Time for Some Happy Endings

[tmma 467]

Celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary December 2010.

[rlogan 2,036]

Wew. You had me scared there for a moment. I'm glad things are going so well for you. Good luck with the addition to your family. I recently read some of your posts that Darnell posted some links too. Very helpful. You have a great way of puting things. Thanks.

Ha ha I forgot I wrote that!

Gosh, every day is a miracle for us. Hard to believe how happy we are. Grateful, grateful, grateful.

5. When we have a disagreement, or are unhappy about something, she gets quiet instead of escalating the issue. This is so different than what I'm used to, and has taught me a lot. This allows us time to cool off without making a mountain out of a mole hill. We always call each other back within hours in order to talk about the problem and remind each other why we're so much in love.

She is truly the best thing that could ever happen to me.

-James

Communication is everything. It's great you don't let your emotions get the best of you. Also don't let things go unsaid and fester.

Pregnancy is tough emotionally on a woman and during that time Lira would go through mood swings that a younger man without experience would react strongly and negatively to, which just escalates those emotions and can lead to bitter fights.

So even when the wife is feeling like she wants to leave you in a fit of post-partum depression what you have to do is say "Thank you honey, good girl for telling me..." and give her all the love and understanding you can. Boy does that do the trick!

Same with any depression regarding leaving home and family. We didn't suffer from that anywhere near what I see others going through.

But also in those cases the response from the man needs to be gratitude for the woman telling the man how she feels, and giving her understanding: "Of course you feel that way honey, who wouldn't? What you are going through is perfectly normal and valid. Your feelings are facts and I want to do my best to understand..."

If you start to think instead about the money and time you have invested and what a train wreck it would be to divorce then you're going to get all bent out of shape and end up pounding on her at the very time she needs empathy: "OMG what the heck is wrong with you, this would be a disaster, how could you do this to me etc..."

Best of luck to you.

[luckytxn 2,265]

Brought me into this thread under false pretenses.

[faryan 4]

Tony and I have our 3 year dating anniversary coming up (Valentines Day) and our 1 year wedding anniversary was Nov 7th 2010 but we knew each other as friends first.

I read a lot about the first year being the hardest and there being lots of fights and adjustments but honestly we had no issues, nothing like that. We don't really "fight" but we have had disagreements so it's not been sunshine 24/7, just not hard... just a normal relationship. We lived together in his apartment in Houston and we had room-mates at different times.

Tony and I often talk about how easy we seem to have it. I think that comes from LOTS of talks about what we expected from each other. Not on purpose but because we had a long distant relationship we relied on email a lot (if he was asleep and I needed to talk I'd write him an email and vice versa). I've also had enough relationships to know my flaws (and my ex was the worst). You need to KNOW your partner. Tony is very laid back. I know that he can't cook well but one of the first things he said to me is if I didn't want to cook I didn't have to, so I don't feel like a slave in that regard. If I ask him to help me he will. He plows the driveway (snowing at the moment) he knows that sometimes I will get sad and that I like to be hugged (some people like to be left alone when they're upset). He will give me time if I need it, and try and fix it if he can but he doesn't baby me.

Ultimately though we put each other first. I know he likes to play WoW (that's how we met) and I don't stop him from having fun just because I might feel lonely sometimes. I know that time with friends is important. I suppose the way to explain it is a relationship is a two-way street and some people, the ones with the "bad" stories seem to have unrealistic expectations.

The majority of issues I've seen relate to finances, spouses expecting money to be sent back to their family. In one instance the girl tried to send money home using his card but without telling him. The culture shock for a Filipino must be extreme.

Some things I've read that help are: phone so she can call home when she needs to (Magic Jack gets good reports), Filipino TV channels, Filipino food place (to buy groceries). I also recommend you take your time to show her around. Give her an idea of what there is to do. For Tony and I a good escape was Red Box (renting movies), Netflix (watching stuff online) or actually going to the movies together. I enjoy walking around WalMart and getting to know the different food and brands and stuff like that. Taking time to smell the different body washes and deodorants and perfumes. The smells of things are vastly different (like cherry) so I couldn't just got and get the deodorant I've been wearing for most of my 20's, i had to choose a new one.

One of the biggest things for me was the different food (the bread, cheese and chocolate is awful in the US compared to Aus) and I remember once getting very overwhelmed when trying to pick out a loaf of bread. Tony rarely bought bread as a loaf and I had NO idea what the best one was and the different brands and types (the names were different) and it was just an overwhelming reminder of what was different and a little bit of fear of wasting money on food I didn't like. Another thing I've read is Filipino's don't like the waste stuff so make sure you have tupperware to put leftovers in. Also have some good restaurants you want to take her to once in a while to get her out and used to being around people. Maybe show her where the library is if she wants to borrow books, or if she has a Kindle or something.

Clothes, clothes stores. Sizing is different in the US. A size 14 here is an 18 in Australia so there's a big difference. When I was in Houston I did NOT expect the humidity so nothing I had was good for humidity (we have dry heat) and now in Iowa it's snowing so I had no cold clothes. She will probably need to buy some new clothes as well. It'd be good if she could go with you, but also have some girls around that she likes and trust to make it more fun.

One of the first things I got when I got here was a cell phone. I loved picking it out and then Tony's mother bought me a pink phone cover to go over it to personalise it.

For K1 specifically though, get her her SSN 10 days after she enters. Show her where the wedding will be happening and get her excited about that. Oh, and one of the most annoying things for me is most American's I dealt with when I first arrived didn't even try to understand my accent. I got so frustrated making calls to people and having them repeat what I said and it be NOTHING like what I was saying, or a rude "huh?" so that will probably be an issue for your girl as well.

Good luck

[faryan 4]

Hello!

My hubby and I have been married for 1 year now, and we love each other so much, and now we are expecting our first babies together, this is a big blessing for us as a couple that is expecting triplets in my first pregnancy!! They are a God's blessing :thumbs:

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!

[faryan 4]

Obviously I'm very bad with this, so apologies for multiple postings in a row - have to figure out this multiquote thing.

This Saturday will be the anniversary of my arrival here in US (Feb 2009) and also our son's 1/2 year birthday Just thinking about everything and also the birth of our son and how my husband took care of me (and still is) bring tears to my eyes. We will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary in April, and hopefully will be back in Malaysia to visit around that time too. I am a somewhat outspoken independent person normally, but to tell you the truth I am still adjusting to life here in the US. I heard it takes 5 years for a person to fully feel that they've adjusted to moving to another country. I went through the initial euphoric stage of moving here, reunited with my husband, sense of adventure. Then after a while that wears off and I feel really down (which comes and goes). SOmetimes I get really mad that I cant just go out and buy Malaysian food when I dont want to cook. I do have a job, so that helps to alleviate feeling of isolation, but when you want to eat your own food and hang out with your family and close friends once a while and can't, that is very very frustrating, no matter if you have a very very close relationship with your spouse My poor husband has to listen to me rant sometimes (a lot of times). It was terrible esp when I was in my 1st trimester...

[mjaye65 5]

Hello All,

I really enjoyed reading all the posts on this thread. We are still grinding our way through the beginning phase of the K-1 Visa process and hope the NOA2 arrives soon.

We met while we were both working in Korea. I was able to spend every evening with her and really do miss that ability, but she will be with me in our home in Dallas soon.

We talk online or on the phone everyday and express our love repeatedly in all our communications. Some times we joke that we still act a bit like love struck teenagers, but we believe that it is this openness that keeps the flames burning even when we are apart.

When she returned to the Philippines I started traveling to see her every three months. This was nice to do but we soon figured out the expenses were mounting and we needed to spread the visits out a bit. She went through Caregiver classes in PI and this helped her with the boredom.

She has three children who will be coming with her when the process gets that far and we all have merged into one new family. I miss them when I am away.

Like I have read she places others before herself which I see as a positive trait but some times I have to fuss at her for she needs to take care of herself as well.

My job requires time away from home and this does not seem to bother her as it did my previous relationships.

She gets quiet when she is mad or upset. We are working on this as I seem to keep asking what is wrong until she shares so that we can deal with it together. In my previous we fought mainly over me being gone or her spending on stupid things.

She is good at managing money and when things get tight between us she adjusts accordingly. It is surprising some times how far she can make it go. Some times I get down when I can not send her more but she understands that we have responsibilities in Dallas and PI.

She is always supportive and listens caringly to what ever I have to say and I do the same.

The time difference between PI and Dallas gets to us some times. She is starting her day when I am ending mine. Sometimes we are tired at the end of our day but we make time for us for we know it means a lot to both of us.

We look forward to traveling together. I live on a lake so we look forward to fishing with the kids and spending time on the water.

We look forward to doing things together like grocery shopping, movies and seeing my family whom she has talked to on the phone but of course never met.

Going through all the waiting would be easier if I could fly her here for a month or so from time to time so she can see what it is like here now and spend more time together of course.

Good luck to all and as I have seen posted above. I can not imagine life without my Rina in it so we look forward to growing and sharing the rest of our lives together.

[Nikita2Charles 32]

6 years going strong with a little one on the way.

Awww of course there are happy endings. I got to USA end of October 2010 on my K1 visa, married my husband 2 weeks later, conceived our child on honeymoon and although its only been 2 1/2 months I couldnt be happier Its hard to adjust being away from family and friends and not being able to work until the AOS is finished is boring as....but I wouldnt want to be anywhere else in the world

Edited February 28, 2011 by Nikita2Charles

[JSVP08 3]

been married for 15 months (and physically together for 18 months) now and we still cant wait to snuggle with each other at the end of the day.... just love loving each other.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

We'll be married 7 years in August with a daughter turning 5 in a few weeks.