Filipina wife issues....advice please...

[Kevin- 13]

Citizens and former-citizens cannot own more than 3 hectares of land? I don't think I understand. Who are all these people owning larger plots? I can search online to easily find, in a minute or so, many listings for much more than 3 hectares - in Bukidnon alone. Not just a bit more, but dozens of hectares.

Such an oppressive law, if it is what it sounds like. I don't understand how such a policy could have any positive effect.

[graceroxas 17]

Citizens and former-citizens cannot own more than 3 hectares of land? I don't think I understand. Who are all these people owning larger plots? I can search online to easily find, in a minute or so, many listings for much more than 3 hectares - in Bukidnon alone. Not just a bit more, but dozens of hectares.

Such an oppressive law, if it is what it sounds like. I don't understand how such a policy could have any positive effect.

I hardly think the spirit of this law is oppressive. Land reform worked well enough in Taiwan. It is supposed to provide an opportunity for lower-income families working off the land to become landowners and thereby improve their lot.

It's the circumvention and weak implementation of this law that I find reprehensible. Also, the inadequacy of support facilities for new farmer-landowners.

Grace

[Oldie 0]

Hey all, first my name is Scott...my wife is from the phillipines...we have been together over a year and married. We have her K1 visa and we are about to go back to the United States. I am a US Soldier and stationed in S. Korea....for the past year I have been sending money to her family, but during this time we have been financially struggeling. My wife is now 16 weeks pregnant with our son, which is amazing bc we have been trying for about 6 months...and while trying i told her on many occassions that once she was pregnant money would STOP to her family..but yet she doesnt see it that way.

It all started after we first met and her 4 year old sister needed eye surgery or she would go blind, it was only 300.00 USD so it wasnt that bad, but after that it was her family with their hand out on payday. I delt with it but now i cant because my son's future is at stake.

I was sending 350.00 USD every 2 weeks....totaled 7,500.00 USD in 1 year, and then I sent her home with 3000.00 USD when she went home to visit. She has 9 brothers and sisters, two of the boys being 20 and 21. She is the oldest child.

Last night I made a comment on her facebook about how happy I was we were having a son, i check later and her oldest brother posted "send money home now says momma". Now this made me extremely angry not only did he disrespect my way of life but he posted on my comment about my son with such non-sense.

Today she said she wanted to send 150.00 USD home, I told her no we had discussed last check we would send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks...and thats all. She wont talk to her family about them getting jobs, she just sits quietly and lets them beg and i have to see her upset and crying

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

As of now I am not sending any money to them, and she wont speak to me going on 2 days now....

Hi

It will only get worse. They bargain where americans don't, they always ask for 2-6 times what they need. The more you give the more they ask. Its like HEROIN you have to stop it. They think in the US money grows on trees and crops grow without rain. My marriage works because I saw it coming and said no to giving money unless both agreed. Also you control the money where in the PH the women do the budget.

OLDIE

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Hi

It will only get worse. They bargain where americans don't, they always ask for 2-6 times what they need. The more you give the more they ask. Its like HEROIN you have to stop it. They think in the US money grows on trees and crops grow without rain. My marriage works because I saw it coming and said no to giving money unless both agreed. Also you control the money where in the PH the women do the budget.

OLDIE

Too soon.

[rylin 3]

Hi Poloniks,

Welcome to VJ. I'm so sorry that you are going thru this issue right now. Unfortunately, Filipino families are generally like that. Being, Filipina myself, I am experiencing the same thing with my family. They expect me to support them "forever"! I am married to a Filipino naturalized USC, he grew up here so his "mentality" about helping my family is totally the opposite of how I feel, so initially it has been a very big issue with us. We were fighting and arguing about about finances during our 1st two years of marriage. But things got better especially when we got kids. Not only that I set limits to what I send them (fortunately I'm a nurse and I make good money) I stood by my husband. Before every time we will have an argument my family will not only take my side but will try to instigate something to make the argument much worse. My aunt and best friend talked some sense to me about standing up for my man and prioritizing my hubby and kids over my family, which is the best decision I ever did. Now, my family can't manipulate me anymore, they know where they stand.

Maybe you and your wife can compromise on something, if she wants to send money to her family she needs to work, however much she wants to send she should work for it. She will only know the value of money if she works hard to earn it. You have to think of your kids future. Make sure you have enough cushion/emergency fund/ retirement fund and things like that.

Stand your ground, I hate to say this but the silent treatment is a form of manipulation, just think of it this way, if you are not in their lives what would they do? Don't send them money, they are all abled body and they can find a way of helping themselves. It just makes me mad sometimes how the in-laws can be so selfish and just think of themselves, do they even think that this is becoming a strain in your marriage?

Well, at the end of the day you guys need to talk about it, set your priorities, if your in-laws get mad at you or both of you, then what are they gonna do? give them the silent treatment too! I wish you good luck and thanks for serving our country, stay safe and God bless you.

geee i agree with you...its so sad to hear but it is what it is..

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Newbies are likely to resurrect old and dead threads...

[rylin 3]

Hey all, first my name is Scott...my wife is from the phillipines...we have been together over a year and married. We have her K1 visa and we are about to go back to the United States. I am a US Soldier and stationed in S. Korea....for the past year I have been sending money to her family, but during this time we have been financially struggeling. My wife is now 16 weeks pregnant with our son, which is amazing bc we have been trying for about 6 months...and while trying i told her on many occassions that once she was pregnant money would STOP to her family..but yet she doesnt see it that way.

It all started after we first met and her 4 year old sister needed eye surgery or she would go blind, it was only 300.00 USD so it wasnt that bad, but after that it was her family with their hand out on payday. I delt with it but now i cant because my son's future is at stake.

I was sending 350.00 USD every 2 weeks....totaled 7,500.00 USD in 1 year, and then I sent her home with 3000.00 USD when she went home to visit. She has 9 brothers and sisters, two of the boys being 20 and 21. She is the oldest child.

Last night I made a comment on her facebook about how happy I was we were having a son, i check later and her oldest brother posted "send money home now says momma". Now this made me extremely angry not only did he disrespect my way of life but he posted on my comment about my son with such non-sense.

Today she said she wanted to send 150.00 USD home, I told her no we had discussed last check we would send 100.00 USD every 2 weeks...and thats all. She wont talk to her family about them getting jobs, she just sits quietly and lets them beg and i have to see her upset and crying

This is causing our marriage to be in trouble..I love my wife and will do anything to make her happy...but I cant take this stress anymore...what do i do?!

As of now I am not sending any money to them, and she wont speak to me going on 2 days now....

im sorry to hear that scott..

all i can say is help but know your limitations...

if you dont have so much to give then stop and say NO!

let her realize whats the reason why shes there with you. is it because you love one another and wanted to start a new family of your own? orrrrrrrr stay there with you and keep sending money to her family and make your marriage life miserable?

hmmm yup what his brother did was disrespectful and an eye opening to you that you better stop sending money coz they think your an atm machine that whenever they need money they'll just enter the pin number and the amount and there you go money is on there handss..

you can help only if you have alot but if its just enough then u better not ...

hope everything will be a ok. with you and your wife..

have a nice day scott..

[020871 2]

im sorry to hear that scott..

all i can say is help but know your limitations...

if you dont have so much to give then stop and say NO!

let her realize whats the reason why shes there with you. is it because you love one another and wanted to start a new family of your own? orrrrrrrr stay there with you and keep sending money to her family and make your marriage life miserable?

hmmm yup what his brother did was disrespectful and an eye opening to you that you better stop sending money coz they think your an atm machine that whenever they need money they'll just enter the pin number and the amount and there you go money is on there handss..

you can help only if you have alot but if its just enough then u better not ...

hope everything will be a ok. with you and your wife..

have a nice day scott..

Although I am a Filipina, I agree with the opinions and the advices. I know it is a hard earned money. If it is not that important and it's not necessity don't give in. Let her lear her lesson. Honesty, I only ask money from my husband if need to. I've been married for almost a year. I feel so embarassed asking money from him since I got a good job, a good position and a good pay. But there are times, i am out of the budget and I will not directly ask him, but he will be the one to ask me if I need something. He knows when my payday is

In your situation, talk to her don't get affected with what his family would say. Your husband and wife and you have your own family already. Just a 5 cents of thoughts

[Joan >3 Bob 20]

I really suggest this post be closed.

The originator has received many replies with great advice. Seems as if he thinks is he does what is correct...he can find no other girl and is afraid to let go of a bad situation.

How many times does a person have to be bitten by a dog before they get away and stay away from the dog??

[Fandango 1,439]

I really suggest this post be closed.

The originator has received many replies with great advice. Seems as if he thinks is he does what is correct...he can find no other girl and is afraid to let go of a bad situation.

How many times does a person have to be bitten by a dog before they get away and stay away from the dog??

Seriously, what is wrong with you????

You disrespect his wife, the mother of his child by comparing her to a dog? It's their issue, not yours...and you should control your tongue better next time.

Scott, glad it worked out...also, thank you very much for your service.

[Ban Hammer 12,922]

i'm not seeing much point to this staying open as all that is happening now is bickering, so thread closed.