in S. Korea....for the past year I have been sending money to her family, but during this time we have been financially struggeling. My wife is now 16 weeks pregnant with our son, which is amazing bc we have been trying for about 6 months...and while trying i told her on many occassions that once she was pregnant money would STOP to her family..but yet she doesnt see it that way.

It all started after we first met and her 4 year old sister needed eye surgery or she would go blind, it was only 300.00 USD so it wasnt that bad, but after that it was her family with their hand out on payday. I delt with it but now i cant because my son's future is at stake.

I was sending 350.00 USD every 2 weeks....totaled 7,500.00 USD in 1 year, and then I sent her home with 3000.00 USD when she went home to visit. She has 9 brothers and sisters, two of the boys being 20 and 21. She is the oldest child.

Last night I made a comment on her facebook about how happy I was we were having a son, i check later and her oldest brother posted "send money home now says momma". Now this made me extremely angry not only did he disrespect my way of life but he posted on my comment about my son with such non-sense.

Today she said she wanted to send 150.00 USD home, I told her no we had discussed last check we would send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks...and thats all. She wont talk to her family about them getting jobs, she just sits quietly and lets them beg and i have to see her upset and crying

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

As of now I am not sending any money to them, and she wont speak to me going on 2 days now....

Explain and show to your wife if how much you making and if how many bills you have to pay every month to keep both of your lifestyle stable, specially now that she's pregnant. If she love you and maybe.. smart enough, she will understand your concern and feel bad about her action. Hopefully after that, she will explain to her family about her situation. If they still can't understand and accept that, then shame on them... who's gonna get starve anyway lol (joke). $200 monthly suppose to be enough for them, they should just be more thankful that you can still help them knowing that you guys also need a savings for the up-coming baby .

It's not really like choosing of either her family in Philippines or her new family that she's having with you now.. It's about doing the right thing and being mature woman that know's what she need to prioritize more.

[natfaye 0]

I just get lucky no one in my family ask money from me, for almost 3 yrs married I never try to ask money from my husband to send it to my family but its my husband on his own will send them some money as a gift if its their birthdays, christmas and my husband volunteered to pay my parents monthly internet bill that we pay it in one time for the whole year. So when we have a financial problem I can still give a sweet smile to my husband. LOL! I am very proud of that he cant say anything about my family... But when I get a job I will send them some money from my own pocket...

[Darnell 8,478]

well hey - let me find the post from my buddy in alaska - give me a mo -

but - when I find it - YOU read it, from top to bottom.

He's got it all sussed out - and it's gonna be a new learning experience for you, to assimilate his knowledge, make the action plan work for you and yours.

Watch this space, I'll post the link in a moment.

[Darnell 8,478]

rlogan has 'this' all sussed out - to the point of offending most of the people that are 'caught' in this manipulation (and thats ok - he's called it, it's spot on, that analysis)

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/228838-my-beautiful-wife-is-very-irresponsible/page__view__findpost__p__3498431

Now - if you notice the OP, Gilles, and the dates on the Convo - somethings amiss, as Gilles hasn't squashed her - at all -

but wait there's more !!!

the general topic -

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/280345-sending-money-to-your-wifes-family-for-hospital-expenses/

rlogan's pointed response -

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/280345-sending-money-to-your-wifes-family-for-hospital-expenses/page__view__findpost__p__4275466

So, it's been more than a year now, and Gilles just can't seem to get to the 'action plan' (IMO) to resolve matters in the same fashion that rlogan has.

Which sucks, a lot.

Look troop, I know yer busy - but this stuff is worth reading - when you next have 8 hours o rack time, please skip the sleep and read the content in those links?

[Dau Que 6]

OP, what if one day your wife decides to use "sex" as a bargaining tool for what she wants? Just a thought so you can prepare ahead of time.

Seriously, you now have a baby and under US law, you WILL be held responsible in the event the two of you no longer live together. Time for you to think about that and ask yourself "If that unfortunately happens in the future, will HER FAMILY help me out?"

You do have the answer to your dilemma now right?

[jrmejia 31]

take note that is part of the package. (the full package = sweet + cute + sexy + young ...while at it...pay *some* family bills)

Note the word *some* not *all*

My 2 cents

Edited January 18, 2011 by jrmejia

[happyme'11 3]

Hey all, first my name is Scott...my wife is from the phillipines...we have been together over a year and married. We have her K1 visa and we are about to go back to the United States. I am a US Soldier and stationed in S. Korea....for the past year I have been sending money to her family, but during this time we have been financially struggeling. My wife is now 16 weeks pregnant with our son, which is amazing bc we have been trying for about 6 months...and while trying i told her on many occassions that once she was pregnant money would STOP to her family..but yet she doesnt see it that way.

It all started after we first met and her 4 year old sister needed eye surgery or she would go blind, it was only 300.00 USD so it wasnt that bad, but after that it was her family with their hand out on payday. I delt with it but now i cant because my son's future is at stake.

I was sending 350.00 USD every 2 weeks....totaled 7,500.00 USD in 1 year, and then I sent her home with 3000.00 USD when she went home to visit. She has 9 brothers and sisters, two of the boys being 20 and 21. She is the oldest child.

Last night I made a comment on her facebook about how happy I was we were having a son, i check later and her oldest brother posted "send money home now says momma". Now this made me extremely angry not only did he disrespect my way of life but he posted on my comment about my son with such non-sense.

Today she said she wanted to send 150.00 USD home, I told her no we had discussed last check we would send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks...and thats all. She wont talk to her family about them getting jobs, she just sits quietly and lets them beg and i have to see her upset and crying

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

As of now I am not sending any money to them, and she wont speak to me going on 2 days now....

Sorry to hear that. We filipinas are brought that way"to help our family" but with some limitation of course. If u are sending her family that much money every month then ur wife needs to understand that u are building ur own family too which shud be her priority. I am sending my family every month but only a certain amount..even now that I am working and making my own..my family still gets the same amount each month. Let them know that money here don't grow on trees. Teach them how to fish.

[Richie Rich 70]

Hey all, first my name is Scott...my wife is from the phillipines...we have been together over a year and married. We have her K1 visa and we are about to go back to the United States. I am a US Soldier and stationed in S. Korea....for the past year I have been sending money to her family, but during this time we have been financially struggeling. My wife is now 16 weeks pregnant with our son, which is amazing bc we have been trying for about 6 months...and while trying i told her on many occassions that once she was pregnant money would STOP to her family..but yet she doesnt see it that way.

It all started after we first met and her 4 year old sister needed eye surgery or she would go blind, it was only 300.00 USD so it wasnt that bad, but after that it was her family with their hand out on payday. I delt with it but now i cant because my son's future is at stake.

I was sending 350.00 USD every 2 weeks....totaled 7,500.00 USD in 1 year, and then I sent her home with 3000.00 USD when she went home to visit. She has 9 brothers and sisters, two of the boys being 20 and 21. She is the oldest child.

Last night I made a comment on her facebook about how happy I was we were having a son, i check later and her oldest brother posted "send money home now says momma". Now this made me extremely angry not only did he disrespect my way of life but he posted on my comment about my son with such non-sense.

Today she said she wanted to send 150.00 USD home, I told her no we had discussed last check we would send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks...and thats all. She wont talk to her family about them getting jobs, she just sits quietly and lets them beg and i have to see her upset and crying

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

As of now I am not sending any money to them, and she wont speak to me going on 2 days now....

I am sorry to hear about yr predicament . Was she like this before you were married ? You have to lay down the ground rules NOW before it gets blown out of proportions later . Now that you have a baby on the way , you will need all your finances . I am not saying stop sending money , but not each week and they demanding it also .

I am engaged to a beautiful pinay girl but she Never asked me for anything (money or gifts ) for herself and for her family .In fact I have to ask her to take the things that I send or give to her . She is educated and from a middle income family and have good values .

Just hang in there buddy --I know you love your wife and want to have a happy family (not extended family ).Good luck .

[rlogan 2,036]

I stood by my husband. Before every time we will have an argument my family will not only take my side but will try to instigate something to make the argument much worse. My aunt and best friend talked some sense to me about standing up for my man and prioritizing my hubby and kids over my family, which is the best decision I ever did. Now, my family can't manipulate me anymore, they know where they stand.

Yes, it comes down to this.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

A few people have said that Filipinas are brought up to help their family. "Help" is not FB demands for money. "Help" is the occasional payment when you can afford it and not at the risk of our own family.

No, these families are taking advantage of you and your USC spouse. If you're feeling guilt for not "helping" you were never helping. You were the financial support of the family and they were not thankful for what you did for them and when you did it. They are leeches, financially and emotionally and they should feel guilty for hurting your relationship but in most cases they don't because they only care about themselves and their needs.

A good family doesn't make such demands of you. A good family is thankful when you help them but do their best to help themselves first. A good family understands when you can't help them and doesn't make you feel bad for it.

[Ban Hammer 13,265]

while not a Kano married to Pinay, i'm still qualified to remove baiting posts - like the one previous. behave or we'll go to the next step.

[A and T 82]

Hey all, first my name is Scott...my wife is from the phillipines...we have been together over a year and married. We have her K1 visa and we are about to go back to the United States. I am a US Soldier and stationed in S. Korea....for the past year I have been sending money to her family, but during this time we have been financially struggeling. My wife is now 16 weeks pregnant with our son, which is amazing bc we have been trying for about 6 months...and while trying i told her on many occassions that once she was pregnant money would STOP to her family..but yet she doesnt see it that way.

It all started after we first met and her 4 year old sister needed eye surgery or she would go blind, it was only 300.00 USD so it wasnt that bad, but after that it was her family with their hand out on payday. I delt with it but now i cant because my son's future is at stake.

I was sending 350.00 USD every 2 weeks....totaled 7,500.00 USD in 1 year, and then I sent her home with 3000.00 USD when she went home to visit. She has 9 brothers and sisters, two of the boys being 20 and 21. She is the oldest child.

Last night I made a comment on her facebook about how happy I was we were having a son, i check later and her oldest brother posted "send money home now says momma". Now this made me extremely angry not only did he disrespect my way of life but he posted on my comment about my son with such non-sense.

Today she said she wanted to send 150.00 USD home, I told her no we had discussed last check we would send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks...and thats all. She wont talk to her family about them getting jobs, she just sits quietly and lets them beg and i have to see her upset and crying

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

As of now I am not sending any money to them, and she wont speak to me going on 2 days now....

350.00 usd??? Thats more than most people make in 1 month for a pay check there. Cut them off, they think you have big money and they are milking it. You have your own wife/son to worry about . What about saving money in the bank for your future childs education and more? instead? If she doesnt want to speak because you aren't flooding them with money, then maybe you are better off without her. (sad to say)